Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 53 to 55, by George Hawkins, 2023
George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook
The letter:
Paul thanks you heartily.
mejdunarodny!!!
Мая 3/15 1894 г.
No. 13.
PALAIS ANITCHKOFF.
ST. PETERSBOURG.
Милая моя дорогая душка Аликс!
How can I thank my angel-dear enough for writing so often — just now I again received two sweet letters at once, so they gave me a delightful half hour's reading. Look at that - ↑ now I do not know it seems how to spell the words! It's simply shocking!! Oh! sweety, if you knew what joy your letters give me; they bring me such comfort & such a delightful calmness sets upon me, to think that my long long dream has come true at last, that you sweet love — are mine, after so many years of anxieties and fright to lose you — no, there can be no expressions & no words to show you the full depth of my love to you & the happiness you gave me! Oh! I want to live, I want many years yet to get worthier of my own darling little girl's love and every day as long as I live, I shall first pray God for my own sweety's sake & then praise & thank Him for the happiness He mercifully blessed me with! When I think of this — every time a letter fr. you comes — I feel ashamed to be low spirited & grumpy about our long separation — when I ought to be thankful for the past & look happy and content. But on the other hand, constantly seeing the first couple always together, involuntarily one feels a little bit sad, tho' it is not very right. Don't you think so my lovely little precious-dear?
I am going to look and see whether I can find some of my old photos, I doubt it, as everything is given away, I could never bear keeping old portraits of myself, I found & find them perfect monsters! But with you it's the same, you could not find many of yr. old ones then in Darmstadt when I asked you for some! Darmstadt! What a sweet place! How I love it — to think that my little one was born there! And it made me, our short stay there, feel still more tenderly for you, my darling. — Just this instant Ulenhut's photos have arrived; I shall send you the half of the quantity of each sort. Some are nice, especially the one in the pony-carriage. Order as many as you like, he numbered every one & put letters behind each. What a treat to have them!
Now my darling I must end as it is getting late! Of course I'll write again tomorrow. With every blessing & fondest love & many kisses believe me beloved little girly-darling yr. faithful old Nicky
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Note: mejdunarodny (международный) = international.
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