Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 88 to 89, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
Мая 15/27 1894.
№ 25.
My own beloved darling,
How I wish I could cover your sweet face with tenderest & softest kisses for your two dear letters that came separately today — therefore it was a double joy & surprise to me! If you only knew what utter happiness comes to me, when I read all the kind & touching things, which you, my love, spoil me with in your letters. Oh! you are much, much too good for me, my own sweet girly-dear, I wish I were worthy of such a pure heavenly love; but I am not — I feel I cannot be! How can I thank God Almighty enough, for giving me such happiness — that I used to pray for daily & hardly dared to hope! — I write on this big sheet, because I want my different paper to have the luck of coming & being received by you, my Alixy-dear! I ordered it for the long voyage & a whole box has yet remained, so why not use it; when we were not allowed to write to each other, I hated this paper — but now! Now it is luckily some thing quite else! It puts me in mind of my cabin on board that ship "Pamiat Azowa", of all my things & photos, that I used to slide about the table when it rolled; but always I think of one particular little photo, that stood besides my bed — it looked so sweet, but sad & alas! never spoke! —
Forgive me, my sweet little owl, if this letter never ends & if it is stock full of slow & tiresome sentences!
I am on duty today (Lord in waiting) as my Father's a. d. c. & have to appear in church or at the meals in uniform; all my cousins do just the same, we take it in turns with the simple adjutants, having to be on service once a fortnight[.] Of course, you know, we have nothing hardly to do except sending petitions off to Papa & having to be present at receptions! That's all! In town one duty more is added: we have to go to all the fires whether in the day or in the night and on coming back must report to Papa what has happened! — Some of the family came to church & to luncheon. Aunt Miechen inquired about you & sends you her kindest love! — In the afternoon we went out — Misha & I, in our canoes, as usual; Papa & Baby walked. It blew very hard, but it was very fine, though far from being hot. Misha is a willing creature! He bought a big umbrella, which he uses as a sail whenever he goes out in his canoe. Today, the wind being so strong, it carried him along at a tremendous speed which he was delighted with. But I was rather anxious for such a mad creature & had to follow him closely, in case he needed help. — Now I must be off, sweety, dress & rush for dinner! A kiss!
Dinner is over, so I again belong to you entirely my own darling! I have read your dear letters through and must thank you once more my beloved little girl! Oh! that delightful pink schlumper, I saw you in twice at Coburg, will I see it been put on again?
I have stuck a good lot of photos & large groups fr. the Rosenau in my enormous album — & I must look at them every day. I gave Papa the small one of us both in furs & he liked it very much! Soon I shall run short of them again, as I gave so many away already. - Xenia goes on bombarding me with her telegrams — she must feel more or less like what I felt when I came to Darmstadt — now that she has come to Sandro's place & with him by her side! — I must leave a few lines to be written tomorrow, so as not to make this letter so old. Good night! my sweet beloved little girly-dear! May 16/28. Here I am again my love. Good-morning! I wanted to write but a storm is blowing, that wld. make my eyes water in a cruel way, so I gave it up! In two hours my term is finished, I shall be relieved by a captain of the navy. I return back to the camp for the evening. I enclose another list, the old lady insisted upon my sending it you; all the dresses & things of Mamma's trousseau for you to have an idea of it!
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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