Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 17 and 18 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 60 to 62, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 18
Windsor Castle
May 17th 1894 11. evening
Моя душки Ники,
I must just begin a few lines to you to-night, to say how much my thoughts are with you. Sandra was with me a moment and so we sang "noch a mal" and it has made me feel quite melancholy. I cannot describe my longing for you, it is so great and just on your dear Birthday, how much I should have enjoyed spending it with you. God bless you my beloved Boy, and may you sleep well to-night and wake up fresh and happy in the morning, ready to begin the new year with a bright and cheery spirit. A good kiss for yr dear letter the servant brought me when we were leaving for Aldershot. All you said touched me deeply and the sweet flowers, yr an Angel, my Ники dear!

No, to think you can manage to get away earlier, I am too enchanted. By then I hope to have finished my cure and Victoria wishes me to tell you that she would be only too happy if you came to Walton. Fancy how delightful, if we could spend a few days there to-gether, it is too good to think of.

Do send me the books by the next messenger so that I can read them at Harrowgate. As soon as I know my address there, I will send it to you, Baroness Starkenburg, don't forget.

My own sweet precious one, yr dear letter has made me so happy, I feel like quite another person — a month and so Gott will, I shall clasp you to my heart, my Ники sweet.

The parade was charming and interested me immensely — the march past was so good — what splendid horses they have got, the one regiment only, greys, and so fine, they are much bigger than our German cavalry horses, but they are splendid, strong animals. The red uniforms do look so cheery. It was hot, but luckily not dusty, a thing they complain of here usually. The pole of our carriage broke, Victoria repaired by cords and we dreaded every moment that the steeds wld go off and leave us and carriage behind. Uncle George and U. Bertie were there too. We took tea at Uncle Arthur's. They want us to come so much when you are here. Altogether you are wanted by everyone, and it seems I am calmly to give you up to all the grasping creatures, oh, so naughty, I want you, I too am greedy and want my precious one all to myself sometimes.

The heat in the train was great and Sandra kept pulling the blinds the whole time up and down as the sun shone once in Granny's eyes and then on the other side.

Madelaine is hunting for the dog. I heard him bark a few minutes ago and now he has disappeared, frightened little beasty. But I think I better stop as it is getting so late and my legs are exhausted and I don't want the old Cow to grumble at the owl, only felt I must scratch down a few words as I cannot keep my thoughts away from you.

The moon is shining gloriously and I see two faces in it kissing each other, since I once discovered it from a drawing after a picture, il baccio della Luna — I always see the two heads. I traced it so can show it you at Darmstadt and you will distinctly ever after see the two faces.

At last she has got the dog.

Aunt B, Sandra, Ludwig and Victoria are riding to-morrow morning at 8, oh, how I envy them. I have lent the latter my riding habbit and a loose jacket so I hope she can wear parts of it. Bless you my love, my one and all, my sweet old boysy, have sweet dreams and think of your little bride who will pray most fervently for her Ники's happiness and wellfare. Night night deary!

May 18th — Good day, my beloved Nicky and tenderest good wishes and many happy returns of this dear day — how I long to be with you, I need not say, you can well imagine it. I received several kind telegrams, wh touched me deeply. From yr regiment, Aunt Sanny, Anastasie, Ella and Serge, Costia and Mavra. Your dear letter has come. I always scamper off to my room after lunch to find the daily letter I always am dying for. A kiss and tender thanks for it. I do pity you having had to spend some days in St Petersburg, the weather is so warm. That poor officer fainting in Church! The letters do take so long — why by this time, you are again at Gatchina and all is over.

It is glorious weather to-day, so sunny and warm. I studied Russian in the garden with Schneiderlein. I wish I got on quicker, I fear she must have great patience and perseverance with me.

Aunt B has given me already now her birthday present — a thing to hang all my crousseau — it looks so nice.

I shall send this letter off now and perhaps I can scribble a line for the last post to-night, I'll see.

Goodbye my own beloved Nicky dear, my thoughts are ever with you and more especially so to-day, and my most earnest prayers for yr happiness dearest pet. God bless you. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love
Alix

Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Моя душки Ники" = "My darling Nicky".

"Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz" = "You, my one and my only, my heart, my darling".

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 12 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 41 to 42, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No 12

Windsor Castle

May 12th 1894

Моя милый, дорогой Ники,

Many a tender kiss, very fondest thanks for yr dear and touching letter the servant this minute brought me, моя душка, I always feel quite another creature after having heard from you and everything seems nicer then. Granny was also so happy with yr letter yesterday and is so glad you write such good English — you must not mind if my spelling is sometimes impossible, but suddenly it happens that I can scarcely write a word properly. What pretty vases you sent me again this time. I am glad you like mine. How nice being received by all the soldiers, their telegram, the officers', touched me deeply. Of course I love to hear about yr regiment as I am so fond of soldiers, I always was, and now yours will be especially interesting to me. Tell me all you have got to do, I would like to know, if it does not bore you.

