Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 12 and 13 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 45 to 47, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 13

Windsor Castle

May 12th 1894

Милый, дорогой Ники

As I have just a minute to myself I am going to begin my epistle to you. I drove with Granny and Aunt Beatrice. And we took tea at Cumberland Lodge which was very nice. I fear my last letter was very dull and I only hope this one won't be the same.

Georgie and May, Aunt Louise and Uncle Lorne have come for two nights, and there are several strangers coming to Dinner, which I think a great nuisance and not even the young Lord in Waiting to cheer me up — is this not too sad, eh? I feel quite [illegible] and cannot even put on the face you so much like. You old goose, I should like to give you a good... punch, not a kiss, do you hear? I am in a beastly bad humour. I wish the man would not come and light all the candles, it looks as if I were going to give a party. Do you remember how you used to help me putting out my lamps in my little room at Coburg. How I long for those evenings back again — shall we be as dumb when we meet here do you think?

Aunt Marie sent me the photo of us and Caesar, done before the Church, not at all a nice remembrance. How angry we were there, when they dragged us out to be done and just when we had a few minutes only to ourselves before I left. I longed to say such a lot to you, but somehow I could not. The little tear you then gave me is so sweet and I prize it greatly.

May 13th. Good morning sweet One, I have just come from Church, where we heard a most beautiful sermon. It reminded me rather of the old clergy man's at Ernie's wedding. I could have sat there for hours listening to him. I wish I could tell it you all, how that God does not look for the outer form, but for the spirit, the same as people who are devoted to each other do not go by the outer appearance but their hearts, spirits are drawn to each other, that religion is not a thing only in a certain [illegible] or Church but everywhere "God is to be found" that we all have got our duties, sometimes they are only small ones and we think we need not put our whole heart into it and how wrong that is. St John. Chapter IV v 4, that was his text, the woman of Samaria "God is a spirit and they that worship him shall worship him in spirit and truth. As long as we don't understand God's spirit, the laws wh rule nature, we are not his creatures. The spirit of God teaches us how always to draw nearer to him. Taking a decision between right and wrong, your conscience shows it you, it is the spirit within you, that draws you involuntarily to the right, you must not make calculations as to what comes after your decision, but let yr spirit direct you. It is not the decision wh brings you the blessing, but the spirit which you have obeyed in taking it.

Many think that to be near God the places of adoration are where your souls are lifted high above the world by the droning of the organ, the voices rising up in harmony, the momentary inspiration, but the true secret to find God is by the consecration of your whole life and of every little pail of water you must carry on the long and weary road to the well. Christ always does his very, but no matter how small and insignificant the work is, he has to fulfil. He gives his very best teaching to the poor woman of narrow mind conception and narrow, mean surroundings — to her he speaks of the greatest truth, wh. are a secret even for the wise. She sought only for deliverance from her earthly toils and we all how often to get rid of all suffering and worry, this longing of hers he used as a means by which to lead her on to higher vistas of spiritual development. The faithful consecration of our life, doing the smallest duties with all our powers concentrated and with the one wish "to do our very best."

I have tried with Gretchen's help to put down a little of the sermon, but it is almost too difficult and I fear I have not done it clearly, but it can give you some idea at least of what he preached.

This afternoon we are going to St George's Chappel for service and to-day I think the singing will be particularly fine.

Aunt B tried a pair of new ponies to-day and they seemed to go quite nicely, tho' at first they scidadled about. My own sweet One, did our thoughts and prayers meet in Church? How the time flies! Well, I am glad for the one season as it brings the time of our meeting again. My legs are so bad and seem to be swollen again, so I am going to be good and see Dr. Reid — alas, I fear it comes from riding, so I foresee that I shall have to give up that pleasure still for a time — oh, it is such a nuisance and I do enjoy cantering about in this lovely Park so much. The both hands are going to play on the terrace afterwards and then crowds come and listen. I shall listen from the room, as the pleasure of walking is not for me. Oh, Nicky sweet, do you really not get frightened when you think of what a creature is to become your wife, will she not drive you mad? I shall do all in my power to get my legs in order till next year, but it is not so easy, and you who are so fond of walking, oh dear, what can I do?

The post has brought me nothing from you, let's hope to-night a letter may still come, or else I shall be so sad, so sad. Beloved boysy, my thoughts are always with you and I long impatiently for the hour of your arrival. If the weather is fine we must have some fun then/ A. Beatrice was saying that we must go up the river then, wh. would be delightful as I have never done it, and it is said to be so lovely. Sweet one, I must say Goodbye now. God bless you and may his Angels watch over you.

Many a tender kiss

Ever yr deeply loving and devoted little girly

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 12 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 41 to 42, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No 12

Windsor Castle

May 12th 1894

Моя милый, дорогой Ники,

Many a tender kiss, very fondest thanks for yr dear and touching letter the servant this minute brought me, моя душка, I always feel quite another creature after having heard from you and everything seems nicer then. Granny was also so happy with yr letter yesterday and is so glad you write such good English — you must not mind if my spelling is sometimes impossible, but suddenly it happens that I can scarcely write a word properly. What pretty vases you sent me again this time. I am glad you like mine. How nice being received by all the soldiers, their telegram, the officers', touched me deeply. Of course I love to hear about yr regiment as I am so fond of soldiers, I always was, and now yours will be especially interesting to me. Tell me all you have got to do, I would like to know, if it does not bore you.

Next week we are going to a parade at Aldershot under Uncle Arthur's command — I am most anxious to see an English parade, as hitherto I have never had the occasion of seeing one.

This morning we rode and it was charming, I rested afterwards and had my wee doggie lying next to me in bed, it is so frightened still, but I hope it will get accustomed to me. Toria's books have come and I have begun to read in them about yr Religion. Oh, sweety [page ripped] were but here, instead of [page ripped] so far away. But your letters are a comfort and I am always so greedy for them, read them over and over again — you write so well, my own precious Sweety — and I am sure you must often be tired when you come home from your exercising, so it is especially touching of you to write to the old girl.

The sun is shining warmly but there is a great wind and we were nearly blown off our steeds this morning. The Park looked too lovely, oh, how I long to have you cantering by my side "Lord, for to-morrow and its needs I do not pray, Keep me, my God, from stain of sin, just for to-day. Let me both diligently work and duly pray; Let me be kind in word and deed, just for to-day. Let me be slow to do my will, prompt to obey; Help me to sacrifice myself just for to-day. Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say; set thou a seal upon my lips, just for to-day."

"A faithful friend is a strong defence, and he that has found a real one, hath found a treasure. Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his excellency is unvaluable." Oh, my Nicky sweet, what an unending treasure I have found in your love, could I but also fully make you understand the strength of mine, I cannot write any more now, but I shall begin a letter to-night again. God bless you. A good kiss. Ever yr own truly loving little

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "Моя милый, дорогой Ники" = "My sweet, dear Nicky".

"моя душка" = "my darling".

Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 2, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 2, 1915

Sources:

Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=inu.30000011396573&view=1up&seq=236&skin=2021

https://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/october15.html

The letter:

No. 131.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 2-th 1915
My own beloved Sweetheart,
Goodmorning my precious ones, how did you sleep, I wonder! I did not very well its always so when you are away, Lovy mine. So strange to read in the papers, that you & Baby have left for the front. I am sure you felt cosy sitting & playing with Baby, not this perpetual loneliness; for N. P. I am too glad, as he feels lonely there often, none are such particular friends, tho' he likes most of them & they get on splendidly but he misses us all — & now Alexei being there, it will warm him up & he will feel you nearer to him too. Mr. Gilliard will enjoy all & he can speak with the French. — You did have such hard work here, that I am glad it is over now, more or less, & you see the troops to-day!
Oh, how pleased I am, the heart of a soldier's daughter & soldier's wife rejoices for you — & I wish I were with you to see the faces of those brave fellows when they see for whom & with whom they go out to fight. I hope you can take Alexei with you. — The impression will remain for his w[h]ole life & theirs.

Oh how I miss you both! The hour for his prayer, I must say I broke down, so hurried off into my room & said all his prayers in case he should forget to say them. — Please, ask him whether he remembers them daily. — What will it be to you when I fetch him! You must go off too somewhere, not to remain alone. — It seems to me as tho' you were already gone ages ago, such yearning after you — I miss you, my own Angel, more than I can say. — I went to A. this morning & took her to Znamenia & the big Palaces fr. whence she left for town, & I went to the poor boy — he had recognised nobody & not been able to speak, but me he did at once & even spoke a little. From there I went to our hospital. Two new officers have come. The one poor fellow has the ball or splinter in his eye — the other deep in his lungs & a fragment probably in the stomach — he has such a strong internal hemorrhage wh. has completely pushed his heart to the right side so that one clearly sees it beat, hear his right niple. Its a very serious case, & probably he must be operated to-morrow — his pulse is 140 & he is awfully weak, the eyeballs so yellow, the stomach blown up — it will be an anguishing operation. — After luncheon we received 4 new Alexandrovtsi just promoted going off to the war — 2 Elisavetgradtsi & 4 Vosnesentsi? — 4 wounded & Arseniev's son. Then we drove, eat a pear & apple — & went to the cemetry to have a look at our wee temporary Church for our dead heroes. From there to the big Palace to a Te Deum before the Image of the Virgin, wh. I had told them to bring fr. Znamenia it passed through all the wards — it was nice. —

After tea I saw Russin & gave him letters for Victoria & Toria — then Ressin about our journey — only what date to settle, because of Bekker, wh. spoils everything. — Got your telegram at 5½ & we all enjoyed it, thank God you saw the troops, but you do not mention whether — Tiny accompanied you. — Wont you let the soldiers, wh. stand now at Moghilev, show you some exercises & then they can see Baby. His having gone to the army will also bring its blessing our Friend told Ania; even agoo wee one helps. He is furious with the way people go on in Moscou. — There, the Pss. of the Palace has already sent her first perfumed letter so I forward it to you. Personally I think she ought not to ask for him — what wld. it look like, both Paul's sons living lazily, comfortably at the Headquarters, whilst their comrades shed their blood as heroes.

I shall send you the boy's pretty verses to-morrow. If I were you, I should tell Paul about this letter, even show it to him, & explain that its too early to call him back — its bad enough one son not being out at the front & it would harm the boy in the regiment, I assure you; — after a bit of service he can be perhaps given a place as courier of one of the Generals, but not yet, I find. I understand her Mother's heart bleeding — but she must not spoil the boy's career — dont speak to Dmitri about it. — I must now write to Miechen & Aunt Olga, so to speak to invite them to the consecration of our microscopic Church — officially I cant, as the Church is too small, but if I don't, Miechen is sure to be offended. The Pavlovsk family (ladies) I must then too, as their soldiers are buried on our ground. —
Goodbye my Love, sweetest One, Beloved — I bless & kiss you without end.
Ever yr. very own old
Wify.

Khvostov has asked to see me after the 5-th. —

Nicholas's telegram:

Telegram. Rejitza. 2 October, 1915.
Thanks for news. I had the great joy to-day of seeing the wonderful 21st Corps. The weather is splendid, sunny. In thought I am with you and the children. We are now on our way to Mogilev. Alexey and I kiss you all fondly.
NICKY.

Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.

Note: Madame Becker was a euphemism that Alexandra and her daughters used to refer to their menstrual periods.

Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".

Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 1, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 1, 1915

Sources:

Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=inu.30000011396573&view=1up&seq=234&skin=2021

https://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/october15.html

The letter:

No. 129.
Tsarskoje Selo, October 1-st 1915
My own Beloved,
You will read these lines when the train has already carried you from us. This time you can part with a quieter heart, things, God blessed, are going better — exteriorly as interiorly our Friend is here to bless your journey. The holy feast of Pokrov may it shed its blessings upon our troops and bring us victories and the holy Virgin spread her mantle over your whole country. —

Its always the same pain to see you leave & now Baby too for the first time in his life, its not easy, its awfully hard. But for you I rejoice, at least you wont be quite alone & wont agoo wee one be proud to travel with you without any of us women near him. Quite a big boy. I am sure the troops will rejoice, when the news reaches them that he is with you — our officers in the hospital were enchanted. If you see troops beyond Pskov, please, take him also in the motor, — awfully much hope you can see some no matter how few, but it will already create joy & contentment. Wire a word from Pskov about your plans, so that I can follow you in thoughts & prayers.

Lovy my Soul! Oh how hard it is to let you go each time, tho' now I have got the hope to see you soon, but it will make you sad as I come to fetch Alexei — but not before 10 days, I suppose. —

Its so lonely without Your caresses wh. mean everything to me — ah how me loves oo, "better better every day, with unending true devotion, deeper than I can say". But these days have been awfully tiring for you & the last evening we could not even spend quietly together — its sad. — See that Tiny does not tire himself on the stairs, I regret that he does not sleep near you in the train — but at Moghilew it will be cosy — it is not necessary — even, too touching & sweet. I hope you will like my photo of Baby in the frame. Derevenko has got our presents for Baby — the tipe writing mashene he gets here & a big game when he returns — a bag in train. You will give him some writing paper & a silver bowl to have near his bed when he eats fruits in the evening, instead of a china saucer. — Ask him from time to time whether he says his prayers properly, please Deary. — Sweet One, I love you & wish I could never be parted from you & share everything with you. — Oh the joy it was having you here, my Sunshine, I shall feed on the remembrances. — Sleep well huzy, wify is ever near you, with & in you. When you remember the picture books think of old wify for ever & ever. —

God bless you & protect you, guard & guide you.
Ever Your very own old
Sunny.

I bless you.

I kiss & caress every tenderly beloved place & gaze into your deep, sweet eyes wh. long ago conquered me completely.

Love ever grows. —

Nicholas's telegram:

Telegram. Pskov. 1 October, 1915.
Hearty thanks for dear telegram. — We miss you greatly. I sat with Alexey, played various games, walked about on the stations. I have just had dinner with Marie and the Generals. To-morrow I shall inspect the troops further on. Good-night. Sleep well...

Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei.

Note: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".

Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 10 and 11 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 36 to 38, by George Hawkins, 2023

The 1,500th post to this blog!

