Alix's letter to Xenia, dated April 30, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 327 to 328, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

April 30th 1894
My darling little Xenia,
I send you my most tender thanks for the sweet little egg and lovely little brooch. I was deeply touched at yr having thought of me. The others are all in Church and I am sitting alone, so use the opportunity for writing to my Chicken.

Alas! only two days and then we part, I feel miserable at the idea — but what can't be cured must be endured. You are to be envied seeing Sandro every day, and I shall not see my Nicky for over a month.

I cannot describe my happiness O it is too great and I can only thank God on my knees for having guided me thus. And what an angel the dear Boy is, how glad you will be to have him back again. You will write to me some times, won't you, if Sandro is not the whole day with you. Give him my love.

We went for a drive yesterday in the rain, but not to the Rosenau, to-day I have no doubt we shall go there. I am going to spend a night at Darmstadt on my way to England so shall see the young couple again — they look so happy and content, but it does seem too funny Ernie being married.

It is so damp to-day that I have had to have a fire made.
Now enough for to-day. With many a loving kiss I remain
Ever yr very loving old Hen
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Alix's and Nicholas's telegram to Marie Feodorovna, dated April 24, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 322, by George Hawkins, 2023

The telegram:

Telegram
24 April 1894
Returned yesterday evening from Darmstadt, spent charming day with Ducky, Ernie, lovely summer weather. Could not feel happier. Of course give Your letter. We both send our tender love,
Alix Nicky

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Marie Feodorovna.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated April 10, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 316 to 317, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

April 10th 1894
Душка Ксеніи,
A tender kiss and best thanks for your dear letter and the charming photos. It seems too funny to think that you are about to be married. God bless you, my sweet Child and may you have every possible happiness.
Darling, why did you speak about that subject wh we never wanted to mention again? It is cruel, as you know it never can be — all along I have said so, and do you think it is not already hard enough to know you are hurting just the person whom of all other you wld long to please. But it cannot be — he knows it — and so do not I pray you, speak of it again. I know Ella will begin again, but what is the good of it, and it is cruel always to say I am ruining his life — can I help it, when to make him happy I should be committing a sin in my conscience. It is hard enough as it is, and beginning about it again and again is so unkind. You, who have found what your heart has desired, think only kindly of me, tho' I am grieving you too. One worry and sorrow follows the other — in 5 days we are off to Coburg for Ernie's Wedding — what my feelings are you can imagine. God grant they may be happy — she is such a dear. I am going to England for two or three months, as I shld only be in their way here.

The heat is great, but everything is so green and lovely, and all the fruittrees in bloom — too beautiful, we spend many hours in the woods.
Goodbye my little Chicken, many a loving kiss from yr ever devoted old
Alix
Best love to Sandro

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Excerpt from Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated January 29, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 315, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
Jan 29st 1894
Darling Grandmama
Your dear letter touched me deeply, and I hasten now to thank you for it tenderly. All you said was so good and comforting, and your never changing kindness and affection help me to be happy for dear Ernie's sake. It does one's heart good to see how they love each other & how contented they are — but my feelings are very mixed, as you can well imagine dear Grandmama & I miss my beloved Papa more than ever. The whole country rejoices at the prospect of Ernie's marriage & I am sure they will have no reason to be disappointed in his choice...

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 311 to 312, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Königliches Schloss
Kiel
December 26th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
Please accept my very warmest thanks for Your presents and good wishes. The Brooch is quite too lovely, the Florence turquoise in diamond setting, I have worn it and it has been greatly admired. The little Sketchbook with Paintbox is delightful and will be most useful.

I do hope you spent a pleasant Xmas, here it was very nice and all were most kind. Having Charlotte, Bernhard and Feo in the house makes it so lively, tho' one cannot help having one's sad thoughts when one thinks of the happy bygone time.

Beloved Grandmama, let me now wish You every possible happiness and blessing in the New Year — may it be full of sunshine for You and our heavenly Father keep every cloud from You.

I cannot help dreading always the coming of the New Year as one never knows what is in store for one, God grant that it may be full of joy and happiness for my darling Ernie and the sweet little Wife whom he is soon going to fetch. Now I long for my precious One more than ever, how happy he would have been to see Ernie happy and what a comfort it would have been to me, as life will indeed be very different for me, as I shall be feeling myself de trop.

