Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 289 to 291, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Königliches Schloss, Kiel
December 26th 1892
My own darling Grandmama,
I send You my most loving and heartfelt thanks for the lovely bracelet with my beloved Papa's head — nothing could have given me greater pleasure and I shall wear it constantly. Also for 'Tennyson's Works' and the sweet little Card, most tender thanks.

I received many lovely Presents, amongst others, a beautiful bracelet from Ernie, aranged out of buttons belonging to dear Papa, which makes it of course more valuable to me, he always knows how to give one pleasure, and I am sure there never was a dearer and kinder Brother.

It is such a comfort being able to spend Xmas here, as it would have been too painful the first time alone at home, but nevertheless it was hard going away from the Rosenhöhe.

Darling Grandmama, I hope You are spending these days happily with all the Relations and though we are not able to be with You, my thoughts, prayers and most earnest and tenderest wishes for the New Year are surounding You.

There is one thing I wanted to tell You still. I have had a formal invitation to go to Berlin for Mossy's wedding and Ernie thought it right that I should accept it as I have already been asked for the other occasion the last years and did not go. Finger also thinks it right I should go being the only Hessian Princess. I must say I dread it teribly, as I have a great dislike of such large festivities, and especially now that I have lost my own sweet darling Papa, but it must be, and I pray God may give me strength to do my duty. Ernie wrote to Aunt Vicky to ask her whether she would take me into her house instead of him, so as that I could be under her protection, and she has kindly agreed to it. Irène being also in the house will make it so much pleasanter for me, as if I had to live in the Schloss with all the guests, and no married nearer Relation, it would not have been so easy and far more tiring, as one would perpetually have to be running up and down.

It is bitterly cold to-day and snowing fast, regular Xmas weather.

But I must end my letter now, as a long letter is in the way, when I fear You must be having very much to do.

Thanking You again many times for the lovely presents and with my very tenderest wishes that the New Year may bring You much joy and happiness and good health, I remain, Darling Grandmama dear, Your ever deeply devoted, loving and grateful Child
Alix
God bless and protect You!
Many a loving and tender kiss for my dearest Grandmama

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Nicholas mentioning his 1891 trip to Japan during which he was attacked by a local of Otsu, dated June 2 and 3 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 114 to 117, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid02mM8NeYuKCqDWYea3PbagNNCAF68EBC18rtd7KxGcYGwr5gvTKWR8aVBdfdW5hvdgl&id=100067001081671

Nicholas's letter of the same day:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2022/01/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-may_6.html

A letter Alix wrote to her friend Toni Becker about the attack on Nicholas in Otsu in 1891 is here:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2021/02/alixs-letter-to-toni-becker-with.html

Excerpt of the letter:

Don't think you are boasting when you tell about your journey as I am sure you would never do such a thing, but why should not others also have a little pleasure in hearing you tell about foreign countries, where the most will probably never go, and your experiences and impressions. It would even be selfish if you gave them nothing to hear and kept all you had seen and wondered over for yourself, let them learn from you. I am sure in your whole life you will be thankful for having undertaken that journey and how much it must have tought you. Every man ought to travel and see the world, as it enlarges his mind. How Ernie grieves that he never can go so far away, he was intending to do so, when our beloved One died, and now in his position it is impossible — perhaps, God grant, he may do so some day still. What a pleasure it is listening to stories of foreign countries, especially when one will probably never have the chance of going there. Oh my love, how my thoughts followed you there, and what I went through when we suddenly got that terrible news and I had to swallow down the feelings wh were overwhelming me. I am sure sure those five years have made my nerves and leg so bad — oh, they were awful, but God knows best, tho' we often do not understand his ways and have Blindly to go there. God knows why He leads us so and it must be for our best.

The letter in full:

No 34

Harrogate

June 2nd 1894

My own precious Nicky sweet,

A good kiss and most heartfelt thanks for dear No. 27 just received, you darling old thing, it has been such a delight to read, all the dear, kind names, God bless you for them. I am sorry you have also got our bad weather, I can imagine the state you got into out walking, as you ought to have seen the mess the Ladies were in after nearly an hour's walk in pouring rain near my bath chair, I put the hood up and took my hat off as the air was oppressive. I have namely not yet got over my ramolissement, but not withstanding, I had my two hours' Russian. I nearly know the Lord's Prayer by heart. Oh how I wish I were clever, for your dear sake, when I think of you, I feel such a dunce.

