Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 17 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 59 to 60, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 17

May 17th 1894

Windsor Castle

My own darling Boysy,

I have to write this letter early in the day, as we shall be out the whole afternoon. We are going to the review at Aldershot — I have never seen an English one except in Malta, so it interests me very much.

Sandra has gone out riding and I intend remaining at home this morning, so as to finish the painting and to get on a little with Fraulein Schneider. I received another present this morning, a charming clock from Lady Churchill, — they are too kind all sending me things, I suppose they go by the papers where it is announced our Wedding is to take place November 10th. Too delightful the way everything is settled.

I had to open the window wide, my room smells so strong of flowers. My thoughts will be so much with you to-night, the eve of your dear Birthday. God bless you, my own beloved Nicky dear!

I feel quite ill when I think of all my letters that need answering. It is so warm and fine to-day, at last, as the rain was so tiresome, but it has made everything come out so beautifully.

The photographer has at last sent our photos, but only two of each, the old idiot, really too tiresome, when I had explained that I wanted a dozen of them, and I am always being asked for them, and it seems so rude never giving any.

Sweety, my letter is dull to-day, forgive me, but I have nothing interesting to tell, to-morrow it will be better. You know on the riding group are so excellent and such mischievous eyes, as if you had seen Mrs. R — noughty boy, I am shocked. But now I must say Goodbye. God bless you, dear. Ever yr own true love

Alix

Many tender kisses.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 14 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 50 to 51, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 14

May 14th 1894

My precious Darling,

Fondest thanks for your dear letter, I received this morning. How terribly sad poor old Aunt Katty's Death. Was it not very sudden? I am glad Hélène was there; how unhappy she must be, but it is lucky she is married. What sorrows this life does bring!

Fräulein Schneider has arrived — mad little woman insists on only talking Russian with me and I stand grinning at her, without being able to understand anything, my memory is so bad. She tried to drum things in to me, she is coming down again in a few minutes and if she asks me them again, oh, dear me!

Wilhelmino Grancy sent me beautiful lilies of the valley they had picked in the woods near Darmstadt.

Now my plans are again changed, instead of going to Walton, Dr Reid is sending me to a bath as my legs ache too much and whilst Granny is away, it is a good opportunity for a cure. Sulphur baths and iron water. It is tiresome as I shall have nothing of Victoria in this way. I fear tho riding was very bad, because they hurt me madly — like awful incessant toothache.

We went for a heavenly drive this afternoon and took our tea with us; it was warm, sunny, and the woods looked too splendid, one longed to be an artist or poet. Oh, sweety, when I see such lovely things it makes me long for you now again as I know you would appreciate it.

To-night again lots come to Dinner, Ambassadors and that sort, it is so tiresome, as the corridor is such a bad place for making cercle in or for getting at those people one wants to speak to. I sat last night near the dear little Bishop and he was most agreeable to talk to, and on the other side, old LG E Comerell, who chattered away about military and naval things and asked me all sorts of questions.

To-day is a great holiday and the Park was swarming with people and little couples in touching attitudes grouped under the trees — they enjoyed themselves immensely I have no doubt. And you had a nice Concert, I am so glad to hear. My beloved Nicky dear, I should like to hold on to one of the swallows passing before my window and flie with them over hill and dale, sea and country to you, my own true love. Such tender kiss I long to press on yr lips and lovely eyes. But I must be my goodbye wish my old sweety. God bless and protect you and keep all sorrows from you. Say something kind to Tienchen from me when you see her, poor thing, will you? Ever yr own deeply loving old girly,

Alix

True unto Death. Yours for ever and ever, sweet Boysy. Love to the first couple. They've received my first Wedding present, a little silver lamp and firm [illegible] too, what do you say to that, :you old cow." The owl kisses you oh so tenderly

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 8 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 24 to 27, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 7

Windsor Castle

May 8th 1894

My милый, дорогой Ники,

Здравствуйте! I am just back from breakfast with Grandmama. Aunt Vicky sent a long letter of Sophie's — poor things, it must be too terrible in Greece, these incessant shocks. She said what had made such a curious impression when on Good Friday night the procession in the streets with the carpet and candles, all sang out Lord have mercy on us! No really it must be too fearful for words living in the constant dread of being shattered to atoms. It is as tho' they were being punished for some great sin, one cannot understand it. But God knows best why He is inflicting them with this misfortune and tho' we seem to think it cruel, what sorrows this life does bring and what great trials, how difficult to bear them patiently, and then again we are not half grateful enough for the joys this life brings us. Darling, I am sure these five years have been good for both of us, I only know they have made me think of God far more than I did before. Suffering always draws one nearer to God, does it not, and when we think of what Jesus Christ had to bear for us, how little and small our sorrows seem in comparison and yet we fret and grumble and are not patient as He was.

Oh my love, I wish I had you always by my side, how you might help me and teach me to be a better creature — I am not half worthy of you. I have still so much to learn, that is why I also say, do not let us marry just yet, tho' separation is hard, it is better not to hurry. And think only of the Religious question, you cannot expect me to know and understand it all immediately and to know a thing only half, is not right, and I must know the language a bit, so as to be able to follow the services a little.

To-day Georgie's answer came but sent to Aunt Alix, as I had simply signed Alix, he of course did not think of me.

