Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 17 and 18 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 60 to 62, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 18
Windsor Castle
May 17th 1894 11. evening
Моя душки Ники,
I must just begin a few lines to you to-night, to say how much my thoughts are with you. Sandra was with me a moment and so we sang "noch a mal" and it has made me feel quite melancholy. I cannot describe my longing for you, it is so great and just on your dear Birthday, how much I should have enjoyed spending it with you. God bless you my beloved Boy, and may you sleep well to-night and wake up fresh and happy in the morning, ready to begin the new year with a bright and cheery spirit. A good kiss for yr dear letter the servant brought me when we were leaving for Aldershot. All you said touched me deeply and the sweet flowers, yr an Angel, my Ники dear!

No, to think you can manage to get away earlier, I am too enchanted. By then I hope to have finished my cure and Victoria wishes me to tell you that she would be only too happy if you came to Walton. Fancy how delightful, if we could spend a few days there to-gether, it is too good to think of.

Do send me the books by the next messenger so that I can read them at Harrowgate. As soon as I know my address there, I will send it to you, Baroness Starkenburg, don't forget.

My own sweet precious one, yr dear letter has made me so happy, I feel like quite another person — a month and so Gott will, I shall clasp you to my heart, my Ники sweet.

The parade was charming and interested me immensely — the march past was so good — what splendid horses they have got, the one regiment only, greys, and so fine, they are much bigger than our German cavalry horses, but they are splendid, strong animals. The red uniforms do look so cheery. It was hot, but luckily not dusty, a thing they complain of here usually. The pole of our carriage broke, Victoria repaired by cords and we dreaded every moment that the steeds wld go off and leave us and carriage behind. Uncle George and U. Bertie were there too. We took tea at Uncle Arthur's. They want us to come so much when you are here. Altogether you are wanted by everyone, and it seems I am calmly to give you up to all the grasping creatures, oh, so naughty, I want you, I too am greedy and want my precious one all to myself sometimes.

The heat in the train was great and Sandra kept pulling the blinds the whole time up and down as the sun shone once in Granny's eyes and then on the other side.

Madelaine is hunting for the dog. I heard him bark a few minutes ago and now he has disappeared, frightened little beasty. But I think I better stop as it is getting so late and my legs are exhausted and I don't want the old Cow to grumble at the owl, only felt I must scratch down a few words as I cannot keep my thoughts away from you.

The moon is shining gloriously and I see two faces in it kissing each other, since I once discovered it from a drawing after a picture, il baccio della Luna — I always see the two heads. I traced it so can show it you at Darmstadt and you will distinctly ever after see the two faces.

At last she has got the dog.

Aunt B, Sandra, Ludwig and Victoria are riding to-morrow morning at 8, oh, how I envy them. I have lent the latter my riding habbit and a loose jacket so I hope she can wear parts of it. Bless you my love, my one and all, my sweet old boysy, have sweet dreams and think of your little bride who will pray most fervently for her Ники's happiness and wellfare. Night night deary!

May 18th — Good day, my beloved Nicky and tenderest good wishes and many happy returns of this dear day — how I long to be with you, I need not say, you can well imagine it. I received several kind telegrams, wh touched me deeply. From yr regiment, Aunt Sanny, Anastasie, Ella and Serge, Costia and Mavra. Your dear letter has come. I always scamper off to my room after lunch to find the daily letter I always am dying for. A kiss and tender thanks for it. I do pity you having had to spend some days in St Petersburg, the weather is so warm. That poor officer fainting in Church! The letters do take so long — why by this time, you are again at Gatchina and all is over.

It is glorious weather to-day, so sunny and warm. I studied Russian in the garden with Schneiderlein. I wish I got on quicker, I fear she must have great patience and perseverance with me.

Aunt B has given me already now her birthday present — a thing to hang all my crousseau — it looks so nice.

I shall send this letter off now and perhaps I can scribble a line for the last post to-night, I'll see.

Goodbye my own beloved Nicky dear, my thoughts are ever with you and more especially so to-day, and my most earnest prayers for yr happiness dearest pet. God bless you. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love
Alix

Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Моя душки Ники" = "My darling Nicky".

"Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz" = "You, my one and my only, my heart, my darling".

Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 12 and 13 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 45 to 47, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 13

Windsor Castle

May 12th 1894

Милый, дорогой Ники

As I have just a minute to myself I am going to begin my epistle to you. I drove with Granny and Aunt Beatrice. And we took tea at Cumberland Lodge which was very nice. I fear my last letter was very dull and I only hope this one won't be the same.

Georgie and May, Aunt Louise and Uncle Lorne have come for two nights, and there are several strangers coming to Dinner, which I think a great nuisance and not even the young Lord in Waiting to cheer me up — is this not too sad, eh? I feel quite [illegible] and cannot even put on the face you so much like. You old goose, I should like to give you a good... punch, not a kiss, do you hear? I am in a beastly bad humour. I wish the man would not come and light all the candles, it looks as if I were going to give a party. Do you remember how you used to help me putting out my lamps in my little room at Coburg. How I long for those evenings back again — shall we be as dumb when we meet here do you think?

Aunt Marie sent me the photo of us and Caesar, done before the Church, not at all a nice remembrance. How angry we were there, when they dragged us out to be done and just when we had a few minutes only to ourselves before I left. I longed to say such a lot to you, but somehow I could not. The little tear you then gave me is so sweet and I prize it greatly.

May 13th. Good morning sweet One, I have just come from Church, where we heard a most beautiful sermon. It reminded me rather of the old clergy man's at Ernie's wedding. I could have sat there for hours listening to him. I wish I could tell it you all, how that God does not look for the outer form, but for the spirit, the same as people who are devoted to each other do not go by the outer appearance but their hearts, spirits are drawn to each other, that religion is not a thing only in a certain [illegible] or Church but everywhere "God is to be found" that we all have got our duties, sometimes they are only small ones and we think we need not put our whole heart into it and how wrong that is. St John. Chapter IV v 4, that was his text, the woman of Samaria "God is a spirit and they that worship him shall worship him in spirit and truth. As long as we don't understand God's spirit, the laws wh rule nature, we are not his creatures. The spirit of God teaches us how always to draw nearer to him. Taking a decision between right and wrong, your conscience shows it you, it is the spirit within you, that draws you involuntarily to the right, you must not make calculations as to what comes after your decision, but let yr spirit direct you. It is not the decision wh brings you the blessing, but the spirit which you have obeyed in taking it.

