Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 66 to 68, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
№ 18. Мая 8/20 1894.
Гатчина.
Дорогая моя милая душка Аликс,
I was so delighted to get your two sweet letters № 16-17, for both so many fond & tender kisses & thanks. I don't know why I am so behind you in the number of my letters, I wrote every day & so did you, where can that difference come from? Do you know sweet one those russian phrases were beautifully written; they make my heart leap from joy, because my darling is making daily progress!! Give Schneiderlein my kind messages & tell her she that she does her duty admirably, not talking any language to you than russian. I think it too bad, you poor thing being interrupted the whole time, it is quite the case with me & I don't know anything more aggravating, I swear awfully when that happens & sent the people to the devil! Oh! beg your pardon, but you see the habit makes those words slip off so easily. I have got a detestable pen, but am too lazy to change. — I am glad that fool of Uhlenhuth has sent you our photos, but also two of each, so I need not send the half of mine, but keep them, for giving away those that I have got already!
The Caesar groups are very good — I think. — Fancy, today my man found, while cleaning my white uniform, the sweet little picture of the Madonna you gave me in your room on Easter night, where? in the pocket! It remained there since I put it in, before going to Church. What luck! I did not mention to you I had lost it, because I was so sad myself — and now I have directly hung it up close to my bed. Thank you once more my own little girly-dear for that picture! —
We came back from town at 4. First, we went to the fortress, where there was the usual Sunday service & a few prayers for aunt Katty. We lunched after that in the Winter palace just in the rooms where my little darling lived for Ella's wedding — (where Sandro saw you, hum!) and then drove to the poor Heydens; the old Governor-General of Finland lost his wife yesterday & we know the whole family & like them very much — so again we had to present at a service for the dead. Really, it is too bad — we do nothing but that since I came fr. Coburg: run up to town, quickly bury a person 2) and rush back to Гатчина! Though the singing is most beautiful so sad & imposing, yet I must say I don't feel at all inclined of spending several hours a week near coffins! It does not agree in the least with my feelings at the present moment! Do you understand that — you old курица! — Papa is always so dear & kind to me — today I asked whether he would allow me to go over to England in his lovely yacht the "Polar Star" — and he at once consented, adding he was sure I am delighted not to have to go through Berlin! I should think I am mad at [the] idea of going over to see my sweety by sea & on board that ship. Oh! you ought to see her - she is a beauty & so comfortable, but the best is her engines - she steams 18 knots easily an hour! — Schau-mir-in's-gesicht — what a nice little valse, except the rather vulgar turning of the heads. But the "noh a mal" is the best of all tunes; oh! my goodness, how I wish to hear it again being sung by you, my own darling, my one & all, my lovely little bride-Alix! That name is everything to me & it sounds sweeter, than the prettiest music, to mine ear!
Tomorrow Mama leaves for Абас-туман in the evening, she shall be away over a month and I am afraid it'll seem very dull for Papa, as really Micha & Olga only remain with him. I shall have to be constantly in the camp, especially in the beginning as my battalion goes there before the regiment settles there completely. I intend coming here riding, as I asked to do that in former years in two hours & I prefer going on horseback to driving in a carriage. Of course there may be exceptions — let me say — Rosenau was one & what a one? I shall say good-bye to Mama for two months as I intend leaving for England before she comes back with Georgie. The first couple is delighted to have a change of air; they both send you their fond love. Xenia hopes you'll write to her once to that place. Please not to forget to give me your new address, because I might spoil your baronetsy and incognito like a trifle if I sent a letter off with that thundering address H. G. D. W. etc. Ha! ha! that would have been a "spötterlich" behaviour! Now my little Alixy-dear I must stop this Jocco-like chattering. God bless you + my beloved own sweet darling & thank you once more for your sweet kind letters.
Ever & forever your's, truly unto death, loving & deeply devoted cow
Nicky
never place for that poor y!
Above: Nicholas.
Above: Alix.
Notes: курица = chicken.
spötterlich = mocking.
Jocco = Alix's pet parrot.
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