The letter:

No 10

Buckingham Palace

May 10th 1894

My own precious Nicky,

Tho' I have only just written to you, I am sitting down to scrible again, but this letter will only leave to-morrow. I am alone, Christle has gone to his room and Thora is dressing for a dinner to wh she is going to-night, but as we only dine so late, I think the best way of filling up my time is by sitting in a comfortable armchair with the lamp close to me, chattering to you. No, you cannot imagine how it poured when we were out driving, the 2 poor gentlemen who had to ride next to the carriage looked like drowned rats, it reminded me of the day of the wedding, our drive back from the Rosenau. I am sure you remember my beautiful aspect when I afterwards turned up for tea — Sandra's red cap, a red, wet face and blue frozen hands, from driving Caesar without gloves on. You know you deserve a good scolding for remaining up so late at night, tho' it touches me deeply you do it as to write to the old owl, but still I wish you would not — it is not good. Don't think I am preaching because I myself like doing the same, but it is surely a bad habit to get into and one cannot cure oneself of it so quickly later. I want my Darling to look well when he comes here and not thin and pale as I alas have seen him look.

I wish I could remain quietly up here instead of going to Dinner, it is so quiet and peaceful here and I have been trotting about all day long and am rather ramolie in consequence. I pity my neighbours to-night, they will find me more idiotic than ever. Christle brought in rather an extraordinary part of his garments, to have them [illegible] by his sister's maid. Whenever anyone knocked, he died of fright, lest it should be Gretchen who would have been too terribly shocked. Really, boys are funny creatures, well, men I ought to say as he is getting on for 30. But now I must go and dress. Good night my Boysy, sleep well, and may your Guardian angel keep watch over you, my own true love.

It is getting on for 12 and I am sitting in my bedroom in a décolté gown with no jewels on and my hair all down. I look raving mad, but Madeleine has gone to see some friends who seem to have kept her rather long and my gown is laced and pinned and tied at the back so that I cannot possibly undo it alone and am as helpless as a Baby. Well, Dinner was nice, only I have neuralgia in the one side of my face wh is idiotic, but a night's rest will take it away. A. Beatrice forgot to write the sitting list, so Christle and I being the ones in the house had to arrange it, but I think all were satisfied. Naughty Cousins teazed me so, for sitting went to the nice, young Lord in Waiting, and said I had on purpose arranged it so and they thought it too bad that as I did not go to parties, I chattered with young men, too wicked of them. Why should I not choose an amusing neighbour, and as he was the best of the Gentlemen and I the second last lady, we had to sit next to each other. You don't mind that, I am sure, you know yr old Owl does not flirt, one can talk and laugh without doing that, can't one?

Just before Dinner, I received your sweet letter. Bless you for it my Boysy. You cannot think how intensely happy I am to hear from you. I do not understand why you don't get a letter from me, as I write every day. Please thank dear Xenia for her charming letter. Don't let us speak yet about my coming, tho' I should so much like to see your Parents. I honestly would rather not go. To travel there without Ernie would be so unpleasant, belong to him still in one way, don't I, tho' you have got me quite in another [illegible]. Don't make me travel so far again. I feel Imust write you all I feel and you will understand me, my own precious love, won't you? Toria spoke so much about you again, how fond she is of you. I am sure you must also be very devoted to her, dear girl. It is such a pleasure like that hearing so much about you, as otherwise I have no one to speak about you too — she knows you best. She is going to lend me some books your dear old Priest gave her. I do wish I could see more of her, and hear like that more about my love. She wore the lovely bracelet you have her. I am glad you have had such a friend all these years and I hope I will never stand in the way of your friendship — friendship is such a lovely rare thing that one must not loose it for anything. "Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." What a noble, fine, utterly unselfish character hers is. Anyone whom you love is doubly dear to me, for they must be worth loving if you care for them.

But now, I really must be off to bed. Good night again. God bless you. "Almighty and ever lasting God, give unto us the increase of faith, hope and charity, and that we may obtain that which thou dost promise, make us to love that which thou dost command, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." "He will give His Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all His ways." "Gracious is the Lord and righteous, yea, our God is merciful. I was in misery, and He helped me." "Let us be content, we do not know what is good for us, and God does." God bless you, Nicky dear.

Goodmorning my own sweet one. I hope you slept well and had no fight with hats. Thora, Sandra, Gretchen and I went to a picture gallery, but I was greatly disappointed. There was nothing of interest to be seen, then we drove through the Park. There is an exhibition of English silks going on here, and Grdmama allowed me to choose two pieces for dresses she will give me for my wedding. One is white with little coloured flowers and silver line twisted in and out, and the other a greyish white with pinkish red japonica. I took it immediately, as it reminded me the most of our flower, only that is a prunus something.

It is finer to-day, and this morning the sun shone. Aunt B is remaining here for the Theatre, so Granny and I will return all alone to Windsor. I can well imagine that her letter was a difficulty to decypher.

But I must be off.

Ever, beloved Nicky mine, yr own true little Bride

Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Notes: ramolie = exhausted.

"Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." = "Friendship makes men like God's angels etc."

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 8 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 24 to 27, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 7

Windsor Castle

May 8th 1894

My милый, дорогой Ники,

Здравствуйте! I am just back from breakfast with Grandmama. Aunt Vicky sent a long letter of Sophie's — poor things, it must be too terrible in Greece, these incessant shocks. She said what had made such a curious impression when on Good Friday night the procession in the streets with the carpet and candles, all sang out Lord have mercy on us! No really it must be too fearful for words living in the constant dread of being shattered to atoms. It is as tho' they were being punished for some great sin, one cannot understand it. But God knows best why He is inflicting them with this misfortune and tho' we seem to think it cruel, what sorrows this life does bring and what great trials, how difficult to bear them patiently, and then again we are not half grateful enough for the joys this life brings us. Darling, I am sure these five years have been good for both of us, I only know they have made me think of God far more than I did before. Suffering always draws one nearer to God, does it not, and when we think of what Jesus Christ had to bear for us, how little and small our sorrows seem in comparison and yet we fret and grumble and are not patient as He was.

Oh my love, I wish I had you always by my side, how you might help me and teach me to be a better creature — I am not half worthy of you. I have still so much to learn, that is why I also say, do not let us marry just yet, tho' separation is hard, it is better not to hurry. And think only of the Religious question, you cannot expect me to know and understand it all immediately and to know a thing only half, is not right, and I must know the language a bit, so as to be able to follow the services a little.

To-day Georgie's answer came but sent to Aunt Alix, as I had simply signed Alix, he of course did not think of me.

Well the Staals dined last night and were most amiable and the Italian Ambassador and wife. He had been long ago in St Petersburg and his wife is Russian — good heavens how she chattered, one did not know any more where one's head was. We eat white bait and I longed to send you my plate, flying over the sea. I have got a large thing to burn and paint for Granny's Birthday on May 24th and I don't know how to get it done as I have had as yet absolutely no time and my legs ache fiendishly. Now Louise Aribert has telegraphed to her Parents that she is coming to them on the 25th so there is no room for me. I am sorry as it would have been nice, but perhaps Granny will allow me to go earlier for four days.

Still no news of Frl. Schneider. I wish Ella would let me know. I have been for 10 minutes with Gretchen — it is close and yet windy, not enjoyable weather. Oh, I do so long for a letter from you, they take such ages to come. I wonder if you have very much to do, my old, sweet thing. The ink is so watery that one makes blotches perpetually, too dirty, o tho' [illegible].

Aunt Alix and the 2 girls are coming to luncheon — poor Victoria — God bless her and may He some day make her happy, she deserves it, the dear Child, and little Maudy too. When one is happy, one longs to see others also joyous and grieves one cannot do anything for them — don't you too?

Some German lines I think so pretty, and which are set to music by F. Liszt.

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen."

