Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 21, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 305, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 21st 1893
Darling Grandmama,
I must just send You a few lines by the messenger to tell You how happy we are to have dear Ella with us. She did enjoy herself so much at Balmoral and is continuously speaking about it.

On Monday we are all going to Homburg to pay Aunt Vicky a visite. Irène, Henry and the Baby are also here and the house is in consequence quite full. How terribly one misses Papa at such family gatherings You can well imagine as there is no real centre.

We are having beautiful, sunny, bright weather and take nice drives. We go to the Theatre very often and the evenings we stop at home, we play 8 hands which is a great delight. You cannot think how busy we all are, burning and painting for a bazaar, even Serge and Paul have to help us.

I hope You are having fine weather at Balmoral and are able to get out every day as I know how You enjoy being out.
But I must say Goodbye now, beloved Grandmama and God bless You. Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately I remain Ever Your most loving and deeply devoted Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 14, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 302 to 304, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 14th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I cannot tell You how delighted and surprised I was when the post brought me a letter from You last night and I hasten now to send You my very tenderest thanks. How happy Ella must have been at Balmoral with You, beloved Grandmama, and how You must miss her now. I am glad that You like Serge and Paul, they are such dear, good boys and so devoted to each other.

What has delighted me to hear is that Ella has succeeded in persuading Louie to see Dr. Reid, as I feel sure he will be successful and I hope will be able to influence her. I am anxious to know what his oppinion is of her. She herself was sure that Scotland would do wonders and as she had made up her mind that it would cure her, no wonder it may, as imagination has got a good deal to do with her health at this present moment. I do hope and pray that she may get well as it is not only for her health I fear, but for her character. I am sure You will be able to do much with her and certainly sooner will she obey You than her parents.

The house will be so full next week as Uncle Christian and Aunt Helena are still here and Thora comes for two nights before going to Aunt Vicky. Uncle goes out shooting daily and I think enjoys it. I walk with Aunt in the morning and drive her in the afternoon, and in the evening we all go to the Theatre.

I cannot tell You how terrible it was for me at first going to the Theatre again, and not having my precious [illegible] near my. Why, night after night we used to sit there to-gether and he enjoyed it, oh, so much. There are always little things I long to tell him or ask his advice about and I have not got him. Oh, sweet Grandmama dear, You who loved him too so much can imagine how too terribly I miss him, and the longing for him gets always stronger and stronger. But I must not speak to You about sad things. You have had to suffer enough, and the sorrows of others must not worry You, only when I write to You, I say everything that comes into my head, as You have always been my second Mother, for which God bless You, my Darling.

How dear of You to ask us to spend Xmas with You, but alas it is an impossibility as Ernie cannot get away then. It is a great disappointment to us not to be able to spend Xmas with You, but alas it can't be arranged. Ernie must be here, as there are always Dinners that have to be given and people he has to see and things to arrange. But darling Grandmama, I wonder whether You would allow us to come instead about the 16th of Feb., when all would be over here and he could easiest get away. Would it suit You, may we come. We long to see You and are terribly sorry not to come this year. I hope you will forgive us for not coming, but Ernie really cannot leave and especially not this year as he will have to receive more people. It would have been so much nicer than remaining here all alone, but we must not grumble as it does not make it any better.

We are in the Palace now again and there is always so much to arrange when one has been away the whole summer, that one does not know where to begin. The weather is fine but fresh and the leaves are turning so yellow — the woods look lovely with all the bright colours. But I must not bother You any longer now with this letter and I hope You will forgive us for not coming.
With fondest love and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly,
I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated September 3, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 301 to 302, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Sept 3rd 1893
Душка Ксеніи,
I suppose that you will be in Denmark by this time, amusing yourself with all the Cousins. I envy them being able to see you, whilst I have to content myself with a photograph. I am sending you one done of me last year, some think it like, some horrid. Ernie is still not able to walk, but he goes for drives, or he's wheeled about in his bath chair in the garden.

The Cousins have gone to play lawn-tennis and have been abusing me for writing, so I shall have to join them soon and you must be content with a short epistle.