Many think that to be near God the places of adoration are where your souls are lifted high above the world by the droning of the organ, the voices rising up in harmony, the momentary inspiration, but the true secret to find God is by the consecration of your whole life and of every little pail of water you must carry on the long and weary road to the well. Christ always does his very, but no matter how small and insignificant the work is, he has to fulfil. He gives his very best teaching to the poor woman of narrow mind conception and narrow, mean surroundings — to her he speaks of the greatest truth, wh. are a secret even for the wise. She sought only for deliverance from her earthly toils and we all how often to get rid of all suffering and worry, this longing of hers he used as a means by which to lead her on to higher vistas of spiritual development. The faithful consecration of our life, doing the smallest duties with all our powers concentrated and with the one wish "to do our very best."

I have tried with Gretchen's help to put down a little of the sermon, but it is almost too difficult and I fear I have not done it clearly, but it can give you some idea at least of what he preached.

This afternoon we are going to St George's Chappel for service and to-day I think the singing will be particularly fine.

Aunt B tried a pair of new ponies to-day and they seemed to go quite nicely, tho' at first they scidadled about. My own sweet One, did our thoughts and prayers meet in Church? How the time flies! Well, I am glad for the one season as it brings the time of our meeting again. My legs are so bad and seem to be swollen again, so I am going to be good and see Dr. Reid — alas, I fear it comes from riding, so I foresee that I shall have to give up that pleasure still for a time — oh, it is such a nuisance and I do enjoy cantering about in this lovely Park so much. The both hands are going to play on the terrace afterwards and then crowds come and listen. I shall listen from the room, as the pleasure of walking is not for me. Oh, Nicky sweet, do you really not get frightened when you think of what a creature is to become your wife, will she not drive you mad? I shall do all in my power to get my legs in order till next year, but it is not so easy, and you who are so fond of walking, oh dear, what can I do?

The post has brought me nothing from you, let's hope to-night a letter may still come, or else I shall be so sad, so sad. Beloved boysy, my thoughts are always with you and I long impatiently for the hour of your arrival. If the weather is fine we must have some fun then/ A. Beatrice was saying that we must go up the river then, wh. would be delightful as I have never done it, and it is said to be so lovely. Sweet one, I must say Goodbye now. God bless you and may his Angels watch over you.

Many a tender kiss

Ever yr deeply loving and devoted little girly

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 12 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 41 to 42, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No 12

Windsor Castle

May 12th 1894

Моя милый, дорогой Ники,

Many a tender kiss, very fondest thanks for yr dear and touching letter the servant this minute brought me, моя душка, I always feel quite another creature after having heard from you and everything seems nicer then. Granny was also so happy with yr letter yesterday and is so glad you write such good English — you must not mind if my spelling is sometimes impossible, but suddenly it happens that I can scarcely write a word properly. What pretty vases you sent me again this time. I am glad you like mine. How nice being received by all the soldiers, their telegram, the officers', touched me deeply. Of course I love to hear about yr regiment as I am so fond of soldiers, I always was, and now yours will be especially interesting to me. Tell me all you have got to do, I would like to know, if it does not bore you.

Next week we are going to a parade at Aldershot under Uncle Arthur's command — I am most anxious to see an English parade, as hitherto I have never had the occasion of seeing one.

This morning we rode and it was charming, I rested afterwards and had my wee doggie lying next to me in bed, it is so frightened still, but I hope it will get accustomed to me. Toria's books have come and I have begun to read in them about yr Religion. Oh, sweety [page ripped] were but here, instead of [page ripped] so far away. But your letters are a comfort and I am always so greedy for them, read them over and over again — you write so well, my own precious Sweety — and I am sure you must often be tired when you come home from your exercising, so it is especially touching of you to write to the old girl.

The sun is shining warmly but there is a great wind and we were nearly blown off our steeds this morning. The Park looked too lovely, oh, how I long to have you cantering by my side "Lord, for to-morrow and its needs I do not pray, Keep me, my God, from stain of sin, just for to-day. Let me both diligently work and duly pray; Let me be kind in word and deed, just for to-day. Let me be slow to do my will, prompt to obey; Help me to sacrifice myself just for to-day. Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say; set thou a seal upon my lips, just for to-day."

"A faithful friend is a strong defence, and he that has found a real one, hath found a treasure. Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his excellency is unvaluable." Oh, my Nicky sweet, what an unending treasure I have found in your love, could I but also fully make you understand the strength of mine, I cannot write any more now, but I shall begin a letter to-night again. God bless you. A good kiss. Ever yr own truly loving little

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Моя милый, дорогой Ники" = "My sweet, dear Nicky".

"моя душка" = "my darling".

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 11 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 40 to 41, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 11

Windsor Castle

May 11th 1894

My precious Nicky dear,

On arriving here I found your sweet letter, which made me oh so happy and the three Lippen der Küh! Please thank Miechen as soon as you have an occasion, for her dear letter. Yours is a great joy to me. But I am sorry my love has to much to do, well I hope they will let him freer then next year. What a naughty Child you are, your letter made me laugh so. Does the photo really look so sly — oh how shocking, then you better turn it to the wall. How nice it must be rowing out onto the lake all alone, but спицбубъ's letters I fear are scarcely interesting enough to take out to read in such a poetical spot.

When you come we must go to Virginia Water, as it is perfectly lovely there, and then we can row to-gether. Your dear letter has made my head feel so much better — you can't think how I ravish in them, I read them over and over again, and am in the fidgets till another comes. This afternoon I went with Aunt Beatrice to see Drino have his gymnastic lessons — quite charming. A class of big girls and a married woman too, were drilling away and jumping and twisting themselves about. I wish I had learnt that more formerly, it is such good exercise and makes the body so souple — they seemed to enjoy. Three young brothers teach and help them — they are hansome so I have no doubt the girls rarely miss a lesson.

