Source:
A Lifelong Passion, letters and diary entries compiled by Andrei Maylunas and Sergei Mironenko
The letters:
June 23
My own precious Darling,
I must send you a letter today, already. It was horrid having to let you go off all alone all alone and driving away from the station I felt a nasty lump in my throat and a suspicious moisture in the eyes. So I went straight off to the little church, and felt much calmer after praying for my darling. The service only lasted ¾ of an hour.
Had you been with me, I think we should have died as there were only three men to sing, I think a gardener and lamp-lighter. Each sang for himself and in another key. It was cruel to the ears; and the deacon from here has an impossible voice, so that I did not understand a word of the bible except, 'Martha...' The priest's robes were much too short and immense black boots protruded from underneath — but it did not make me laugh. I felt too earnest and prayed for you with all my heart.
Coming home I met the children, so I walked home with them. Oh, my Sweet One, how I miss you, those orbs, lakes, where are they to gaze into? 'I love you, I love you, 'tis all that I can say', and to be without you is really awful, my Nicky love! Our precious little girlies are my only comfort.
I was too happy to receive your telegram from Luga and kiss you for it with all my heart. Every word from you is such a comfort to a lonely heart. I have grown so accustomed to have my Huzy near me that I can't bear being without him. If you could have seen my tea table! A wee table with a glass of milk, strawberries and a few biscuits. I must quickly ring for the children and then before the dentist comes shall finish this epistle.
I went to your room to see if any papers had come and found the door locked, but the key was there. It looked beastly dreary. I told them to bring any papers sorted there and am going to lay them carefully on the chair next to your writing table. Is that right? With great difficulty and many tears I got the children out of the room, as they wished to see the dentist work on my teeth, and Olga wished to sleep with me. But I must lay my pen down and be off. Goodnight, my precious, sweetest husband. God bless and protect you, and may holy angels watch over you and guard you — I cover your sweet face with kisses; forehead, eyes and mouth, and remain ever your tenderly loving little Wify
Alix
...
I must chat with you before going to bed. Well, after I had finished my letter to you, I went to the dentist, he stopped two cavities, cleaned the teeth and treated the gums. He is coming again on Monday, as the gums need a rest. I dined alone on the balcony (with the dogs). At 8.30pm Princess Golitsyn came and I drove her with the two greys in the basket pony carriage. We went through the Alexander park, the lime tree avenue, past the mill. Just now I received the following telegram, "Amélie et moi envoyons nos plus sincères félicitations pour ce jour." Carlos. What on earth does the blooming idiot mean? Does he think that my birthday is suddenly a whole month later, July 6 instead of June 6? Don't you think it needs no answer? — I wanted to write in your room, as I saw the little green light burning, and remained here, Iman will sleep in the bedroom. Goodnight lovy, with a heavy heart. I go upstairs — sleep well doushka I kiss you and bless tenderly (20 minutes to 1, I go by-by).
June 24
Good-morning lovy! Well, both dogs slept in my room and did not move all night not even when I woke up several times and drank water. I got up at 7.30 and walked with them for an hour. Then drank my cup of coffee on the children's balcony and read the agency telegrams. I hope you don't suffer too much from the heat and the dust. This evening I shall finish this letter, so as to tell you how I spent my last day.
Above: Alexandra, year 1900.
Above: Nicholas, year 1900. Photo courtesy of Tatiana Z on Flickr.
Above: Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana and Maria Nikolaevna, year 1900.
Above: Peterhof Palace. Photo taken by Florstein at Wikimedia Commons.
The letters:
June 23
My own precious Darling,
I must send you a letter today, already. It was horrid having to let you go off all alone all alone and driving away from the station I felt a nasty lump in my throat and a suspicious moisture in the eyes. So I went straight off to the little church, and felt much calmer after praying for my darling. The service only lasted ¾ of an hour.
Had you been with me, I think we should have died as there were only three men to sing, I think a gardener and lamp-lighter. Each sang for himself and in another key. It was cruel to the ears; and the deacon from here has an impossible voice, so that I did not understand a word of the bible except, 'Martha...' The priest's robes were much too short and immense black boots protruded from underneath — but it did not make me laugh. I felt too earnest and prayed for you with all my heart.
Coming home I met the children, so I walked home with them. Oh, my Sweet One, how I miss you, those orbs, lakes, where are they to gaze into? 'I love you, I love you, 'tis all that I can say', and to be without you is really awful, my Nicky love! Our precious little girlies are my only comfort.
I was too happy to receive your telegram from Luga and kiss you for it with all my heart. Every word from you is such a comfort to a lonely heart. I have grown so accustomed to have my Huzy near me that I can't bear being without him. If you could have seen my tea table! A wee table with a glass of milk, strawberries and a few biscuits. I must quickly ring for the children and then before the dentist comes shall finish this epistle.
I went to your room to see if any papers had come and found the door locked, but the key was there. It looked beastly dreary. I told them to bring any papers sorted there and am going to lay them carefully on the chair next to your writing table. Is that right? With great difficulty and many tears I got the children out of the room, as they wished to see the dentist work on my teeth, and Olga wished to sleep with me. But I must lay my pen down and be off. Goodnight, my precious, sweetest husband. God bless and protect you, and may holy angels watch over you and guard you — I cover your sweet face with kisses; forehead, eyes and mouth, and remain ever your tenderly loving little Wify
Alix
...
I must chat with you before going to bed. Well, after I had finished my letter to you, I went to the dentist, he stopped two cavities, cleaned the teeth and treated the gums. He is coming again on Monday, as the gums need a rest. I dined alone on the balcony (with the dogs). At 8.30pm Princess Golitsyn came and I drove her with the two greys in the basket pony carriage. We went through the Alexander park, the lime tree avenue, past the mill. Just now I received the following telegram, "Amélie et moi envoyons nos plus sincères félicitations pour ce jour." Carlos. What on earth does the blooming idiot mean? Does he think that my birthday is suddenly a whole month later, July 6 instead of June 6? Don't you think it needs no answer? — I wanted to write in your room, as I saw the little green light burning, and remained here, Iman will sleep in the bedroom. Goodnight lovy, with a heavy heart. I go upstairs — sleep well doushka I kiss you and bless tenderly (20 minutes to 1, I go by-by).
June 24
Good-morning lovy! Well, both dogs slept in my room and did not move all night not even when I woke up several times and drank water. I got up at 7.30 and walked with them for an hour. Then drank my cup of coffee on the children's balcony and read the agency telegrams. I hope you don't suffer too much from the heat and the dust. This evening I shall finish this letter, so as to tell you how I spent my last day.
Above: Alexandra, year 1900.
Above: Nicholas, year 1900. Photo courtesy of Tatiana Z on Flickr.
Above: Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana and Maria Nikolaevna, year 1900.
Above: Peterhof Palace. Photo taken by Florstein at Wikimedia Commons.
