Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 119 to 120, by George Hawkins, 2023
May 23/June 4 1894. Красное Село.
№ 33.
My own darling Alix,
No, how delighted I was on receiving this morning your lovely lynks. Thanks so many many times for having thought of me, my precious little girly-dear. I shall certainly wear them — they are so prettily desinged. In a way I prefer getting a present fr. you, my sweet child, not together with the others', but separately, so as that I can fully enjoy your gift entirely alone. I am so glad too it was taken fr. that man at Darmstadt — because even that detail is a precious one to me. — They have just brought in your sweet letter N 32 — for which I send you a loving & tender kiss. Again your little verses were so pretty! Alixy-dear, it always seems to me that I hear your sweet voice telling me those verses & I love reading them over oh! so often. I have heard from Ella today, she wrote on that green paper with lilies of the valley on it — the paper we bought at Coburg before Easter. It was an amusing but wet expedition, do you remember? The lighting and the powder being thrown about into people's faces, while Ella was arranging the things in small packets with names on them? Ach! those delightful days — that have passed only too quickly! — Darling, I find it very noughty of Gretchen's, being sulky & disagreeable in the beginning of the day. But wait, only when I come, I should like to see her behave so with you — then ha! ha! — Excuse me copying my favorite little verse you put in that letter you left in my room at Coburg — the last moment —:
"We meet not hand to hand 'tis true,
As other days have seen us.
But nought could keep my thoughts from you,
Though a world should lie between us." —
That is so exactly my own case, my beloved little Alix — probably that is why I must bring them often across my lips! — You ask me how it happened that Xenia was at Sandro's place? Well, I meant to say — his country, as he was born there at Borjom — that belongs now to Nicolai — his eldest brother. But Sandro has got a wee place at Abas-touman & has built a house, where he & Xenia are going to live in, when they come from the Crimea to see Georgie in the autumn! Es ist klar, nichtwar?
The cow hopes to be at quite another place at that time, though it would not care much to be eaten by wolves! A riddle - dear! — I enclose another story I cut out today fr. the Pall Mall! Splendid how they settle the whole thing & about the people coming! It has been pouring & blowing the whole day & now suddenly it has cleared up & the camp looks gay when the sun shines bright. I have such a pretty view from my bedroom, accross a bit of a garden, over the tents — on far off to the other end of a valley — there lies Krasnoe itself. My house is exactly opposit the garde — à cheval — Paul's regiment, which is quartered thereabout… Turn over, душка.
Oh! how divinely your dear letter does smell, something hardly perceptable of yr. delicious scent; it makes me desolate, there is nothing to remind me so awfully of my Darling's absence! Yes, my love, we might take "patience" as our motto, not only for the past, but for what has to come also. Oh! my beloved Alix, you don't know what a treasure you are to me, what a comfort — bliss & radiant happiness you have given me. If only I were more worthy of your love, yes, and I insist saying it, though you protest — I would not be ashamed of my happiness before those who are unlucky (З. В. Georgii — Sandro's brother).
God bless you + my own primrosy & sweet little pink flower! Oh! may you promptly get quite well, my own beloved one, may those pains pass away & leave you for ever strong & healthy to the joy of those who love you — that is one of my daily prayers!
I adore you so, my sweet Alix, that through you, I have learnt to love the world! Прощай радость моя, Христос с тобой. A thousand tenderest kisses, my one & all, my deeply beloved Alix, fr. yr. ever truly devoted Nicky
Душка, прелесть моя!
Above: Alix.
Above: Nicholas.
Notes: "Es ist klar, nichtwahr?" = "Is that clear?"
душка = darling.
"Прощай, радость моя, Христос с тобой" = "Goodbye, my joy, Christ be with you."
"Душка, прелесть моя!" = "Darling, my delight!"
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