After great heat, we have now cold, damp weather. Yesterday we went to Homburg to pay Aunt Vicky a visite, and saw Uncle Bertie and Anastasie. I hope the manœuvres were amusing in Russia. We are going on the 14th to ours at Friedberg and intend to ride out to them. Here the roads are lovely, and I ride usually at 7 and come in for breakfast.

If a group is done of you all at Fredensborg, I wonder whether you would send me one; I should like it so much. What fun you must be having there, all to-gether.

Do give your Geschwister my love, and Toria and Maud. Do you play still a great deal? We have been having lots of music, as a Violin player, a Herr Wolff (a Dutchman) whom we often heard in England, stayed with us for 8 days. I used to accompany him and it was a great delight, though at first most frightening.

But now I must be off, otherwise the others will grumble.
A good fond kiss,
Ever, sweet Chicken dear, yr very loving old
Alix

God bless you! Send me a line if you have a spare moment, do please.

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Notes: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".

Geschwister = siblings.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 300 to 301, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Jagdschloss Wolfsgarten
Aug 29th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I have been waiting until now before writing to You, as I was sure that in the first days of Your grief, you would not care to receive letters. But my thoughts and prayers were with you. Poor dear Grandmama, how terribly sad You must have been when the news of poor uncle's death reached You, as it must have brought back so many sad remembrances of the bygone. I wish I could find words to tell you how very much I feel for You, especially after myself having gone through such a terrible time last year. But where people no longer can give comfort, then one will find it in God. I am sure being in beautiful Scotland will help to make You feel less sad and the good air will I hope do You good.

What a pleasure it will be for Ella and Serge to go to Balmoral — and for Louie too. It is so nice having the dear Child here, though her looks frighten one. My great hope is that going back to her old house and seeing all her Relations and old friends will make her feel better and more sensible. She is terribly homesick.

Thora arrived here on Sunday and is full of the delightful time she spent at Osborne. Herr Wolff was here for eight days, which was a great delight to us all as he plays too beautifully. It reminded me so much of Balmoral last year. I accompanied him often and it was a great pleasure, though at first frightening as I had never done it before.

Now at last the weather is a little cooler for the heat has been quite terrible. Ernie gets wheeled out every afternoon in a bathchair wh makes a nice change for him. But as yet he is not allowed to walk.

But I think I ought to be saying Goodbye now, as I do not wish to bother You with a long letter, only I felt that I must send You a few lines to tell You how deeply I feel for You in Your grief.

God bless You, my own precious Grandmama, and may He be a comfort and strength to You. Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I remain, Ever Your very loving, dutiful and devoted Child,
Alix

P. S. Ernie and the Cousins sends You their very best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Queen Victoria's brother-in-law, Ernest II, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, had passed away on August 22, 1893.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated August 1, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 299 to 300, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Wolfsgarten
August 1st 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I am sending You these lines to tell You that Ernie is getting on nicely and that the Dr is quite satisfied. I hope that not before long he may be able to be put on the sopha, as lying always in the same position is most tiring. Poor boy, it is a great difference for him after the gay time in England, but he is most good and patient. He sleeps and eats well, wh is a great thing.

Since a few days we have had cold, rainy weather, such a change after the heat.

I have just heard from Victoria, who says they will be at Jugenheim on Thursday. I am so glad as she has been away so long. Aunt Julie and Franzjos came to tea yesterday and they seem to have enjoyed their visite to Paris.

Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain Ever Your very loving deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends much love

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Ernie.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated July 24, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 298 to 299, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Wolfsgarten
Понедѣльникъ July 24th 1893
Darling Xenia,
It is such a century ago that I last heard from my dear little Chicken, that I must send you a few lines to enquire how you are.

Ernie has returned from England, he enjoyed his stay there so much. How did Nicky like it?

I hear Aunt Alix is going to Denmark, are you going to meet them there this year, or do you go in '94? I wish we could meet once again, though I believe I should scarcely recognise you as a grown up lady.

The heat is great, we have been in the garden watching wasp's and hornets' nests being burnt, there are such quantities this year. We play a good deal lawn tennis and I ride generally before breakfast or drive four in hand, wh is such fun.