Well the Staals dined last night and were most amiable and the Italian Ambassador and wife. He had been long ago in St Petersburg and his wife is Russian — good heavens how she chattered, one did not know any more where one's head was. We eat white bait and I longed to send you my plate, flying over the sea. I have got a large thing to burn and paint for Granny's Birthday on May 24th and I don't know how to get it done as I have had as yet absolutely no time and my legs ache fiendishly. Now Louise Aribert has telegraphed to her Parents that she is coming to them on the 25th so there is no room for me. I am sorry as it would have been nice, but perhaps Granny will allow me to go earlier for four days.

Still no news of Frl. Schneider. I wish Ella would let me know. I have been for 10 minutes with Gretchen — it is close and yet windy, not enjoyable weather. Oh, I do so long for a letter from you, they take such ages to come. I wonder if you have very much to do, my old, sweet thing. The ink is so watery that one makes blotches perpetually, too dirty, o tho' [illegible].

Aunt Alix and the 2 girls are coming to luncheon — poor Victoria — God bless her and may He some day make her happy, she deserves it, the dear Child, and little Maudy too. When one is happy, one longs to see others also joyous and grieves one cannot do anything for them — don't you too?

Some German lines I think so pretty, and which are set to music by F. Liszt.

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen."

This moment I received your sweet letter, for which very fondest thanks and many a loving kiss. You cannot think how intensely happy it has made me, and that your Parents have agreed. Oh, you sweet boy, my own, my precious darling, my Nicky dear. I feel another being since your letter has come and all the dear words and little flower. God bless you my love.

You naughty thing, how dare you say that about the sly look and the house on the left!!!! Be ashamed of yourself, I wish I were there to pinch you for it.

The monogram on your paper does for me A H Hessen. This monogram I have stamped on the papers with a thing that belonged to darling Mama, that is why it has got the English crown.

I can see all the people running in to your room, how happy they must be to have you back again and how you must rejoice being home again — home, "there is no place like home" how true it is — and then to think that it is some day to also be the old owl's, I can scarcely believe it.

Aunt Alix and the three girls have left again, they were very dear, especially Victoria. She is going to write to you. They dine on Thursday at Buckingham Palace so I shall see them there. They are greatly looking forward to seeing you — how they all love you, well, I think I can understand it — you old beast, you make a rumpus in our heart.

The wind is howling and the grey clouds are collecting to-gether, so I fear we shall be douched out driving with Granny.

No, I am so happy with your angelical letter and only wish I could write such nice ones. And you all take nice walks to-gether, the whole happy family. Yes, indeed, I miss the inevitable Rosenau so much, tho' we grumbled then, now I look back upon those afternoons and long for them again.

Sweet Boy, I must say goodbye now, with many a tender kiss and fond blessing, I remain

Ever yr deeply devoted little girly

Alix

To-morrow we are off to London so my next letter will be from there — how I shall rejoice if the postman brings me a letter every day, or is it expecting too much!

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "My милый, дорогой Ники, здравствуйте!" = "My dear, sweet Nicky, hello!".

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen." =

"How woundrous it must be

When two souls love each other,

Locking each other wholly in,

Never concealing a single word,

And sharing with each other

Joy and sorrow, weal and woe;

Talking only of love

From the first kiss unto death."

(Translation by Richard Stokes, author of The Book of Lieder (Faber, 2005).

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated July 28 and 29/August 9 and 10, 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 229 to 231, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid0jTkQ9WUn7tsqwhK1QLvjKUdZqC2TnNoWV7v1KYbH5JsW2HLHxTzYuUNsBxVUAEW2l&id=100067001081671

The letter:

July 28th/Aug 9th 1894

My own precious darling Nicky,

For your sweet letter wh came this evening, I send you my very fondest thanks. It was too kind of you writing to me even on Xenia's Wedding day as I am sure it must have been a very tiring day. That the dear child looked sweet I can well imagine, but for me who saw her last as a child, to think her married is almost impossible. How happy and utterly content she now must be, being married to the man she adores and being free to do whatever she likes with no great duties to bother her. That you held the crown over her must have seemed strange to you, did it not? She, so much younger than you. It is touching she wore our little star, may it bring her much luck and many blessings. Yes, the feeling you had then must indeed have been a different one to that at Ernie's Wedding — oh, that day was too fearful — all the emotions and then seeing Ernie stand near Ducky and no Papa near to him, I could have screamed out for pain, so lonely he stood there, only U. William next to him. And you standing near A. Vicky, and Granny coming up along the Church — no I cannot simply bear to think of it! Little Xenia was soon made happy, our patience must last longer and we shall try and not grumble tho' the separation is fearfully hard and I miss you more than words, you my beloved manikins, my sweet treasure душки.

So Figuer and his wife sang fine, I have no doubt, and you thought of the old Hen? Yes, I too long you were sitting with me in my little house, it is so quiet and peaceful of an evening, one only hears the [illegible] running and the clock ticking — such rest, a moment for lovy to fly over to me and kiss me. You must come whilst we are still here. I am shocked to think that I put a wrong No. to my letters — how is it now to be altered? It came through my confusing yr letter from Sandringham. I thought I had sent one too, like a blooming idiot that I was. I shall have to concoct a letter when you come to put in for the missing number!

It is really late, the man is putting out the lanterns in the courtyard, so only quickly still this page. The wife of the Prussian Ambassador who is going to Greece now came to luncheon. Then we went and looked at a nest in wh a hedgehog with seven tiny ones, still blind, was lying. We sat and watched the others run on the p. de g., had tea, and then Ducky and I drove again and picked mushrooms — two Coburg baskets quite full, and behind a lot in the hood of the carriage. After supper, we, some of us, played and sang, and the others enjoyed their Whist in the next room.