Next week we are going to a parade at Aldershot under Uncle Arthur's command — I am most anxious to see an English parade, as hitherto I have never had the occasion of seeing one.

This morning we rode and it was charming, I rested afterwards and had my wee doggie lying next to me in bed, it is so frightened still, but I hope it will get accustomed to me. Toria's books have come and I have begun to read in them about yr Religion. Oh, sweety [page ripped] were but here, instead of [page ripped] so far away. But your letters are a comfort and I am always so greedy for them, read them over and over again — you write so well, my own precious Sweety — and I am sure you must often be tired when you come home from your exercising, so it is especially touching of you to write to the old girl.

The sun is shining warmly but there is a great wind and we were nearly blown off our steeds this morning. The Park looked too lovely, oh, how I long to have you cantering by my side "Lord, for to-morrow and its needs I do not pray, Keep me, my God, from stain of sin, just for to-day. Let me both diligently work and duly pray; Let me be kind in word and deed, just for to-day. Let me be slow to do my will, prompt to obey; Help me to sacrifice myself just for to-day. Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say; set thou a seal upon my lips, just for to-day."

"A faithful friend is a strong defence, and he that has found a real one, hath found a treasure. Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his excellency is unvaluable." Oh, my Nicky sweet, what an unending treasure I have found in your love, could I but also fully make you understand the strength of mine, I cannot write any more now, but I shall begin a letter to-night again. God bless you. A good kiss. Ever yr own truly loving little

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Моя милый, дорогой Ники" = "My sweet, dear Nicky".

"моя душка" = "my darling".

Excerpt about Ara from Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated October 15, 1894

Source:

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0XVLmozXnMpJdWEaAJiAX4uMntDmyxiRJetr91FpNsrBMX5cFj8YVHTGFFtP8A584l&id=100067001081671&mibextid=Nif5oz

The letter excerpt:

Ara slept on my bed last night wh is not large, suddenly I was wakened by a thump and melancholy squeal, and poor beast, I must have poked her down. Up I hawled her and to sleep she went again — as thanks she presented me with a flee and I long to scratch myself. No more on my bed for her. I have bought a basket for her wh is better.

Above: Alix with Ara. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev on Flickr.

Above: Nicholas.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, in which she mentions getting her Scottish terrier puppy Ara, dated May 10, 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 34 to 36, by George Hawkins, 2023

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=508310434246675&id=108838347527221

The letter excerpt:

... we went to Georgie and May, and from there to Kensington Palace to Aunt Louise who was in bed. She showed me "the" dogs and we laughed over the sundry telegrams, and then Uncle Lorne appeared with a sweet one wh he presented to me as a congratulation. Was it not kind of him? Orchie will no doubt be furious and more so as it is a baby. If only nothing happens to it as usually something has to creatures belonging to me...

The letter in full:

No. 9

Buckingham Palace

May 10th 1894

My own sweet Nicky,

When still in bed this morning, your dear, long letter was brought to me, it is such a joy receiving it, I don't know how often I have not already read through your letters every night before I go to sleep. What pretty verses you wrote for me, I wonder where you got them from.

Well, our theatre was a success and we laughed a great deal, but I felt so lonely without you, and could not therefore enjoyed it too much. Louise, Macduff, Toria and Maud sat in a little box opposite to us and I saw them in fits. I am going to them with Sandra at 5, as they are not going to the drawing room and Thora has to go in their stead. She and I payed Aunt Marie a visite and I greeted smiling Schusäutzehen with joy, but it made a lump come into my throat as it reminded me so painfully of the Schloss at Coburg and I longed for you ever so much. Aunt Marie has kindly asked me to spend a few days with her when Uncle is in Vienna for the Wedding, and Victoria and Ludwig are also going to live with her. It will be delightful.

Then, all in pouring rain mind you, we went to Georgie and May, and from there to Kensington Palace to Aunt Louise who was in bed. She showed me "the" dog, and we laughed over the sundry telegrams, and then Uncle Lorne appeared with a sweet one wh he presented to me as a congratulation. Was it not kind of him? Orchie will no doubt be furious and more so as it is a baby! If only nothing happens to it as usually something has to creatures belonging to me.

Now it has cleared up and the sun is shining, all the people are driving about, dressed up in the drawing room.

I have bought a little cross dear, like Toria's you gave me, and I am going to wear it till we meet, will you take it then and wear it for your own little girl's sake?

