Alix's letter to Toni Becker, dated July 11, 1892

Source:

Briefe der Zarin Alexandra von Russland an ihre Jugendfreundin Toni Becker-Bracht (2009), edited by Lotte Hoffmann-Kuhnt

The letter:

Schwalbach den 11ten Juli/92

Meine liebe Toni, 

Vielen Dank für Deinen letzten sehr willkommenen Brief. Es freut mich, dass Du Deinen Aufenthalt in Michelbach zu geniessen scheinst, & möge er Dir recht gut bekommen. Und wie vergnügt die Kleine sein muss ihre liebe Freundin zu haben. Ich wünschte Du könntest nur nachher nach Mehlem, oder kannst Du es nicht einrichten, dass Du Frl. v. Rath nach ihrem Besuch in Darmstadt, heimbegleitest, & dann ein wenig bei ihr bleiben, aber Carlito wäre wol doch nicht da, — hörst Du nie was er treibt? — Es ist immer so schade wenn man einen Menschen hat gut kennen lernen, & mit ihm viel zusammengewesen ist, & man dann scheidet & sich eine Ewigkeit nicht wiedersieht. —

Ich liege eben auf dem Sopha, nachdem ich den Andern beim Lawn Tennis zugesehen hatte, — es ist Tantalusqual, aber ich kann nicht spielen wegen meinem Bein, aber hoffentlich auf dem Wolfsgarten. Es graut mir so vor dort. Wie anders wird es nun vom vorigen Jahr. — Mein Kind, — I can not get over it, I do miss him too terribly, one minute one laughs, & the next one longs to cry — nearly four months already, & we never were seperated so long before — & now it is to last for ever, — nevermore shall I look on his beloved face or hear his dear voice again, oh, it seems too hard to bear. — But he is happy & at rest now, & I ought not to fret, but I did love him so. There never was a better creature a more adorable Father. — Aber diese trüben Gedanken dürfen Dich nicht stören, Du musst nur Sonnenschein haben, es passt besser zu Dir. —

Es küsst Dich von Herzen

Deine treue Alte

Einen schönen Gruss an die Kleine

English translation (my own; original English in italics):

Schwalbach, July 11th/92

My dear Toni,

Many thanks for your last very welcome letter. I am pleased that you seem to be enjoying your stay in Michelbach, & may it be good for you. And how happy the Little One must be to have her dear Friend. I wish you could only go to Mehlem afterwards, or can't you arrange to accompany Frl. v. Rath home after her visit to Darmstadt & then stay with her for a while, but Carlito wouldn't be there, — you never hear anything; what is he doing? — It's always a shame when you get to know someone well, & have been with them a lot, & then one is separated & they don't see each other for ages. —

I am just lying on the sopha after watching the others play Lawn Tennis — it is torture, but I can't play because of my leg, but hopefully in the Wolfsgarten. I dread it there. How different it will be from last year. — My Child, — I can not get over it, I do miss him too terribly, one minute one laughs, & the next one longs to cry — nearly four months already, & we never were seperated so long before — & now it is to last for ever, — nevermore shall I look on his beloved face or hear his dear voice again, oh, it seems too hard to bear. — But he is happy & at rest now, & I ought not to fret, but I did love him so. There never was a better creature a more adorable Father. —  But these sad thoughts must not disturb you, you must only have sunshine, it suits you better.

I kiss you with all my heart

Your faithful Alte

Greetings to the Little One

Above: Alix.

Above: Toni Becker.