Source:
Briefe der Zarin Alexandra von Russland an ihre Jugendfreundin Toni Becker-Bracht (2009), edited by Lotte Hoffmann-Kuhnt
The letter:
Darmstadt May 19./
Darling Child,
A thousand tender thanks for your dear letter, & the little flowers, a comfort before leaving, wh. is very hard to me. To leave my home — so many I love makes me always miserable, as one never knows if one may return. God grant that we may, & find nothing changed. That what you read in the papers about N, of course I knew, Ella telegraphed twice. I assure you, I did not know what to do with myself, & the exersion was strong preventing anyone to see my feelings & eyes, none noticed anything. With practice one can often hide one's feelings. — Wir gehen um 5. Victoria kommt um 3 an sehe ich Dich in der Strasse? Oh, Kind, schreibe oft, das wird mein Trost in der Ferne sein. Welch ein Wind gestern Abend, wenn wir den nur nicht morgen haben. Um 12 herum morgen sind wir, wenn alles gut geht in London wo wir bis Freitag Abend Buckinghampalace bleiben. Ich habe kaum Zeit mehr zu schreiben denn es wird spät, & ich habe noch so furchtbar viel zu thun. Bete für mich, — Child, I am in a state that I do not know how to keep quiet, & what to do, so wretched I feel, but the others may only see me laugh. I am eben unwohl schön für die Reise. —
Denke an mich, Behalte mich lieb. Goodby, Goodby & God bless you, my own little dear,
Deine in Ewigkeit très treue Alte
Deine kleinen Blümchen gehen mit, letzter Blumengruß aus der Heimath für jetzt. —
The letter with the translated German (original English in italics):
Darmstadt May 19./
Darling Child,
A thousand tender thanks for your dear letter, & the little flowers, a comfort before leaving, wh. is very hard to me. To leave my home — so many I love makes me always miserable, as one never knows if one may return. God grant that we may, & find nothing changed. That what you read in the papers about N, of course I knew, Ella telegraphed twice. I assure you, I did not know what to do with myself, & the exersion was strong preventing anyone to see my feelings & eyes, none noticed anything. With practice one can often hide one's feelings. — We leave at 5. Victoria arrives at 3; do I see you in the street? Oh, Child, do write often, that will be my comfort in the distance. What a wind last night, if only we won't have it tomorrow. At 12 o'clock tomorrow we will be in London, if all goes well, where we will stay at Buckingham Palace until Friday evening. I hardly have any more time to write as it is getting late, and I still have so much to do. Pray for me, — Child, I am in a state that I do not know how to keep quiet, & what to do, so wretched I feel, but the others may only see me laugh. I am simply unwell for the trip. -
Think of me, Remember me dearly. Goodby, Goodby & God bless you, my own little dear,
Your very faithful Alte forever
Your little Flowers will go with you, last flower greeting from home for now. —
Above: Alix with her friend and lady-in-waiting Gretchen von Fabrice. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.
Above: Toni Becker.
Above: Nicholas going for a rickshaw ride in Japan.
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