Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 10 to 11, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
22 April
Windsor Castle
My own precious Nicky dear,
I have just arrived and had breakfast with Granny. How it reminded me of Coburg and made me miss you more than ever. But there the delight of finding your sweet letter for which many tender kisses and thanks for the flowers. I am going to put them in my Bible and Prayerbook — they smell still excellently. The comfort of having your letter is great and I don't know how often I have read it in these few minutes and covered it with kisses. How I miss your kisses and blessing.
The journey went off well and the crossing was splendid, not a movement and I don't feel very tired. Everything is so beautiful, green and bright of flowers. Liko is not yet at all well and Granny has a tiresome cough. The whole journey I kept your coin in my hands and played with it. Looked at the photo — a little comfort — not only that I miss you, but Ernie too, everything reminds me of a few weeks ago when we were here to-gether and I feel quite lost without him. Granny tells me she has written to you — she wrote to me, even to Darmstadt.
Aunt Beatrice is coming up to London to some function, so Granny, I and the Children will be left to ourselves.
Your letter has made me too awfully happy, why, I am the same as you. I also feel shy to express my feelings too, I had such a lot I wanted to tell you and ask and speak about, but felt too shy. We shall have to conquer this weakness, don't you think now? Oh, I want you ever so badly, my own beloved One, my one and all — little lausbub — spitsbub wants you, oh dear, oh dear, it is so tough, the end of [illegible].
Now I must go and get myself cleaned and change my clothing. Then I shall continue.
So here I am again. I have been trying to arrange the room a bit and have been standing up all my photos and frog. I have unpacked my music and as soon as I can intend playing as I have neglected the piano too shamefully lately. I hope you will get "noch minna" alright, sent it off from Darmstadt. All your photos are looking at me with their beautiful big eyes. Oh were you but here and I could press you to my heart.
And to think that you are still rattling along, poor dear. I shall anxiously await yr telegram this evening — you will write often, won't you, as your letters will be my greatest joy and what I shall look forward to the most in the day. I have used a little of your scent but the smell makes me sad. I have Heinrich now more for a [illegible] at the "inevitable" Rosenau — tho they were lovely, you must confess it. Madelaine was deeply touched you thought of her, she insists upon sticking the cat on top of the sopha wh looks utterly mad.
Yes, sweet one, it was beastly having to say goodbye so coldly at the station before everyone. I had to think of when you arrived. I shall never forget those first days and what a beast I was to you, forgive me my love. Ah, if you only knew how I adore you and the years have made my affection for you grow stronger and deeper and I wish only I were worthier of your love and tenderness. You are much too good for me. But I must stop otherwise this letter won't reach the post in time. God bless you, my own true love. Many a tender kiss fr yr ever deeply devoted little girl
Alix
Yr bride — how funny it sounds. Sweet one, I cannot stop thinking of you.
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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