Source:
The letter:
My own, my very own sweet One,
I am so happy for you that you can at last manage to go, as I know how deeply you have been suffering all this time — yr. restless sleep has been even a proof of it. It was a topic I on purpose did not touch, knowing & perfectly well understanding your feelings, at the same time realising that it is better you are not out at the head of the army. — This journey will be a tiny comfort to you, & I trust you will manage to see many troops. I can picture to myself their joy seeing you & all your feelings — alas that I cannot be with you to see it all. It is more than ever hard to bid goodbye to you my Angel — the blank after yr. departure is so intense! Then you, I know, not withstanding all you will have to do, will still miss yr. little family & precious Agooweeone. He will quickly get better now that our Friend has seen him & that will be a relief to you.
I am so happy for you that you can at last manage to go, as I know how deeply you have been suffering all this time — yr. restless sleep has been even a proof of it. It was a topic I on purpose did not touch, knowing & perfectly well understanding your feelings, at the same time realising that it is better you are not out at the head of the army. — This journey will be a tiny comfort to you, & I trust you will manage to see many troops. I can picture to myself their joy seeing you & all your feelings — alas that I cannot be with you to see it all. It is more than ever hard to bid goodbye to you my Angel — the blank after yr. departure is so intense! Then you, I know, not withstanding all you will have to do, will still miss yr. little family & precious Agooweeone. He will quickly get better now that our Friend has seen him & that will be a relief to you.
May the news only be good whilst you are away, as to know you have hard news to bear alone, makes the heart bleed. Looking after wounded is my consolation & that is why the last morning I even wanted to go there, whilst you were receiving, so as to keep my spirits up & not break down before you. To lessen their suffering even in a small way, helps the aching heart. Except all I go through with you & our beloved country & men I suffer for my 'small old home' & her troops & Ernie & Irene & many a friend in sorrow there — but how many go through the same. And then the shame, the humiliation to think that Germans should behave as they do — egoistically I suffer horribly to be separated — we are not accustomed to it & I do so endlessly love my very own precious Boysy dear. Soon 20 years that I belong to you & what bliss it has been to be your very own little Wify! —
How nice if you see dear Olga, it will cheer her up & do you good. — I shall give you a letter & things for the wounded for her. —
Lovy dear, my telegrams can't be very warm, as they go through so many military hands — but you will read all my love & longing between the lines. — Sweety, if in any way you do not feel quite the thing, you will be sure to call Feodorov, won't you — & have an eye on Fredericks.
My very most earnest prayers will follow you by day and night. I commend you into our Lord's safe keeping — may He guard, guide & lead you & bring you safe & sound back again.
I bless you & love YOU, as man was rarely been loved before — & kiss every dearly beloved place & press you tenderly to my own heart.
For ever yr. very own old Wify.
The Image will lie this night under my cushion before I give it to you with my fervent blessing.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
Above: Alexandra as a nurse.
Above: Alexei.
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