But I must not bother You with a long letter, as I am sure You have a lot to do.

Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, and again wishing you much joy,
I remain, Darling Grandmama dear,
Ever Your very loving, grateful and dutiful Child,
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 14, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 302 to 304, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 14th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I cannot tell You how delighted and surprised I was when the post brought me a letter from You last night and I hasten now to send You my very tenderest thanks. How happy Ella must have been at Balmoral with You, beloved Grandmama, and how You must miss her now. I am glad that You like Serge and Paul, they are such dear, good boys and so devoted to each other.

What has delighted me to hear is that Ella has succeeded in persuading Louie to see Dr. Reid, as I feel sure he will be successful and I hope will be able to influence her. I am anxious to know what his oppinion is of her. She herself was sure that Scotland would do wonders and as she had made up her mind that it would cure her, no wonder it may, as imagination has got a good deal to do with her health at this present moment. I do hope and pray that she may get well as it is not only for her health I fear, but for her character. I am sure You will be able to do much with her and certainly sooner will she obey You than her parents.

The house will be so full next week as Uncle Christian and Aunt Helena are still here and Thora comes for two nights before going to Aunt Vicky. Uncle goes out shooting daily and I think enjoys it. I walk with Aunt in the morning and drive her in the afternoon, and in the evening we all go to the Theatre.

I cannot tell You how terrible it was for me at first going to the Theatre again, and not having my precious [illegible] near my. Why, night after night we used to sit there to-gether and he enjoyed it, oh, so much. There are always little things I long to tell him or ask his advice about and I have not got him. Oh, sweet Grandmama dear, You who loved him too so much can imagine how too terribly I miss him, and the longing for him gets always stronger and stronger. But I must not speak to You about sad things. You have had to suffer enough, and the sorrows of others must not worry You, only when I write to You, I say everything that comes into my head, as You have always been my second Mother, for which God bless You, my Darling.

How dear of You to ask us to spend Xmas with You, but alas it is an impossibility as Ernie cannot get away then. It is a great disappointment to us not to be able to spend Xmas with You, but alas it can't be arranged. Ernie must be here, as there are always Dinners that have to be given and people he has to see and things to arrange. But darling Grandmama, I wonder whether You would allow us to come instead about the 16th of Feb., when all would be over here and he could easiest get away. Would it suit You, may we come. We long to see You and are terribly sorry not to come this year. I hope you will forgive us for not coming, but Ernie really cannot leave and especially not this year as he will have to receive more people. It would have been so much nicer than remaining here all alone, but we must not grumble as it does not make it any better.

We are in the Palace now again and there is always so much to arrange when one has been away the whole summer, that one does not know where to begin. The weather is fine but fresh and the leaves are turning so yellow — the woods look lovely with all the bright colours. But I must not bother You any longer now with this letter and I hope You will forgive us for not coming.
With fondest love and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly,
I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated September 3, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 301 to 302, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Sept 3rd 1893
Душка Ксеніи,
I suppose that you will be in Denmark by this time, amusing yourself with all the Cousins. I envy them being able to see you, whilst I have to content myself with a photograph. I am sending you one done of me last year, some think it like, some horrid. Ernie is still not able to walk, but he goes for drives, or he's wheeled about in his bath chair in the garden.

The Cousins have gone to play lawn-tennis and have been abusing me for writing, so I shall have to join them soon and you must be content with a short epistle.

After great heat, we have now cold, damp weather. Yesterday we went to Homburg to pay Aunt Vicky a visite, and saw Uncle Bertie and Anastasie. I hope the manœuvres were amusing in Russia. We are going on the 14th to ours at Friedberg and intend to ride out to them. Here the roads are lovely, and I ride usually at 7 and come in for breakfast.

If a group is done of you all at Fredensborg, I wonder whether you would send me one; I should like it so much. What fun you must be having there, all to-gether.

Do give your Geschwister my love, and Toria and Maud. Do you play still a great deal? We have been having lots of music, as a Violin player, a Herr Wolff (a Dutchman) whom we often heard in England, stayed with us for 8 days. I used to accompany him and it was a great delight, though at first most frightening.

But now I must be off, otherwise the others will grumble.
A good fond kiss,
Ever, sweet Chicken dear, yr very loving old
Alix

God bless you! Send me a line if you have a spare moment, do please.

