Nicholas's letter to Alix, dated May 5/17, 1894

Sources:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 58 to 59, by George Hawkins, 2023

https://disk.yandex.com/mail?hash=kuDdHgzAhlj8Vmyce8roYrsV8lLetWtFFyElqTSKDCI%3D%3A

The letter:

5/17 Мая. 1894. Гатчина.

No. 15.

Моя милая дорогая Аликс,

At last your sweet letter came today, just at the same time as I arrived from town, for which many fondest thanks & tender kisses! Oh! how happy I felt, while reading your nice description of the sermon you heard last Sunday & how I wished I might have been sitting in Church by my darling's side! — I am sure my letter from last evening must have seemed quite idiotic to you, but really then I was pretty nearly exhausted. But I did not feel geknickt, though you call me a goose, as an old hen of my acquaintance does in a bad humour mixing up kisses with pinches.

I have received my birthday presents from dear Papa & Mama and Xenia & Sandro. Two pairs of lovely buttons & a heavily greenstone "frog" (Fabergé) like those animals Ella had in her saloon in the Schloss! Lots of books besides, that I love so — and some french poetry. Mischa also gets his presents the same day as me, because his birthday & namesday are together on 22d November! so it was considered unfair to give him presents only once a year! Do you — haben Sie verstanden altes Huhn?

Abby came here yesterday just in time to be present at the funeral. He is flourishing; his blue hussar uniform reminded me of Coburg & the hofconcerts, when u. Alfred used to drop Granny's stick regularly every evening and it came down rattling on the floor. Well! du sah ich mich selbst im meinem uniform bei der suite "eines ziemlich hübsches persönlichkeit" sitzend — vielleicht war es im Riesensaal eines alten schlosses! Though not the least sure about the - der, die, das endings of the words — I think I can write better in German yet, than you can in Russian! Ha! ha! at least that advantage over the owl! I shall catch you up soon in Hindustani if I sit down studying the language properly! I must keep my mood down, because I feel terribly "spötterlich" today, I don't know why & I am afraid of making the poor little owl mad with fury, with what I have already said! Is it not true? No! I never liked teazing any one, but sometimes there comes an irresistible wish to make tear on three small "stiche" to a person. — There! now again those d… 2) telegrams begin. I have already got two while scribbling at this letter and I'll have no one to help me! Oh! if only we were together, what a charming birthday it would seem to me. I always loathed my own birthdays and tomorrow I won't have my own sweety-dear to comfort me! But as we are in mourning now, no people are coming which is a blessing! I shall write again tomorrow & send the telegrams to the d…. [illegible]. Now sweet one I must finish. My prayers & thoughts shall be ever the more with you darling little girly-dear tomorrow. Oh! how I miss you. God bless you +++.

Ever my own sweet one yr. truly loving & deeply devoted Nicky

Above: Nicholas and Alix.

Notes: geknickt = folded.

"haben Sie verstanden altes Huhn?" = "have you understood, old Hen?"

hofconcert = court concert.

"Du sah ich mich selbst im meinem Uniform bei der Suite 'eines ziemlich hübsches Persönlichkeit' sitzend — vielleicht war es im Riesensaal eines alten Schlosses!" = "You I saw me in my uniform sitting by the suite of 'a rather pretty personage' — maybe it was in the huge hall of an old castle!"

spötterlich = mocking.