This moment I received your sweet letter, for which very fondest thanks and many a loving kiss. You cannot think how intensely happy it has made me, and that your Parents have agreed. Oh, you sweet boy, my own, my precious darling, my Nicky dear. I feel another being since your letter has come and all the dear words and little flower. God bless you my love.

You naughty thing, how dare you say that about the sly look and the house on the left!!!! Be ashamed of yourself, I wish I were there to pinch you for it.

The monogram on your paper does for me A H Hessen. This monogram I have stamped on the papers with a thing that belonged to darling Mama, that is why it has got the English crown.

I can see all the people running in to your room, how happy they must be to have you back again and how you must rejoice being home again — home, "there is no place like home" how true it is — and then to think that it is some day to also be the old owl's, I can scarcely believe it.

Aunt Alix and the three girls have left again, they were very dear, especially Victoria. She is going to write to you. They dine on Thursday at Buckingham Palace so I shall see them there. They are greatly looking forward to seeing you — how they all love you, well, I think I can understand it — you old beast, you make a rumpus in our heart.

The wind is howling and the grey clouds are collecting to-gether, so I fear we shall be douched out driving with Granny.

No, I am so happy with your angelical letter and only wish I could write such nice ones. And you all take nice walks to-gether, the whole happy family. Yes, indeed, I miss the inevitable Rosenau so much, tho' we grumbled then, now I look back upon those afternoons and long for them again.

Sweet Boy, I must say goodbye now, with many a tender kiss and fond blessing, I remain

Ever yr deeply devoted little girly

Alix

To-morrow we are off to London so my next letter will be from there — how I shall rejoice if the postman brings me a letter every day, or is it expecting too much!

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: "My милый, дорогой Ники, здравствуйте!" = "My dear, sweet Nicky, hello!".

"Es muss ein Wunderbares sein

Ums Lieben zweier Seelen,

Sich schliessen ganz einander ein,

Sich nie ein Wort verhehlen,

Und Freud und Leid und Glück und Not

So mit einander tragen;

Vom ersten Kuss bis in den Tod

Sich nur von Liebe sagen." =

"How woundrous it must be

When two souls love each other,

Locking each other wholly in,

Never concealing a single word,

And sharing with each other

Joy and sorrow, weal and woe;

Talking only of love

From the first kiss unto death."

(Translation by Richard Stokes, author of The Book of Lieder (Faber, 2005).

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 6 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 21 to 23, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 5
Windsor Castle, May 6th 1894
Дорогой, милый Ники,
Здравствуйте! I have just come back from service, we had lovely singing and a fine sermon. I prayed most earnestly for my darling. I wish you had been there, I think you would like the English service, the prayers are to beautiful and elevating.

This moment a letter has come from Aunt Alix, full of yr praise and so kind. She wants me to go with them to Sandringham from Saturday to Monday — whether Granny can spare me I don't know as she does not care for our going on visits whilst one is living with her. I shall ask her afterwards. I would much rather have waited and gone with you, it wld have been less shy work as they have always a large party, into wh I so little belong. I forgot to say yesterday that foolish Georgie says I am to insist upon yr wearing high heals and that I am to have quite low ones. May, he says won't change hers, but he wears much higher ones — at first they had been uncomfortable but now he did not mind it any more. I can see yr face when you read this — really so mad! As if the highth made any difference, and a gentleman with high heals looks too absurd and I am sure you would never do it.

Granny is alas very lame to-day, wh depresses her, poor dear. Darling you will be able to get leave sometimes, so as that we can come and see her, as who knows how long we may still have her in our midst and it makes her so unhappy thinking me so far away, as we all have been so constantly here, and she has always been a second mother to us, and treated us more as her own children, not like Grandchildren. It is too awful when I think anything may happen to her — then the whole family wld more or less separate and it wld never be the same again — the head wld be missing, round whom all used to collect. God grant that she may be spared to us still many years.

I must dress now as I am to go out with her and Aunt. I shall probably only follow the carriage a bit as it goes to fast for me now with my rotten old legs.

Me come back again. Granny won't spare me, I am not to go, she has the first right to me and it is the last time and she does not think it good I should go if they have a large party and without you. She seems not to wish me to go there, even not whilst she is at Balmoral. I am to see her in London she says. I am also not to go to Ascot races without you, it wld not be proper, well, honestly, I much prefer not going to the latter.

Last night Aunt B and I played to Granny some things of Grieg wh she liked. Thora, the snipe, is coming this afternoon and I want her to go to Church with me.

I have had such idiotical dreams, I who usually never dream, that it was a mistake, that I was not engaged to you, tho' I loved you awfully, but to your Uncle Alexei, you and I were always to-gether, skating, and I was in despair as I only cared for you and I did not know how to get out of it — too absurd. I was completely confused when I woke up in the morning. It is warm and windy. I hope the post will bring me a letter to-morrow as they take to long coming from Russia and I am longing for news.

Many tender kisses, sweetest One, and bless you. I am yearning for you. The bells chime so beautifully here, I wish they could ring over to you.

I have just seen Dr. Reid and he is going to give me a nerve tonic and I am to take what my Dr told me too. My pulse ought to be stronger. I shall be good and do all I am told as I must get my legs in order, for all the standing. I do wonder when I shall get your first letter from home.

"La vie est un sommeil, l'amoue en est le rêve, et vous avez vécu, si vous avez aimé."

Now my own precious One, I must say Goodbye. Many a tender kiss do I press here for my Pet. God bless and protect you my Own beloved One, my Nicky sweet.
Ever yr deeply loving and devoted little Girl
Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Notes: "Дорогой, милый Ники, здравствуйте!" = "Dear, darling Nicky, hello!".

Thora = Princess Helena Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein (1870-1948), daughter of Princess Helena and Prince Christian. Cousin of Alix.

"La vie est un sommeil, l'amoue en est le rêve, et vous avez vécu, si vous avez aimé." = "Life is a sleep, love is its dream, and you have lived, if you have loved."

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 5 (New Style), 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 17 to 19, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

No. 4 Windsor Castle

May 5th 1894

My own sweet Nicky dear,

Thanks for your dear message in Granny's telegram, we were breakfasting to-gether when it came. Then Gretchen and I went down to Frogmore, picked primroses and sat baking in the sun. She has to climb to get at them now, as my Boysy is alas not here. I had to think so much of the Rosenau and how I made poor you pick the whole time. I fear you must sometime have wished me to Jericho. Then Granny came and we went to the Mausoleum and placed wreathes there. It is so pretty and lies so lovely, you will, I am sure, there are lots of charming pattes and benches. Really it is too bad, the whole day people have been fidgeting, so that I could not finish this letter, and then I had to try on stupid, uninteresting clothes, 2 new blouses I have bought and 2 hats. "Schlumpers" are coming still.

Well, Georgie and May have been here and he sends you his very best love — you are his oldest and best friend. They were very nice, but I wanted you and your big eyes. I have just got a grand telegram: "Les Cosaque d'Orenburg réunis à l'occasion de leur fête patronale de St George's présent votre Altesse de vouloir bien agréer leurs vœux et hommages les plus respectueux inspirés par le dévouement sans bornes qu'ils portent à votre august fiancé les prières de tous sont unanimes pour le bonheur de vo Altesse Impériale. Ataman der Cosaques d'Orenburg General Major Ersehoss." I shall ask someone to help answering it properly as you know alas how weak my French is.