I had tea with Granny and she is going to send for me afterwards to dictate for her diary to me, as she has neglected lately, I alas too, completely, don't scold me for it, but you know all I do and that is enough don't you think..... so? You had лаусбубъ. If it does not pour as it did before, Thora, the one Lady and I are going to ride. Dr. Reid has allowed me to try it for quite short. I envy you having such fine weather, whilst we are daily drenched — дурная погода — дождь. A поцелуй отъ your маленки спицбубъ. Я очень рада когда ваше писмо come and Я must answer it, tho' Я only wrote this утро. Я shall be astonished if you can read this marvelous писмо I am concocting. Я люблю васъ. Is that correct? Я wonder когда я shall know даволно писать адійнъ во вас. Тетка Beatrice is going to see Eleonore Dussy act to-night in La Dance aux Camelias. I envy her. We are only Ladies again to-night, not lively, well, one gets sooner to bed, that is one thing. Do send me the photos, some of you and couple one, just as many old ones as you can fish out. My beloved One, I must say Goodbye now. God bless you. Many a tender kiss. Ever sweetest love

Yr own true Girly

Alix

Es war einmal ein König? Noch a mol, noch a mol, sing nur, sing Nicky dear — Marguerite la la la la la la la la la la la la Old Spötter! Inevitable R! Meshdunarodna. Give Paul my love when you meet.

Above: Alix.

Above: Nicholas.

Notes: "дурная погода — дождь. A поцелуй отъ your маленки спицбубъ. Я очень рада когда ваше писмо come" = "bad weather — rain. A kiss from your little Spitzbub. I am very happy when your letters come."

утро = morning.

писмо = letter.

"Я люблю васъ" = "I love You".

"Я wonder когда я shall know даволно писать адійнъ во вас" = "I wonder when I shall be able to write well to you."

"Es war einmal ein König? Noch a mol, noch a mol, sing nur" = "Was there a King once upon a time? Still a mol, still amol, sing now"

meshdunarodna (международна) = international.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 10 and 11 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 36 to 38, by George Hawkins, 2023

The 1,500th post to this blog!

The letter:

No 10

Buckingham Palace

May 10th 1894

My own precious Nicky,

Tho' I have only just written to you, I am sitting down to scrible again, but this letter will only leave to-morrow. I am alone, Christle has gone to his room and Thora is dressing for a dinner to wh she is going to-night, but as we only dine so late, I think the best way of filling up my time is by sitting in a comfortable armchair with the lamp close to me, chattering to you. No, you cannot imagine how it poured when we were out driving, the 2 poor gentlemen who had to ride next to the carriage looked like drowned rats, it reminded me of the day of the wedding, our drive back from the Rosenau. I am sure you remember my beautiful aspect when I afterwards turned up for tea — Sandra's red cap, a red, wet face and blue frozen hands, from driving Caesar without gloves on. You know you deserve a good scolding for remaining up so late at night, tho' it touches me deeply you do it as to write to the old owl, but still I wish you would not — it is not good. Don't think I am preaching because I myself like doing the same, but it is surely a bad habit to get into and one cannot cure oneself of it so quickly later. I want my Darling to look well when he comes here and not thin and pale as I alas have seen him look.

I wish I could remain quietly up here instead of going to Dinner, it is so quiet and peaceful here and I have been trotting about all day long and am rather ramolie in consequence. I pity my neighbours to-night, they will find me more idiotic than ever. Christle brought in rather an extraordinary part of his garments, to have them [illegible] by his sister's maid. Whenever anyone knocked, he died of fright, lest it should be Gretchen who would have been too terribly shocked. Really, boys are funny creatures, well, men I ought to say as he is getting on for 30. But now I must go and dress. Good night my Boysy, sleep well, and may your Guardian angel keep watch over you, my own true love.

It is getting on for 12 and I am sitting in my bedroom in a décolté gown with no jewels on and my hair all down. I look raving mad, but Madeleine has gone to see some friends who seem to have kept her rather long and my gown is laced and pinned and tied at the back so that I cannot possibly undo it alone and am as helpless as a Baby. Well, Dinner was nice, only I have neuralgia in the one side of my face wh is idiotic, but a night's rest will take it away. A. Beatrice forgot to write the sitting list, so Christle and I being the ones in the house had to arrange it, but I think all were satisfied. Naughty Cousins teazed me so, for sitting went to the nice, young Lord in Waiting, and said I had on purpose arranged it so and they thought it too bad that as I did not go to parties, I chattered with young men, too wicked of them. Why should I not choose an amusing neighbour, and as he was the best of the Gentlemen and I the second last lady, we had to sit next to each other. You don't mind that, I am sure, you know yr old Owl does not flirt, one can talk and laugh without doing that, can't one?

Just before Dinner, I received your sweet letter. Bless you for it my Boysy. You cannot think how intensely happy I am to hear from you. I do not understand why you don't get a letter from me, as I write every day. Please thank dear Xenia for her charming letter. Don't let us speak yet about my coming, tho' I should so much like to see your Parents. I honestly would rather not go. To travel there without Ernie would be so unpleasant, belong to him still in one way, don't I, tho' you have got me quite in another [illegible]. Don't make me travel so far again. I feel Imust write you all I feel and you will understand me, my own precious love, won't you? Toria spoke so much about you again, how fond she is of you. I am sure you must also be very devoted to her, dear girl. It is such a pleasure like that hearing so much about you, as otherwise I have no one to speak about you too — she knows you best. She is going to lend me some books your dear old Priest gave her. I do wish I could see more of her, and hear like that more about my love. She wore the lovely bracelet you have her. I am glad you have had such a friend all these years and I hope I will never stand in the way of your friendship — friendship is such a lovely rare thing that one must not loose it for anything. "Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." What a noble, fine, utterly unselfish character hers is. Anyone whom you love is doubly dear to me, for they must be worth loving if you care for them.

But now, I really must be off to bed. Good night again. God bless you. "Almighty and ever lasting God, give unto us the increase of faith, hope and charity, and that we may obtain that which thou dost promise, make us to love that which thou dost command, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." "He will give His Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all His ways." "Gracious is the Lord and righteous, yea, our God is merciful. I was in misery, and He helped me." "Let us be content, we do not know what is good for us, and God does." God bless you, Nicky dear.