Now byby душки precious, beloved one. I cover your dearest face with tenderest kisses and whisper a blessing and fondest words of love. I love you, love you, day by day, more and more, stronger, deeper, truer, more passionately than ever. Trust and love me. God bless you! Sleep well!

10th Сегодня дурная погода, едетъ дождь, но я думаю что погода будетъ ещё хорошая. Вчера (вечеромъ) послѣ (обѣда) чаіе, была смѣшная исторія, Schneiderlein, только по русски я не могу разсказать, а она не хочетъ мнѣ памочь. Она играла въ lawn tennis что я ей вчера запретила потаму что она день передъ тѣмъ слишкомъ много играла, и у нея болѣла голова. It is too killing, I must write it at least in English. Ernie sent a ball flying and she discovered it and stooped down in a funny way, so that the ball hit her behind. He asked how she had remarked it, whether she had eyes there and she calmly says yes — we all roared, she is some times too funny for words. Everyone likes her. I do hope she can remain here a long time. She dreads the idea of having to go back to that place, it is tiresome work, tiring and she does not care for it, she is accustomed to be now with us and before always with Ella, so that this life is far more for her. Could one not arrange something for her? It wld, I suppose not be possible for me to keep her on in Russia, as I shan't know enough for ages and she might read to me when you were with yr regiment and help me when I paint and when a lady might often be a nuisance. Would it be possible lovy? Do think about it and if you did not mind, as she is such a dear, and think it could be arranged, at least for the first years, you might have spoken perhaps to Ella, as Serge is governor of Moscou and over her school and then to your Mama, whether she approves. Do you think this mad of me? I hope the idea does not displease you, only it wld be so nice to do something for the little creature and I suppose it ought then to be soon arranged as another governess wld have to be got in her stead. I have never told her these were my hopes as I had no idea whether you would approve or it would be possible.

The room swarms with flies which promenade and sit about on my writing book. I am on the sopha, a place where I have not been often here, wh made Ernie angry. I got a charming long letter from Granny, so kind. She is delighted with yr telegrams, that you answer so promptly — she is eagerly expecting a letter from you. I always sign myself her Child instead of Grandchild, she wished it as she considered me as that, but she has never written such a kind beginning before this time "Most beloved Child, my darling Alicky." I am so happy you like her too — it does make such a difference having an old lady in the family. Now, lots of Russian, so goodbye. A good kiss. God bless you Angel, love of my heart. Ever yr own truly devoted, deeply loving, affectionate bridy

Alix

Ernie and Ducky send you their very best love. I love you, I am entirely yours.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Note: "Сегодня дурная погода, едетъ дождь, но я думаю что погода будетъ ещё хорошая. Вчера (вечеромъ) послѣ (обѣда) чаіе, была смѣшная исторія, Schneiderlein, только по русски я не могу разсказать, а она не хочетъ мнѣ памочь. Она играла въ lawn tennis что я ей вчера запретила потаму что она день передъ тѣмъ слишкомъ много играла, и у нея болѣла голова." = "Today the weather is bad, it's raining, but I think that the weather will still turn out good. Yesterday (in the evening) after (dinner) tea, there was a funny story — Schneiderlein — only in Russian I can't tell it, but she doesn't want to help me. She played lawn tennis, which I forbade her yesterday because she had played too much the day before and had a headache."

Excerpt from Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated July 27 and 28 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 177 to 179, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid0z4RmBk123HpoWH8Huk3eV5igajamKaMbaWNJESMLtuvgzKq96RnXR7dJCBhfNAnHl&id=100067001081671

The letter excerpt:

Thora is on deck being swung by Dr Woods on a little swing they hang up on purpose for her. The Island looks lovely to-day. How I miss you is not to be described, how mad we were that day and when you lay smoking on Granny's bed. Thora told it Admiral Fullerton and he roared. Schneiderlein and Gretchen are with us... The sea is like a looking glass — if it is only so on Tuesday it will be delightful. What fun we might have had were you here. I cannot enjoy myself properly without you, tho' I had to laugh before. We were up on the bridge and the wind wld catch under Thora's dress and blow it up so that she looked impossible and did not know how to move.

The letter in full:

No. 53

July 27th 1894

Душки Ники,

I am down below in the cabin where the piano is — this time it is open and there are tables with writing materials. To my joy I am going to have yr cabin — my name is already put in the place near the door. I shall kiss the name a certain person wrote and where he placed a kiss. I hope it will make me dream of you. Our party only consists of four as the others we had asked rebelled the last moment as they were afraid it might be ruff — nonsense, as there is no motion at all.

Thora is on deck being swung by Dr Woods on a little swing they hang up on purpose for her. The Island looks lovely to-day. How I miss you is not to be described, how mad we were that day and when you lay smoking on Granny's bed. Thora told it Admiral Fullerton and he roared. Schneiderlein and Gretchen are with us.

Fancy, one of the poor men of the explosion last week was swamped up near the yacht yesterday and he is now lying where the poor others were. It is too sad! The sea is like a looking glass — if it is only so on Tuesday it will be delightful. What fun we might have had were you here. I cannot enjoy myself properly without you, tho' I had to laugh before. We were up on the bridge and the wind wld catch under Thora's dress and blow it up so that she looked impossible and did not know how to move. We are going to have tea up there afterwards. We lunched at ¼ to 1 before coming on board. Schneiderlein grumbles because I did not learn properly to-day, my head is ramolie and empty, only one picture is in it. Whose?

