Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 60 to 62, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 18
Windsor Castle
May 17th 1894 11. evening
Моя душки Ники,
I must just begin a few lines to you to-night, to say how much my thoughts are with you. Sandra was with me a moment and so we sang "noch a mal" and it has made me feel quite melancholy. I cannot describe my longing for you, it is so great and just on your dear Birthday, how much I should have enjoyed spending it with you. God bless you my beloved Boy, and may you sleep well to-night and wake up fresh and happy in the morning, ready to begin the new year with a bright and cheery spirit. A good kiss for yr dear letter the servant brought me when we were leaving for Aldershot. All you said touched me deeply and the sweet flowers, yr an Angel, my Ники dear!
No, to think you can manage to get away earlier, I am too enchanted. By then I hope to have finished my cure and Victoria wishes me to tell you that she would be only too happy if you came to Walton. Fancy how delightful, if we could spend a few days there to-gether, it is too good to think of.
Do send me the books by the next messenger so that I can read them at Harrowgate. As soon as I know my address there, I will send it to you, Baroness Starkenburg, don't forget.
My own sweet precious one, yr dear letter has made me so happy, I feel like quite another person — a month and so Gott will, I shall clasp you to my heart, my Ники sweet.
The parade was charming and interested me immensely — the march past was so good — what splendid horses they have got, the one regiment only, greys, and so fine, they are much bigger than our German cavalry horses, but they are splendid, strong animals. The red uniforms do look so cheery. It was hot, but luckily not dusty, a thing they complain of here usually. The pole of our carriage broke, Victoria repaired by cords and we dreaded every moment that the steeds wld go off and leave us and carriage behind. Uncle George and U. Bertie were there too. We took tea at Uncle Arthur's. They want us to come so much when you are here. Altogether you are wanted by everyone, and it seems I am calmly to give you up to all the grasping creatures, oh, so naughty, I want you, I too am greedy and want my precious one all to myself sometimes.
The heat in the train was great and Sandra kept pulling the blinds the whole time up and down as the sun shone once in Granny's eyes and then on the other side.
Madelaine is hunting for the dog. I heard him bark a few minutes ago and now he has disappeared, frightened little beasty. But I think I better stop as it is getting so late and my legs are exhausted and I don't want the old Cow to grumble at the owl, only felt I must scratch down a few words as I cannot keep my thoughts away from you.
The moon is shining gloriously and I see two faces in it kissing each other, since I once discovered it from a drawing after a picture, il baccio della Luna — I always see the two heads. I traced it so can show it you at Darmstadt and you will distinctly ever after see the two faces.
At last she has got the dog.
Aunt B, Sandra, Ludwig and Victoria are riding to-morrow morning at 8, oh, how I envy them. I have lent the latter my riding habbit and a loose jacket so I hope she can wear parts of it. Bless you my love, my one and all, my sweet old boysy, have sweet dreams and think of your little bride who will pray most fervently for her Ники's happiness and wellfare. Night night deary!
May 18th — Good day, my beloved Nicky and tenderest good wishes and many happy returns of this dear day — how I long to be with you, I need not say, you can well imagine it. I received several kind telegrams, wh touched me deeply. From yr regiment, Aunt Sanny, Anastasie, Ella and Serge, Costia and Mavra. Your dear letter has come. I always scamper off to my room after lunch to find the daily letter I always am dying for. A kiss and tender thanks for it. I do pity you having had to spend some days in St Petersburg, the weather is so warm. That poor officer fainting in Church! The letters do take so long — why by this time, you are again at Gatchina and all is over.
It is glorious weather to-day, so sunny and warm. I studied Russian in the garden with Schneiderlein. I wish I got on quicker, I fear she must have great patience and perseverance with me.
Aunt B has given me already now her birthday present — a thing to hang all my crousseau — it looks so nice.
I shall send this letter off now and perhaps I can scribble a line for the last post to-night, I'll see.
Goodbye my own beloved Nicky dear, my thoughts are ever with you and more especially so to-day, and my most earnest prayers for yr happiness dearest pet. God bless you. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love
Alix
Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: "Моя душки Ники" = "My darling Nicky".
"Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz" = "You, my one and my only, my heart, my darling".
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