I wonder what you are doing with yourself, do send me a line some times if it does not bore you too much to write to the old Hen.
With a good tender kiss and love to the others, I remain,
Ever yr very loving old
Alix

I have got again a sweet little squirrel, three tortoises and the parrot. Have you good news from the Weeping Willow? You must excuse this dull letter, but the heat has made me quite ramolie. Do write and tell me what you are all doing. For the present we are stopping here. Jagdschloss, Wolfsgarten, Post Egelsbach, Hessen.

Bless you!

Above: Alix.

Above: Nicholas.

Above: Xenia.

Notes: Понедѣльникъ = Monday.

ramolie = exhausted.

Alix's letter the day after her twenty-first birthday to Queen Victoria, dated June 7, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 297 to 298, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Kranichstein
June 7th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
Please accept my very warmest thanks for Your dear, kind letter full of good wishes and for the beautiful turquoises which will be most useful. It was really too good of You to give them to me. I received many nice presents and a quantity of beautiful roses.

I am glad that the 6th is past, as it brought too many recollections of happy bygone days with my beloved Papa still. How terribly I miss him, I think You well know darling Grandmama and on such a day more than ever.

We still have fine, warm weather, though these last days we had several thunderstorms.

I hear that Aunt Louise is going to Balmoral. I hope the change of air will do her good as I fear she has not yet got over the effects of the influenza she had in Italy.

We fish a good deal, which is quite an amusing occupation. I fear I must say Goodbye now as we are expecting a visitor to luncheon.
With received thanks and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I am, Dearest Grandmama, Ever Your very loving, devoted, dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated June 2, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 296 to 297, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
June 2nd 1893
Darling Grandmama,
Many loving thanks for Your dear letter I received yesterday. It is too kind of You asking me to come to the Wedding, but I fear it is impossible as we have been absent so much this year already and as Ernie cannot stop very long in England, the journey would be scarcely worth the while for me, would it, and then it is so expensive also. A gentleman does not need so much luggage and really our journey to Italy and Ernie's official ones and Berlin were very expensive. Excuse my writing so openly but I thought it was only right You should know the reason of my not accepting Your awfully kind invitation and hope You will not mind it and let me come perhaps next year with Ernie.

The Tableaux must have been quite charming which the Children arranged as a surprise for You on your Birthday, thanks so much for sending the programme.

We have come to town to-day for Ernie's audiences but are stopping at Kranichstein since Thursday — we have been rowing on the pond and fishing. The weather is still delightful — sunny and warm.

Thanking You again many times for asking me to dear Georgie's Wedding, I remain, Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your deeply loving, devoted and dutiful Child
Alix
Ernie sends You his fondest love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Note: Prince George, Duke of Teck (the future King George V) and Princess Mary of Teck were married on July 8, 1893.

Alix's letter to her aunt Princess Louise, dated May 26, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 295 to 295, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Neues Palais
Darmstadt
May 26th 1893
My darling Auntie,
I have not had a word from you since we parted at Venice and I am most anxious to know how you got back and how you are feeling. Really, it was too bad your falling ill there and that we had to leave you too, but Ernie had to get back on account of the Krummann and then he went to Dresden and Vienna where he was beautifully received.

We have still no rain and the heat is tremendous — we drive out a good and sketch and I rode once. Next week we are all going to Kranichstein where I suppose we shall stop a month and then go to Wolfsgarten. I wish you could come for a bit. How too delightful those weeks in Italy were — now that we have once been there, one will always long to go again.

We went to Aunt Vicky the other day and found her looking very well. She showed us all over her house, wh is indeed getting beautiful. She has such lovely mantelpieces and other old things from Venice. Have you been able to finish the statue yet?
With very fondest love from Ernie and me, I remain Darling Auntie dear, ever yr deeply affectionate Niece
Alix

Many messages to Uncle Lorne from us both. Do telegraph a line how you are.

Above: Alix.

Above: Princess Louise.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria for her 74th birthday, dated May 23, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 294 to 295, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
May 23rd 1893
Beloved Grandmama
My most loving and heart-felt good wishes for Your dear Birthday, which I hope You will spend very happily. God grant that You may see still many a such a day, and that He will keep all worrys and sorrows from You. I have painted a work basket for You and hope that it may prove useful.

The heat is quite tremendous, one runs about in the thinnest clothes one can find, and yet one is roasted. We are both going to Cronberg to-day and I am so looking forward to see Aunt Vicky.

