Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated August 22, 1915

Source:

Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=inu.30000011396573&view=1up&seq=165&skin=2021

The letter:

No. 98.
Tsarskoje Selo, Aug. 22-nd 1915
My very own beloved One,
I cannot find words to express all I want to — my heart is far too full. I only long to hold you tight in my arms & whisper words of intense love, courage, strength & endless blessings. More than hard to let you go alone, so completely alone — but God is very near to you, more then ever. You have fought this great fight for your country & throne — alone & with bravery & decision. Never have they seen such firmness in you before & it cannot remain without good fruit.

Do not fear for what remains behind — one must be severe & stop all at once. Lovy, I am here, dont laugh at silly old wify, but she has "trousers" on unseen, & I can get the old man to come & keep him up to be energetic — whenever I can be of the smallest use, tell me what to do — use me — at such a time God will give me the strength to help you — because our souls are fighting for the right against the evil. It is all much deeper than appears to the eye — we, who have been taught to look at all from another side, see what the struggle here really is & means — you showing your mastery, proving yourself the Autocrat without wh. Russia cannot exist. Had you given in now in these different questions, they would have dragged out yet more of you. Being firm is the only saving — I know what it costs you, & have & do suffer hideously for you, forgive me, I beseech you, my Angel, for having left you no peace & worried you so much — but I too well know yr. marvelously gentle character — & you had to shake it off this time, had to win your fight alone against all. It will be a glorious page in yr. reign & Russian history the story of these weeks & days — & God, who is just & near you — will save your country & throne through your firmness.

A harder battle has rarely been fought, than yours & it will be crowned with success, only believe this.

Yr. faith has been tried — your trust — & you remained firm as a rock, for that you will be blessed. God anointed you at your coronation, he placed you were you stand & you have done your duty, be sure, quite sure of this & He forsaketh not His anointed. Our Friend's prayers arise night & day for you to Heaven & God will hear them.

Those who fear & cannot understand your actions, will be brought by events to realise your great wisdom. It is the beginning of the glory of yr. reign, He said so & I absolutely believe it. Your Sun is rising — & to-day it shines so brightly. And so will you charm all those great blunderers, cowards, lead astray, noisy, blind, narrowminded & (dishonest false) beings, this morning.

And your Sunbeam will appear to help you, your very own Child — won't that touch those hearts & make them realise what you are doing, & what they dared to wish to do, to shake your throne, to frighten you with internal black forebodings — only a bit of success out there & they will change. They will (?) disperse home into clean air & their minds will be purified & they carry the picture of you & yr. Son in their hearts with them. —

I do hope Goremykin will agree to yr. choice of Khvostov — you need an energetic minister of the interior — should he be the wrong man, he can later be changed — no harm in that, at such times — but if energetic he may help splendidly & then the old man does not matter.

If you take him, then only wire to me "tail (Khvostov) alright" & I shall understand. —
Let no talks worry you — am glad Dmitri wont be there — snap up Voyeikov if he is stupid — am sure he is afraid meeting people there who may think he was against Nikolasha & Orlov & to smoothe things, he begs you for Nikolasha — that would be the greatest fault & undo all you have so courageously done & the great internal fight would have been for nothing. Too kind, don't be, I mean not specially, as otherwise it would be dishonest, as still there have been things you were discontented with him about. Remind others about Misha, the Emperor's brother & then there is war there too. —

All is for the good, as our Friend says, the worst is over. — Now you speak to the Minister of war & he will take energetic measures, as soon as needed — but Khvostov, will see to that too if you name him. — When you leave, shall wire to Friend to-night through Ania — & He will particularly think of you. Only get Nikolasha's nomination quicker done — no dawdling, its bad for the cause & for Alexejev too — & a settled thing quieten minds, even if against their wish, sooner than that waiting & uncertainty & trying to influence you — it tires out ones heart.
I feel completely done up & only keep myself going with force — they shall not think that I am downhearted or frightened — but confident & calm. —

Joy we went to those holy places to-gether — for sure yr. dear Father quite particularly prays for you. —

Give me some news as soon as you can — now am afraid for the moment N. P. wiring to Ania until am sure nobody watches again.

Tell me the impression, if you can. Be firm to the end, let me be sure of that otherwise shall get quite ill from anxiety.

Bitter pain not to be with you — know what you feel, & the meeting with N. wont be agreeable — you did trust him & now you know, what months ago our Friend said, that he was acting wrongly towards you & your country & wife — its not the people who would do harm to your people, but Nikolasha & set Gutchkov, Rodzianko, Samarin etc. —

Lovy, if you hear I am not so well, don't be anxious, I have suffered so terribly, & phisically overtired myself these 2 days, & morally worried (& worry still till all is done at the Headquarters & Nikolasha gone) only then shall I feel calm — near you all is well — when out of sight others at once profit — you are they are affraid of me & so come to you when alone — they know I have a will of my own when I feel I am in the right — & you are now — we know it, so you make them tremble before your courage & will. God is with you & our Friend for you — all is well — & later all will thank you for having saved your country. Don't doubt — believe, & all will be well & the army is everything — a few strikes nothing, in comparison, as can & shall be suppressed. The left are furious because all slips through their hands & their cards are clear to us & the game they wished to use Nikolasha for — even Shvedov knows it fr. there.

Now goodnight lovy, go straight to bed without tea with the rest & their long faces. Sleep long & well, you need rest after this strain & your heart needs calm hours. — God Almighty bless your undertaking, His holy Angels guard & guide you & bless the work of your hands. — Please give this little Image of St. John the Warrior to Alexeiev with my blessing & fervent wishes. You have my Image I blessed you with last year — I give no other as that carries my blessing & you have Gregory's St. Nicolas to guard & guide you. I always place a candle before St. Nicolas at Znamenje for you — & shall do, so to-morrow at 3 o'clock & before the Virgin. You will feel my soul near you.

I clasp you tenderly to my heart, kiss and caress you without end — want to show you all the intense love I have for you, warm, cheer, console, strengthen you, & make you sure of yourself. Sleep well my Sunshine, Russia's Saviour. Remember last night, how tenderly we clung to-gether. I shall yearn for yr. caresses — I never can have enough of them. And I still have the children, & you are all alone. Another time I must give you Baby for a bit to cheer you up. —

I kiss you without end & bless you. Holy Angels guard your slumber — I am near & with you for ever & ever & none shall seperate us. —
Yr. very own wife
Sunny.

Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.

Above: Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia and Alexei.

Above: Grigori Rasputin.

Note: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".