Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 47 to 48, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
May 1/13 1894. Гатчина.
No- 11.
My own precious darling Alix,
What joy & pleasure I felt today upon receiving two sweet letters fr. my little girly, but I cannot quite make out how the two arrived at the same moment, when the dates on the top are different? But the great thing is that I got them & sat down to read them quickly through! If you knew what real joy they bring me, I feel quite different & for a time the bitter feeling of loneliness fades away. There are no words & there could not be so many or enough kisses for me to send you, my own beloved sweet little bride. I am delighted you have been over to the dear cousins; try, whenever you can, to talk to Toria it would do her so much good. I told her just the same in my letter, that nothing would make the cow happier than to see you two like sisters together! What a disgraceful shame to that or those relations who have asked such wrong things about you — poor Toria! I never heard 0f that before! —
I am longing & looking forward to coming to see you my own dearest little girl, to such a degree that I wake in the night startled thinking I am already in England. Do you know my sweet one, there is hope that I may be able to get away before the time we calculated at Coburg. For instance if I left on 14th or 16th June (new style) where could I come and live near you,? that would be about a week before Granny's return from Balmoral? I could go mad for joy only at this one idea! Fancy meeting again under new oh! so delightfully new different circumstances for us both; not true, darling? To be able at last to put my arms round my own, own sweetest girly's neck & press her gently & lovingly to my heart — oh! too beautiful a dream yet! You wont believe how badly I want you my own little dear one. We have had only 12 days of real happiness, is it being greedy to want & ask for more then? Why should Xenia & Sandro be allowed to have that happiness & we not? Sometimes I assure you I feel inclined to cry my eyes out at the thought that — there are two poor creatures living in different parts of the world, yearning to see each other and helpless at the same time of meeting! I am sure you were glad to see Schwänzchen again, lor! how we bored him & he us with those endless telegrams! Please give Thora my kindest love. I hope uncle George behaved properly during dinner & did not say indecent things in his sort of [illegible] trumpet's voice! Sweet darling!
2) To-morrow we all go over to Petersburg for two days and remain there till poor aunt Catty is being buried. It is very tiresome to spend these days in town as the weather is hot & lovely here at Гатчина. We come back the 4/16 again.
Mama intends going to see Georgie & leaves for Abastouman on the 9th/21st with Xenia & Sandro. I am going to the camp on the 11th/23rd. - Our priest brought me a few books for you about our religion, he quite rejoyces at the idea of giving you lessons & coming to England. Shall I send you them with the next messenger? Now my sweet one I must put a stop to this rubbish I am telling you. With fondest kisses & blessings + I remain my own sweet little darling's deeply loving & devoted old "cow" — Nicky
Good-night! sweet one.
I shall pray, think & dream of you if I can, my own darling little beloved girly-dear!
God bless you my one & all, my life, my soul & my love!!!
your own Nicky
sweetest of sweetest creatures living!
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
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