What a pleasure it was meeting You, dearest Grandmama at Florence — I am constantly thinking of the happy time we spent in that lovely place. And then Venice, no, it is too beautiful, like a dream and the quiet did one there so much good. But now that I have been there, I see how impossible it would have been for You, as one had perpetually to be getting in and out of one's gondolas. I am too sorry as I feel sure You would have enjoyed it.

We shall soon be going to Kranichstein as the heat here is too great.

But i will not bother You with a long letter, I only wanted to send my tender wishes for Your Birthday. Kissing Your dear Hands most affectionately, I remain, Darling Grandmama dear, Your ever very loving, deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

God bless You, sweet Grandmama.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated April 10, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 293 to 294, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
April 10th 1893
My darling Xenia,
I just this moment received your dear telegramm, for wh best thanks. What a pitty that you have rain at Livadia, here we are enjoying the finest sunny weather and everything is getting quite green.

We are leaving on Wednesday evening for Florence (Hôtel de la Ville) and I should be so happy if you would send me a line there. Grandmama is living at the Villa Palmieri wh I believe is half an hour from the town, so we shall be perpetually on the rush.

I hear from Ella that she has got the mumps — poor girl. How is Georgie? Please give him and Nicky my love. Our stay at Coburg was charming, we used to spend the mornings painting in the garden, and the afternoon we drove to the Rosenau where we played lawn-tennis and drank tea. Comte Lamsdorff (from Stuttgart) was there, he is so very nice. I hope you spent Easter happily. I thought so much of you all yesterday.

Hoping to hear from you soon, if it is not asking too much.
I remain with a tender kiss, dear Chicken dear, yr very loving old Hen
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Xenia.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated March 22, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 293, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
March 22nd 1893
Beloved Grandmama,
I send you my most loving thanks for Your very dear letter. It was such a comfort receiving it in those sad days. They were terrible as they brought back so vividly that fearful time a year ago. Still one cannot believe it, one does miss our Darling more than I can say. Perpetually there are things one longs to ask him or things one hears and knows he would have been pleased at. A greater Angel there never was.

But I must not make you sad, my sweet Grandmama dear, only I know how deeply devoted he was to You.

The weather is most beautifully warm and the birds are singing away. Ernie returns on Saturday, he is paying his visits to Munich, Stuttgart and Karlsruhe. Mossy has come to me as Fischy is also away during these days and she would have felt too miserable all alone at Philippsruhe.

I hope the journey was not too tiring for You. I cannot tell You how much I am looking forward to our meeting at Florence and I am counting the days till then.
With many loving kisses I am, Darling Grandmama, Your very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Mossy sends her best love.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, dated January 10, 1893

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 291 to 292, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
Jan 10th 1893
My darling Xenia,
I send you my very fondest thanks for your dear letter, sweet Photo and pretty card, which all gave me immense pleasure. It seems so funny that you should already be quite a grown up lady as the last time I saw you, you wore short hair and frocks.

Poor little Chicken, I hope your rash is quite gone by this time and that you were able to spend a merry Xmas, it was so nice for us being able to spend it at Kiel, as the first time alone at home would have been too hard. I trust that the New Year will "bring unmeasured joy to thine heart, whilst all that can sadden or cause thee a tear, with the fast-dying year may depart." God bless you and may you have nothing but sunshine and happiness in your life.

Though I scarcely ever write to you, you must not think that it is because I have forgotten you, for my thoughts and prayers are constantly with you, and your photo goes along with me, so shall now the new little one. I send you a tiny one of me done last winter, it is taken out of a group wh was done in a room, so is not very like. I was taken in England and shall send you one of them an other time. You must excuse this horrible writing, but I am resting after having ridden in the manège.

Ernie is out shooting to-day, the weather is lovely, bright sun, blue skye, and everything white. Latterly we have been skating several times and it was so nice, it reminds me always of 89, when we used to fly down the icehills and scramble about with the balls, pellies and baskets.

To-day is Missy's Wedding, I am sure she will look lovely. I am going to Mossy's, but I must say I rather dread it, as I never care for such large festivities and all the dressing up and many people — it is the first time I go for such an occasion and I shall miss my own beloved Papa most awfully. Not a year and I must already go to such festivities, but being the only Hessian Princess, it is thought right I should be present at her marriage, but one cannot alas doa always what one would care to and it is so hard to have to be smiling and chattering away when one feels far from it, but I must not grumble.

