Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 117 to 119, by George Hawkins, 2023
May 22/June 3 1894.
Красное Село.
№ 32.
My own sweet Love,
A long caressing hug for your charming gay letter with the snips of velvet. I send you the two back as I dared choose the pale blue & apple green colour! I called Mme. Flotow & gave her your measure, she was simply amazed by the length that you sent me of yourself, darling. I nearly died in her face, seeing her astonishment, whereupon she joined into my laughter too — you would have enjoyed that scene.
What is that, sweety, you wrote... ching... chung........ ah... ching? how you snore..~ ching! —
I can't in deuce's name make out what that represents? Forgive, my own darling little pet, my letter I wrote for your dear birthday, I wanted to write a nice one, but I know nothing came out of it. But you can guess what I might have mentioned in it & all my innermost wishes of deepest love, that I am stupid enough never to know how to express. Take care, my girly-dear, but I am afraid you have made a mistake on April 20th in taking such a cowish fool as me, who cannot even compose a congratulating letter! — Sweety, I am rather cracked & ramoli, as in driving back fr. Gatchina I took a bad road & have been bumped & knocked about so – that I got another laughing fit, quite alone in the carriage! It was also very funny seeing my cossack & the coachman being involuntarily jerked & thrown about on the box, nearly into each others' arms! D.... that road!!
Now I am sitting & writing to my girly, in my shirt with rather faded prown stripes — as it is so warm! — What on earth are you talking about Figner? (so he writes his name). He is in Staly with his pretty wife (hum!) No! I told you that a russian old actor came here & amused with his capital anecdotes! But there was very little of this, 🍷🍾 [?] — I can assure you. You naughty little lassie to think directly of such things! — Thank you much for the pretty verses, you again wrote, I love them, not on their own account, but because they come from you & that makes them sound sweetly to my ear! But here again you see my ignorance, formerly I did not care for them & though I was made to learn many by heart, I have forgotten them all. That is why, my little girl, ought not to be astonished if I don't send you any more verses or if my former ones were common & passten nicht! But I love you in my simple passionate way!
I ought to stop that jabbing & tell you what I did today! Papa & I we started for town at 9½. Oh! sweety do excuse you[r] ramolie cow! I gave Papa your love yesterday & he wishes me to thank you fondly for it & he sends you his in return! Well now I go on! On arriving at Petersburg, we drove to the fortress. There was the simple Sunday service & a few prayers & songs for the dead — it being our Grandmama's death anniversary. After that there was a family luncheon in the rooms directly under our future apartment (villing?) Fünchen asked me to thank you & to tell you how touched she was with yr. telegram, then for her mother's death. Papa had to receive many people as I sat & talked with her eldest brother — Georgeax. We came back to Gatchina at 3.; Papa slept in the train as usually & I read the "Prince of India" of course — also as usual in the train. Then we went out on the lake — I rowed in the boat, that Xenia & Sandro used to go out in — I felt sad that there should be a place vacant, but for whom I don't know? — Now it is already the 4-th June — so only ten days left more before I start somewhere on board a fine yacht! Oh! that divine moment that it would come faster!!! I dined with Papa & three gentlemen & left immediately after for the camp — and it was here I lost the poor remains of my feeble brains from the shaking in the troïka.
But now I must really end, my beloved little darling; it is high up to 1 o'clock & I must rush off to bed! God-bless you, primrosy, my prayers & thoughts, wishes & yearning for you never cease a moment. I love you….. .. love you…. better, better every day, my own Alix, my sweet little bride — my one & all! With tenderest kisses & blessings ever yr. most loving & devoted Nicky
...
Darling,
I send you these two letters for fun. I have got the same one in french; but the other, I think, you need neither answer! Good-bye, my beloved one! A hearty kiss fr. your own Nicky
...
I hope my little girly is not angry when I put those incomprehensible words down; but if you knew the pleasure it gives me, to think that perhaps you might understand a bit of my language! I cannot write more today as it is getting near one o'clock. But I don't know why, my heart is so full of love, passion & adoration for you, sweet one, that no other idea comes into my stupid head. I am ramoli from those feelings & would make a longer letter simply villing. So good-bye & good-night my own beloved precious Alix. God bless you + angel & believe me yr. own true & devoted Nicky
A tender kiss!
...
Let those love now who never loved before,
Let those who always loved — now love the more!
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: ramoli = depleted.
passten nicht = were not suitable.
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