Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 112 to 114, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
May 21/June 2 1894. Гатчина.
№ 31.
My own sweet beloved Darling,
Thank you oh! tho much for your dear long letter, that just arrived when I came back from tea, with Papa. A loving tender kiss do I press upon your sweet lips. All you say goes straight to my heart & makes it leap for joy & for gratefulness! I feel sad, when reading your letters, on approaching their end & must begin to read them over again! Darling, but what is there to be found in my eyes? Really! they are just the same like other people's eyes! If you want to admire real splendid eyes — you must go to Egypt & see the Arabs! — And…. those two lovely big eyes — as deep & of the colour of the ocean — I could not look at, fearing to drown in them, can I ever find others to match them? No, never! Such light burns in them, so pure & quiet are they and yet oh! so bewitching! Sweety, when shall I be able to press my lips upon them again? Soon, let me hope, very soon! Darling, forgive me for repeating it, but the nearer the day approaches, the more impatient I feel; I am simply dying already from being so now! — Alixy-dear, you must take care & not catch cold, during your bathing especially, because I also have a right to wish that my girly-darling should look healthy & strong, when I see her again. That bright colour too, in yr. cheeks - it suits so, my sweety's, delightful complexion! I want you (so does every one here too) oh! I want you so awfully, my beloved little lass — to clasp you in my arms & to put my head gently on your shoulder! Душка! Your ancient photo stands here on my left — the one I got at a station in Russia on my way back, the little flowers are still hanging round the frame, tho' they have become shrivelled up; I think it a very touching idea & a marvellous coincidence! —
I got a packet from Ella this morning, lots of photos of different size of my darling's portrait by Kaulbach — I shall bring them with me to England, as I have no right of giving them away without your consent! Groups are quite a different thing — nearly all are gone; but of course I have kept one of each kind for myself.
This morning at last I went out riding with three of my officers. The weather was warm & fine, but the soil was frightfully dirty & slippery on account of the deluge that was pouring & seems to be inclined to come back — all these days. We rode to the enormous field where the troops manoeuvre & march past in Papa's presence - called — Военное поле. Well, upon arriving there we stopped to look on at the exercising of a strong battalion of our landsturm. That is called — ополчение in rus. and the men composing it — ратники, an old word wh. meant warrior in ancient times. I must say it interested me greatly as I have never been present at the drilling of this sort of men, who have never served in their lives! Really, there was not much difference between them who are only called in for a month, and regular soldiers, who serve for 4 years. It looked very picturesque that long long line - drawn up against green grass behind it. They had their shirts only as it was hot: the 1st comp. red, the 2d blue, the 3d white and so on in the same order! Their outlook too pleased me immensely, splendid grown-up men with enormous beards & looking as happy as children, not the least annoyed or bored with the heavy weight on their backs!
— On our way home I must say I was rather noughty: setting my horse at a sharp galop I made my poor comrades (who are after all infantry-officers) follow me tearing along; whether it was willing on their part or not — I don't know; but the result was they walked on crooked legs the rest of the day! — We lunched after that & at 5 I arrived here, for tea. Paul also came & Dimitri was on duty - so a little part of the family collected for Papa's dinner, wh. I was glad of! —
Toria sent me the notes, which she herself copied out, for those verses "Wait, Strive & Pray" I sent you in one of the first letters. It is a pretty tune & must be played a slow valse time. I shall bring it too & my darling will perhaps consent to sing it. It is low, therefore it must suit my girly's voice, won't it? — My own sweet love, I have again been reading your dear letter over once more & have not thanked you for your pretty verses — both english & german; the latter I could not make out at once, but now I understand them. Darling, you are much too kind, you spoil your old cow!
Forgive me, sweetest dear for driving you into the 3d sheet, mad chatter-box that I am! But you see, my heart is always so full of you and still I cannot often write as I would like to, mostly nothing comes out! And then you should hear how your cow can swear! Ho! ho! ha! ha! — Yesterday I only got Xenia's first letter, quite impossible — sogar ein unverschähmtes Brief von meiner noch nicht verheirathener? Schwester! Is that right? Donnerwetter!!!
How did you spend your dear birthday? If I only could have spent it by your side, my love! But good-night sweet girly-darling mine, it is late! So I leave off with blessings and many tender kisses, primrosy!
June 3d. Good morning, darling! Ich hoffe Sie haben die Nacht wohl geschlafen? I have got no Schneiderlein to help or correct me! — The morning air, streaming throug[h] the window, is delightful; I see all the lilac shrubs in full blossom & can smell them from where I am sitting. How they put me in mind of Darmstadt & of our drive to Kranichstein. Ernie who pulled down a whole tree to the horror of the gardener! Whenever you write to him — to dear Ernie — do give him my fondest love! — Directly we are leaving for town, as it is the day of Grandmama's death. We shall be back at 3. So good-bye my own sweet little girly-darling. God bless you + & protect you ever & everywhere. Many tender kisses & still more fondest love to you, my Alix-dear - fr. yr. ever truly loving & devoted Nicky
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: Военное поле = Voyennoye Field (now Oktabrskoye Field) is located in the western part of the former Khodynka Field and was used for the exercises of army units in the mid-late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Landsturm = any of the final reserves of the armed forces in Prussia, Germany, Austria and Switzerland that was mostly made up of older men.
"sogar ein unverschähmtes Brief von meiner noch nicht verheirathener? Schwester!" = "Such a shameless letter from my not yet married sister!"
"Donnerwetter!!!" = "Gosh!"
"Ich hoffe Sie haben die Nacht wohl geschlafen?" = "I hope you slept well last night?"
Schneiderlein = Catherine Schneider, who gave Alix lessons on the Russian language.
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