Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 64 to 65, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
6/18 Мая. 1894. Гатчина.
No. 16.
My own sweet darling,
How I rejoiced this morning at finding a telegram from you — the first I got on my birthday. That was the best present you could have given me. And then your sweet letter the post brought me, many tender thanks & kisses for it! Oh! my precious one, yr. legs seem to be in a sad state; do you know I have been really very much alarmed by what you say, having to change yr. plans? Are you going to leave from England? Then where am I to come? Do please answer those two questions sweety because I am awfully anxious about your precious health! My beloved girly-darling do take care of yourself — for the old cow's sake at least!!! If you only knew how restless I feel, being so far away & not knowing what is going on! — Oh! how I wish to be near you & to be of any possible help! Any hole or cave would seem Paradise to me — were I only close to my own Darling's side. Really, sweety, it is quite unbearable any longer to be thus separated! Thank goodness we are advancing rather quickly through May and this idea keeps me up!
Ella sent me a photo of Kaulbach's pastel which he did of my own beloved one — I find it rather like, but not a remarquable likeness! I have not seen the picture, but anything done of you sweety is only too welcome to the cow! It has been pouring this morning, but after 12 it got fine again & nature's exhalations were intoxicating & delightful. The lilacs are coming out, it is the second I see this year — the first being those we gathered together at Darmstadt! At church I prayed for my little girly-dear & thought so much, so much of you darling suffering from your poor legs! Why must you have those pains, why is it not me? I wish I could go through agonies that you would only be spared them! — Serge & Paul gave me - the former a pin & the latter small buttons, a. Miechen — a pretty mug for milk. I enclose a photo of myself for a. Beatrice & a letter from my Grandmama, which you'll send me back when you have read it! I got over 50 telegrams and had to answer them all alone, which I luckily finished before dinner. Many of them were touching as the people will congratulate me & for a second time on our engagement!
Now my own sweet darling I must end. Sandro has just passed also in a japanese night-gown, to bed out of his bath & I must do the same. The I couple sends you its love. God bless you +. beloved little child. Many tender kisses fr. yr. ever truly loving old boysy Nicky
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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