Source:
Alix an Gretchen: Briefe der Zarin Alexandra Feodorowna an Freiin Margarethe v. Fabrice, aus den Jahren 1891-1914 (2002), published by Heinrich, Count of Spreti
The letter:
Theures Gretchen,
Da ich eben einige freie Augenblicke habe, so muss ich sie gebrauchen um Ihnen zu schreiben. — Worte sind nicht leicht zu finden um alles auszusprechen, was ich Ihnen wünsche — nur dieses: möge der liebe Gott Sie ebenso glücklich machen wie ich es bin & seine Hände schützend über sie halten. Das Ihr Herzenswunsch nun endlich, nach langen Kämpfen & Jahren in Erfüllung gegangen ist, erinnert mich an mein Flehen, 5 Jahre musste ich warten, aber dann — !!!
Wedded life is such a serious one, that one cannot define it without being sure of mutual great love & utter trust. Then all is well. — And you deserve to be happy deary & to make another happy in return. Give him all your love & work & think of him & for him, let him fill up your life. Never let misunderstandings arise, however trifling they may be & no matter who is in the wrong, you must be the first to make it up, never forget that. — I am sad not to have been near you those trying days — does it remind you of my engagement? My thoughts were taken up with you, & anxiously waited for a word — and when at last the telegram came it was so unclear that I did not quite know what to make out of it, otherwise I should have at once telegraphed to you. — when do you intend having the wedding and where? And what sort of things may I henceforth give you for your person or your Haushalt — I should also like to contrive humbly to your Einrichtung. Alas the one question you ask I fear I must answer in the negative, as it is never done here once a person married, however much I should like to make an exception — it grieves me, as I fear you had counted upon it. Forgive me dear! — My husband was so glad to hear of your engagement & wishes you much joy. — How I should like to see you as a bride! But if, nebenbei, I send you a tiny jewel, do accept it, for my sake, as I should like to feel you wear something of mine & I want ‚him’ to be content in every respect with his bride — for ‚his’ sake you must be simple & yet have a few tiny jewels from me — think of your receptions you will have to give. He must not waste his money in jewels, but I want it to remain my privilege, as it never has spoilt you. — Say what other things you need. Linnen for underclothing, bed, washing or table? Stuff for a dress or carpet? At last nobody can forbid you using my tablecover now — May I give the Wedding dress, or does the bridegroom? what silk — water or Faille? — or Satin? — Will you give him my heartfelt congratulations & may I say blessings? Now he is a step nearer to me on account of his sweet bride, who is very dear to me & near to my heart. —
Thora is stopping with us for the balls in Jan. — fine weather, walk and sledge daily. Tatjana has two teeth & grows much, Olga talks a great deal. — We came here this evening to receive the Empress & return tonight. — But now I cannot write any more — I embrace you tenderly, & lege die Hände segnend & liebkosend auf Ihr theures Haupt.
Behalten Sie mich auch ferner einwenig lieb, wollen Sie? —
In inniger Liebe
Ihre stets treue Freundin
Alix
Ich schicke meine Weihnachtssendung Anfang nächster Woche nach Berlin — wo soll es von dort aus hin?
English translation (my own; original English in italics):
Dear Gretchen,
As I have a few free moments, I must use them to write to you. — Words are not easy to find to say everything I wish to say to you — only this: may the good Lord make you as happy as I am & hold His hands protectively over you. That your heart's wish has finally come true after long struggles and years reminds me of my supplication, I had to wait 5 years, but then — !!!
Wedded life is such a serious one, that one cannot define it without being sure of mutual great love & utter trust. Then all is well. — And you deserve to be happy deary & to make another happy in return. Give him all your love & work & think of him & for him, let him fill up your life. Never let misunderstandings arise, however trifling they may be & no matter who is in the wrong, you must be the first to make it up, never forget that. — I am sad not to have been near you those trying days — does it remind you of my engagement? My thoughts were taken up with you, & anxiously waited for a word — and when at last the telegram came it was so unclear that I did not quite know what to make out of it, otherwise I should have at once telegraphed to you. — when do you intend having the wedding and where? And what sort of things may I henceforth give you for your person or your Haushalt — I should also like to contrive humbly to your Einrichtung. Alas the one question you ask I fear I must answer in the negative, as it is never done here once a person married, however much I should like to make an exception — it grieves me, as I fear you had counted upon it. Forgive me dear! — My husband was so glad to hear of your engagement & wishes you much joy. — How I should like to see you as a bride! But if, nebenbei, I send you a tiny jewel, do accept it, for my sake, as I should like to feel you wear something of mine & I want ‚him’ to be content in every respect with his bride — for ‚his’ sake you must be simple & yet have a few tiny jewels from me — think of your receptions you will have to give. He must not waste his money in jewels, but I want it to remain my privilege, as it never has spoilt you. — Say what other things you need. Linnen for underclothing, bed, washing or table? Stuff for a dress or carpet? At last nobody can forbid you using my tablecover now — May I give the Wedding dress, or does the bridegroom? what silk — water or Faille? — or Satin? — Will you give him my heartfelt congratulations & may I say blessings? Now he is a step nearer to me on account of his sweet bride, who is very dear to me & near to my heart. —
Thora is stopping with us for the balls in Jan. — fine weather, walk and sledge daily. Tatjana has two teeth & grows much, Olga talks a great deal. — We came here this evening to receive the Empress & return tonight. — But now I cannot write any more — I embrace you tenderly, & lay the hands blessing and caressing your dear head.
Keep me a little dear, too, will you? —
In deep love
Your always loyal friend
Alix
I send my Xmas delivery to Berlin at the beginning of next week — where should it go from there?
Above: Alexandra with Olga and Tatiana.
Notes: Haushalt = household.
Einrichtung = installation.
nebenbei = by the way.