Goodmorning my own sweet one. I hope you slept well and had no fight with hats. Thora, Sandra, Gretchen and I went to a picture gallery, but I was greatly disappointed. There was nothing of interest to be seen, then we drove through the Park. There is an exhibition of English silks going on here, and Grdmama allowed me to choose two pieces for dresses she will give me for my wedding. One is white with little coloured flowers and silver line twisted in and out, and the other a greyish white with pinkish red japonica. I took it immediately, as it reminded me the most of our flower, only that is a prunus something.

It is finer to-day, and this morning the sun shone. Aunt B is remaining here for the Theatre, so Granny and I will return all alone to Windsor. I can well imagine that her letter was a difficulty to decypher.

But I must be off.

Ever, beloved Nicky mine, yr own true little Bride

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Notes: ramolie = exhausted.

"Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." = "Friendship makes men like God's angels etc."

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 9 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 30 to 31, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 8

Buckingham Palace

May 9th 1894

Дорогой Ники,

I am writing rot, because Thora Holstein is sitting near me and knitting and chattering like a magpie, and then I am expected to write decently. I have just come back from a visit to Aunt Alix and Cousins. How charmingly they have arranged their rooms, lots of photos of my Darling, wh make me quite jealous. I saw the room in wh you lived. I wish we could stop there a few days to-gether, what fun we might have. What tears Toria and Maud are, it is so sad I see so very little of them — if we could only get Toria to Russia — what a devoted friend she is to you, dear Child.

It is pouring so I hope Granny won't drive as it would make me sick sitting backwards in a shut carriage.

Thora is killing and makes impossible remarks. She thinks "Hetschendorf" man charming, so it's not only me you see. You old goose, well, I was one too, why, Weeping Willow's birthday is only to-day, how cld I be such a donkey as to think it was on the 7th. I think I am getting ramolie, you'd better come and wake your old owl up a bit. Oh, sweety, how I long for you, daily more and more if it is possible, if you only knew how I adore you, my Darling, my own sweet Boysy dear.

Granny is actually going out driving so I must fly. I shall get sick.

At last back again, nearly chocked swallowing hot tea, tore up 38 steps, am panting for breath. It poured in deluges and when we came home the sun shone. Now I must rush and dress for supper and theatre — really it is killing and I live quite at the top of this immense palace.

I am greedy, I want another letter from you, my sweetheart. Sweet Boysy. Thora has made me roar — in one of the papers was written that we had loved each other for five years, but had been too shy to tell it each other — is it not sweet. Oh, how happy I am in your love, my Nicky sweet. I long to fly to you and hide myself in your arms and look at those lovely, gentle eyes. To-morrow I will write more, now I have no time, it is too tiresome, but I am hunted from one place to the other. A good long kiss and tender blessing.

Ever yr own truly loving little girly

Alix

Thora sends you her love.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Дорогой Ники" = "Dear Nicky"

ramolie = exhausted.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 8 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 24 to 27, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 7

Windsor Castle

May 8th 1894

My милый, дорогой Ники,

Здравствуйте! I am just back from breakfast with Grandmama. Aunt Vicky sent a long letter of Sophie's — poor things, it must be too terrible in Greece, these incessant shocks. She said what had made such a curious impression when on Good Friday night the procession in the streets with the carpet and candles, all sang out Lord have mercy on us! No really it must be too fearful for words living in the constant dread of being shattered to atoms. It is as tho' they were being punished for some great sin, one cannot understand it. But God knows best why He is inflicting them with this misfortune and tho' we seem to think it cruel, what sorrows this life does bring and what great trials, how difficult to bear them patiently, and then again we are not half grateful enough for the joys this life brings us. Darling, I am sure these five years have been good for both of us, I only know they have made me think of God far more than I did before. Suffering always draws one nearer to God, does it not, and when we think of what Jesus Christ had to bear for us, how little and small our sorrows seem in comparison and yet we fret and grumble and are not patient as He was.

Oh my love, I wish I had you always by my side, how you might help me and teach me to be a better creature — I am not half worthy of you. I have still so much to learn, that is why I also say, do not let us marry just yet, tho' separation is hard, it is better not to hurry. And think only of the Religious question, you cannot expect me to know and understand it all immediately and to know a thing only half, is not right, and I must know the language a bit, so as to be able to follow the services a little.

To-day Georgie's answer came but sent to Aunt Alix, as I had simply signed Alix, he of course did not think of me.

Well the Staals dined last night and were most amiable and the Italian Ambassador and wife. He had been long ago in St Petersburg and his wife is Russian — good heavens how she chattered, one did not know any more where one's head was. We eat white bait and I longed to send you my plate, flying over the sea. I have got a large thing to burn and paint for Granny's Birthday on May 24th and I don't know how to get it done as I have had as yet absolutely no time and my legs ache fiendishly. Now Louise Aribert has telegraphed to her Parents that she is coming to them on the 25th so there is no room for me. I am sorry as it would have been nice, but perhaps Granny will allow me to go earlier for four days.

Still no news of Frl. Schneider. I wish Ella would let me know. I have been for 10 minutes with Gretchen — it is close and yet windy, not enjoyable weather. Oh, I do so long for a letter from you, they take such ages to come. I wonder if you have very much to do, my old, sweet thing. The ink is so watery that one makes blotches perpetually, too dirty, o tho' [illegible].

Aunt Alix and the 2 girls are coming to luncheon — poor Victoria — God bless her and may He some day make her happy, she deserves it, the dear Child, and little Maudy too. When one is happy, one longs to see others also joyous and grieves one cannot do anything for them — don't you too?

Some German lines I think so pretty, and which are set to music by F. Liszt.

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen."

This moment I received your sweet letter, for which very fondest thanks and many a loving kiss. You cannot think how intensely happy it has made me, and that your Parents have agreed. Oh, you sweet boy, my own, my precious darling, my Nicky dear. I feel another being since your letter has come and all the dear words and little flower. God bless you my love.

You naughty thing, how dare you say that about the sly look and the house on the left!!!! Be ashamed of yourself, I wish I were there to pinch you for it.

The monogram on your paper does for me A H Hessen. This monogram I have stamped on the papers with a thing that belonged to darling Mama, that is why it has got the English crown.

I can see all the people running in to your room, how happy they must be to have you back again and how you must rejoice being home again — home, "there is no place like home" how true it is — and then to think that it is some day to also be the old owl's, I can scarcely believe it.