Here I am home again. I have been rubbing Thora as poor Child had such a bad headache. Our trip was nice, the air so lovely but I could not help feeling depressed without you. I miss you too dreadfully my beloved sweet darling. I am going to rest now a bit and then shall continue before going to bed. "Loin des yeux mais près du coeur" "I love thee, I love thee, that's all I can say, it is my dreaming in the night, my vision in the day, the very echo of my heart, the blessing when I pray."

We had Lady's Dinner (dull) and then played duets of course. I can't write much to-day as I have such neuralgia and my right eye is fast closing. Lovy sweet, God bless you. Your little girly misses you badly and the evenings, how gently my poor tired Darling slept that night, I longed to keep you clasped in my arms and to have watched over you, but yr old man would have been too greatly shocked and who knows whom you might have met in the morning then.

Granny heard from Charlotte — she suffers from headaches, ever since she was thrown out of the carriage and is therefore going for a change of air to the Norderney. My Gentleman had concussion of the brain, but the ladies did not suffer in any way.

Now good night sweety, sleep well and dream of your forlorn spitzbub who is anxiously awaiting a letter from darling lausbub by to-morrow morning's post.

28th. Good morning. My hair is being done and I must finish this letter quickly as we are going to Ryde at 10.30 to be photographed. I hope they will succeed as then I shall send you some immediately and those of the other day I hope are at last finished. A good kiss for yr dear telegram I received this morning, it looks too mad in this impossible language.

It is 10 and I must dress and be off to breakfast otherwise Granny is sure to be there before me. Hang that clock striking, og dear, and my hair is not finished.

Schneiderlein will address this. A good kiss. Ever yr own deeply loving and ever faithful bridy

Alix

God bless you, sweety.

Above: Alix.

Above: Nicholas.

Above: Alix's cousin Princess Helena Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein, known within the family as Thora.

Notes: "Душки Ники" = "Darling Nicky".

ramolie = exhausted.

"Loin des yeux mais près du coeur" = "Out of sight, but close to the heart".

Alix's letter to Nicholas mentioning his 1891 trip to Japan during which he was attacked by a local of Otsu, dated June 2 and 3 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 114 to 117, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid02mM8NeYuKCqDWYea3PbagNNCAF68EBC18rtd7KxGcYGwr5gvTKWR8aVBdfdW5hvdgl&id=100067001081671

Nicholas's letter of the same day:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2022/01/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-may_6.html

A letter Alix wrote to her friend Toni Becker about the attack on Nicholas in Otsu in 1891 is here:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2021/02/alixs-letter-to-toni-becker-with.html

Excerpt of the letter:

Don't think you are boasting when you tell about your journey as I am sure you would never do such a thing, but why should not others also have a little pleasure in hearing you tell about foreign countries, where the most will probably never go, and your experiences and impressions. It would even be selfish if you gave them nothing to hear and kept all you had seen and wondered over for yourself, let them learn from you. I am sure in your whole life you will be thankful for having undertaken that journey and how much it must have tought you. Every man ought to travel and see the world, as it enlarges his mind. How Ernie grieves that he never can go so far away, he was intending to do so, when our beloved One died, and now in his position it is impossible — perhaps, God grant, he may do so some day still. What a pleasure it is listening to stories of foreign countries, especially when one will probably never have the chance of going there. Oh my love, how my thoughts followed you there, and what I went through when we suddenly got that terrible news and I had to swallow down the feelings wh were overwhelming me. I am sure sure those five years have made my nerves and leg so bad — oh, they were awful, but God knows best, tho' we often do not understand his ways and have Blindly to go there. God knows why He leads us so and it must be for our best.

The letter in full:

No 34

Harrogate

June 2nd 1894

My own precious Nicky sweet,

A good kiss and most heartfelt thanks for dear No. 27 just received, you darling old thing, it has been such a delight to read, all the dear, kind names, God bless you for them. I am sorry you have also got our bad weather, I can imagine the state you got into out walking, as you ought to have seen the mess the Ladies were in after nearly an hour's walk in pouring rain near my bath chair, I put the hood up and took my hat off as the air was oppressive. I have namely not yet got over my ramolissement, but not withstanding, I had my two hours' Russian. I nearly know the Lord's Prayer by heart. Oh how I wish I were clever, for your dear sake, when I think of you, I feel such a dunce.

Don't think you are boasting when you tell about your journey as I am sure you would never do such a thing, but why should not others also have a little pleasure in hearing you tell about foreign countries, where the most will probably never go, and your experiences and impressions. It would even be selfish if you gave them nothing to hear and kept all you had seen and wondered over for yourself, let them learn from you. I am sure in your whole life you will be thankful for having undertaken that journey and how much it must have tought you. Every man ought to travel and see the world, as it enlarges his mind. How Ernie grieves that he never can go so far away, he was intending to do so, when our beloved One died, and now in his position it is impossible — perhaps, God grant, he may do so some day still. What a pleasure it is listening to stories of foreign countries, especially when one will probably never have the chance of going there. Oh my love, how my thoughts followed you there, and what I went through when we suddenly got that terrible news and I had to swallow down the feelings wh were overwhelming me. I am sure sure those five years have made my nerves and leg so bad — oh, they were awful, but God knows best, tho' we often do not understand his ways and have Blindly to go there. God knows why He leads us so and it must be for our best.