Serge photographed Frl. Schneider left yesterday for Darmstadt, so I suppose she will be turning up Sunday or Monday, how industrious I shall have to be then, all teaze me about my Russian lessons, if only I can manage to speak it a little bit decently that you don't roar at me or have to shut your ears.

There — now it is pouring again, as tho' it had never done so before — too aggravating! I just looked out of the window and saw Uncle Christian todling through the mud. I shall send this letter off when I have seen the Cousins, as I may have more to tell you then as I fear this letter is very dull and I don't want to bore my own precious darling boysy dear, мирли мой.

It is pouring in deluges so that the room is getting quite dark, to shocking what the place looks like, the rain being blown across the street and crowds with their umbrellas up and the drawing room carriages all standing up in a row. Poor creatures, they will be like drowned rats in no time if it continues so.

And what has been settled about Xenia and Sandro? Are they still offended that one talks more about you than them? Give them my love, will you! But they ought to be contented as since they are engaged they have not been separated, and we have already over a week and are to continue so over a month — why it is really maddening, grumbling does no good, only it relieves one so.

There's the sun appearing. It [illegible] — regular April showers, too funny. If you were not such an old Spötter, I should tell you that I am reading a most amusing Italian story, but you are a beast and always laugh at poor me. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! I am sure my "Coburg friend" would be more lenient than you, don't you think so too?

Now sweety, I must be off and wash those dirty paws of mine and then lunch with Granny. Here I am again. I spent a delightful hour with the dear Cousins. I enclose a line from Toria. I fear some of the relations have not made very kind remarks to her about yr going to marry, whether she is not angry or jealous, how cruel and tactless to say such things, and then she is afraid I may believe what they say and go against her. There is no fear of it, the dear Child. I am so sorry I have in the last years seen so very little of them, as in consequence they imagined I had changed towards them and no longer cared for them. But you know Granny is funny and always was a little jealous of Aunt Alix and never would allow us to go to her. Uncle and Aunt feel rather grieved, well, so am I as really it would have been nice had I been with them here in town, as then they see no one and we might have had some nice talks. But perhaps when you come we might coax her to let us go away for three days or so to Aunt Alix.

My own sweet love how I long for you, oh, come, come to your little owl who feels so forlorn without you. So Toria gave you those pretty verses you wrote out for me, dear girl. They are dining here to-night, so I shall get a peep of them at least. Old Uncle George is coming also to-night. I am sure he will bellow nicely and say impossible things.

But sweety I must say Goodbye. God bless you, my own precious darling old Boysy.

Ever yr deeply devoted and tenderly loving little Girly

Alix

Many a fond kiss.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Alix with Ara.

Notes: "мирли мой" = "my sweet".

Spötter = mocker.

Alix's diary entry on getting her Scottish terrier puppy Ara, dated May 10, 1894

Source:

George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=508310434246675&id=108838347527221

The diary entry:

Thursday May 10

London

Went to see A[unt] Louise who was in bed. U[ncle] Lorne gave me a sweet little scotch terrier "Ara." U[ncle] George dined, and A[unt] Alix and 2 cousins, Lord Roseberry, and Lord Drumlanrig, and one of Granny's ladies.

Above: Alix with Ara.

Alexandra's letter to Maria, dated August 18, 1903

Source:

Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=232777918466596&id=108838347527221

Olga Grigor'eva at lastromanovs on VK

https://vk.com/lastromanovs?w=wall-56510987_39810&z=photo-56510987_456251685%2Fwall-56510987_39810

The letter:

In the train.

July 18. 1903.

I am so happy to hear that you are quite well again. We feel so sad without you all & Ara. — I have got lots of ice in my compartment, so that the heat is not too great. In two hours we leave the train. Kisses fr. Papa & Mama. 

I kiss Olga.

Above: Alexandra.

Above: Maria.

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Alexandra's letter to Olga, dated July 18, 1903

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 3: The Young Empress, 1895-1905, pages 176 to 177, by George Hawkins, 2024

Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=174665890944466&id=108838347527221&__tn__=-R

The letter:

Not far fr. Arzamas in the train

July 18th 1903

My darling Child,

The train is shaking a good deal, but yet I want to send you a little letter. We miss you all very much and the train looks quite empty without my four little girlies. And poor Ara, I wonder what she is doing without Madelaine and me! I hope Nanna’s throat is quite well again and that you can go down to the nursery. Aunty Xenia and Sasha telegraphed to me about you and I was very happy to hear how well you were.

I have managed to keep my compartment the coolest in the train and I feel quite comfortable, the dining room is the hottest. I am writing to you before having taken my bath, in two hours we leave the train. At Ryazan, Dr Tikhonov was at the station. We got out of the train as there were many people with bread and salt and flowers. At another station, we also left the train and a deputation of workmen brought us bread and salt. We are all well and kiss you and sisters many times.