Aunt Alix and the three girls have left again, they were very dear, especially Victoria. She is going to write to you. They dine on Thursday at Buckingham Palace so I shall see them there. They are greatly looking forward to seeing you — how they all love you, well, I think I can understand it — you old beast, you make a rumpus in our heart.

The wind is howling and the grey clouds are collecting to-gether, so I fear we shall be douched out driving with Granny.

No, I am so happy with your angelical letter and only wish I could write such nice ones. And you all take nice walks to-gether, the whole happy family. Yes, indeed, I miss the inevitable Rosenau so much, tho' we grumbled then, now I look back upon those afternoons and long for them again.

Sweet Boy, I must say goodbye now, with many a tender kiss and fond blessing, I remain

Ever yr deeply devoted little girly

Alix

To-morrow we are off to London so my next letter will be from there — how I shall rejoice if the postman brings me a letter every day, or is it expecting too much!

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "My милый, дорогой Ники, здравствуйте!" = "My dear, sweet Nicky, hello!".

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen." =

"How woundrous it must be

When two souls love each other,

Locking each other wholly in,

Never concealing a single word,

And sharing with each other

Joy and sorrow, weal and woe;

Talking only of love

From the first kiss unto death."

(Translation by Richard Stokes, author of The Book of Lieder (Faber, 2005).

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 7 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 23 to 24, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 6

Windsor Castle

May 7th 1894

My love,

A tender kiss and fondest thanks for you[r] dear note I received this morning. How very long it took coming from the frontier. It was sweet of you writing from there, as you must have been rather exhausted after the heat.

This morning, I drove with Gretchen to Cumberland Lodge to see Aunt Helena, snipe and family. I drove two ponies — if only we may be allowed to drive to-gether, but I doubt it very much indeed as Granny is very old fashioned about engaged people and most particular.

It is warmer and sunny but high wind at the same time. Victoria and Louis have left again for Walton, and Liko to Cowes for his health. I have still not yet heard anything about Frl. Schneider and am anxious to know when she is coming.

There is a "charming" "young" Lord Waiting here and he seems to like to speak to the owl. Think of our Coburg young R. Do you order me to make myself available with him, or wld Granny — you be shocked and offended? Eh? You great goose. I fear you know you are safe with yr Spitzbub, and so she cannot teaze you. I do so long for you, but it will be a little comfort when I hear oftener from you.

To-night the Staals are coming and an other ambassador and the Cumberland Lodge family. Last night young Arthur Hardinge dined. His sister is Maid of Honour, but going to marry soon and his Aunt was Lady in Waiting to dear Mama. He kissed hands on his appointment as minister at Zanzibar where he is going next week. I think they liked him at St Petersburg, at least he was very happy there — he enjoyed so traveling with you in India, only grieved it was so short. Anybody who knows my sweet Darling interests me of course doubly. I am spelling impossibly I find to-day, but you will excuse my faults, won't you and not be too severe judge but one has one's days, when one cannot write properly.

Precious one, I love you, oh, so dearly, and cannot tell it you often enough. I feel deep and strongly but have learned in the years to swallow my feelings down, so that now I cannot show them properly, but you understand yr silly old Pelly, don't you?

We read Sophie's discriptions of the earthquake, they must have been too ghastly for words — all those innocent little children crushed in the Church — one cannot bear to think of it, it is too terrible.

I wonder how the Weeping Willow is celebrating his birthday down at Abastouman? Granny was speaking of yr cossack suit, how fine it was, I think she remembered your father in it, but has never seen you wear it, so I told her you were bringing it here.

I must dress now for driving with Granny. Goodbye and God bless you, my own precious Nicky and let your little girl kiss you most tenderly.

Your very loving and devoted affectionate and trusting

Alix

Love to Xenia and Sandro

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 6 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 21 to 23, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 5
Windsor Castle, May 6th 1894
Дорогой, милый Ники,
Здравствуйте! I have just come back from service, we had lovely singing and a fine sermon. I prayed most earnestly for my darling. I wish you had been there, I think you would like the English service, the prayers are to beautiful and elevating.

This moment a letter has come from Aunt Alix, full of yr praise and so kind. She wants me to go with them to Sandringham from Saturday to Monday — whether Granny can spare me I don't know as she does not care for our going on visits whilst one is living with her. I shall ask her afterwards. I would much rather have waited and gone with you, it wld have been less shy work as they have always a large party, into wh I so little belong. I forgot to say yesterday that foolish Georgie says I am to insist upon yr wearing high heals and that I am to have quite low ones. May, he says won't change hers, but he wears much higher ones — at first they had been uncomfortable but now he did not mind it any more. I can see yr face when you read this — really so mad! As if the highth made any difference, and a gentleman with high heals looks too absurd and I am sure you would never do it.

Granny is alas very lame to-day, wh depresses her, poor dear. Darling you will be able to get leave sometimes, so as that we can come and see her, as who knows how long we may still have her in our midst and it makes her so unhappy thinking me so far away, as we all have been so constantly here, and she has always been a second mother to us, and treated us more as her own children, not like Grandchildren. It is too awful when I think anything may happen to her — then the whole family wld more or less separate and it wld never be the same again — the head wld be missing, round whom all used to collect. God grant that she may be spared to us still many years.

I must dress now as I am to go out with her and Aunt. I shall probably only follow the carriage a bit as it goes to fast for me now with my rotten old legs.

Me come back again. Granny won't spare me, I am not to go, she has the first right to me and it is the last time and she does not think it good I should go if they have a large party and without you. She seems not to wish me to go there, even not whilst she is at Balmoral. I am to see her in London she says. I am also not to go to Ascot races without you, it wld not be proper, well, honestly, I much prefer not going to the latter.

Last night Aunt B and I played to Granny some things of Grieg wh she liked. Thora, the snipe, is coming this afternoon and I want her to go to Church with me.

I have had such idiotical dreams, I who usually never dream, that it was a mistake, that I was not engaged to you, tho' I loved you awfully, but to your Uncle Alexei, you and I were always to-gether, skating, and I was in despair as I only cared for you and I did not know how to get out of it — too absurd. I was completely confused when I woke up in the morning. It is warm and windy. I hope the post will bring me a letter to-morrow as they take to long coming from Russia and I am longing for news.

