Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 95.
Tsarskoje Selo, June 24-th 1915
My beloved Nicky dear,
Again a splendid day. Slept little this night & at 3 looked out of the window of my mauve room. A glorious morning, one felt the sun behind the trees, a soft haze over all, such calm — the swans swimming on the pond, steam rising from the grass — oh so beautiful, I longed to be well & go for a long, long walk as in bygone days — Sergei M. comes to tea, it seems he is quite well again & Petia.
Saw Polivanov yesterday — don't honestly ever care for the man — something aggravating about him, cant explain what — preferred Sukhomlinov, tho' this one is cleverer, but doubt whether as devoted. Sukhomlinov has made the great mistake of showing your private letter to him, right & left, & others have copies of it. Fred. ought to write him a word of reprimand. I understand he did it to show how kind you are to him to the end — but others need not know the reasons he left, except that he told an untruth at the famous sitting at Peterhof, when he said that we were ready & had enough to hold out, when we had not sufficient ammunition — this is his only very great fault, the bribe of his wife the rest. Now others can think that public opinion is enough to clear out our Friend etc. a dangerous thing before the Duma. — You cannot imagine the cruel suffering of not being with you — I know I could help & guard off things sometimes & here I am, eating out my heart fr. far, feeling my inability of being any use, only writing disagreable letters to you, my Love. — From the outset Goremykin must speak to Samarin & Stcherbatov how they have to behave about our Friend, to prevent any calumnies & stories. — Alas, have nothing cheerful or interesting to tell you. Spent day & evening on balkony, to-day too as don't feel well, tho' heart not yet enlarged & can begin my medicins again. Eagerly awaiting yr. letter about Bielovezh. —
Its true one is completely evacuating Varsovie? (for prudence sake!) —
Hope to go to holy Communion, depends upon health, wh. day, think Sunday at early mass downstairs with Ania; when do you return? to-day two weeks — seems at least a month — (& our Friend begged for quite short, knowing things wld. not be as they ought if one kept you & profitted of your kindness). — Are you going off unaware to Bielostok or Kholm to see the troops? Do show yourself there before returning — give them & yourself the joy. The Active Army is not tho' Headquarters thank God — surely you can see some troops. Voyeikov can arrange all (not Dzhunkovsky), nobody need know, only then it will succeed — say you are going off again for a trip; — had I been there, I should have helped you going off — Sweetheart needs pushing always & to be reminded that he is the Emperor & can do whatsoever pleases him — you never profit of this — you must show you have a way & will of yr. own, & are not lead by N. & his staff, who direct yr. movements & whose permission you have to ask before going anywhere. No, go alone, without N., by yr. very own self, bring the blessing of yr. presence to them — don't say you bring bad luck — at Lemberg & Przmysl it happened, because our Friend knew & told you it was too early, but you listened instead to the Headquarters.
Forgive my speaking so straightforwardly, but I suffer too much. — I know you — & Nikolasha — go to the troops, say not a word to N.; you have false scruples when you say its not honest not telling him — since when is he your mentor, & in what way do you disturb him? Let at last one see that you do after yr. own head, wh. is worth all theirs put together. Go Lovy — cheer up Ivanov too — such heavy battles are coming — bless the troops by your precious Being, in their name I beseech you to go — give them the spiritual rise, show them for whom they are fighting & dying — not for Nikolasha, but for you. 1000 have never seen you & yearn for a look of yr. beautiful, pure eyes. Such masses have moved down — one can't lie to you, that none are to be got at. Only if you say it to Nikolasha the spies that are at the Headquarters — who? — will at once let the Germans know & then their aeroplans will set to work. But 3 simple motors otherwise wont be seen, only wire to me something that I can understand & let our Friend know to pray for you. Say like that: going to-morrow again for an expedition — please Lovebird. Trust me, I mean yr. good — you always need encouraging & remember, not a word to Nikolasha let him think you go anywhere, Bielovezh or wheresoever it pleases you. Its a false Headquarter wh. keeps you away, instead of encouraging you to go. But the soldiers must see you, they need you, not the Headquarters, they want you & you them.
Now goodbye my Sunshine, kisses & blessings without end.
Ever yr. very own
Sunny.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 24 June, 1915.
I am infinitely grateful for dear letters — yours and Marie's — which came at 9, instead of in the morning. The weather is beautiful. I bathed in the little river in my favourite wood. I kiss you tenderly. Sleep well.
Nicky.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev on Flickr.
Note: Alexandra often referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
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