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Notes: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Geschwister = siblings.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 300 to 301, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Jagdschloss Wolfsgarten
Aug 29th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I have been waiting until now before writing to You, as I was sure that in the first days of Your grief, you would not care to receive letters. But my thoughts and prayers were with you. Poor dear Grandmama, how terribly sad You must have been when the news of poor uncle's death reached You, as it must have brought back so many sad remembrances of the bygone. I wish I could find words to tell you how very much I feel for You, especially after myself having gone through such a terrible time last year. But where people no longer can give comfort, then one will find it in God. I am sure being in beautiful Scotland will help to make You feel less sad and the good air will I hope do You good.

What a pleasure it will be for Ella and Serge to go to Balmoral — and for Louie too. It is so nice having the dear Child here, though her looks frighten one. My great hope is that going back to her old house and seeing all her Relations and old friends will make her feel better and more sensible. She is terribly homesick.

Thora arrived here on Sunday and is full of the delightful time she spent at Osborne. Herr Wolff was here for eight days, which was a great delight to us all as he plays too beautifully. It reminded me so much of Balmoral last year. I accompanied him often and it was a great pleasure, though at first frightening as I had never done it before.

Now at last the weather is a little cooler for the heat has been quite terrible. Ernie gets wheeled out every afternoon in a bathchair wh makes a nice change for him. But as yet he is not allowed to walk.

But I think I ought to be saying Goodbye now, as I do not wish to bother You with a long letter, only I felt that I must send You a few lines to tell You how deeply I feel for You in Your grief.

God bless You, my own precious Grandmama, and may He be a comfort and strength to You. Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I remain, Ever Your very loving, dutiful and devoted Child,
Alix

P. S. Ernie and the Cousins sends You their very best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Queen Victoria's brother-in-law, Ernest II, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, had passed away on August 22, 1893.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 299 to 300, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Wolfsgarten
August 1st 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I am sending You these lines to tell You that Ernie is getting on nicely and that the Dr is quite satisfied. I hope that not before long he may be able to be put on the sopha, as lying always in the same position is most tiring. Poor boy, it is a great difference for him after the gay time in England, but he is most good and patient. He sleeps and eats well, wh is a great thing.

Since a few days we have had cold, rainy weather, such a change after the heat.

I have just heard from Victoria, who says they will be at Jugenheim on Thursday. I am so glad as she has been away so long. Aunt Julie and Franzjos came to tea yesterday and they seem to have enjoyed their visite to Paris.

Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain Ever Your very loving deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends much love

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Ernie.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated June 2, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 296 to 297, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
June 2nd 1893
Darling Grandmama,
Many loving thanks for Your dear letter I received yesterday. It is too kind of You asking me to come to the Wedding, but I fear it is impossible as we have been absent so much this year already and as Ernie cannot stop very long in England, the journey would be scarcely worth the while for me, would it, and then it is so expensive also. A gentleman does not need so much luggage and really our journey to Italy and Ernie's official ones and Berlin were very expensive. Excuse my writing so openly but I thought it was only right You should know the reason of my not accepting Your awfully kind invitation and hope You will not mind it and let me come perhaps next year with Ernie.

The Tableaux must have been quite charming which the Children arranged as a surprise for You on your Birthday, thanks so much for sending the programme.

We have come to town to-day for Ernie's audiences but are stopping at Kranichstein since Thursday — we have been rowing on the pond and fishing. The weather is still delightful — sunny and warm.

Thanking You again many times for asking me to dear Georgie's Wedding, I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your deeply loving, devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends You his fondest love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Prince George, Duke of Teck (the future King George V) and Princess Mary of Teck were married on July 8, 1893.

Alix's letter to her aunt Princess Louise, dated May 26, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 295 to 295, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais
Darmstadt
May 26th 1893
My darling Auntie,
I have not had a word from you since we parted at Venice and I am most anxious to know how you got back and how you are feeling. Really, it was too bad your falling ill there and that we had to leave you too, but Ernie had to get back on account of the Krummann and then he went to Dresden and Vienna where he was beautifully received.

We have still no rain and the heat is tremendous — we drive out a good and sketch and I rode once. Next week we are all going to Kranichstein where I suppose we shall stop a month and then go to Wolfsgarten. I wish you could come for a bit. How too delightful those weeks in Italy were — now that we have once been there, one will always long to go again.

