Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 3: The Young Empress, 1895-1905, pages 142 to 144, by George Hawkins, 2024
A Lifelong Passion, letters and diary entries compiled by Andrei Maylunas and Sergei Mironenko, 1992
Alexandra wrote this letter to Nicholas on July 23/August 5 (Old Style), 1902.
The letter:
My own sweet One,
It was horrid letting you go off alone — from my balcony I watched the Alexandria. The music had stopped and the public gone when I returned. I went straight to bed — did not cry, as I promised to be good, but scarcely shut my eye the whole night and in consequence my headache continues. We 3 breakfasted at 9 o'clock in my sitting room, then Sergei went to Aunt Marie and Ella and I sat together until we went to the cottage. Your poor Mama turned up with a colossal pile of unanswered telegrams.
We drove round the Alexander Park, and during that time Ella assailed me about our Friend. I remained very quiet and gave dull answers, especially after she said she wanted to get to the bottom of it. She has heard very many unfavourable things about Him and that He is not to be trusted. I did not ask what one said — I explained that all came from jealousy and inquisitiveness. She said such secrecy had been spun around it. I said no, that we did everything openly and that in our position there can never be anything hidden, as we live under the eyes of the whole world. That their whole house knows him, he eats with all, is not hidden. Did we see him often? Yes, several times. I stuck to the story of the remedy.
She finds it funny a foreigner doing such a thing. About 'Nikolasha' — I said that in bygone days spiritism interested him, that he has dropped it a long time ago — so that the conversation never took that turn, which might have been more difficult to explain to her. She thinks Militsa and Stana made too much of a secret — that he had been sent for in winter (I think then) — from a sure, trustworthy source, I never asked who — and that one had tried to hush it up.
I am sure my answers are most unsatisfactory to her — let's hope that she won't begin again. Now Baby Bee is with her. I shall ask him whether anything was in the papers about the Canonization of F Seraphim — if not, he is to write to Pobedonostsev [sic] and tell him that you wished it to be printed, as you had said.
Warm day, already one shower, sure to have more. I shall continue my letter later, sweetest love.
Alexandra wrote this letter to Nicholas on July 23/August 5 (Old Style), 1902.
The letter:
My own sweet One,
It was horrid letting you go off alone — from my balcony I watched the Alexandria. The music had stopped and the public gone when I returned. I went straight to bed — did not cry, as I promised to be good, but scarcely shut my eye the whole night and in consequence my headache continues. We 3 breakfasted at 9 o'clock in my sitting room, then Sergei went to Aunt Marie and Ella and I sat together until we went to the cottage. Your poor Mama turned up with a colossal pile of unanswered telegrams.
We drove round the Alexander Park, and during that time Ella assailed me about our Friend. I remained very quiet and gave dull answers, especially after she said she wanted to get to the bottom of it. She has heard very many unfavourable things about Him and that He is not to be trusted. I did not ask what one said — I explained that all came from jealousy and inquisitiveness. She said such secrecy had been spun around it. I said no, that we did everything openly and that in our position there can never be anything hidden, as we live under the eyes of the whole world. That their whole house knows him, he eats with all, is not hidden. Did we see him often? Yes, several times. I stuck to the story of the remedy.
She finds it funny a foreigner doing such a thing. About 'Nikolasha' — I said that in bygone days spiritism interested him, that he has dropped it a long time ago — so that the conversation never took that turn, which might have been more difficult to explain to her. She thinks Militsa and Stana made too much of a secret — that he had been sent for in winter (I think then) — from a sure, trustworthy source, I never asked who — and that one had tried to hush it up.
I am sure my answers are most unsatisfactory to her — let's hope that she won't begin again. Now Baby Bee is with her. I shall ask him whether anything was in the papers about the Canonization of F Seraphim — if not, he is to write to Pobedonostsev [sic] and tell him that you wished it to be printed, as you had said.
Warm day, already one shower, sure to have more. I shall continue my letter later, sweetest love.
The letter in full:
No. 163
Peterhof
July 23rd 1902
My own sweet One,
It was horrid letting you go off alone — from my balconey I watched the Alexandria. The music had stopped and the public gone when I returned. I went straight to bed, did not cry as I promised to be good, but scarcely shut my eye the whole night and in consequence my headache continues. We 3 breakfasted at 9 o'clock in my sitting room, then Serge went to A. Marie and Ella and I sat to-gether untill we went to the cottage. Yr poor Mama turned up with a colossal pile of unanswered telegrams. Then we drove round the Alexander Park, and during that time Ella assailed me about ..... I remained very quiet and gave dull answers, especially after she said she wanted to get to the bottom of it. She has heard many very unfavourable things about Him and that He is not to be trusted. I did not ask what one said, I explained that all came fr jealousy and inquisitiveness. She said such secrecy had been spun round it. I said no, that we did everything openly and that in our positions there never can be anything hidden as we live under the eyes of the whole world. That their whole house knows him, he eats with all, is not hidden.
Did we see him often? Yes, several times. I stuck to the story of the remedy. She finds it funny a foreigner doing such a thing. About Николаша, I said in bygone days spiritism interested him, that he has dropped it long ago so that the conversation never took that turn wh might have been more difficult to explain to her. She thinks that M and S made too much of a secret — that he had been sent for in winter (I think then) (fr a sure, trustworthy source, I never asked who) and that one had tried to hush it up. I am sure my answers were most unsatisfactory to her. Let's hope that she won't begin again.
Now Baby Bee is with her and I am expecting Ординъ, I shall ask him whether anything was in the papers about the Canonisation of О. Серафимъ — if not, he is to write to Pobed. and tell him that you wished it to be printed as you had said.
Warm day, already one shower, sure to have more. I shall continue my letter later, sweetest love.
I have told Ординъ to go to Pobed. as that is politer. The little Танеевъ continues the same. Ella has been reading to me on the balconey and now she has gone to her room, as she awaits a visit from A. Olga.
My sweet Angel, how I miss you! Your telegram came at 2 o'clock. I am glad you had a good passage, I was dreading a fogg for you.
As yr Mama proposed my not coming if I was tired to-night, I told Serge, who takes tea with her, to explain that we shall dine here, as they leave already to-morrow. My head and back ache still, certain things continue again quite a little, so that I must keep quiet. I have nothing interesting to tell you.
The Children kiss you and Tatiana wants you to come back soon. A Olga and Minny came to tea and then U. Миша turned up too. The weather has remained beautiful and sunny. Sweet Angel, I cover your beloved face with kisses. Sleep well and dream of Him. I read the 7th Ch of the Acts last night.
Goodbye my own treasure.
Above: Alexandra.
Above: Nicholas.
Above: Ella.
Above: Alexandra.
Above: Nicholas.
Above: Ella.
Notes: Николаша = Nikolasha, Grand Duke Nicholas Nikolaevich (1856-1929)[,] first cousin once removed of Nicholas II.
Baby Bee = Princess Beatrice of Saxe Coburg and Gotha (1884-1966), first cousin to both Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna.
Ординъ = Ordin.
О. Серафимъ = Father Seraphim (of Sarov).
Pobed. = Konstantin Petrovich Pobedonovtsev (1827-1907), Chief Procurator of the most Holy Synod.
Танеевъ = Taneev.
Миша = Misha, Grand Duke Michael Nikolaevich (1832-1909), youngest son of Emperor Nicholas I.