Now this long epistle must come to an end, else you will think me a too tremendous a bore. With many a loving kiss and tenderest wishes for the New Year, I am, My darling little One,
Ever yr most loving and devoted old hen, Frog, Goat, Toad
Alix

Ernie sends much love to you and the Boys as do I also. If you would write once again you would make me very happy.

Above: Alix.

Above: Marie "Missy" of Edinburgh and Prince Ferdinand of Romania.

Above: Xenia.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 289 to 291, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Königliches Schloss, Kiel
December 26th 1892
My own darling Grandmama,
I send You my most loving and heartfelt thanks for the lovely bracelet with my beloved Papa's head — nothing could have given me greater pleasure and I shall wear it constantly. Also for 'Tennyson's Works' and the sweet little Card, most tender thanks.

I received many lovely Presents, amongst others, a beautiful bracelet from Ernie, aranged out of buttons belonging to dear Papa, which makes it of course more valuable to me, he always knows how to give one pleasure, and I am sure there never was a dearer and kinder Brother.

It is such a comfort being able to spend Xmas here, as it would have been too painful the first time alone at home, but nevertheless it was hard going away from the Rosenhöhe.

Darling Grandmama, I hope You are spending these days happily with all the Relations and though we are not able to be with You, my thoughts, prayers and most earnest and tenderest wishes for the New Year are surounding You.

There is one thing I wanted to tell You still. I have had a formal invitation to go to Berlin for Mossy's wedding and Ernie thought it right that I should accept it as I have already been asked for the other occasion the last years and did not go. Finger also thinks it right I should go being the only Hessian Princess. I must say I dread it teribly, as I have a great dislike of such large festivities, and especially now that I have lost my own sweet darling Papa, but it must be, and I pray God may give me strength to do my duty. Ernie wrote to Aunt Vicky to ask her whether she would take me into her house instead of him, so as that I could be under her protection, and she has kindly agreed to it. Irène being also in the house will make it so much pleasanter for me, as if I had to live in the Schloss with all the guests, and no married nearer Relation, it would not have been so easy and far more tiring, as one would perpetually have to be running up and down.

It is bitterly cold to-day and snowing fast, regular Xmas weather.

But I must end my letter now, as a long letter is in the way, when I fear You must be having very much to do.

Thanking You again many times for the lovely presents and with my very tenderest wishes that the New Year may bring You much joy and happiness and good health, I remain, Darling Grandmama dear, Your ever deeply devoted, loving and grateful Child
Alix
God bless and protect You!
Many a loving and tender kiss for my dearest Grandmama

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 22, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 288 to 289, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

December 22nd 1892
My darling Grandmama,
I send you my most loving thanks for Your dear letter, which Bäuerlein brought me, You must please forgive my not having answered it before now, as also Your other kind note, but I was not well enough. I am so much better now, only must be still careful — I shall certainly do as You wish and consult an other Doctor, a specialist. Dr. Eigenbrodt thinks it also a very good thing I should do so. It is such a nuisance having perpetually something, and people imagine immediately it being something terrible, which is not in the least the case.

It was such a pleasure having dear Ella here, but alas her stay was too short.

The Christening went off beautifully yesterday, and the dear little Baby was so good and quiet, only smiling, and quite awake.

We leave to-morrow evening for Kiel, one dreads Xmas and the beginning of a new year as that is just the time one longs to have all one's dear ones close by, and one feels the loss of those that have been taken away, more than ever.

I wish we could have taken Victoria with us, but she did not like traveling at this time of year with such a small Baby. We shall be back next week, so as to begin the New Year here.

I have worked You an other chair, like the one I gave You on Your Birthday, and hope You will find it useful for one of the cottages. The little card is to bring You my most tender good wishes for Xmas.
Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain, Beloved Grandmama,
Ever Your most loving and dutiful Child,
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Excerpt from Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 15, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 288, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter excerpt:

October 15th 1892
... it was terribly sad coming back, and finding the house empty — but we must not speak about such sad things...

