Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 78 to 80, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
Мая 11/23 1894 г. Красное Село.
№ 21.
My own true love,
What a great joy & real treat your sweet letter was to me, my little darling — the first one in the camp! Every time I come to another place since April 8/20 — it makes me feel afresh all the delightful happiness of the shortly past days. When I look round about me at the walls with some pictures & photos hanging there on — it makes me think of the last year's camp, when I was beginning to give away the last bit of hope left — and then I understand the great change that has overcome me lately and I am ready to fall on my knees before God Almighty and thank Him from the depth of my soul & my heart — for His everlasting mercy & blessed gift. Oh! now I am happy, indeed more I could not be — and when we meet again, my love, I wont shrink from telling it you! —
Another thing that gave me so much pleasure was, that you had written my name in russian — sweet one — on the envelope for the first time. Of course you don't know what that is to me, to get a few words written by yr. darling hand in my own language! English has a charming sound, but still it is a foreign language to the ear & mind & cannot be as sweet or as powerful as one's own! My little girly — do you know that we are engaged over a month now and I — an old idiot as usual — wanted to mention about that on May 8/20 but of course forgot it. When I am writing to you I always get excited & leave out the things I intended to chatter about & only put in — rot & stupidities — such as little children would not write about. — Lor! how that frame Xenia gave me, with your four venetian photos, does stink! It is a pity, because the colour is violet quite like your dress, but the smell nearly stifles me from across the table! Ugh! what filth the leather must have been done of? Oh! tho nathty! Give dear Sandflee my love when you see her or write to her. I like her so much since Coburg! She is such a dear, fat & true friend (don't tell her this [fat]) she'll stamp a kick at me if she heard those kind of praizes about her person! —
2) It makes me laugh out loud having to put that incognito address of your's. Fancy me writing to a baroness when I am engaged to a darling little Princess of Hesse! Our post at home will be simply shocked when they are going to see so many of my letters sent to a baroness!! — When we are once married & start on a voyage to Italy for instance (Venice, Florence) we shall travel under the name of Count & Countess Reventlov — won't we sweety? Of course we must try and not meet with the real R's, else we might get into no end of muddles! & qui pro quos? Hum! — Now I shall be good & tell you how we came here. I left Гатчина this morning at 7. & arrived at the barracks at 8.20. There I received the order to take four other companies except mine to the camp. So at the present moment the cow commands two battalions, which it is very proud of. The weather so fine till now suddenly collapsed, it became very cold & began pouring; before we arrived at the station we were all drenched to our bones. We got some tea there to warm our poor souls & at 11. we started by train. At 12. we got to Krasnoe & came quickly marching up the hill to the camp! I was riding of course & could hardly bend my knees — so soaked were the trousers! It was a great comfort to be under shelter of one's own roof again. Now my "barrack" is looking very gay; first, on account of the lot of my darling's portraits that have invaded it today; secondly, on account of the officers all gathering to my house for the meals: I feed them for this fortnight-long, as, before the whole regiment comes over to the camp, the officers' mess remains in town! I think it an excellent practice for my men & myself too — receiving & giving dinner parties for 18 persons — like that! I enjoy it rather — to be my own hofmarschal & to poke my nose into every smallest detail of my household! —
Just now during dinner your dear telegram came, reminding me about Granny's & Ludwig's birthday; no fright I should forget that, I was too glad to hear fr. my little owl at last from Harrogate! You won't be very angry won't you darling, with the cow for my last letter, but I was so anxious to know what had become of you. — I have just been playing "Noh a mal" & upset the tea-pot on the floor — very clever! But now I must really finish as it is late! God bless you + my own sweet one! Many tender kisses & deepest love, моя душка, from your ever true & devoted & rendered happy by you - old cow Nicky
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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