We went to Aunt Vicky the other day and found her looking very well. She showed us all over her house, wh is indeed getting beautiful. She has such lovely mantelpieces and other old things from Venice. Have you been able to finish the statue yet?
With very fondest love from Ernie and me, I remain Darling Auntie dear, ever yr deeply affectionate Niece
Alix

Many messages to Uncle Lorne from us both. Do telegraph a line how you are.

Above: Alix.

Above: Princess Louise.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated March 22, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 293, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
March 22nd 1893
Beloved Grandmama,
I send you my most loving thanks for Your very dear letter. It was such a comfort receiving it in those sad days. They were terrible as they brought back so vividly that fearful time a year ago. Still one cannot believe it, one does miss our Darling more than I can say. Perpetually there are things one longs to ask him or things one hears and knows he would have been pleased at. A greater Angel there never was.

But I must not make you sad, my sweet Grandmama dear, only I know how deeply devoted he was to You.

The weather is most beautifully warm and the birds are singing away. Ernie returns on Saturday, he is paying his visits to Munich, Stuttgart and Karlsruhe. Mossy has come to me as Fischy is also away during these days and she would have felt too miserable all alone at Philippsruhe.

I hope the journey was not too tiring for You. I cannot tell You how much I am looking forward to our meeting at Florence and I am counting the days till then.
With many loving kisses I am, Darling Grandmama, Your very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Mossy sends her best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated January 10, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 291 to 292, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
Jan 10th 1893
My darling Xenia,
I send you my very fondest thanks for your dear letter, sweet Photo and pretty card, which all gave me immense pleasure. It seems so funny that you should already be quite a grown up lady as the last time I saw you, you wore short hair and frocks.

Poor little Chicken, I hope your rash is quite gone by this time and that you were able to spend a merry Xmas, it was so nice for us being able to spend it at Kiel, as the first time alone at home would have been too hard. I trust that the New Year will "bring unmeasured joy to thine heart, whilst all that can sadden or cause thee a tear, with the fast-dying year may depart." God bless you and may you have nothing but sunshine and happiness in your life.

Though I scarcely ever write to you, you must not think that it is because I have forgotten you, for my thoughts and prayers are constantly with you, and your photo goes along with me, so shall now the new little one. I send you a tiny one of me done last winter, it is taken out of a group wh was done in a room, so is not very like. I was taken in England and shall send you one of them an other time. You must excuse this horrible writing, but I am resting after having ridden in the manège.

Ernie is out shooting to-day, the weather is lovely, bright sun, blue skye, and everything white. Latterly we have been skating several times and it was so nice, it reminds me always of 89, when we used to fly down the icehills and scramble about with the balls, pellies and baskets.

To-day is Missy's Wedding, I am sure she will look lovely. I am going to Mossy's, but I must say I rather dread it, as I never care for such large festivities and all the dressing up and many people — it is the first time I go for such an occasion and I shall miss my own beloved Papa most awfully. Not a year and I must already go to such festivities, but being the only Hessian Princess, it is thought right I should be present at her marriage, but one cannot alas doa always what one would care to and it is so hard to have to be smiling and chattering away when one feels far from it, but I must not grumble.

Now this long epistle must come to an end, else you will think me a too tremendous a bore. With many a loving kiss and tenderest wishes for the New Year, I am, My darling little One,
Ever yr most loving and devoted old hen, Frog, Goat, Toad
Alix

Ernie sends much love to you and the Boys as do I also. If you would write once again you would make me very happy.

Above: Alix.

Above: Marie "Missy" of Edinburgh and Prince Ferdinand of Romania.

Above: Xenia.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 289 to 291, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Königliches Schloss, Kiel
December 26th 1892
My own darling Grandmama,
I send You my most loving and heartfelt thanks for the lovely bracelet with my beloved Papa's head — nothing could have given me greater pleasure and I shall wear it constantly. Also for 'Tennyson's Works' and the sweet little Card, most tender thanks.

I received many lovely Presents, amongst others, a beautiful bracelet from Ernie, aranged out of buttons belonging to dear Papa, which makes it of course more valuable to me, he always knows how to give one pleasure, and I am sure there never was a dearer and kinder Brother.

