Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 17 to 19, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 4 Windsor Castle
May 5th 1894
My own sweet Nicky dear,
Thanks for your dear message in Granny's telegram, we were breakfasting to-gether when it came. Then Gretchen and I went down to Frogmore, picked primroses and sat baking in the sun. She has to climb to get at them now, as my Boysy is alas not here. I had to think so much of the Rosenau and how I made poor you pick the whole time. I fear you must sometime have wished me to Jericho. Then Granny came and we went to the Mausoleum and placed wreathes there. It is so pretty and lies so lovely, you will, I am sure, there are lots of charming pattes and benches. Really it is too bad, the whole day people have been fidgeting, so that I could not finish this letter, and then I had to try on stupid, uninteresting clothes, 2 new blouses I have bought and 2 hats. "Schlumpers" are coming still.
Well, Georgie and May have been here and he sends you his very best love — you are his oldest and best friend. They were very nice, but I wanted you and your big eyes. I have just got a grand telegram: "Les Cosaque d'Orenburg réunis à l'occasion de leur fête patronale de St George's présent votre Altesse de vouloir bien agréer leurs vœux et hommages les plus respectueux inspirés par le dévouement sans bornes qu'ils portent à votre august fiancé les prières de tous sont unanimes pour le bonheur de vo Altesse Impériale. Ataman der Cosaques d'Orenburg General Major Ersehoss." I shall ask someone to help answering it properly as you know alas how weak my French is.
I drove with Granny and A. Beatrice in the Park and had tea in a cottage manor hill. The woods are too lovely and the roads and grass so inviting for a canter. We must ride when you come. My legs have been so bad all day that I have sent for Dr Reid — it will never do for you to have a lame wife. Wife — how funny that sounds! I cannot yet realize that the old owl is to be yours. If only she were worthy enough for you and could be a real help and comfort. But she will do all in her power for her own sweet Pelly whom she adores more than words can express. I hear an old barrelorgan down in the town, it makes me think of my childhood — how long ago that seems now, so much has happened, such never to be forgotten sorrows, and now this joy! Oh sweet one, thanks for your love which I value, oh, so highly. I have to think of days ago — do you remember our evening — I see you still in your white uniform waiting to go to Church, and then I was alone, but my prayers and thoughts followed you. To-morrow in Church our thoughts will meet and our prayers join. I must also go to evening service — it is so beautiful and does one such good — the lovely singing, fine Chapel, oh, could you but be at my side. And Ernie, how he loved it and he has a wife and is at home and happy — I am in a horrid mood to-night, I feel low and depressed and scarcely know how to keep back my tears — it is that dreadful barrelorgan I believe and the solitary lamp wh make me so foolish, but it will never do, my letter will be too idiotic otherwise. Ach, and I want to write to the Weeping Willow for his Birthday and then I must dress for dinner.
Of course, Georgie said I must not keep you all the time, but must let you come to London as he saw so little of you at his wedding wh I understand. I understand anyone wanting you.
Well, what have you been able to arrange for Xenia and Sandro? Give them my best love and say how much I am thinking of them. I forget, did I write out these lines for you already or not?
"Pray for all those who love thee,
All who are loved by thee,
Pray for those who hate thee,
If any such there be.
Then for thyself a blessing
In meekness humbly claim
And link with each petition
Thy great Redeemer's name."
"Love is the one thing on earth we never lose. It is like a cool river growing broader and deeper as it flows towards the sea, which makes all fields greener where it passes, the sweet flowers bloom. It flowed through Paradise long ago and they called it the River of Life." Yes, truly, love is the greatest blessing on earth and he to be pitied who knows it not. But I must rush, Victoria and Ludwig are arriving. Farewell beloved Boy, my own, own true Darling, the sweetest Boy that ever was.
God bless you now and evermore. Many tender kisses from yr ever deeply loving old Spitzbub owl and frog.
Аликсъ
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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