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 13, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 287 to 288, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Buckingham Palace
October 13th 1892
My beloved Grandmama,
I must just send You a few lines before we leave, to thank You again for all Your kindness, and for letting us spend such a very happy time with You, it was only such a pitty not feeling well, as it prevented me from going out with You more. It is quite a second home to be with You and I can never thank You enough for Your great kindness to us.

I hope and trust that you are feeling quite well and that the weather is at last getting finer, here it has been quite pleasant and fine, only to-day it is rather windy, so I fear the sea will not be very smoothe.

This morning I called on Victoria Grant to enquire after Lady Fanny, but was grieved to hear that she had not had a good night. Victoria I thought was looking pale and tired.

Then I also went to see the German Governesses home, and Fräulein Adelmann took me all over it — she showed us with great pride an engraving You had given of Yourself, after that we went to the National Gallery, but only stayed there quite short, as it would otherwise have been too tiring.

Yesterday, Aunt Mary, Uncle Franz, May and Algey came to tea — they were all looking well and in good spirits. Then Uncle Alfred came to see us, before leaving this morning for Coburg and Siegmaringen.

It was so kind of You allowing us to stop here three days — there has been so much to do, what with seeing tradespeople and so on. Herr Wolff came to dinner last night and afterwards played to us, and really more beautiful than ever. Miss Moore came too — it reminded one so much of the evenings at Balmoral.

I am sending You the only two photographs I have of myself — the large one was done before Xmas last year and the other was taken out of a group, but I have been done here, and if they succeed, I shall send You one.

But I am afraid I must end my letter now, as there are still several things that have to be packed, and we leave, alas, in an hour.
Goodbye my own darling Grandmama
Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I am ever Your very moving, deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter three days after what would have been her father's 56th birthday, written to Queen Victoria, dated September 15, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 286, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Wolfsgarten
Sept 15th 1892
My darling Grandmama,
I cannot thank you enough for your dear letter, which touched me so deeply. It was too good and kind of you to write to me for the 12th, which was a terribly sad day, — one missed beloved Papa quite dreadfully — to think that one never more shall spend that else so happy day to-gether, one cannot believe it.

But I am too thankful that we were still last year to-gether on that day at Cassel, when the large parade was.

Though coming to Balmoral will bring many memories, I am looking forward to it, as I long to see you, my dearest darling Grandmama.

Ernie is so sorry that we cannot leave here sooner, but it is impossible, on account of the manoeuvres, at wh. he has to be present.

Yesterday I went to Homburg to say Goodbye to the Aunts and Cousins, whom I all thought looking well — they are expecting Willy to come on Sunday. I am so glad that Dona's wish has at last been fulfilled and that she has a little Daughter, God grant that all may go well.

With much love and kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain Beloved Grandmama, Ever Your very loving deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter three days after her 20th birthday (her first without her father), written to Queen Victoria, dated June 9, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 272, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Heiligenberg
June 9th 1892
My darling Grandmama,
Your dear letter and present touched me deeply, and I hasten to send You my very warmest thanks for both. Nothing could have given me greater pleasure than that enamel of beloved Papa. Oh, I had to think so much of last year, how happy we were then on my Birthday.

This was the first time I spent the 6th without him and I felt it terribly and longed for him. It is a selfish wish to want them back again, now that they are happy and at peace, but one does so yearn to have those one loved close to one.

Now we have at last again fine, sunny weather. I hope everything is now nice and green at Balmoral.

I was indeed astonished when I heard of Missy's engagement and could not at first believe it. One had often heard speak of it, but I thought she had other intentions. She is still so very young, almost a Baby, but I trust she will be happy with Ferdinand.

With [illegible] thanks and kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, I am, Dearest Grandmama, Your ever very loving and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Alix as a teenager with her father.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria for her 73rd birthday, dated May 22, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 266 to 267, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
May 22nd 1892
My own darling Grandmama,
These lines are to bring You my most tender and heartfelt goodwishes for Your dear Birthday. I hope You will spend the day very happily and not think too much of the sad things this year has brought, Grandmama dear. I am so glad that we were able to spend that dear day to-gether last year, and my thoughts will now be so much with You.

May God bless and protect You, beloved Grandmama, and keep every sorrow from You, and give You good health and everything one can possibly wish.