I am so sorry you did not get a letter from me the day you wrote as I send one regularly with the exception of Sundays when the post only goes in the evening, so this letter will make you wait again — it is a nuisance. Yours will no doubt also not come till Monday. I grieve as I know how sad I feel when none no letter comes, well then the others must be read over and devoured again. How I envy your playing on the piano, I have not got one here and by the time you come I shall not be able to play a note. Victoria is now coming alone and from the 5th to 8th so that I shall not spend my birthday alone. To-morrow is Georgie's.

I wonder whether you would get this letter on the 6th. Oh, how I shall long for you. It is one of the days I hate most in the year, it makes me always feel miserable, as one never knows what the coming year will bring, this one brought me great sorrow and inexpressible joy. And it is the time one longs more than ever for all those dear ones gone from this earth. It will be my 3rd birthday without beloved Papa, oh Nicky, what he was to me, none can ever know, but I cannot speak about it, otherwise the tears won't keep back and then inquisitive Ladies stare at one and ask questions. But it is a loss wh makes itself daily felt more and more. God help me!

But enough for to-night. Byby sweet love, your little bride blesses and kisses you most tenderly and passionately.

Good morning my pet! A few words before I go to Church. I am no longer ramolie you will be glad to hear, but who knows how soon I shall be so again. Of course it is raining and so I have ordered cab to take Gretchen and me to St. Mary's Church, where I have not yet been. Schneiderlein has to bathe and drink her water.

No letter from any one. I am sure they will all come of a heap on Wednesday, and then comes the answering. Yesterday Gretchen read to me a short biography of Pushkin, wh was most interesting, and with Schneiderlein I read in Russian Peter the Great's life as a boy — it sounds grand, does it not, but with a great deal of help I can make it out. Madelaine just brought me my medicine, no what I have all to do, killing, my knees get rubbed with a mixture of iodine and belladonna (shall I not use some for my eyes, would you not like to see me appear with glorious eyes, eh?) and now my whole body has to be rubbed with a brush to improve the circulation, it is maddening and I still now feel cribbely from it. Gretchen came very late so she gobbled down a large breakfast, not heeding our imploring words to take it slowly and I am in a fright of her bursting in Church — oh dear, it is a ghastly idea! Now I must be off and get dressed and pop on my bonnet and look sedate and I shall think of you sweety and I am sure our prayers will meet. We all know that we have such our Guardian Angel who watches over us but we must also remember that all the Angels, with one accord care for our wellbeing, for are we not told that the Angels rejoice more over one penitent sinner than many just persons who need no repentance. "Guide us, Truth, thou star refulgent, Travellers through a darksome land. We are weak but thou art mighty to support our social band. Lead us onward, Bending to thy high command."

Here I am out of Church again, it was a nice little one and we are going there next Sunday again, as the Lady and Gentleman allowed us to sit again in their bench. It was very full, so it took us a good time till we got to the porch where our carriage was waiting, to my horror a policeman and a crowd and I heard a Lady saying Prss Alice of Hesse is coming. Then the Gentleman of the bench kindly held his brolly over me. I scrambled in, in a most undignified way, getting the colour of a crab. They make me painfully shy, the dear people, and Gretchen the beast laughs at me. No more for the present as it lasts nearly two hours and I must rest a bit before luncheon. Oh, I prayed so for you and that I might become a better woman and Christian and that God might help me to learn and love your Church and that He should help me in the many great difficulties and that I might become worthier of you. I feel so much quieter after Church that I long to go every morning and evening and pray there.

Here I am back again, it did not rain a drop and we look quite a nice, and the dog too. This coming we are going to the Presbiterian (Scotch) church close by. Now sweet boy I must say Goodbye so as that Seibert can take this letter to the post, he won't rejoice having to do it, fat old lazy thing. No letter for me to-day, but I hope instead two to-morrow.

With many loving kisses and tenderst blessing, ever, my own beloved sweet and precious boysy dear, yr own true love

Alix

Forgive my letters being dull but not seeing ever any one, I have no news to give. You know, to-day is also "Illa's" Birthday, the Landgräfin's marriageable daughter! Our policeman is patiently marching up and down, I hear his footsteps and it reminds me of our centries at home. Give my love to Xenia when you write. I wonder if you have been on the lake to-day and Micha with his brolly. Please when you see Miechen give her my very fondest love. Tea for us three graces is being brought and the hungry Ladies are turning up, so Goodbye once more and believe in your little Girly's unending true devotion and deep love, I never get tired of seeing and I hope you not of hearing it.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Nicholas during his trip to Japan in 1891.

Notes: ramolissement = exhaustion.

"when our beloved One died" = Alix's and Ernst's father, Grand Duke Louis of Hesse, had died suddenly from a heart attack in 1892, necessitating Ernst to inherit his important position as Grand Duke.

ramolie = exhausted.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 27 (New Style), 1894, and the "Truth" newspaper article that made her laugh, from May 24, 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 90 to 91, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid0a27eWU11erVqdbLfxj9B2CkgzkBL6EiHX98HBPCLoGTWM3zSGdcN1637WYKXpQJnl&id=108838347527221

Nicholas's letter from the same day (May 15/27):

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2022/01/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-may-1527.html

The letter excerpt:

... Oh, in the papers here they wrote about me and quote something from Truth, that "charming" paper. Describing me and saying also that my chin is too short, alas I have long known it, and I fear even for yr sake I cannot succeed in pulling it longer. Otherwise they were most flattering. But what amused me most was that they said there was no photo of me full length but that all stopped at the calves. Have you ever heard of such an expression to be put in the papers? I roared sweet one...