I drove with Granny and A. Beatrice in the Park and had tea in a cottage manor hill. The woods are too lovely and the roads and grass so inviting for a canter. We must ride when you come. My legs have been so bad all day that I have sent for Dr Reid — it will never do for you to have a lame wife. Wife — how funny that sounds! I cannot yet realize that the old owl is to be yours. If only she were worthy enough for you and could be a real help and comfort. But she will do all in her power for her own sweet Pelly whom she adores more than words can express. I hear an old barrelorgan down in the town, it makes me think of my childhood — how long ago that seems now, so much has happened, such never to be forgotten sorrows, and now this joy! Oh sweet one, thanks for your love which I value, oh, so highly. I have to think of days ago — do you remember our evening — I see you still in your white uniform waiting to go to Church, and then I was alone, but my prayers and thoughts followed you. To-morrow in Church our thoughts will meet and our prayers join. I must also go to evening service — it is so beautiful and does one such good — the lovely singing, fine Chapel, oh, could you but be at my side. And Ernie, how he loved it and he has a wife and is at home and happy — I am in a horrid mood to-night, I feel low and depressed and scarcely know how to keep back my tears — it is that dreadful barrelorgan I believe and the solitary lamp wh make me so foolish, but it will never do, my letter will be too idiotic otherwise. Ach, and I want to write to the Weeping Willow for his Birthday and then I must dress for dinner.

Of course, Georgie said I must not keep you all the time, but must let you come to London as he saw so little of you at his wedding wh I understand. I understand anyone wanting you.

Well, what have you been able to arrange for Xenia and Sandro? Give them my best love and say how much I am thinking of them. I forget, did I write out these lines for you already or not?

"Pray for all those who love thee,

All who are loved by thee,

Pray for those who hate thee,

If any such there be.

Then for thyself a blessing

In meekness humbly claim

And link with each petition

Thy great Redeemer's name."

"Love is the one thing on earth we never lose. It is like a cool river growing broader and deeper as it flows towards the sea, which makes all fields greener where it passes, the sweet flowers bloom. It flowed through Paradise long ago and they called it the River of Life." Yes, truly, love is the greatest blessing on earth and he to be pitied who knows it not. But I must rush, Victoria and Ludwig are arriving. Farewell beloved Boy, my own, own true Darling, the sweetest Boy that ever was.

God bless you now and evermore. Many tender kisses from yr ever deeply loving old Spitzbub owl and frog.

Аликсъ

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's Easter poems for Nicholas, dated April 29, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 324 to 326, by George Hawkins, 2023

The poems:

Easter, April 29th 1894
Palais Edinburg, Coburg
Pray for all those you love thee
All who are loved by thee
Pray too for those who hate thee
If any such there be.
The for thyself a blessing
In meekness humbly claim
And back with each petition
Thy Great Redeemer's Name
—
I want a heart not heeding
What others think or say,
I want a humble spirit
To listen and obey
To serve Thee without ceasing
'Tis but a little while,
My strength, the Master's promise
My joy, the Master's smile.
Oh! Jesus Christ my Master
I come to Thee to-day,
I ask Thee to direct me,
In all I do or say.
I want to keep my promise
To be Thy servant true
I come to Thee for orders
Dear Lord, what shall I do?
—
Hush my dear, lie still and slumber
Holy angels guard thy bed!
Heavenly blessings without number
Gently falling on thy head.
—
I dreamt that I was happy
A soft voice whispered near
And bid me raise my drooping head
And nothing more to fear
I dreamt that through this dreary world
The more the wanderer roved
I dreamt the bliss too deep for earth!
I dreamt that I was loved
Bright faces smiled upon me
Sof[t] music floated around
And all was hope and love and joy
On that unbaunted ground
One smiled upon me lovingly,
My eyes to him were raised
And in that depth of light I read
His secret as I gazed.
—
Let them love now who never loved before
Let them who always loved now love the more.
To my own darling Nicky, with every possible good wish and blessing for Easter April 29th 1894, Coburg
Fr yr deeply loving old Alix

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated April 10, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 316 to 317, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

April 10th 1894
Душка Ксеніи,
A tender kiss and best thanks for your dear letter and the charming photos. It seems too funny to think that you are about to be married. God bless you, my sweet Child and may you have every possible happiness.
Darling, why did you speak about that subject wh we never wanted to mention again? It is cruel, as you know it never can be — all along I have said so, and do you think it is not already hard enough to know you are hurting just the person whom of all other you wld long to please. But it cannot be — he knows it — and so do not I pray you, speak of it again. I know Ella will begin again, but what is the good of it, and it is cruel always to say I am ruining his life — can I help it, when to make him happy I should be committing a sin in my conscience. It is hard enough as it is, and beginning about it again and again is so unkind. You, who have found what your heart has desired, think only kindly of me, tho' I am grieving you too. One worry and sorrow follows the other — in 5 days we are off to Coburg for Ernie's Wedding — what my feelings are you can imagine. God grant they may be happy — she is such a dear. I am going to England for two or three months, as I shld only be in their way here.

The heat is great, but everything is so green and lovely, and all the fruittrees in bloom — too beautiful, we spend many hours in the woods.
Goodbye my little Chicken, many a loving kiss from yr ever devoted old
Alix
Best love to Sandro

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated November 20, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 308, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
Nov 20th 1893
Душка Ксеніи,
A good kiss and fondest thanks for yr dear letter. It was such a pleasure hearing again from you. Yes, do continue writing to me, don't let what I am going to tell you put a stop to our friendship and correspondence. My photo and a letter I have sent through Ella to Nicky. In it he will see that I cannot change my decision — I cannot because untrue to my own confession, do not believe that my love is less, why that has made it so far more hard and difficult to me and I have been torturing myself. To hurt one whom one loves is fearful, and yet, I don't want him to go on hoping as I can never change my Religion. God bless the dear, and may he not think ill of his old Pelly.
I feel too upset to write any more.
Yr old
Alix

Let me hear sometimes from you, may I? Don't let us quite drift apart, that would be too hard.

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated November 20, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 306 to 308, by George Hawkins, 2023

Written in response to this letter from Nicholas:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2023/04/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-october.html

Nicholas's reply to this letter:

https://empressalix.blogspot.com/2023/04/nicholass-letter-to-alix-dated-december.html

The letter:

Darmstadt
Nov 20th 1893
Dearest Nicky,
I send you my very best thanks for your dear letter and enclose the photograph you wished to have and which Ella will forward to you. I believe it must have been a stronger will than ours which ordained that we should not meet at Coburg, for like this it gives me the chance to write to you all my innermost feelings wh perhaps on the spur of the moment I might not have said, or that you might have misunderstood me. You know what my feelings are as Ella has told you them already, but I feel it my duty to tell them you myself. I have thought over everything for a long time and I only beg you not to think that I take it lightly for it grieves me terribly and makes me very unhappy. I have tryed to look at it in every light that is possible, but I always return to one thing. I cannot do it against my conscience. You, dear Nicky, who have also such a firm belief will understand me that I think it a sin to change my belief and I would be miserable all the days of my life, knowing that I had done a wrongful thing. I am certain that you would not wish me to change against my conviction. What happiness can come from a marriage wh begins without the real blessing of God. For I feel it a sin to change that belief in wh I have been brought up and wh I love. I should never find my peace of mind again, and like that I should never be able to be your real companion who should help you on in life, for there always would be something between us in my not having the real conviction of the belief I had taken and in regret for the one I had left. It would be acting a lie to you, your Religion and to God. This is my feeling of right and wrong, and one's innermost religious convictions and one's peace of conscience towards God, so before all one's earthly wishes. As all these years have not made it possible for me to change my resolution in acting thus, I feel that now is the moment to tell you again that I can never change my Confession. I am certain that you will understand this clearly and see as I do, that we are only torturing ourselves about something impossible, and it would not be a kindness to let you go on having vain hopes wh will never be realized.
And now Goodbye my darling Nicky and may God bless and protect you.
Ever your loving
Alix