Don't think you are boasting when you tell about your journey as I am sure you would never do such a thing, but why should not others also have a little pleasure in hearing you tell about foreign countries, where the most will probably never go, and your experiences and impressions. It would even be selfish if you gave them nothing to hear and kept all you had seen and wondered over for yourself, let them learn from you. I am sure in your whole life you will be thankful for having undertaken that journey and how much it must have tought you. Every man ought to travel and see the world, as it enlarges his mind. How Ernie grieves that he never can go so far away, he was intending to do so, when our beloved One died, and now in his position it is impossible — perhaps, God grant, he may do so some day still. What a pleasure it is listening to stories of foreign countries, especially when one will probably never have the chance of going there. Oh my love, how my thoughts followed you there, and what I went through when we suddenly got that terrible news and I had to swallow down the feelings wh were overwhelming me. I am sure sure those five years have made my nerves and leg so bad — oh, they were awful, but God knows best, tho' we often do not understand his ways and have Blindly to go there. God knows why He leads us so and it must be for our best.

I am so sorry you did not get a letter from me the day you wrote as I send one regularly with the exception of Sundays when the post only goes in the evening, so this letter will make you wait again — it is a nuisance. Yours will no doubt also not come till Monday. I grieve as I know how sad I feel when none no letter comes, well then the others must be read over and devoured again. How I envy your playing on the piano, I have not got one here and by the time you come I shall not be able to play a note. Victoria is now coming alone and from the 5th to 8th so that I shall not spend my birthday alone. To-morrow is Georgie's.

I wonder whether you would get this letter on the 6th. Oh, how I shall long for you. It is one of the days I hate most in the year, it makes me always feel miserable, as one never knows what the coming year will bring, this one brought me great sorrow and inexpressible joy. And it is the time one longs more than ever for all those dear ones gone from this earth. It will be my 3rd birthday without beloved Papa, oh Nicky, what he was to me, none can ever know, but I cannot speak about it, otherwise the tears won't keep back and then inquisitive Ladies stare at one and ask questions. But it is a loss wh makes itself daily felt more and more. God help me!

But enough for to-night. Byby sweet love, your little bride blesses and kisses you most tenderly and passionately.

Good morning my pet! A few words before I go to Church. I am no longer ramolie you will be glad to hear, but who knows how soon I shall be so again. Of course it is raining and so I have ordered cab to take Gretchen and me to St. Mary's Church, where I have not yet been. Schneiderlein has to bathe and drink her water.

No letter from any one. I am sure they will all come of a heap on Wednesday, and then comes the answering. Yesterday Gretchen read to me a short biography of Pushkin, wh was most interesting, and with Schneiderlein I read in Russian Peter the Great's life as a boy — it sounds grand, does it not, but with a great deal of help I can make it out. Madelaine just brought me my medicine, no what I have all to do, killing, my knees get rubbed with a mixture of iodine and belladonna (shall I not use some for my eyes, would you not like to see me appear with glorious eyes, eh?) and now my whole body has to be rubbed with a brush to improve the circulation, it is maddening and I still now feel cribbely from it. Gretchen came very late so she gobbled down a large breakfast, not heeding our imploring words to take it slowly and I am in a fright of her bursting in Church — oh dear, it is a ghastly idea! Now I must be off and get dressed and pop on my bonnet and look sedate and I shall think of you sweety and I am sure our prayers will meet. We all know that we have such our Guardian Angel who watches over us but we must also remember that all the Angels, with one accord care for our wellbeing, for are we not told that the Angels rejoice more over one penitent sinner than many just persons who need no repentance. "Guide us, Truth, thou star refulgent, Travellers through a darksome land. We are weak but thou art mighty to support our social band. Lead us onward, Bending to thy high command."

Here I am out of Church again, it was a nice little one and we are going there next Sunday again, as the Lady and Gentleman allowed us to sit again in their bench. It was very full, so it took us a good time till we got to the porch where our carriage was waiting, to my horror a policeman and a crowd and I heard a Lady saying Prss Alice of Hesse is coming. Then the Gentleman of the bench kindly held his brolly over me. I scrambled in, in a most undignified way, getting the colour of a crab. They make me painfully shy, the dear people, and Gretchen the beast laughs at me. No more for the present as it lasts nearly two hours and I must rest a bit before luncheon. Oh, I prayed so for you and that I might become a better woman and Christian and that God might help me to learn and love your Church and that He should help me in the many great difficulties and that I might become worthier of you. I feel so much quieter after Church that I long to go every morning and evening and pray there.

