Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 104 to 105, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letters from 1889 that Nicholas mentions can be found here:
The letter:
May 19/31 1894. Gatchina. /
№ 29.
My own sweet Alixy-dear,
Thank you many many times for your darling letter № 27; it came here yesterday when I left for the camp & as I got it this morning I was awfully impatient the whole night through, as my man telephoned me it had missed the last train & so it arrived with the early one today. It is all so sweet what you say in your dear letters. Truly, my own darling, they are such a treasure to me, I could not have existed without them for a week! And before that!
I cannot understand now, how it was possible I have spent these last 5 years without hearing from you, my own little girl: only two short letters I got from you in 1889 — I keep them like relics & cherish them so! I think I have not mentioned to you, my little owl, that Mamma gave me a white-leathered porte-feuille — only for your letters, isn't that kind? I'll bring it with me & show it you. — I think that paper a vile one, where it stood, that you were never photo-ed full length, but that all stopped at the calves! Too shocking. With pleasure I would have smashed that man's nose, who dared put such expressions in a paper. — Darling, it touches me so, everything you wrote about our soldiers. Of course - I have a good big place open in my heart for your Hessian one's, especially after our delightful stay at Darmstadt! I was so sorry then for the poor fellows of the guard there at the station, who fell down on account of that beastly carpet (the 155th) you see I remember the №! —
No, the happiness I felt being in your dear old town is not to be described; and you, my sweet one, you were oh! so kind & good to me, showing yr. charming rooms & letting me sit there with you! Only it was too short, as the best dreams — they are also very short. I was too overcome with joy then, I am afraid Orchie thought me a numb idiot! But whatever opinion she had about me, I don't know — the only thing I wish with all my heart, is that my little girl should care a bit for her old cow, who loves you, who adores you, & who would gladly give his life away this instant if it were necessary for your sake. Oh! my own true love, I also long for a tender kiss from your sweet lips. Those "pink gown"'s evenings, those delightful not-to-be-forgotten hours, will they ever come back? - Tomorrow it is yr. 1st of June already. I am getting more & more impatient, as the time approaches! When do you think of leaving from Harrogate for Walton? At last I have found the former place on my map & have drawn a blue line underneath, so as to find it easily.
I have had a long talk with Mr. Heath just now — I gave him your message, wh. he thanks you for fr. "the bottom of his heart" I use his own words. He was astonished you remembered him still! Possibly he will come with me over to England, as Granny wrote to me she wished to see him if ever he came there. Now I must stop. Good-night, my own darling, my precious Alix! No, I cannot end like that!
Many tender kisses, my own sweety; oh! for a look at the deep ocean-coloured lovely eyes! How true it is (in your case certainly so) that the eyes are the mirror of the soul! - But this time really good-night my little owl, my enchantress; my treasure, my life, my own sweetest Alix! Спокойной ночи! Христос с тобой!
— June 1st. So you have scrambled into next month, that is splendid! Good morning, my own darling! I slept badly as I dreamt all sort of rubbish & kept on waking up in the midst of my slumber. Papa & I are starting in half an hour for town — to be present at the launching of a new 1st class battleship, wh. has got an extraordinary name "Sissoï Velikij".
At last the owl shall have some interesting subject to read about in this evening's cow's letter. But I must be off to put my uniform on. So good-bye you sweet beloved primrose mine! God bless you & may His angels protect you, my love. It is soon yr. dear birthday, you may guess where I should like to have spent it. Many tender kisses & fondest love does send you, my own precious darling Alix, your ever loving & truly devoted Nicky.
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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