https://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/march15.html
The letter:
No. 53.
Tsarskoe Selo, March 7-th 1915
My own beloved One, A week to-day you left us — it seems much longer. Your telegrams and precious letters are such a comfort and I constantly read them. — You see see I am looking after my tired old self, and to-day again only get up for 8 Ania won't understand it, the Dr., children and I explain it to her, and yet every day 5 letters and begging me to come — she knows I lie in bed, and yet pretends to be astonished at it — so selfish. She knows I never miss going to her when I only can, and dead tired too she still grumbles why I went twice daily to an unknown officer and does not heed Botkin's remark, that he needed me and that she always has guests all day long almost. My visits to her are as a duty she finds (I think) and therefore even often does not seem to appreciate them, whereas the others thank for every second given to them. It is quite good she does not see me some days — tho' last night 6-th letter complained she had had no good-night kisses nor blessings for so long. If she would kindly once remember who I happen to be, then she might learn to understand that I have other duties except her. 100 times I told her about you too, who you are, and that an E. [Emperor] never goes daily to a sick person — what would one think otherwise, and that you have your country first of all to think of, and then get tired from work, and need air and its good you should be with Baby out, etc. It is like speaking to a stone — she won't understand, because she goes before everybody. — She offers to invite officers in the evening for the children, thinking to get me like that, but they answered that they wished to remain with me, as its the only time we are quietly together. We have too much spoiled her — but I honestly find, as a daughter of our friends, she ought to grasp things better and the illness ought to have changed her. Now enough about her, it's dull — it has stopped worrying me as it used to, and only aggravates one, because of the selfishness. — It's cold, grey and snowing. — The girls wildly enjoyed your swimming bath — first the 2 little ones and then the eldest — I could not go. — I slept badly and feel weak and tired — so far the heart is not enlarged, it becomes so every afternoon — so I think I won't see anybody and remain completely quiet, then it may behave itself! — Had heaps of papers to read this morning from Rostovtsev etc.; Shulman was so grateful to hear about Osovetz, I told the children to tell him. — Baby's "Moscouits" are not far from there. Galfter wrote. Hope Drenteln's leg is better, bow to him and N. P.
Goodbye and God bless and protect you my precious Angel. Kisses without end from your own wify
Alix.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 8 March. 1915.
Warmest thanks for letter, for the delightfully scented lilies, and two telegrams. I am very glad about Irina. The news is good from everywhere. I am leaving on Tuesday, shall be home on Wednesday morning. I kiss you fondly. Give her my kind regards.
Nicky.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
Above: Anna Vyrubova.
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