Alix's letter to Toni Becker, dated April 17, 1892, her first Easter after her father's death...

Source:

Briefe der Zarin Alexandra von Russland an ihre Jugendfreundin Toni Becker-Bracht (2009), edited by Lotte Hoffmann-Kuhnt

The letter:

Ostersonntag Palais Edinburgh. Coburg

April 17ter 1892

Meine liebe Toni,

Ich muss Dir heute rasch einige Zeilen mit meinen innigsten Wünschen zum Osterfest schicken. Der Herr segne Dich, mein geliebtes Kind. Du musst nicht glauben, dass ich nicht Deiner gedacht, aber ich konnte Dir wirklich unmöglich früher schreiben. — Deine Blumen & Briefe haben mich tief gerührt & ich danke Dir nun herzlich für dieselbe. Die Blumen habe ich auf die Rosenhöh gebracht. — My heart is breaking, I can scarcely write, as they are playing the Cavalleria Rusticana in the street, just what beloved Papa liked so, & what we always used to see together. Everything reminds me of him. Oh, it is all too awful, I can scarcely believe it. I can’t write more, this music is too much for me, & yesterday I had such an awful headache & to-day makes me miss him more than ever.

A kiss Ys old Alte    I must see you when we come back. —

The letter with translation from German (original English in italics):

Easter Sunday, Palais Edinburgh. Coburg.

April 17th, 1892.

My darling Toni,

Today I must quickly send you a few lines with my heartfelt wishes for Easter. The Lord bless you, my beloved Child. You must not believe that I did not think of you, but I couldn't possibly have written to you sooner. — Your Flowers and Letters touched me deeply & I now thank you warmly for them. I brought the Flowers to the Rosenhöhe. — My heart is breaking, I can scarcely write, as they are playing the Cavalleria Rusticana in the street, just what beloved Papa liked so, & what we always used to see together. Everything reminds me of him. Oh, it is all too awful, I can scarcely believe it. I can’t write more, this music is too much for me, & yesterday I had such an awful headache & to-day makes me miss him more than ever.

A kiss Ys old Alte    I must see you when we come back. —

Above: Alix in mourning for her father, Grand Duke Louis IV of Hesse. His death was a severe blow to her, as she had previously lost her mother Alice and younger sister May as a young child, and the loss of her father retraumatised her.

Above: Alix with her father in 1889.

Above: Toni Becker.