Here I am back again, it did not rain a drop and we look quite a nice, and the dog too. This coming we are going to the Presbiterian (Scotch) church close by. Now sweet boy I must say Goodbye so as that Seibert can take this letter to the post, he won't rejoice having to do it, fat old lazy thing. No letter for me to-day, but I hope instead two to-morrow.

With many loving kisses and tenderst blessing, ever, my own beloved sweet and precious boysy dear, yr own true love

Alix

Forgive my letters being dull but not seeing ever any one, I have no news to give. You know, to-day is also "Illa's" Birthday, the Landgräfin's marriageable daughter! Our policeman is patiently marching up and down, I hear his footsteps and it reminds me of our centries at home. Give my love to Xenia when you write. I wonder if you have been on the lake to-day and Micha with his brolly. Please when you see Miechen give her my very fondest love. Tea for us three graces is being brought and the hungry Ladies are turning up, so Goodbye once more and believe in your little Girly's unending true devotion and deep love, I never get tired of seeing and I hope you not of hearing it.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Nicholas during his trip to Japan in 1891.

Notes: ramolissement = exhaustion.

"when our beloved One died" = Alix's and Ernst's father, Grand Duke Louis of Hesse, had died suddenly from a heart attack in 1892, necessitating Ernst to inherit his important position as Grand Duke.

ramolie = exhausted.

Sir John Lavery's memory and description of Alix

Source:

The Life of a Painter, Sir John Lavery, 1940

https://archive.org/details/lifeofapainter000666mbp/page/n75/mode/2up?q=Alix

The memory:

Of all the royalties that I have painted the one that stands out is the Princess Alix of Hesse, late Empress of Russia, because of her great beauty. I had been given a large reception room in the Schloss for a studio. The first morning, I well remember, I woke with a blinding headache, a prevalent trouble of mine, usually meaning a day in bed. It was the morning that the Princess was to sit, and I forced myself to go to the studio where a huge coal fire at either end was banked up. There were large hairy rugs in front. It was most fortunate that I arrived early, I was no sooner there than one fireplace was in flames and then the other. I was alone, there was no means of calling servants, so I rushed about, finally getting help — the whole staff with all sorts of fire extinguishers. It was astonishing how quickly everything was put in order; half an hour afterwards, when the Princess came in, no one would have known that flames and volumes of smoke had filled the room so recently. Even the air had been reconditioned. The Grand Duke was so pleased with the little study I painted that he asked me to come back to Darmstadt to paint a life-sized portrait of his daughter before she became Czarina. I have often regretted that I did not do it. She hypnotized me by the strange sadness of her eyes, like one on the verge of insanity yet sane enough to realize it. I shall always remember the look almost of terror that came and went as I was painting her.

Above: The portrait of Alix.

Above: Sir John Lavery.

Alexandra's letter to Ernst, dated January 9/21 1896

Source:

mashkaromanova on Tumblr

https://mashkaromanova.tumblr.com/post/190384653445/alexandra-sunny-feodorovna-1896-my-darling

Alexandra wrote this letter to her brother Ernst on January 9/21, 1896. I can't believe she didn't like the music for Swan Lake!

The letter:

My darling Ernie,
It is a shame my not having written to you for such an age, but I have really very much to do. We dine every evening now at 7 & at 8 go to the Theatre. Twice we have been to the Пцковая дама, wh. I enjoyed immensely, & then to to Tschaikowsky's first ballet, the Swan Lake (tiresome), & not pretty music, & then to two small French innocent plays. To-night we are going to the Russian Theatre. — How charming Medea & her husband sing, his voice is the best when he sings piano — quite lovely & so sympathetic, reminding me much of little Georgie's.