The letter in full:

No. 27

Harrogate

May 27th 1894

Darling Nicky dear,

My most loving, tender thanks for your sweet letter, I received to-day — now I understand why it did not come yesterday as you sent it to Walton, but why on earth there as two letters ago you spoke about Harrogate.

The wind is terrific, howling, raging, and one can scarcely stand on one's feet so it blows, and then after 10 minutes the sun shines most gloriously. It is extraordinary weather.

Well yesterday afternoon Schneiderlein and I went in the bycicle bath chair wh was quite amusing as they are very comfortable and longer than the other ones. Then I took my baths, after wh tea and I rested. They make one's back ache so. I did not feel quite well, so did not read to the Ladies in the evening, but read a novel and they played Halma.

This morning I went with Gretchen to St. Peter's Church (High Church) and heard lovely singing, the sermon was not worth much. We sat rather behind amongst all sorts of people as I preferred it and a man behind me sang most beautifully. It lasted an hour and a half and I was rather stiff afterwards as the bench was hard and narrow. I feel so ashamed of myself for not kneeling, but I can't with my legs and now that the knees are bandaged still less. At 7 I am going with Gretchen to the Church next door (Congregational Church) two steps in. There are an amount of churches here and a great many belonging to sects as baptists, methodists, free church and so on.

In a simple bath chair with hood up, Schneiderlein promenading near me, I went out for a bit in storm and rain, out of spite the sun is of course shining now. I only had a needlebath this morning after wh I was wrapped up in hot towels and had to rest for ¼ of an hour before dressing and going home. I am sure it would shock Gretchen and Granny my writing all of this. And perhaps it does you. But I want you to know all your old owl is doing during your absence wh I hope will not last much longer.

What a sweet letter yrs was again, you dear old thing. I long to give you a good long hug for it and to peep into those big dark eyes. You will be one day without a letter as to-night the post only goes out, it being Sunday none went this morning and so this letter cannot reach London in time for the foreign post.

Oh, in the papers here they wrote about me and quote something from Truth, that "charming" paper. Describing me and saying also that my chin is too short, alas I have long known it, and I fear even for yr sake I cannot succeed in pulling it longer. Otherwise they were most flattering. But what amused me most was that they said there was no photo of me full length but that all stopped at the calves. Have you ever heard of such an expression to be put in the papers? I roared sweet one, I fear indeed you must be feeling very lonely now, especially have had Sandro so close by, so think how I feel without one relation but I am nevertheless contented. You must excuse this vile writing but I am lying on the sopha.

I have been writing a Russian epistle to Ella with the help of Schneiderlein. What a dear little Woman she is, I only hope she is not too much bored here and has not too great Heimweh. I am longing for some Relation or other, the first time without any is sad. But anything to get well for my Лаусбуб's sake. Thanks for the cutting. Beloved boysy, I prayed fervently for you in Church this morning, did our prayers meet, and now in an hour I shall again and implore Him to make me a better, more worthy creature for your love. But I must do a little Russian otherwise you will scold yr lazy girly.

Goodbye, beloved One, my own precious Nicky dear, my sunlight. Many tender kisses so I send you from tho far away and many tender blessings. Ever yr deeply loving old

Alix

God bless you! True unto Death. Do tell me always all about yr soldiers, I like it so much, loving soldiers as I do. Oh, how well I know when they sing on their homeward march and how often I have stopped to listen to them. And now I shall learn to love yours too and you must in return have a little corner open for my beloved Hessian ones, will sweet Dove?

The article that made Alix laugh:

There is a subject for a Christmas pantomime in the intrigues set on foot a few years ago to prevent the Czarewitch devoting himself to the Princess Alix of Hesse. A number of her sister's household was engaged to give information as to the steps taken to bring about an engagement. Another influence thought to be a potent one was set to work at Copenhagen. One who was charged to pull this wire tells me that, had it not been for the death of the Grand Duchess Paul, the hidden efforts would probably have succeeded. They tended to bring about a marriage between the second daughter of King George and the Czarewitch. But the Queen of Greece thought the sudden death of the Grand Duchess Paul a judgment of Heaven because she married a near relative. When she had made up her mind on this point, the Queen of Denmark invited the Princess Alix to Copenhagen, there to meet the Imperial family, and, as my informant says, the match was arranged en principe.

A great variety of photos of the future Czarina and her fiancé are on view in the windows of the printshops here. None are full-length, the largest stopping at the calf of the leg. She must be the taller, though they are made by the photographers to appear the same height. Ample justice is done to her. The different likenesses show her to have not mere physical beauty, but a face that interests by its power to express moods and fleeting feelings. An almost smiling bust-photo is delicious from the impression that it gives of inward joy. Others convey the idea of a pensive disposition and are more than charming. The figure is slim and elegant. An artlessly-made princesse-dress of light material and trimmed with coarse fur somehow does not spoil it. The fur is applied as if it were braid. If there is anything in the youthful face that just misses perfect beauty it is the chin, which is rather short and not sufficiently forward. But who could pay attention to this slight defect when there are such soulful eyes to look at!

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Note: Heimweh = homesickness.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 25 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 81 to 83, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid0Y7hdtA8G2nEDTvuNQ1c6gMsz6eUa26nsKMcg48WQ5hoDY5a3gTgSQgST2oH7DobVl&id=108838347527221

Nicholas's letter from the same day:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2022/01/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-may-1325.html

Alix's letter of June 1 to the Bishop of Ripon is here:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2022/02/alixs-letter-to-william-boyd-carpenter.html

The letter excerpt:

... I am improving in my carving the chickens. Курина are the easiest, but when parts of other four legged beasts come, I feel rather lost.