Many tender kisses, sweetest One, and bless you. I am yearning for you. The bells chime so beautifully here, I wish they could ring over to you.

I have just seen Dr. Reid and he is going to give me a nerve tonic and I am to take what my Dr told me too. My pulse ought to be stronger. I shall be good and do all I am told as I must get my legs in order, for all the standing. I do wonder when I shall get your first letter from home.

"La vie est un sommeil, l'amoue en est le rêve, et vous avez vécu, si vous avez aimé."

Now my own precious One, I must say Goodbye. Many a tender kiss do I press here for my Pet. God bless and protect you my Own beloved One, my Nicky sweet.
Ever yr deeply loving and devoted little Girl
Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Notes: "Дорогой, милый Ники, здравствуйте!" = "Dear, darling Nicky, hello!".

Thora = Princess Helena Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein (1870-1948), daughter of Princess Helena and Prince Christian. Cousin of Alix.

"La vie est un sommeil, l'amoue en est le rêve, et vous avez vécu, si vous avez aimé." = "Life is a sleep, love is its dream, and you have lived, if you have loved."

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 5 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 17 to 19, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 4 Windsor Castle

May 5th 1894

My own sweet Nicky dear,

Thanks for your dear message in Granny's telegram, we were breakfasting to-gether when it came. Then Gretchen and I went down to Frogmore, picked primroses and sat baking in the sun. She has to climb to get at them now, as my Boysy is alas not here. I had to think so much of the Rosenau and how I made poor you pick the whole time. I fear you must sometime have wished me to Jericho. Then Granny came and we went to the Mausoleum and placed wreathes there. It is so pretty and lies so lovely, you will, I am sure, there are lots of charming pattes and benches. Really it is too bad, the whole day people have been fidgeting, so that I could not finish this letter, and then I had to try on stupid, uninteresting clothes, 2 new blouses I have bought and 2 hats. "Schlumpers" are coming still.

Well, Georgie and May have been here and he sends you his very best love — you are his oldest and best friend. They were very nice, but I wanted you and your big eyes. I have just got a grand telegram: "Les Cosaque d'Orenburg réunis à l'occasion de leur fête patronale de St George's présent votre Altesse de vouloir bien agréer leurs vœux et hommages les plus respectueux inspirés par le dévouement sans bornes qu'ils portent à votre august fiancé les prières de tous sont unanimes pour le bonheur de vo Altesse Impériale. Ataman der Cosaques d'Orenburg General Major Ersehoss." I shall ask someone to help answering it properly as you know alas how weak my French is.

I drove with Granny and A. Beatrice in the Park and had tea in a cottage manor hill. The woods are too lovely and the roads and grass so inviting for a canter. We must ride when you come. My legs have been so bad all day that I have sent for Dr Reid — it will never do for you to have a lame wife. Wife — how funny that sounds! I cannot yet realize that the old owl is to be yours. If only she were worthy enough for you and could be a real help and comfort. But she will do all in her power for her own sweet Pelly whom she adores more than words can express. I hear an old barrelorgan down in the town, it makes me think of my childhood — how long ago that seems now, so much has happened, such never to be forgotten sorrows, and now this joy! Oh sweet one, thanks for your love which I value, oh, so highly. I have to think of days ago — do you remember our evening — I see you still in your white uniform waiting to go to Church, and then I was alone, but my prayers and thoughts followed you. To-morrow in Church our thoughts will meet and our prayers join. I must also go to evening service — it is so beautiful and does one such good — the lovely singing, fine Chapel, oh, could you but be at my side. And Ernie, how he loved it and he has a wife and is at home and happy — I am in a horrid mood to-night, I feel low and depressed and scarcely know how to keep back my tears — it is that dreadful barrelorgan I believe and the solitary lamp wh make me so foolish, but it will never do, my letter will be too idiotic otherwise. Ach, and I want to write to the Weeping Willow for his Birthday and then I must dress for dinner.

Of course, Georgie said I must not keep you all the time, but must let you come to London as he saw so little of you at his wedding wh I understand. I understand anyone wanting you.

Well, what have you been able to arrange for Xenia and Sandro? Give them my best love and say how much I am thinking of them. I forget, did I write out these lines for you already or not?

"Pray for all those who love thee,

All who are loved by thee,

Pray for those who hate thee,

If any such there be.

Then for thyself a blessing

In meekness humbly claim

And link with each petition

Thy great Redeemer's name."

"Love is the one thing on earth we never lose. It is like a cool river growing broader and deeper as it flows towards the sea, which makes all fields greener where it passes, the sweet flowers bloom. It flowed through Paradise long ago and they called it the River of Life." Yes, truly, love is the greatest blessing on earth and he to be pitied who knows it not. But I must rush, Victoria and Ludwig are arriving. Farewell beloved Boy, my own, own true Darling, the sweetest Boy that ever was.

God bless you now and evermore. Many tender kisses from yr ever deeply loving old Spitzbub owl and frog.

Аликсъ

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated April 22 (Old Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 10 to 11, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

22 April

Windsor Castle

My own precious Nicky dear,

I have just arrived and had breakfast with Granny. How it reminded me of Coburg and made me miss you more than ever. But there the delight of finding your sweet letter for which many tender kisses and thanks for the flowers. I am going to put them in my Bible and Prayerbook — they smell still excellently. The comfort of having your letter is great and I don't know how often I have read it in these few minutes and covered it with kisses. How I miss your kisses and blessing.

The journey went off well and the crossing was splendid, not a movement and I don't feel very tired. Everything is so beautiful, green and bright of flowers. Liko is not yet at all well and Granny has a tiresome cough. The whole journey I kept your coin in my hands and played with it. Looked at the photo — a little comfort — not only that I miss you, but Ernie too, everything reminds me of a few weeks ago when we were here to-gether and I feel quite lost without him. Granny tells me she has written to you — she wrote to me, even to Darmstadt.

Aunt Beatrice is coming up to London to some function, so Granny, I and the Children will be left to ourselves.

Your letter has made me too awfully happy, why, I am the same as you. I also feel shy to express my feelings too, I had such a lot I wanted to tell you and ask and speak about, but felt too shy. We shall have to conquer this weakness, don't you think now? Oh, I want you ever so badly, my own beloved One, my one and all — little lausbub — spitsbub wants you, oh dear, oh dear, it is so tough, the end of [illegible].

