Alix's letter to Xenia, after the recent and deeply traumatising death of Alix's father, dated April 8, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 255, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
April 8th 1892
Душка Ксеніи
I was deeply touched by your letter so full of kind sympathy, and send you now my most heartfelt thanks.

It has all been too terrible, one can scarcely realize it, it seems like some horrible dream.

One scarcely finds courage to begin life again, without beloved Papa. He was my Sunshine. Being left so much alone to-gether these last years, one had grown if possible still more attached to each other — and then He was suddenly taken from one. One misses Him too fearfully. Oh, it is so hard to be quiet and brave when one feels quite crushed.

Poor Ernie is so young, and such grave responsibilities rest now upon his shoulders. What sorrows this life does bring one, and such hard trials. But I must not make you sad with this letter, you must only know joy and happiness and be spared every sorrow and worry.

I cannot write any more to-day.
A good kiss,
Your loving old

Alix

We miss Ella so much. Alfred is getting on nicely. Very hot weather, all is getting green. I hope you spent your Birthday happily, we thought much of you.

Above: Alix and her siblings in mourning for their father. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Alix with her father.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".