Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 82.
Tsarskoje Selo, June 11-th 1915
My very own precious One,
All my tenderest thoughts surround you in love and longing. It was a lovely surprise, when you suddenly turned up again — I had been praying & crying & feeling wretched. You don't know how hard it is being without you & how terribly I always miss you. Your dear telegram was such a consolation, as I felt very low & Ania's odious humour towards me (not to the Children) did anything but enliven my afternoon & evening. — We dined out & took tea on the balkony — this morning its glorious again — I am still in bed, resting you see, as heart not quite the thing, tho' not enlarged — I have been sorting out photos to be glued into albums for the exhibition-bazaar here. — Fancy, big Marie Bariat.'s husband died from a stroke on the 9-th at Berejany in a property named Raï — one carries his body to Tarnopol. He was Commissioner of the red cross at the 11-th Army, can imagine Marie & Olga's despair, as they loved so their brother Ivan. Then the old C. Olsufiev has died — they lived as turtledoves, she will be brokenhearted. — One hears of nothing but deaths it seems to me. — Fancy, what I did last night in bed? I fished out yr. old letters & read through many of them, & those few before we were engaged — & all yr. words of intense love & tenderness warmed up my aching heart, & it seemed to me, as tho' I heard you speaking.
I numbered yours, the last 176 fr. the Head-Quarters. You number my yesterdays please, 313 — I hope my letter did not displease you but I am haunted by our Friend's wish & know it will be fatal for us & the country if not fulfilled. He means what He says, when speaks so seriously — He was much against yr. going to L. & P. — it was too soon, we see it now — was much against the war — was against the people of the Duma coming, an ugly act of Rodz. & the speeches ought not to have been printed (I find).
Please, my Angel, make N. see with your eyes — dont give in to any of the 2-nd class being taken — put it off as long as only possible — they have to work in the fields, fabrics, on steamers etc.; rather take the recroutes for next year now — please listen to His advise when spoken so gravely & wh. gave Him sleepless nights — one fault & we shall all have to pay for it. — I wonder what humour you found at the Head-Quarters & whether the heat is very great. —
Felix told Ania that one threw (then) stones at Ella's carriage & spat at her, but she did not wish to speak to us about it — they feared disorders these days again — don't know why. — The big girls are in the hospital, yesterday all 4 worked in the stores — bandages — & later went to Irina. — How do you feel, my Love, your beloved and sad eyes haunt me still. Dear Olga wrote a sweet letter & kisses you & asks sweetly how you bear all, tho' she knows you will always wear a cheery face & carry all hidden inside. I fear often for yr. poor heart — it was so much to bear — speak out to yr. old wify — bride of the bygone — share all with me, it may make it easier — tho' sometimes one has more strength carrying alone, not letting oneself get soft — the phisical heart gets so bad from it, I know it but too well. Lovebird, I kiss you without end, bless you, cover yr. precious face with kisses & long to let your dear head rest upon my old breast, so full of unutterable love & devotion.
Ever yr. own old
Alix.
I receive Mme Hartwig, Rauchfuss, the 4 Trepov daughters (2 married). Remember to speak about the wounded officers being allowed to finish their cures at home befor returning for 2, 3 or 4 time to battle, its cruel & unjust otherwise. N. must give Alek the order.
My love to the old man & N. P.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 11 June, 1915.
Have arrived safely. During the journey had heavy warm rain. Thanks for news. There is nothing specially bad to report. I hope you will soon feel quite strong again...
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
.jpg)
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Above: Anna Vyrubova.
Above: Ella.
Note: Alexandra always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
No comments:
Post a Comment