Now I must go and get myself cleaned and change my clothing. Then I shall continue.

So here I am again. I have been trying to arrange the room a bit and have been standing up all my photos and frog. I have unpacked my music and as soon as I can intend playing as I have neglected the piano too shamefully lately. I hope you will get "noch minna" alright, sent it off from Darmstadt. All your photos are looking at me with their beautiful big eyes. Oh were you but here and I could press you to my heart.

And to think that you are still rattling along, poor dear. I shall anxiously await yr telegram this evening — you will write often, won't you, as your letters will be my greatest joy and what I shall look forward to the most in the day. I have used a little of your scent but the smell makes me sad. I have Heinrich now more for a [illegible] at the "inevitable" Rosenau — tho they were lovely, you must confess it. Madelaine was deeply touched you thought of her, she insists upon sticking the cat on top of the sopha wh looks utterly mad.

Yes, sweet one, it was beastly having to say goodbye so coldly at the station before everyone. I had to think of when you arrived. I shall never forget those first days and what a beast I was to you, forgive me my love. Ah, if you only knew how I adore you and the years have made my affection for you grow stronger and deeper and I wish only I were worthier of your love and tenderness. You are much too good for me. But I must stop otherwise this letter won't reach the post in time. God bless you, my own true love. Many a tender kiss fr yr ever deeply devoted little girl

Alix

Yr bride — how funny it sounds. Sweet one, I cannot stop thinking of you.

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Excerpt from Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated January 29, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 315, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
Jan 29st 1894
Darling Grandmama
Your dear letter touched me deeply, and I hasten now to thank you for it tenderly. All you said was so good and comforting, and your never changing kindness and affection help me to be happy for dear Ernie's sake. It does one's heart good to see how they love each other & how contented they are — but my feelings are very mixed, as you can well imagine dear Grandmama & I miss my beloved Papa more than ever. The whole country rejoices at the prospect of Ernie's marriage & I am sure they will have no reason to be disappointed in his choice...

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 311 to 312, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Königliches Schloss
Kiel
December 26th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
Please accept my very warmest thanks for Your presents and good wishes. The Brooch is quite too lovely, the Florence turquoise in diamond setting, I have worn it and it has been greatly admired. The little Sketchbook with Paintbox is delightful and will be most useful.

I do hope you spent a pleasant Xmas, here it was very nice and all were most kind. Having Charlotte, Bernhard and Feo in the house makes it so lively, tho' one cannot help having one's sad thoughts when one thinks of the happy bygone time.

Beloved Grandmama, let me now wish You every possible happiness and blessing in the New Year — may it be full of sunshine for You and our heavenly Father keep every cloud from You.

I cannot help dreading always the coming of the New Year as one never knows what is in store for one, God grant that it may be full of joy and happiness for my darling Ernie and the sweet little Wife whom he is soon going to fetch. Now I long for my precious One more than ever, how happy he would have been to see Ernie happy and what a comfort it would have been to me, as life will indeed be very different for me, as I shall be feeling myself de trop.

But I must not bother You with a long letter, as I am sure You have a lot to do.

Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, and again wishing you much joy,
I remain, Darling Grandmama dear,
Ever Your very loving, grateful and dutiful Child,
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 21, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 305, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 21st 1893
Darling Grandmama,
I must just send You a few lines by the messenger to tell You how happy we are to have dear Ella with us. She did enjoy herself so much at Balmoral and is continuously speaking about it.

On Monday we are all going to Homburg to pay Aunt Vicky a visite. Irène, Henry and the Baby are also here and the house is in consequence quite full. How terribly one misses Papa at such family gatherings You can well imagine as there is no real centre.

We are having beautiful, sunny, bright weather and take nice drives. We go to the Theatre very often and the evenings we stop at home, we play 8 hands which is a great delight. You cannot think how busy we all are, burning and painting for a bazaar, even Serge and Paul have to help us.

I hope You are having fine weather at Balmoral and are able to get out every day as I know how You enjoy being out.
But I must say Goodbye now, beloved Grandmama and God bless You. Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately I remain Ever Your most loving and deeply devoted Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 14, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 302 to 304, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 14th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I cannot tell You how delighted and surprised I was when the post brought me a letter from You last night and I hasten now to send You my very tenderest thanks. How happy Ella must have been at Balmoral with You, beloved Grandmama, and how You must miss her now. I am glad that You like Serge and Paul, they are such dear, good boys and so devoted to each other.

What has delighted me to hear is that Ella has succeeded in persuading Louie to see Dr. Reid, as I feel sure he will be successful and I hope will be able to influence her. I am anxious to know what his oppinion is of her. She herself was sure that Scotland would do wonders and as she had made up her mind that it would cure her, no wonder it may, as imagination has got a good deal to do with her health at this present moment. I do hope and pray that she may get well as it is not only for her health I fear, but for her character. I am sure You will be able to do much with her and certainly sooner will she obey You than her parents.

The house will be so full next week as Uncle Christian and Aunt Helena are still here and Thora comes for two nights before going to Aunt Vicky. Uncle goes out shooting daily and I think enjoys it. I walk with Aunt in the morning and drive her in the afternoon, and in the evening we all go to the Theatre.

I cannot tell You how terrible it was for me at first going to the Theatre again, and not having my precious [illegible] near my. Why, night after night we used to sit there to-gether and he enjoyed it, oh, so much. There are always little things I long to tell him or ask his advice about and I have not got him. Oh, sweet Grandmama dear, You who loved him too so much can imagine how too terribly I miss him, and the longing for him gets always stronger and stronger. But I must not speak to You about sad things. You have had to suffer enough, and the sorrows of others must not worry You, only when I write to You, I say everything that comes into my head, as You have always been my second Mother, for which God bless You, my Darling.

How dear of You to ask us to spend Xmas with You, but alas it is an impossibility as Ernie cannot get away then. It is a great disappointment to us not to be able to spend Xmas with You, but alas it can't be arranged. Ernie must be here, as there are always Dinners that have to be given and people he has to see and things to arrange. But darling Grandmama, I wonder whether You would allow us to come instead about the 16th of Feb., when all would be over here and he could easiest get away. Would it suit You, may we come. We long to see You and are terribly sorry not to come this year. I hope you will forgive us for not coming, but Ernie really cannot leave and especially not this year as he will have to receive more people. It would have been so much nicer than remaining here all alone, but we must not grumble as it does not make it any better.