It is such a comfort being able to spend Xmas here, as it would have been too painful the first time alone at home, but nevertheless it was hard going away from the Rosenhöhe.

Darling Grandmama, I hope You are spending these days happily with all the Relations and though we are not able to be with You, my thoughts, prayers and most earnest and tenderest wishes for the New Year are surounding You.

There is one thing I wanted to tell You still. I have had a formal invitation to go to Berlin for Mossy's wedding and Ernie thought it right that I should accept it as I have already been asked for the other occasion the last years and did not go. Finger also thinks it right I should go being the only Hessian Princess. I must say I dread it teribly, as I have a great dislike of such large festivities, and especially now that I have lost my own sweet darling Papa, but it must be, and I pray God may give me strength to do my duty. Ernie wrote to Aunt Vicky to ask her whether she would take me into her house instead of him, so as that I could be under her protection, and she has kindly agreed to it. Irène being also in the house will make it so much pleasanter for me, as if I had to live in the Schloss with all the guests, and no married nearer Relation, it would not have been so easy and far more tiring, as one would perpetually have to be running up and down.

It is bitterly cold to-day and snowing fast, regular Xmas weather.

But I must end my letter now, as a long letter is in the way, when I fear You must be having very much to do.

Thanking You again many times for the lovely presents and with my very tenderest wishes that the New Year may bring You much joy and happiness and good health, I remain, Darling Grandmama dear, Your ever deeply devoted, loving and grateful Child
Alix
God bless and protect You!
Many a loving and tender kiss for my dearest Grandmama

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated May 9, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 262 to 264, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
May 9th 1892
My beloved Grandmama
I cannot tell You how deeply touched I was that You wrote to me so very soon — it was really too dear and kind of You, and I send you my most heartfelt thanks. I am so glad that You had a good crossing, and only hope that the journey was not too tiring.

We do miss You so, as it was such a pleasure seeing You, and that You were able to spend a few days with us. Thanks so much for coming as indeed it was a great comfort seeing You. It is so quiet again now, and Irène and Baby have also left — a Child in the house makes so much difference.

Ernie returns this evening from Potsdam — he seems to have had a grand reception — yes indeed, darling Grandmama I shall try and do all to help him, as his life will not be easy for him now, and he is still so young. I only wish I were as clever as Victoria, as then I could be of far more use to him — but I am sure Ernie will always try and so all that is right, & will gladly listen to all and any advice.

It will not always be easy, as he is so lively and not as patient as my own beloved Papa was. Oh, dear Grandmama, one does miss him too terribly. Everything has remained the same, and yet it is so very different — the real sunshine has left us.

Yesterday Irène and I went for a ride with Herr and Frau von Riedesel, it was very pleasant out. I thought it would be a good thing to begin again, as then we can take Ernie sometimes out too, as I am sure it will do him no end of good.

Victoria has asked me to lunch at the Alte Palais, so as that I should not feel too lonely. Her headache is quite gone and she looks better.

Pfarrer Bender and Dr. Eigenbrodt were deeply touched that You so kindly sent them Your Print and Photograph.

I am glad to hear that Mrs Tuck arrived safely, and hope that she will soon quite recover, as it must be too unpleasant for You having an ill Maid in the house.
Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain, My dearest Grandmama,
Ever Your very loving and deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, after the recent and deeply traumatising death of Alix's father, dated April 8, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 255, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
April 8th 1892
Душка Ксеніи
I was deeply touched by your letter so full of kind sympathy, and send you now my most heartfelt thanks.

It has all been too terrible, one can scarcely realize it, it seems like some horrible dream.

One scarcely finds courage to begin life again, without beloved Papa. He was my Sunshine. Being left so much alone to-gether these last years, one had grown if possible still more attached to each other — and then He was suddenly taken from one. One misses Him too fearfully. Oh, it is so hard to be quiet and brave when one feels quite crushed.

Poor Ernie is so young, and such grave responsibilities rest now upon his shoulders. What sorrows this life does bring one, and such hard trials. But I must not make you sad with this letter, you must only know joy and happiness and be spared every sorrow and worry.

I cannot write any more to-day.
A good kiss,
Your loving old

Alix

We miss Ella so much. Alfred is getting on nicely. Very hot weather, all is getting green. I hope you spent your Birthday happily, we thought much of you.