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Nicholas.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 300 to 301, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Jagdschloss Wolfsgarten
Aug 29th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I have been waiting until now before writing to You, as I was sure that in the first days of Your grief, you would not care to receive letters. But my thoughts and prayers were with you. Poor dear Grandmama, how terribly sad You must have been when the news of poor uncle's death reached You, as it must have brought back so many sad remembrances of the bygone. I wish I could find words to tell you how very much I feel for You, especially after myself having gone through such a terrible time last year. But where people no longer can give comfort, then one will find it in God. I am sure being in beautiful Scotland will help to make You feel less sad and the good air will I hope do You good.

What a pleasure it will be for Ella and Serge to go to Balmoral — and for Louie too. It is so nice having the dear Child here, though her looks frighten one. My great hope is that going back to her old house and seeing all her Relations and old friends will make her feel better and more sensible. She is terribly homesick.

Thora arrived here on Sunday and is full of the delightful time she spent at Osborne. Herr Wolff was here for eight days, which was a great delight to us all as he plays too beautifully. It reminded me so much of Balmoral last year. I accompanied him often and it was a great pleasure, though at first frightening as I had never done it before.

Now at last the weather is a little cooler for the heat has been quite terrible. Ernie gets wheeled out every afternoon in a bathchair wh makes a nice change for him. But as yet he is not allowed to walk.

But I think I ought to be saying Goodbye now, as I do not wish to bother You with a long letter, only I felt that I must send You a few lines to tell You how deeply I feel for You in Your grief.

God bless You, my own precious Grandmama, and may He be a comfort and strength to You. Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I remain, Ever Your very loving, dutiful and devoted Child,
Alix

P. S. Ernie and the Cousins sends You their very best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Queen Victoria's brother-in-law, Ernest II, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, had passed away on August 22, 1893.

Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated September 17, 1915, and Nicholas's letter and telegram, dated September 17, 1915

Sources:

Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=inu.30000011396573&view=1up&seq=222&skin=2021

https://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/september15.html

The letter:

No. 125.
Tsarskoje Selo, Sept. 17-th 1915
My very own beloved Darling,
It was with a feeling of intense relief, that I got your dear telegram telling me that the committee went off alright & that you strongly told them your opinion into their faces. God recompense you for this my treasure. You cannot imagine how hard it is not being with you, near you at such times, not knowing what is being discussed, hearing such horrors here.

Deary, Khvostov came to Ania again & entreated to see me, so I shall to-day. From all he told her one sees he thoroughly understands the situation & that with skill & cleverness, he thinks, one can manage to set all to rights. He knows that his Uncle & Goremykin are against him, i. e. they are afraid of him as he is very energetic. But he is above all devoted to you & therefore offers his services to you, to try him & see whether he cannot help. He esteems the old man very much & would not go against him. Once already now he stopped the question in the Duma about our Friend in time — now they intend bringing it up as one of the first questions. Samarin & Stcherbatov spread so much about Gregory & Stcherbatov showed your telegrams, our Friends & Varnava's to heaps of people — fancy the hideousness (about John Maximovitch) of such an act — private telegrams — this Khvostov told — & Varnava too, how did they dare take the telegrams, when the people at the telegr. office have to take oaths — consequently it came through Dzhunkovsky before, the governor, Stcherbatov & Samarin (just as Varnava already told me) — he will put a stop to this, knows all the parties in the Duma & will know how to talk to them. He proposes his Uncle (Minister of Justice) instead of Samarin being a very religious man & knowing much about the Church, & in his place Senator Krasheninnikov, whom you have sent to Moscou to investigate things & they say everybody praises him highly. Now that Gregory advises Khvostov I feel its right & therefore I will see him. He got an awful shock as in the evening papers one said Krizhanovsky (is that the name) had left for the Headquarters, he is a very bad man & you very much always disliked him & I told the old Man so — God forbid him having advised him again.

Did you look through Khvostov book? only as soon as you can come & quickly make the changes, they will go on working against our Friend & that is a great evil. He will not play fast & loose with the press like Stcherbatov but watch it & stop whenever necessary wrong articles. Its madning not to know what you think, what you are deciding — its a cross going through this anguish fr. far — & perhaps you are making no changes until you return & I am uselessly worrying. Only wire a word to quieten me. If no ministers yet changed — simply wire "no changes yet", & if you are thinking about Khvostov say "I remember the tail" & if not "dont need the tail", but God grant you will think well of him — therefore I receive him as he begs for it quicker — why he believes in my wisdom & help I don't know, it only shows he wishes to serve you & yr. dynasty against those brigands & screamers. — Oh my Love, how dear you are to me, how infinitely do I long to help you & be of real use — I do so pray to God always to make me be yr. Guardian Angel & helper in everything — some look at me as that now — & others cannot find nasty enough things to say about me. Some are afraid I am meddling in state affairs (the ministers) & others look upon me as the one to help as you are not here (Andronnikov, Khvostov, Varnava & some others) that shows who is devoted to you in the real sense of the word — they will seek me out & the others will avoid me — is it not true, Sweetheart?

Do read the 36-th Psalm, it is so lovely & strengthening & consoling. — Ah me loves Zoo so, so, so much & so passionately.

Only 6 degrees, but such a glorious, sunny morning — a real gift of Gods. — Slept midling, got off only after 3, sad thoughts haunted me. — Why was Kaluga chosen, so far to the south? Do you pass by Pskov coming here, so as to see Russky & perhaps some troops?

How disgusting that Gutchkov, Riabushinsky, Weinstein (a real Jew for sure) Laptev, Zhunkovsky have been chosen into the Council of the Empire by all those brutes. Indeed one will have nice work with them. Khvostov hopes that in 2, 3 months one can put all into order with cleverness & decision.

Ah, if he could but be the one to do it, even if the old man is against him — from fright. One can be sure he will act carefully, & once he intends standing up for our Friend, God will bless his work & his devotion to you — the others Samarin & Stcherbatov sell us simply — cowards!

I see also Prince Tumanov instead of Frolov will be here — thats surely a good choice. Keep always an eye on Polivanov, please.

The painter Makovsky has had a horrible accident, his horse bolted & flew into a tram — he lies in a hospital with concussion of the brain & a cut on his head. — Now I must quickly get up & dress for the service of old Arseniev.

