Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 36 to 38, by George Hawkins, 2023
The 1,500th post to this blog!
The letter:
No 10
Buckingham Palace
May 10th 1894
My own precious Nicky,
Tho' I have only just written to you, I am sitting down to scrible again, but this letter will only leave to-morrow. I am alone, Christle has gone to his room and Thora is dressing for a dinner to wh she is going to-night, but as we only dine so late, I think the best way of filling up my time is by sitting in a comfortable armchair with the lamp close to me, chattering to you. No, you cannot imagine how it poured when we were out driving, the 2 poor gentlemen who had to ride next to the carriage looked like drowned rats, it reminded me of the day of the wedding, our drive back from the Rosenau. I am sure you remember my beautiful aspect when I afterwards turned up for tea — Sandra's red cap, a red, wet face and blue frozen hands, from driving Caesar without gloves on. You know you deserve a good scolding for remaining up so late at night, tho' it touches me deeply you do it as to write to the old owl, but still I wish you would not — it is not good. Don't think I am preaching because I myself like doing the same, but it is surely a bad habit to get into and one cannot cure oneself of it so quickly later. I want my Darling to look well when he comes here and not thin and pale as I alas have seen him look.
I wish I could remain quietly up here instead of going to Dinner, it is so quiet and peaceful here and I have been trotting about all day long and am rather ramolie in consequence. I pity my neighbours to-night, they will find me more idiotic than ever. Christle brought in rather an extraordinary part of his garments, to have them [illegible] by his sister's maid. Whenever anyone knocked, he died of fright, lest it should be Gretchen who would have been too terribly shocked. Really, boys are funny creatures, well, men I ought to say as he is getting on for 30. But now I must go and dress. Good night my Boysy, sleep well, and may your Guardian angel keep watch over you, my own true love.
It is getting on for 12 and I am sitting in my bedroom in a décolté gown with no jewels on and my hair all down. I look raving mad, but Madeleine has gone to see some friends who seem to have kept her rather long and my gown is laced and pinned and tied at the back so that I cannot possibly undo it alone and am as helpless as a Baby. Well, Dinner was nice, only I have neuralgia in the one side of my face wh is idiotic, but a night's rest will take it away. A. Beatrice forgot to write the sitting list, so Christle and I being the ones in the house had to arrange it, but I think all were satisfied. Naughty Cousins teazed me so, for sitting went to the nice, young Lord in Waiting, and said I had on purpose arranged it so and they thought it too bad that as I did not go to parties, I chattered with young men, too wicked of them. Why should I not choose an amusing neighbour, and as he was the best of the Gentlemen and I the second last lady, we had to sit next to each other. You don't mind that, I am sure, you know yr old Owl does not flirt, one can talk and laugh without doing that, can't one?
Just before Dinner, I received your sweet letter. Bless you for it my Boysy. You cannot think how intensely happy I am to hear from you. I do not understand why you don't get a letter from me, as I write every day. Please thank dear Xenia for her charming letter. Don't let us speak yet about my coming, tho' I should so much like to see your Parents. I honestly would rather not go. To travel there without Ernie would be so unpleasant, belong to him still in one way, don't I, tho' you have got me quite in another [illegible]. Don't make me travel so far again. I feel Imust write you all I feel and you will understand me, my own precious love, won't you? Toria spoke so much about you again, how fond she is of you. I am sure you must also be very devoted to her, dear girl. It is such a pleasure like that hearing so much about you, as otherwise I have no one to speak about you too — she knows you best. She is going to lend me some books your dear old Priest gave her. I do wish I could see more of her, and hear like that more about my love. She wore the lovely bracelet you have her. I am glad you have had such a friend all these years and I hope I will never stand in the way of your friendship — friendship is such a lovely rare thing that one must not loose it for anything. "Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." What a noble, fine, utterly unselfish character hers is. Anyone whom you love is doubly dear to me, for they must be worth loving if you care for them.
But now, I really must be off to bed. Good night again. God bless you. "Almighty and ever lasting God, give unto us the increase of faith, hope and charity, and that we may obtain that which thou dost promise, make us to love that which thou dost command, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." "He will give His Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all His ways." "Gracious is the Lord and righteous, yea, our God is merciful. I was in misery, and He helped me." "Let us be content, we do not know what is good for us, and God does." God bless you, Nicky dear.
Goodmorning my own sweet one. I hope you slept well and had no fight with hats. Thora, Sandra, Gretchen and I went to a picture gallery, but I was greatly disappointed. There was nothing of interest to be seen, then we drove through the Park. There is an exhibition of English silks going on here, and Grdmama allowed me to choose two pieces for dresses she will give me for my wedding. One is white with little coloured flowers and silver line twisted in and out, and the other a greyish white with pinkish red japonica. I took it immediately, as it reminded me the most of our flower, only that is a prunus something.
It is finer to-day, and this morning the sun shone. Aunt B is remaining here for the Theatre, so Granny and I will return all alone to Windsor. I can well imagine that her letter was a difficulty to decypher.
But I must be off.
Ever, beloved Nicky mine, yr own true little Bride
Alix
Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.
Notes: ramolie = exhausted.
"Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." = "Friendship makes men like God's angels etc."
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