Alix's letter to Toni Becker, dated January 8, 1894

Source:

Briefe der Zarin Alexandra von Russland an ihre Jugendfreundin Toni Becker-Bracht (2009), edited by Lotte Hoffmann-Kuhnt

The letter:

Den 8ten Jan. 1894

Liebe Toni,

Innigsten Dank für Deinen netten Brief. Es war gar schade, dass Du nicht mit nach Kranichstein konntest. I wanted you so to make the acquaintance of Mr. Whemyss. — Alle haben ihn riesig auf dem Ball bewundert. Lobe mich, ich habe nur in den Touren vom Cottilon mit Needles getanzt — alles Respectspersonen. —

Du kannst Dir denken, dass es mir wehmüthig zu Muthe war, da die Vergangenheit mir lebhaft vor Augen stand. — Sonst war es aber animiert. —

Ich liege auf meinem Bett & ruhe mich nach der Tanzprobe aus, denn heute thut mein Bein mir rasend weh. — Kind bete für uns. Morgen sehr früh geht's nach Coburg — warum — ist nicht nötig zu sagen. Ich freue mich unsäglich mir Ernie erlaubt ruhig in den alten Zimmern weiter zu wohnen — ich werde doch das junge Paar allein lassen. Sie ist so viel jünger als ich, was manches erschweren wird für mich. — But his happiness first. —

Wie anders hätte die Reise nach C. für mich sein können. — Er hat mir geschrieben & seine Photo geschickt, poor dear, quite heartbroken. — I don't know what to do with myself, I must seem happy now tata.

Deine treue Alix

Schreibe mir fleissig — Einen heissen Kuss. Kommst Du auch nicht zum Costümball? —

English translation (my own; original English in italics):

8th Jan. 1894

Dear Toni,

Great thanks for your nice letter. It was a shame that you could not go to Kranichstein. I wanted you so to make the acquaintance of Mr. Whemyss. — Everyone admired him immensely at the ball. Praise me, I only danced with Needles on the Cottilon tours — all of them respectable people. —

You can imagine that I felt sad when I saw the past vividly. — Otherwise it was animated. —

I am lying on my bed & resting after the dance rehearsal, because today my leg hurts madly. — Child, pray for us. Tomorrow very early we are going to Coburg — it is not necessary to say why. I am unutterably happy that Ernie allows me to continue living in the old rooms — I will leave the young couple alone. She is so much younger than me, which will make some things difficult for me. — But his happiness first. —

How different the trip to C. could have been for me. — He wrote to me and sent me his photos, poor dear, quite heartbroken. — I don't know what to do with myself, I must seem happy now tata.

Your faithful Alix

Write to me diligently — a warm kiss Won't you come to the costume ball either? —

Above: Alix.

Above: Ernst and Victoria Melita.

Above: Nicholas.

Notes: Alix's brother Ernie's engagement to their cousin Victoria Melita ("Ducky") was announced in Coburg on January 9th. Alix dreaded the change that would come from Ernie's marriage to the lively Victoria Melita, who was four years her junior and whose character was in total contrast to hers.

"Er hat mir geschrieben & seine Photo geschickt..." = Here Alix is referring to Nicholas.