The Dr. from here is coming at 11.30 and he will tell me when I am to begin drinking the waters and then about 12 I shall plunge into the rotten egg bath. Now the sun is coming out again.

You know whenever I am in the midst of a Russian lesson, marvelous musicians turn up at the corner of the улица. It is such a nuisance I have such a mass of letters still to answer, it makes me frantic and inclined to use your sort of shocking language.

My ноги are still very painful, that is why I hope he will allow me to take many baths in a week.

How awfully kind of your Father allowing you to come over in his yacht, as it is such a much nicer way of traveling than by land. Gretchen is learning away with Schneiderlein, and I hear tscha tscha tschi going on, as if so many cats were spitting.

I got a most touching letter from Friedrich August of Oldenburg to-day, he is such a nice fellow, tho' a little cracked.

I read about the Russian rivers to the Ladies last night and we stared our eyes nearly out over the maps, a weakness of yours, is it not, sweet one? Then I had my head washed, which takes an hour, as one's hair will never dry. Shall I cut mine off and appear like you? Eh? Wld that not look imposing? Of course it is in all the papers that I am here and all the tradespeople send epistles and beg of you to order things, even a piano and tea were offered. The rude people stand at the corner and stare; I shall stick my tongue out at them another time...

The letter in full:

No. 25

Harrogate

May 25th 1894

My own darling Boysy,

Most loving tender thanks for your dear long letter I received this morning and for the cutting from the papers wh. interested me muchly. I shall try and get a frame for the photo, but I fear none is to be got for that size, if not I shall cut the three heads out and put them separately into frames. No, Sandro may be handsome but won't be a 3rd R as you old wretch dared to propose. How unpleasant always having to go to funeral services. I wonder if it is the wife of one of my old neighbours at St. Petersburg, the dinners at the balls at the Winterpalace, the one was the nice old Admiral who had a beautiful ring, and one was rather deaf. You cannot make out how it is that the number of my letters is greater than yours. Why I wrote sometimes twice a day and before you had arrived. Yours are the greatest joy possible.

I am trying hard to learn more now — yesterday we read an anecdote about Lisa and her canary bird wh she let starve till it died, I am only so stupid and я всегда забываю слова. Мы уже пили кофе и теперь я буду писать. There, I hope this is correct. By the by, the Bishop of Ripon sent me his sermon this morning, wh he has especially written down for me as he really otherwise never does it. When you come you must read it, only it is written so small it will take one a good time to read it. He has proposed to me to go to Ripon wh is only 20 minutes by rail and he will show us all that is interesting — it is most kind and we shall certainly go.

Yesterday morning after an hour's lesson I was driven in a bathchair, into wh the others forced me to go, and they walked along side. We went a very pretty road, but warm, and later got higher up and stopped under a tree where the air was perfectly delicious and fresh and thought the sea must be quite close. After luncheon I read a novel and then drove with Gretchen as Schneiderlein had to write, through a very pretty town and Park, then learned again an hour and wrote to A. Helena whose birthday is to-day [illegible] arrives.

I am improving in my carving the chickens. Курина are the easiest, but when parts of other four legged beasts come, I feel rather lost.

The Dr. from here is coming at 11.30 and he will tell me when I am to begin drinking the waters and then about 12 I shall plunge into the rotten egg bath. Now the sun is coming out again.

You know whenever I am in the midst of a Russian lesson, marvelous musicians turn up at the corner of the улица. It is such a nuisance I have such a mass of letters still to answer, it makes me frantic and inclined to use your sort of shocking language.

My ноги are still very painful, that is why I hope he will allow me to take many baths in a week.

How awfully kind of your Father allowing you to come over in his yacht, as it is such a much nicer way of traveling than by land. Gretchen is learning away with Schneiderlein, and I hear tscha tscha tschi going on, as if so many cats were spitting.

I got a most touching letter from Friedrich August of Oldenburg to-day, he is such a nice fellow, tho' a little cracked.

I read about the Russian rivers to the Ladies last night and we stared our eyes nearly out over the maps, a weakness of yours, is it not, sweet one? Then I had my head washed, which takes an hour, as one's hair will never dry. Shall I cut mine off and appear like you? Eh? Wld that not look imposing?

Of course it is in all the papers that I am here and all the tradespeople send epistles and beg of you to order things, even a piano and tea were offered. The rude people stand at the corner and stare; I shall stick my tongue out at them another time.

Now my beloved Child, I must say Goodbye. God bless and keep you, my own beloved Nicky. Ever yr own, true, loving and devoted girly

Alix

Many loving kisses.

Севодня тёплая погода. Какъ ваше здоровы? Я дурнь говорю мнѣ трудно произносить (выговаривать) русскій слова. Я уже немняъ понимаю, надѣюсь скоро восучиться. Прощайте, душки.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "я всегда забываю слова. Мы уже пили кофе и теперь я буду писать" = "I always forget the words. We have already had tea and now I shall write."

курина = chickens.

улица = street.

ноги = legs.

"Севодня тёплая погода. Какъ ваше здоровы? Я дурнь говорю мнѣ трудно произносить (выговаривать) русскій слова. Я уже немняъ понимаю, надѣюсь скоро восучиться. Прощайте, душки." = "It's warm weather today. How is your health? I'm talking nonsense, it's hard for me to pronounce (say) Russian words. I already understand a little, I hope to learn soon. Farewell, darling."