In the morning I receive daily ladies of gentlemen & twice a week play an hour with Nicky's former music master. — I enjoy it much & feel how necessary it is — you can tell it Herr de Haan, that I read with a master. I think he will be contented with me then. — Then after luncheon we go & walk for an hour or two in Anitchkoff garden & sometimes lunch or have tea there, then I go to Baby's bath, wash her sometimes & then nurse her, as also every morning. In between I have to try on dresses wh. won't ever fit. —

We went to the Xmas tree at one Institute — yesterday to an exhibition of watercolours & we brought some quite nice ones. — The weather is changeable, but the view out of my corner window is ideal. I still have not yet got all my furniture, wh. is an utter nuisance, as how can people judge with empty rooms. — Baby is flourishing, thank God — grows in length & breadth — her length is 62½ cm., 55½ when she was born 2 months ago. I am not at all enchanted with the nurse — she is good & kind with Baby, but as a woman most antipathetic, & that disturbs me sorely. Her manners are neither very nice, & she will mimic people in speaking about them, an odious habit, wh. would be awful for a Child to learn — most headstrong (but I am too, thank goodness). I foresee no end of troubles, & only wish I had an other. —

Now I must be off. Kissing you 3 dear Creatures very, very tenderly, I remain, yr utterly, deeply loving old Sunny.

P. S. I hope & trust you are quite well again, poor darling Boy. I used your lovely fan the other evening. Three Thursdays & then a Wednesday are the balls. I am dying of fright. Fancy, for the big ball this first Thursday, I shall have to make a cercle in a room with 55 Mamas & more daughters — it is cruel, & I don't know how I shall ever manage it — what can one say to them, with men it's so much easier, one has so much more to ask. — Many messages to the Ladies & Gentlemen.

Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Ernst.

Above: Olga. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Alexandra's letter to Ernst, dated September 2/14, 1895

Alexandra wrote this letter to her brother Ernest on September 2 (O.S.; New Style date 14), 1895.

Source:

mashkaromanova on Tumblr.

https://mashkaromanova.tumblr.com/post/187707123870/alexandra-sunny-feodorovna-1895-my-darling

The letter:

My darling Ernie,
I must send you again a few lines to-day, to tell you how much my thoughts are with you, now that all the Sisters are at Wolfsgarten. It must be a great joy for you having them all to-gether — for Ducky it must seem most strange. — Yesterday we had a beautiful day, but to-day it is rainy, tho' warm. The roads are so wet, that Nicky won't let me walk this morning, so I am going to drive to the Baby & he will meet me there. — I wonder how you have put up all the guests? Now Ross' house is most useful, I should think! — You might get Ella to finish painting the doors in the back sitting room of my house. — Mossy sent me the photos of her Children, alas, the eldest must be a little monster, but my Godchild, Max, looks nice & plump. —

Yesterday N. shot again two ducks; & I lay reading on the balconey & listening to the gentle ripple of the waves. — This afternoon we went in the electric launch as the weather had quite cleared up. It was most enjoyable. — I sent little Irina out for her first drive. — I am glad you got all my letters & our beasts — I hope Paul would have telegraphed on his arrival! — I also just got a telegram of thanks from Ella, wh. pleased me much — every bit of news from home is happiness, & I eagerly tare open the telegrams when I see Wolfsgarten written on them. —

Do make Germann photograph you all on the stairs at W. — At last Georgie, Xenia & Sandro have left for Liebau — they had to put off their journey first on account of Georgie & then on account of a storm. — I am very industrious, trying to arrange a sort of Ladies' working guild, what I had also wanted to do at home. Cocky sent me all the papers of Auntie's guild in the I. of Wight. Of course many things must be changed for here, but I am most anxious to begin it. — Most odd, but scarcely any ladies work here — simple stiching I mean. —

Then I have done another thing, have founded a society of wh. I am at the head for helping & augmenting workhouses for the poor. It is so necessary here, & I think the people will interest themselves in it. I must now choose the vice-president & members, wh. will not be easy. I dread the idea of having to be present at some of the sittings; I shall die of shyness. I should much less dread seeing each member alone. They sent me the statutes, arranged by a small society I had picked out, & I with Schneiderlein's aid translated them for myself into German, so as to be able to properly to understand them & then to agree with them. —

This minute Irène's dear letter has been brought me — please thank & kiss her from me. I am so glad to hear how they have all been put up. How amusing Joccs should have taken Ella for me — does he remember my name still? Fancy Baby having already 3 teeth, she is in a hurry! How proud you both must be of her. — Please thank Wilhelmino also for her letter. — It is so strange to hear of all of you being to-gether, & that only I should be so far away — but all my hopes are for this time next year, if you will have us. —

But I must stop now. Kissing you all tenderly, I remain, yr very loving old Sunny.

P. S. How is it Serge has gone to Venice? — Please give many messages to all the Gefolge, German & Russian. —

Above: Alexandra. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Ernest.

Above: Elisabeth, Ernest's daughter and Alexandra's niece.