Mass begins at 10, so we shall go at 11 — I take Olga & Tatiana too. — Well. Sweetie, I have talked with "the tail" for an hour & am full of the best impressions. I was honestly, rather anxious, as A. is sometimes carried off for a person — but we talked over every possible subject & I came to the conclusion, that to work with such a man would be a pleasure. Such a clear head, understanding so perfectly the gravity of the situation, & understanding how one must fight against it. That is much, as here one criticises & rarely proposes antedotes. He is also of course horrified that Gutchkov & Riabushinsky have got into the Council of the Empire — it is indeed a scandle — & one knows Gutchkov's work is against the dynasty, I wish you could get him for a good talk. — Entre autre he told me, that Stcherbatov shows about all yr. telegr. & our Friends to whomsoever he wishes — many are disgusted & others enchanted. What right has he to potter in his E.'s private affairs & have the telegraphs shown him? How do I know if he wont watch ours to, after that you can, alas, never more call him a gentleman or honest. Krivoshein is too well acquainted with Gutchkov being married to a lady fr. Moscou (also of the merchant families & that makes one). — I have so much in my head, that I don't know what to begin with nor what to tell. —

In any case he finds you must quicker change the ministers, above all Stcherbatov & Samarin as the old man cannot stand with them opposite to the Duma. Now, having spoken with him — I can honestly advise you to take him without any fear. He talks well & does not hide this fact, wh. is a plus, as one needs people to speak easily & be ready with a word to answer back at once & to the point. He could fight that duel with Gutchkov & God would bless him, I think. Of course he had too much tact & was too clever to hint about himself — he only thanked me many times for having allowed him to pour out all that was on his soul, as he puts his hope & trust on me to help for the good cause for you & Baby & Russia. All is in Moscou & Petrograd wh. is bad — but, the government must look ahead & prepare for after the war & this question he finds one of the most serious. And if he stands in the Duma, he must for his country's sake say all this things & then unwillingly again he will show up the weakness & not thinking beforehand (what abominable English) of the Government. When the war is over, all those 1000 of men working in fabrics for the army will sit without work & of course be a discontented lot to do with — therefore already now that must all be thought of, all the places, fabrics written down, the quantity of working hands etc. & be settled what one will give them then to do, not to leave them in the street — & that will take long to prepare & think out & is of greatest gravity wh. of course is absolutely true. Then will be so many discontented elements, now they have money, then the troops return, the men to the villages, many ill & maimed, many whose patriotism & spirit now keep them up, will then be lowspirited & dissatisfied & act badly on the workmen, therefore it is of them one must think — & one sees he would do it. Wonderfully clever, does not matter if he is a bit selfsure, its not offensively noticed — only an energetic devoted man, who yearns to help you & his country. Then the preparations beforehand for the elections into the Duma (later) — the bad prepare, & so must the good "canvas", as one says in England. — He says Mme Stolypin is trying hard for Tatiana's Neidhardt, hoping to play a part again herself — but he finds him quite incapable. You would enjoy working with this man & you would not have to be keeping him up, pushing him on — with you here or there, one feels he wld. work just as honestly. He got safely through in his governments during the revolution (& shot at). It seems it was he who asked to have the relics of Paul Obnorsky arranged, I had quite forgotten. — He says the old man is afraid of him because he is old & cannot bend into new ideas (as you yourself told me) & does not realise that one cannot do without new things & must count with them & cannot ignor them. The Duma exist — there is nothing to be done, & with such a hard worker, the old man would get on alright. — Excellent you did not see Rodzianko, at once their noses went down — you shut the Duma wh. they thought you wld. not dare to — all quite right. Now you dont, thank God, receive the Moscou deputation, all the better — again they intend asking, & don't you give in, else it looks as tho' you acknowledge their existence (whatever you may even say to them). That you went to the war was splendid, & he is horrified that people dared be so blind & unpatriotic & frightened as to be against it. Sees the way how to act with the press, & not as Stcherbatov has been playing with it. —

Now I must end, Lovy, its 7 o'clock — I have written all this in half an hour so excuse atrocious writing.

Really, my Treasure, I think he is the man & our Fr. hinted to A. in his wire; — I am always careful in my choice — but I have not the feeling wh. I had to Stcherbatov when he came to me. And he understands one must watch Polivanov since Gutchkov has got into the Council of the Empire, is not oversure of him. He sees & thinks like us — he did nearly all the talking. — Try him now, because Stcherbatov must leave, a man who openly shows about your telegrams & Gregory's wh. he has kidnapped & Samarin too — are utterly unworthy ministers & no better than Makarov who showed my letter to our Friend, to others too — & Stcherbatov is a rag & stupid. — If the old man grumbles — does not matter — wait & see how he proves himself to be, worse than Stcherbatov he cannot be, but I think 1000 time better, God grant, that I am not mistaken & I honestly believe I am not. I prayed before seeing him, as was rather frightened of the talk. Looks one straight into the eyes. —

I drove with my 5 girls to Pavlovsk, glorious weather.

Were 1½ hour in Church, Nadinka held herself well. — Petia hopes still to see you here, then must go South for his lungs. —

Blessings & kisses without end. Khvostov has refreshed me, my spirit was not down, but I yearned to see a "man" at last — & here I saw & heard him. And you together would keep each other going. —

I bless you my Angel, God bless you & the holy Virgin.
Cover you with longing, loving, tender kisses,
Ever, huzy mine, yr. very own old
Sunny.

Nobody is any the wiser I saw him. —

Anastasia intensely proud & happy with yr. letter. —

Bow to Fredericks & N. P.

Love to Misha & Dimitri.

Nicholas's letter:

Mogilev. 17 September, 1915.
MY BELOVED SUNNY,
The courier leaves before the evening, at such an hour that I never have any time to write quietly. Misha often sits with me, and I lose my free time, and in the evening I am obliged to rummage through my papers. Praise be to God, things go well with us, and our wonderful troops are pushing forward between Dvinsk and another place at Sventzy. It gives me an opportunity for coming home for a week — I hope to arrive on Wednesday morning! That will be a happy day! Alexeiev hopes that perhaps there will now be no necessity to move the Stavka, and that is a good thing, especially from the moral point of view. Yesterday's sitting has clearly shown me that the Ministers do not wish to work with old Gor., in spite of the stern words which I addressed to them; therefore, on my return, some changes must take place.

It is a pity that I have no time to answer all your questions. God bless you, my dear precious Wify; I think incessantly of our meeting. I kiss you and all the children fondly and remain
Ever your old
NICKY.

Misha thanks you and sends his greetings.

Nicholas's telegram:

Telegram. Stavka. 17 September, 1915.
Sincerest thanks for your dear letter, and for Marie's and Anastasia's letters. Misha has gone home, but will come again. I have written to-day. I hope that you are well. Charming weather. The news is still good. I kiss all fondly.
NICKY.

Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of tashusik2 on Flickr.

Above: Olga and Tatiana accepting donations.

Notes: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".

"Weinstein (a real Jew for sure)" = Anti-Semitism was rampant in the Russian Empire, it was wrong then and it is wrong now.

entre autre = among other things.

sitting = conference.

Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated September 16, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated September 16, 1915

Sources:

Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=inu.30000011396573&view=1up&seq=219&skin=2021

https://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/september15.html

The letter:

No. 124.
Tsarskoje Selo, Sept. 16 th 1915
My very own beloved Darling,
Ever such tender kisses and thanks for your treasure of a letter. Ah, how I love to hear fr. you, over and over I reread your letters and kiss them. Shall we really soon have you here — it seems to be too good to be true. It will then be four weeks we are separated — a rare thing in our lives, we have been such lucky creatures and therefore one feels the parting all the more. And now when times are so very hard and trying, I long quite particularly to be near you with my love and tenderness, to give you cheer and courage and to keep you up to being decided and energetic. — God help you my beloved One, to find the right issue to all the difficult questions — this is my constant earnest prayer. But I fully believe in our Friend's words that the glory of your reign is coming, ever since you stuck to your decision, against everybody's wish — and we see the good result. Continue thus, full of energy and wisdom, feeling more sure of yourself and heeding less to the advice of others. Voyeikov did not rise in my opinion this summer, I thought him cleverer and less frightened. He has never been my weakness, but I appreciate his practical brain for simple affairs and orderliness. But he is too selfsure and that has always aggravated me and his mother in law. All this must have been a good lesson to him, lets hope. Only he sticks too much to Stcherbatov, who is a null — tho' he may be a nice man — but I fear that he and Samarin are one. — Heart and soul I shall be praying for you — may the committee go off well — they made me mad last time, and when I looked through the window I did not like their faces and I blessed you over and over again from far. God give you force, wisdom and power to impress them, and to make them realise how badly they have fulfilled your orders these three weeks. You are the master — and not Gutchkov, Stcherbatov, Krivoshein, Nikolai III (as some dare call Nikolasha) Rodzianko, Savorin — they are nothing and you are all, anointed by God. —

I am too happy that Misha is with you, thats why I had to write to him — your very own brother, its just his place, and the longer he stops with you, away from her bad influence the better it is and you will get him to see things with your eyes. Do speak often about Olga, when you are out together, don't let him think badly of her. As you have much to do, tell him simply to write for you to her to tell her what you are doing — that may break the ice between them. Say it naturally, as tho' you never imagined it could be otherwise. I hope he is at last nice with good Mordvinov and does not cut that devoted, loving soul who tenderly loves him.

I do so wonder what the English wrote after you took over the command, I see no Engl. papers, so have no idea. They and the French really seem continuing to push forwards; thank goodness, that they at last could begin and let us hope it will draw some troops away from our side. After all its colossal what the Germans have to do, and one cannot but admire how well and systematically all is operated — did our "mashene" work as well as theirs wh. is of long training and preparation and had we the same amount of railways, war would for sure already have been over. Our Generals are not well enough prepared — tho' many were at the Japanese war, and the Germans have had no war since ages. How much there is to learn from them, wh. is good and necessary for our nation and other things one can turn away from with horror. There was little news in the papers, and you wired last night that the news was good, so that means that we are firmly keeping them at bay. — There are 9 degr. this morning, and it is grey and rainy, not inviting weather. —

Little Nadinka Arseniev is coming to me this morning — poor girl, she was so touched by my letter and yr. sympathy I expressed them all, that she begged me to see her, as none had written so kindly. Poor, foolish child, what will become of her and her brother with all their old nurses and governesses. Her Father was everything to her in life. —

All my thoughts are with you, Sweetheart and those odious Ministers, whose opposition makes me rage — God help you to impress them with yr. firmness and knowledge of the situation and yr. great disapprouval of their behaviour — wh. at such a moment is nothing else but treacherous. But personally I think you will be obliged to change Stcherbatov, Samarin probably longnosed Sazonov and Krivoshein too — they wont change and you cannot keep such types to fight against a new Duma.

How one is tired of all these questions — the war is quite enough and all the misery it has brought and now one must think and work to set all to rights and see that nothing is wanted for the troops, wounded, cripples, families, and refugees. — I shall anxiously await a telegram fr. you, tho' you wont be able to put much in it. —

I am glad my long letters don't bore you and that you feel cosy reading them. I cannot talk with you on paper at least, otherwise it would be too hard, this separation and all the rest wh. worries one. —

Gregory telegraphed that Suslik shld. return and then made us understand that Khvostov wld. be good. You remember, he went once to see him (I think by yr. wish) to N. Novgorod. — I do so long for at last things to go smoother and let you feel you can quite give yourself up to the war and its interests. — How do you think about what I wrote of Ivanov as aid, so as that Alexeiev wont carry all the responsibility when you are off and on away, here or inspecting the troops, wh. I do wish you could soon do — en passant, without preparation by motor fr. a bigger place — nobody will watch 2 motors or 3 even and you could rejoice yr. heart and theirs. — Xenia and Sandro lunch, Aunt Sasha comes to tea and then, I think, I must go for the carrying out of the body of Arseniev as thats not long and then to-morrow to the funeral at Znamenia.

I am so glad the flowers arrive fresh — they cheer up the room and they come out of my vases with all my love and tenderness. — I wonder, whether you asked Stcherbatov what he meant by telling you that nothing wld. be printed in the papers about the speeches at Moscou, when they wrote whatsoever they wished. Coward that he is! —

I am choosing photos. I made, so as to have an album printed for Xmas (like A. Alex's) for charity, and I think it will sell well, as the small albums with my photos sold at once here this summer — and in the Crimea. —

Went for a drive to Pavlovsk with Anastasia, Marie and Ania, — the weather was lovely, the sun shone and all glittered like gold, a real treat such weather. At first I placed candles before the Virgin's Image, and St. Nicolas at Znamenia and prayed fervently for you. Church was being cleaned up, palms being stood and blue carpets arranged for poor Arseniev. Aunt Sasha took tea and chattered a lot and abused nobody, I could not keep her long as wanted to go with Olga to the funeral procession — of course because of the old woman we were late and they were just carrying him out, so we followed with Nadinka till the street and he was put on the funeral car and then we came home, as I go to-morrow to the funeral. Stepanov, — Ella had sent, — Skariatin, her old brother was there, Balashov; the 2 sons, Benkendorf, Putiatin, Nebolsin and 2 officers of the Naval corps. — Nadinka had been with me in the morning — talked a lot and did not cry, very caressing and grateful. She begs you whether she might remain on living in the little house with her poor brother, as they lived there so long with the Parents and their graves are at Tsarskoje. — Perhaps one might for the present at least, don't you think so? Ella wrote and wishes me to give over how much she thinks of you and with what love and constant prayers. I send you a paper of hers wh. read through and find out the truth about it, please — Voyeikov can do that, or still better from your new staff. — I don't need the paper again. —

How one longs to fly away together and forget all — one gets at times so weary — my spirit is good but so disgusted with all one says. I fear Gadon is playing a bad part at Elagin, because one says the conversations there against our Friend are awfull — old Mme Orlov had heard this — she knows ladies who go there. When you see poor Motherdear, you must rather sharply tell her how pained you are, that she listens to slander and does not stop it, as it makes mischief, and others wld. be delighted, I am sure, to put her against me — people are so mean. — How I wish Misha could be a help in that. — Precious one we met some of the Cosacks riding at Pavlovsk and I loved them not only for themselves, but because they had seen and guarded you and been in battle. —

Beloved, I must end. God Almighty bless and protect, guard and guide you now and ever.
I kiss you with endless tenderness and fathomless love, ever yr. very own
Sunny.

Xenia looks better, they told nothing interesting.

So anxious how all went off.

Nicholas's telegram:

Telegram. Stavka. 16 September, 1915.
Thanks for good wishes. The conference passed off well.

I told them my opinion sternly to their faces. I am sorry that I had no time to write. Lovely weather. The news is much better. I love you and kiss you fondly.
NICKY.

Above: Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.

Above: Maria and Anastasia.

Above: Anna Vyrubova.

Above: Olga.

Notes: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".

en passant = in passing.