Above: Alix and her siblings in mourning for their father. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Alix with her father.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, five days after the recent and deeply traumatising death of Alix's father, dated March 18, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 250 to 252, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
March 18th/92
My own darling Grandmama,
Your sweet and kind letter arrived just this minute and I send You my most heartfelt thanks for it, as well as for Your other one, which please forgive my not having answered yet.

Oh, dearest Grandmaam, I can scarcely write, I feel so utterly broken. This irreparable loss seems nearly too hard to bear, and to have to begin life again, when one's sunshine has been taken from one, one scarcely knows how to do so. Yet one must be brave and try to be like Him and do what one thinks He would have wished. Oh, how awfully one misses, daily more and more. To think that one never more shall be able to see His beloved, precious face and never to hear His sweet voice again, oh, my darling Grandmama, it is too terrible and one knows not how to say, "Thy Will be done."

A greater angel never was, so good, dear, kind, beloved. He was everything to me, and the more we were left alone to-gether, the more one felt drawn close to Him, and yet one could not keep Him, out of our midst He was taken, so full of life and vigour still. But one must try and be calm. I am sure our heavenly Father would not have taken Him from us, if it had not been to spare Him many an earthly sorrow. If He had always remained an invalide, how fearful that would have been.

Poor dear Ernie, so suddenly placed in such a position, and with such responsibilities on his young shoulders. He is so brave and good, the dear Boy. To him I must now give all my affections and try to help him were I can and I am sure You, beloved Grandmama, will always be ready to give him advice and love when he needs it.

How good and full of kindness You always were to beloved Papa and us all — we never can forget it and You know how His devotion was to You and how ours is.

May God comfort You in Your great sorrow, dear Grandmama.

It is such a comfort having dear Sisters here, and Aunt Vicky and Uncles were also so kind.

So many loving thanks for sending me the Service and special prayers of the 17th.
Please forgive my letter not being properly written, but I scarcely know how to write yet.

Kissing You dear Hand most affectionately, I am, Beloved Grandmama,
Your ever very loving, truly devoted, dutiful and deeply sorrowing Child
Alix

How happy he will be now, united with sweet Mama & the dear little ones & I am sure they are now looking down upon us & watching over us in our deep sorrow.
A tender kiss for the sweetest of all Grandmamas.

Above: Alix and her sisters in mourning for their father.

Above: Alix with her father.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Alix's father, Grand Duke Louis IV of Hesse, had died from a heart attack at the New Palace in Darmstadt on March 13, 1892.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated January 11, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 249 to 250, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Jan 11th 92
My darling Xenia,
To-day I am sending you one of my English photos; you must send me a large one of yourself also once, will you?

Ernis sends you the enclosed card with best wishes for the New Year.

Uncle Arthur and A. Louischen are arriving soon, so you must not expect a long letter. The Edinburghs' are coming for two days from Friday on.
A good long kiss,
Ever yr very loving old
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated November 29, 1889

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 99 to 100, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

November 29th/89
My dearest Grandmama, I cannot thank You enough for your very dear and kind letter I received yesterday and which made me so happy; also best thanks for the charming photos of the Indians. How handsome the new man seams.

To-day it is snowing hard, and the wind is howling, so that it is not very agreeable out.

Papa returns to-night from Rathsfeld, where he has been shooting. Before that he was at Leipzig, so as to spend the 25th with Ernie. It is the first time that he was not here on that day.

Irène's dear little Boy is growing so, and is a great duck, Victoria's little Girl is also getting so nice and sweet like Alice. It will be hard for Irène to leave it behind, well for us it is nice to keep it here.

But now I must say Goodbye.
With much love to dear Aunty, and kissing Your dear hands most affectionately, I am, Darling Grandmama,
Ever Your most loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Nicholas's letter to Alix, dated October 1889

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 99, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Just a line or two, darling Alix as Toria finished her letter on the other page to show the "Goat" that I have not quite forgotten it. I am also going to Guia for Tino's wedding. I am sure it will be charming. Passing through Kiel on my way to Hannover I lunched with dear Irène at the Schloss and saw the sweet baby. How is the squirrel? So now good-bye with best love, I remain your loving Nicky, 1 of the Pelly party
Kiss Ernie fr me!
Oct 1889

Above: Alix.

Above: Nicholas.