We are in the Palace now again and there is always so much to arrange when one has been away the whole summer, that one does not know where to begin. The weather is fine but fresh and the leaves are turning so yellow — the woods look lovely with all the bright colours. But I must not bother You any longer now with this letter and I hope You will forgive us for not coming.
With fondest love and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly,
I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 300 to 301, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Jagdschloss Wolfsgarten
Aug 29th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I have been waiting until now before writing to You, as I was sure that in the first days of Your grief, you would not care to receive letters. But my thoughts and prayers were with you. Poor dear Grandmama, how terribly sad You must have been when the news of poor uncle's death reached You, as it must have brought back so many sad remembrances of the bygone. I wish I could find words to tell you how very much I feel for You, especially after myself having gone through such a terrible time last year. But where people no longer can give comfort, then one will find it in God. I am sure being in beautiful Scotland will help to make You feel less sad and the good air will I hope do You good.

What a pleasure it will be for Ella and Serge to go to Balmoral — and for Louie too. It is so nice having the dear Child here, though her looks frighten one. My great hope is that going back to her old house and seeing all her Relations and old friends will make her feel better and more sensible. She is terribly homesick.

Thora arrived here on Sunday and is full of the delightful time she spent at Osborne. Herr Wolff was here for eight days, which was a great delight to us all as he plays too beautifully. It reminded me so much of Balmoral last year. I accompanied him often and it was a great pleasure, though at first frightening as I had never done it before.

Now at last the weather is a little cooler for the heat has been quite terrible. Ernie gets wheeled out every afternoon in a bathchair wh makes a nice change for him. But as yet he is not allowed to walk.

But I think I ought to be saying Goodbye now, as I do not wish to bother You with a long letter, only I felt that I must send You a few lines to tell You how deeply I feel for You in Your grief.

God bless You, my own precious Grandmama, and may He be a comfort and strength to You. Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I remain, Ever Your very loving, dutiful and devoted Child,
Alix

P. S. Ernie and the Cousins sends You their very best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Queen Victoria's brother-in-law, Ernest II, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, had passed away on August 22, 1893.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 299 to 300, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Wolfsgarten
August 1st 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I am sending You these lines to tell You that Ernie is getting on nicely and that the Dr is quite satisfied. I hope that not before long he may be able to be put on the sopha, as lying always in the same position is most tiring. Poor boy, it is a great difference for him after the gay time in England, but he is most good and patient. He sleeps and eats well, wh is a great thing.

Since a few days we have had cold, rainy weather, such a change after the heat.

I have just heard from Victoria, who says they will be at Jugenheim on Thursday. I am so glad as she has been away so long. Aunt Julie and Franzjos came to tea yesterday and they seem to have enjoyed their visite to Paris.

Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain Ever Your very loving deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends much love

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Ernie.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter the day after her twenty-first birthday to Queen Victoria, dated June 7, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 297 to 298, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Kranichstein
June 7th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
Please accept my very warmest thanks for Your dear, kind letter full of good wishes and for the beautiful turquoises which will be most useful. It was really too good of You to give them to me. I received many nice presents and a quantity of beautiful roses.

I am glad that the 6th is past, as it brought too many recollections of happy bygone days with my beloved Papa still. How terribly I miss him, I think You well know darling Grandmama and on such a day more than ever.

We still have fine, warm weather, though these last days we had several thunderstorms.

I hear that Aunt Louise is going to Balmoral. I hope the change of air will do her good as I fear she has not yet got over the effects of the influenza she had in Italy.

We fish a good deal, which is quite an amusing occupation. I fear I must say Goodbye now as we are expecting a visitor to luncheon.
With received thanks and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I am, Dearest Grandmama, Ever Your very loving, devoted, dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated June 2, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 296 to 297, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
June 2nd 1893
Darling Grandmama,
Many loving thanks for Your dear letter I received yesterday. It is too kind of You asking me to come to the Wedding, but I fear it is impossible as we have been absent so much this year already and as Ernie cannot stop very long in England, the journey would be scarcely worth the while for me, would it, and then it is so expensive also. A gentleman does not need so much luggage and really our journey to Italy and Ernie's official ones and Berlin were very expensive. Excuse my writing so openly but I thought it was only right You should know the reason of my not accepting Your awfully kind invitation and hope You will not mind it and let me come perhaps next year with Ernie.

The Tableaux must have been quite charming which the Children arranged as a surprise for You on your Birthday, thanks so much for sending the programme.

We have come to town to-day for Ernie's audiences but are stopping at Kranichstein since Thursday — we have been rowing on the pond and fishing. The weather is still delightful — sunny and warm.

Thanking You again many times for asking me to dear Georgie's Wedding, I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your deeply loving, devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends You his fondest love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Prince George, Duke of Teck (the future King George V) and Princess Mary of Teck were married on July 8, 1893.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria for her 74th birthday, dated May 23, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 294 to 295, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
May 23rd 1893
Beloved Grandmama
My most loving and heart-felt good wishes for Your dear Birthday, which I hope You will spend very happily. God grant that You may see still many a such a day, and that He will keep all worrys and sorrows from You. I have painted a work basket for You and hope that it may prove useful.

The heat is quite tremendous, one runs about in the thinnest clothes one can find, and yet one is roasted. We are both going to Cronberg to-day and I am so looking forward to see Aunt Vicky.

What a pleasure it was meeting You, dearest Grandmama at Florence — I am constantly thinking of the happy time we spent in that lovely place. And then Venice, no, it is too beautiful, like a dream and the quiet did one there so much good. But now that I have been there, I see how impossible it would have been for You, as one had perpetually to be getting in and out of one's gondolas. I am too sorry as I feel sure You would have enjoyed it.

We shall soon be going to Kranichstein as the heat here is too great.

But i will not bother You with a long letter, I only wanted to send my tender wishes for Your Birthday. Kissing Your dear Hands most affectionately, I remain, Darling Grandmama dear, Your ever very loving, deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

God bless You, sweet Grandmama.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.