God bless you my darling little Olga.

Ever yr loving old Mama

Many messages to Trina, Sasha and Nanna and all in the nursery.

Above: Alexandra. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Olga. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 16 (New Style), 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 55 to 57, by George Hawkins, 2023

https://www.quora.com/What-language-did-Tsar-Nicolas-II-Russian-and-his-wife-Alexandra-German-speak-to-each-other

The letter:

No: 16
Windsor Castle
May 16th 1894.
Милыи, дорогои Ники,
I am in great haste going to scrawl these lines for the Russian messenger. It is sad, I have not heard from you to-day, but instead from Toria, who sent me a photo she had done of you, in a little red heartframe. It was too dear of her. — When one is in a great hurry one never can write what one wants to, & that is my case, as Granny will be sending for me in [illegible], to sit with her whilst Tuxen is painting her for Georgie's Wedding group. —

There — now my letter cannot go by messenger, she sent for me now we are going out driving. I am dressed & only waiting for the servant to say she is ready.

Я сегодня каталась въ паркѣ и говорила порусски. I drove Schneiderlein in the cart and took the little dog. Я знаю нѣсколько слова. Я тебя люблю и очень скучаю без тебя. Donnerwetter! They are interrupting me again!

At last I am back from a drive wh. Seemed never to end, I see the Edinburghs all arrive (from the window), I am going to be rude and not go and receive them. I am half dead from perpetually going this endless corridor. I insist upon finishing my letter. They made me write an idiotic one yesterday, just when I want to write an especially nice one for my love's Birthday.

It is nice Aunt Helen is here, she is such an excellent creature, that I fear the most of the relations do not care for her. I love her especially for beloved Unckle Leo's sake, whom I adored and who begged me to love his wife too, and I pitty her so awfully — 10 years a widow and so young.

I have just found your sweet Letter No. 10 for which very tenderest thanks. I shall read the cutting about the Russisch Soldat as soon as I have a moment's peace. So you have found out my little friend's name. I think you better not read the Times, it is not good for you if you find out those things. Well, he is gone, you can be comforted (I am not, do you hear?) Granny has written to you to-day, I think you must have turned her head.

Indeed Arthur Hardinge has a most odd laugh, his sister has an extraordinary habit of [illegible] after each sentence, hmm. Lord Roseberg is dining to-night, hmm, and lots more, hmm.

Yes, we must try and arrange, when you come over. That we spend a night or two in London or at Sandringham, as Aunt Lix will otherwise be too hurt. I like the way you write, almost in one breath, about Aunt Cattie and the coques de bois. You are an impossible boy. Everyday the post brings me Russian letters wh Schneiderlein translates. Begging, and one a grand flood, that I was to love to Russians, they always wanted love and so one, marvelous.

Dinner. Granny has sent for me.

It was the Dinnerlist and Granny wished me to write out about the sitting properly from her note. I get back, find out she has left out two people, so I have put them down and sent the list to Granny and hope it will do now. It is cruel making me go this fearfully long passage so often, soon my legs won't carry me any more. It is nice if one can make oneself useful without promenading in this fashion. Now Madelaine asks about my dress, hang her, they are all bent upon driving me mad. An endless, long Russian letter. I must ask Schneiderlein to read it.

It has been close and sultry weather and rained when we were out, now it is fine and the birds are singing away. Fancy only, the roses are already in bloom, creeping up the walls and the honeysuckle and clematis too. Oh, the Park is glorious now and the venerable old trees sticky with green leaves. Everything seems to rejoice and flourish. Oh, sweet one, I must think of you the whole time and yr. Birthday. I am so aggravated my presents won't be in time and that my letter is so dull.

I still have an amount of letters to answer. I don't know when to begin the task of writing them. I have almost finished my present for Granny, only a few touches with the paintbrush to-morrow and my part is done.

I gaze at yr dear photos before me and feel as tho' I should never for a moment wish to separate myself from them. The house is so full now of relations, that one feels quite oppressed. Victoria and Ludwig come to-morrow, but that I am glad of, so as to see her a bit; tho' the days fly and one does nothing and really has one's hands full.

Forgive I do not write any more now, but I must rest a moment before Dinner, otherwise I shall collapse. God bless you, my own beloved Darling. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love, yr little Girly bride

Alix

True unto Death. May God bless you my Angel. I long for you oh so much!

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Notes: "Милый, дорогои Ники" = "Sweet, dear Nicky".

"Я сегодня каталась въ паркѣ и говорила порусски" = "I went for a drive in the park today and spoke in Russian."

"Я тебя люблю и очень скучаю без тебя" = "I know a few words. I love you and miss you very much."