Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 110 to 111, by George Hawkins, 2023
May 20/June 1. 1894.
№ 30. Krasnoe Selo.
My own true Love,
Many thanks for your kind but short letter I received this morning just before leaving Gatchina when I had finished my last letter. My darling, this scribble will come for your dear birthday. Let me wish you all the blessings upon earth that a loving heart can think of. You may be sure, my sweet Alix, that my prayers for yr. happiness, prosperity & health won't cease for ever, but so much more on this dear day! I need not tell you how awfully sad it shall seem to me, to be without my angel & how I long to have blessed you & to have kissed you tenderly! And yet, when I look back at the past years, in the midst of my grief not to be by yr. side today, I still feel happy and so sure now of my precious one's love — that it takes some part of the pain away. Your letters are such a comfort to me my own beloved Alix! Well! fancy, just this moment my man brought me your sweet long loving letter N 29 — for which I must kiss my beloved little bride separately fr. the birthday kisses I owe you!
May the coming year into wh. you are going to step in, be one of sunshine & of utter joy, my love — and may God Almighty keep grief & sorrow away fr. you! How often I have prayed to Jesus Christ, before this happy time, for you, darling, for your happiness & for His comfort in your great sorrows. Especially when hope was leaving me — I asked Him on my knees oh! so fervently, to make you happy at last; I found such soothing in my prayers for my girly-dear, during the long sea-voyage! — I too, wanted to write a few words to you on your birthdays past, but I never knew how it would have been received. Except in 1889 — I did send you two lines in Xenia's letter — for the first & last time!
Sweet one, but you write russian beautifully, so many words & not one fault — good little school-girl. I shall explain myself about the "sugar". When we were small & when it used to rain, Papa always took us out, wh. is an excellent thing; but then it bored us & we grumbled. So Papa used to say that those who are made of sugar might stay at home, if they are afraid of getting melted — that was enough to make us go out in any weather & in that way the expression remained.
The weather was fine today, which added to the splendour of the launching of the ship „Сисой Великий.” It is a saint's name, that Peter the Great gave to one of his warships in remembrance of a naval victory. Have you ever seen a ship being launched? It is such a fine moving scene! Well! After that we all drove to u. Alexei's house, as it was his names day & had luncheon. I gave him many messages fr. you, telling that you did not telegraph on purpose, so as not to tire him by making him answer you — which really touched him & he told me to thank you heartily for that attention! A. Miechen and Paul send you their best love. I have not seen the "mejdunarodny" for ages as he stopped in doors for ever so long with fever & a bad cold! Do you remember that day - at tea — when he sent us into fits of laughter on account of his story, being bitten by an elephant on the forehead while asleep? — Where did you get that from: здравия желаем Ваше Велико-Герцогское Височество! It's what the soldiers answer, when you bid them good morning. Oh! you funny little child, if you knew how you can make your old cow laugh (not spotten) - sometimes! - I am so glad for you, my love, that Victoria & Ludwig are coming soon to you!
But now my Spitzbub I must stop as it is getting late! I promise to smoke as little as possible! Let me thank you, my own precious darling, for your kind long letter & I send you my innermost wishes of health & wellfare again & many many happy returns of this dear day! God bless & + protect you, sweet one, and may you ever trust & be sure of yr. own deeply loving, faithful & devoted
Nicky
Tender kisses my love!!!
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: mejdunarodny (международный) = international.
"здравия желаем Ваше Велико-Герцогское Височество!" = "we wish you health, Your Grand Ducal Highness!"
spotten = to mock.
Spitzbub = rascal.
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