Nicholas and Alexandra with Catherine Schneider at Ai-Petri, then and now

Source:

Photos courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK

https://vk.com/lastromanovs?w=wall-56510987_47063

These photos of Alexandra with Nicholas and her lady-in-waiting Catherine Schneider were taken on the viewing platform at Ai-Petri in autumn 1909; the same beautiful view 110 years later in 2019.

(photos courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK)

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 16 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 55 to 57, by George Hawkins, 2023

https://www.quora.com/What-language-did-Tsar-Nicolas-II-Russian-and-his-wife-Alexandra-German-speak-to-each-other

The letter:

No: 16
Windsor Castle
May 16th 1894.
Милыи, дорогои Ники,
I am in great haste going to scrawl these lines for the Russian messenger. It is sad, I have not heard from you to-day, but instead from Toria, who sent me a photo she had done of you, in a little red heartframe. It was too dear of her. — When one is in a great hurry one never can write what one wants to, & that is my case, as Granny will be sending for me in [illegible], to sit with her whilst Tuxen is painting her for Georgie's Wedding group. —

There — now my letter cannot go by messenger, she sent for me now we are going out driving. I am dressed & only waiting for the servant to say she is ready.

Я сегодня каталась въ паркѣ и говорила порусски. I drove Schneiderlein in the cart and took the little dog. Я знаю нѣсколько слова. Я тебя люблю и очень скучаю без тебя. Donnerwetter! They are interrupting me again!

At last I am back from a drive wh. Seemed never to end, I see the Edinburghs all arrive (from the window), I am going to be rude and not go and receive them. I am half dead from perpetually going this endless corridor. I insist upon finishing my letter. They made me write an idiotic one yesterday, just when I want to write an especially nice one for my love's Birthday.

It is nice Aunt Helen is here, she is such an excellent creature, that I fear the most of the relations do not care for her. I love her especially for beloved Unckle Leo's sake, whom I adored and who begged me to love his wife too, and I pitty her so awfully — 10 years a widow and so young.

I have just found your sweet Letter No. 10 for which very tenderest thanks. I shall read the cutting about the Russisch Soldat as soon as I have a moment's peace. So you have found out my little friend's name. I think you better not read the Times, it is not good for you if you find out those things. Well, he is gone, you can be comforted (I am not, do you hear?) Granny has written to you to-day, I think you must have turned her head.

Indeed Arthur Hardinge has a most odd laugh, his sister has an extraordinary habit of [illegible] after each sentence, hmm. Lord Roseberg is dining to-night, hmm, and lots more, hmm.

Yes, we must try and arrange, when you come over. That we spend a night or two in London or at Sandringham, as Aunt Lix will otherwise be too hurt. I like the way you write, almost in one breath, about Aunt Cattie and the coques de bois. You are an impossible boy. Everyday the post brings me Russian letters wh Schneiderlein translates. Begging, and one a grand flood, that I was to love to Russians, they always wanted love and so one, marvelous.

Dinner. Granny has sent for me.

It was the Dinnerlist and Granny wished me to write out about the sitting properly from her note. I get back, find out she has left out two people, so I have put them down and sent the list to Granny and hope it will do now. It is cruel making me go this fearfully long passage so often, soon my legs won't carry me any more. It is nice if one can make oneself useful without promenading in this fashion. Now Madelaine asks about my dress, hang her, they are all bent upon driving me mad. An endless, long Russian letter. I must ask Schneiderlein to read it.

It has been close and sultry weather and rained when we were out, now it is fine and the birds are singing away. Fancy only, the roses are already in bloom, creeping up the walls and the honeysuckle and clematis too. Oh, the Park is glorious now and the venerable old trees sticky with green leaves. Everything seems to rejoice and flourish. Oh, sweet one, I must think of you the whole time and yr. Birthday. I am so aggravated my presents won't be in time and that my letter is so dull.

I still have an amount of letters to answer. I don't know when to begin the task of writing them. I have almost finished my present for Granny, only a few touches with the paintbrush to-morrow and my part is done.

I gaze at yr dear photos before me and feel as tho' I should never for a moment wish to separate myself from them. The house is so full now of relations, that one feels quite oppressed. Victoria and Ludwig come to-morrow, but that I am glad of, so as to see her a bit; tho' the days fly and one does nothing and really has one's hands full.

Forgive I do not write any more now, but I must rest a moment before Dinner, otherwise I shall collapse. God bless you, my own beloved Darling. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love, yr little Girly bride

Alix

True unto Death. May God bless you my Angel. I long for you oh so much!

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Notes: "Милый, дорогои Ники" = "Sweet, dear Nicky".

"Я сегодня каталась въ паркѣ и говорила порусски" = "I went for a drive in the park today and spoke in Russian."

"Я тебя люблю и очень скучаю без тебя" = "I know a few words. I love you and miss you very much."

Alexandra's New Year's dedication to Catherine Schneider in a memory book, year 1915

Source:

https://www.christies.com/lotfinder/lot/a-bound-1915-memorial-book-belonging-to-5896403-details.aspx?from=searchresults&intObjectID=5896403&sid=c354821a-dc9c-4602-a496-5c5331bcdf9e

Transcript:

Милой Трина моей
С самыми лучшими пожеланиями к Новому Году.

Да благословит Господ благостию Своего для Вас венец наступающего лета.
Крепко целую.
Александра.

English translation (courtesy of the source):

To my dear Trina,
With the very best wishes for the New Year.

May the Lord in His Mercy bless for you the crown of the coming year.
Many kisses.
Alexandra.

Above: Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.

Above: Catherine Schneider.