I am writing on grey paper, as I felt a black edged letter for such a day would never do.

I hope You will like the chair I have worked for You. I thought it might perhaps do for one of the cottages or for sitting out in the garden. I have done another one exactly like it, only it was unluckily not finished in time, but I hope to be able to send it by next Messenger. I began working on it when I used to sit with dear Papa and then I went on with it once or twice during the time of his dreadful illness, when one was not allowed to be in the room, and wished to do something to keep one quiet — for these reasons I thought You might like to have it, and as he had seen me working at it.

I am so sorry to hear that nothing is yet green at Balmoral, here the woods and garden are perfectly lovely. We are probably going to lunch at Jugenheim to-day as it is so fine. Aunt Julie is still here, she intends only going when the great heat begins, I think.

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Excerpt from Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated May 14, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 264, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter excerpt:

May 14th 1892
... It is quiet here now, and one misses sweet Papa so terribly & especially now that the fine warm weather has begun, when he always used to take one out for long drives, or all sat to-gether. Oh, darling Grandmama it is too terrible....

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Above: Alix as a teenager with her father.

Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated May 9, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 262 to 264, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
May 9th 1892
My beloved Grandmama
I cannot tell You how deeply touched I was that You wrote to me so very soon — it was really too dear and kind of You, and I send you my most heartfelt thanks. I am so glad that You had a good crossing, and only hope that the journey was not too tiring.

We do miss You so, as it was such a pleasure seeing You, and that You were able to spend a few days with us. Thanks so much for coming as indeed it was a great comfort seeing You. It is so quiet again now, and Irène and Baby have also left — a Child in the house makes so much difference.

Ernie returns this evening from Potsdam — he seems to have had a grand reception — yes indeed, darling Grandmama I shall try and do all to help him, as his life will not be easy for him now, and he is still so young. I only wish I were as clever as Victoria, as then I could be of far more use to him — but I am sure Ernie will always try and so all that is right, & will gladly listen to all and any advice.

It will not always be easy, as he is so lively and not as patient as my own beloved Papa was. Oh, dear Grandmama, one does miss him too terribly. Everything has remained the same, and yet it is so very different — the real sunshine has left us.

Yesterday Irène and I went for a ride with Herr and Frau von Riedesel, it was very pleasant out. I thought it would be a good thing to begin again, as then we can take Ernie sometimes out too, as I am sure it will do him no end of good.

Victoria has asked me to lunch at the Alte Palais, so as that I should not feel too lonely. Her headache is quite gone and she looks better.

Pfarrer Bender and Dr. Eigenbrodt were deeply touched that You so kindly sent them Your Print and Photograph.

I am glad to hear that Mrs Tuck arrived safely, and hope that she will soon quite recover, as it must be too unpleasant for You having an ill Maid in the house.
Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately, I remain, My dearest Grandmama,
Ever Your very loving and deeply devoted and dutiful Child
Alix

Above: Alix.

Above: Queen Victoria.

Alix's letter to Xenia, after the recent and deeply traumatising death of Alix's father, dated April 8, 1892

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 255, by George Hawkins, 2023

The letter:

Darmstadt
April 8th 1892
Душка Ксеніи
I was deeply touched by your letter so full of kind sympathy, and send you now my most heartfelt thanks.

It has all been too terrible, one can scarcely realize it, it seems like some horrible dream.

One scarcely finds courage to begin life again, without beloved Papa. He was my Sunshine. Being left so much alone to-gether these last years, one had grown if possible still more attached to each other — and then He was suddenly taken from one. One misses Him too fearfully. Oh, it is so hard to be quiet and brave when one feels quite crushed.

Poor Ernie is so young, and such grave responsibilities rest now upon his shoulders. What sorrows this life does bring one, and such hard trials. But I must not make you sad with this letter, you must only know joy and happiness and be spared every sorrow and worry.

I cannot write any more to-day.
A good kiss,
Your loving old

Alix

We miss Ella so much. Alfred is getting on nicely. Very hot weather, all is getting green. I hope you spent your Birthday happily, we thought much of you.

Above: Alix and her siblings in mourning for their father. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.

Above: Alix with her father.

Above: Xenia.

Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".