Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 88.
Tsarskoje Selo, June 16-th 1915
My beloved One,
Just a few words before the night. Your sweet smelling jasmin I put in my gospel — it reminded me of Peterhof. Its not like summer not being there. We dined out this evening, but came in after 9 as it was so damp. The afternoon I remained on the balkony — I wanted to go to Church in the evening, but felt too tired. The heart is, oh, so heavy & sad — I always remember what our Friend says & how often we do not enough heed His words.
He was so much against yr. going to the Headquarters, because people get round you there & make you do things, wh. would have been better not done — here the atmosphere in your own house is a healthier one & you would see things more rightly — if only you would come back quicker. I am not speaking because of a selfish feeling, but that here I feel quieter about you & there am in a constant dread what one is concocting — you see, I have absolutely no faith in N. — know him to be far fr. clever & having gone against a Man of God's, his work cant be blessed, nor his advice be good. — When Gr. heard in town yesterday before He left, that Samarin was named, already then people knew it — He was in utter despair, as He, the last evening here, a week ago to-day, begged you not to change him Sabler just now, but that soon one might perhaps find the right man — & now the Moscou set will be like a spiders net around us, our Friend's enemies are ours, & Schtcherbatov will make one with them, I feel sure. I beg your pardon for writing all this, but I am so wretched ever since I heard it & cant get calm — I see now why Gr. did not wish you to go there — here I might have helped you. People are affraid of my influence, Gr. said it (not to me) & Voyeikov, because they know I have a strong will & sooner see through them & help you being firm. I should have left nothing untried to dissuade you, had you been here, & I think God would have helped me & you would have remembered our Friend's words. When He says not to do a thing & one does not listen, one sees ones fault always afterwards. Only if he does accept, N. will try & get round him too against our Fr. thats N.'s campaign.
I entreat you, at the first talk with S. & when you see him, to speak very firmly — do my Love, for Russia's sake — Russia will not be blessed if her Sovereign lets a man of God's sent to help him — be persecuted, I am sure.
Tell him severely, with a strong & decided voice, that you forbid any intrigues against our Friend or talks about Him, or the slightest persecution, otherwise you will not keep him. That a true Servant dare not go against a man his Sovereign respects & venerates.
You know the bad part Moscou plays, tell it him all, his bosom friend S. I. Tiutchev spreads lies about the children, repeat this & that her poisonous untruths did much harm & you will not allow a repetition of it. Do not laugh at me, if you know the tears I have cried to-day, you would understand the gravity of it all. Its not woman's nonsense — but straight forward truth — I adore you far too deeply to tire you at such a time with [a] letter like this one, if it were not that soul & heart prompt me. We women have the instinct of the right sometimes Deary, & you know my love for yr. country wh. has become mine. You know what this war is to me in every sense — & that the man of God's who prays incessantly for you, might be in danger again of persecution — that God would not forgive us our weakness & sin in not protecting Him. — You know N's hatred for G. is intense. Speak once to Vojeikov, Deary, he understands such things because he is honestly devoted to you.
S. is a very conceited man, in summer I had occasion to see it, when I had that talk with him about the evacuation question — Rostov. & I carried off a most unpleasant impression of his selfsufficiency — blind adoration of Moscou & looking down upon Petersburg. The tone in wh. he spoke shocked Rost. greatly. That showed me him in another light, & I realised how unpleasant it wld. be to have to do with him. — When one proposed him for Alexei before, I unhesitatingly said no; for nothing such a narrowminded man. Our Church just needs the contrary — soul & not brain. — God Almighty may He help & put things aright, & hear our prayers and give you at last more confidence in yr. own wisdom, not listening to others, but to our Friend & yr. soul. Once more excuse this letter written with an aching heart & smarting eyes. Nothing is trivial now — all is grave. I venerate & love old Goremykin had I seen him, I know how I should have spoken — he is so franck with our Friend & does not grasp, that S. is your enemy if he goes & speaks against Gr. —
I am sure your poor dear heart aches more, is enlarged & needs drops. Please deary, walk less — I ruined mine walking at the shooting & in Finland before speaking to the Drs. & suffering mad pain, want of air, heartbeating. Take care of yourself — agoo wee one I hate being away fr. you, its my greatest punishment at this time especially — our first Friend gave me that Image with the bell to warn me against those, that are not right & it will keep them fr. approaching, I shall feel it & thus guard you from them — Even the family feel this & therefore try & get at you alone, when they know its something not right & I wont approve of. Its none of my doing, God wishes your poor wify to be your help, Gr. always says so & Mr. Ph. too — & I might warn you in time if I knew things. Well, now I can only pray & suffer. I press you tightly to my heart, gently stroke your brow, press my lips upon yr. eyes & mouth, kiss with love those dear hands wh. always are pulled away. I love you, love you & want yr. good, happiness & blessing. Sleep well & calm[l]y — I must try & sleep too, its nearly one oclock.
My train brought many wounded — Babys has fetched a lot from Varsovie where they empty out the hospitals. Oh God help. —
Lovy, remember, quicker the church procession, now during lent is just the most propicious moment, & absolutely from you, not by the new Chief Procurator of the Synod — I hope to go to holy Communion this lent, if B. does not prevent me. — Reading this letter you will say — one sees she is Ella's sister. But I cant put all in three words, I need heaps of pages to pour all out & poor Sunshine has to read this long yarn — but Sweetheart knows & loves his very own old wife. —
The boys from the college come & make bandages every morning at our stores here from 10-12½ & now will make the newest masks wh. are far more complicated but can be used often. — Our little officer with tetanos is recovering, looks decidedly better — his parents we sent for fr. the Caucasus & they live also under the colonnades — we have such a lot living there now. —
The exhibition-bazar goes very well, the first day there were over 2000, yesterday 800 — our things are bought before they appear — beforehand already people write down for them & we manage to work a cushion or cover each, daily. — Tatiana rode this evening 5½-7 — the others acted at Anias — the latter sends you the enclosed card she bought to-day at our exhibition — tell me to thank her. —
Poor Mitia Den is quite bad again & cannot walk at all, Sonia is going to take him near Odessa, Liman for a cure — so sad. —
June 17-th. Good morning, my Pet. Slept badly & heart enlarged, so lie the morning on bed & balkony — alas, no hospital, head too rather achy again. Churchbells ringing. — Shall finish after luncheon. Big girls go to town, Olga receives money then go to a hospital & tea at Elagin.
It is very hot & heavy air, but a colossal wind on the balkony, probably a thunderstorm in the air & that makes it difficult to breathe. I brought out roses, lilies of the valley & sweet peas to enjoy their perfume. I embroider all day for our exhibition-bazar. — Ah my Boy, my Boy, how I wish we were together — one is so tired at times, so weary from pain & anxiety — nigh upon 11 months — but then it was only the war, & now the interior questions wh. absorb one & the bad luck at the war, but God will help, when all seems blackest, I am sure better, sunnier days will come.
May the ministers only seriously work to-gether, fulfill your wishes & orders, & not their own — harmony under your guidance. Think more of Gr. Sweetheart, before every difficult moment, ask Him to intercede before God to guide you aright. —
A few days ago I wrote to you about Paul's conversation, to-day the Css. H. sends me Paleologue's answer: »Les impressions que S. A. S. le Gr. D. a rapportées de son entretien & que vous voulez bien me communiquer de sa part me touchent vivement. Elles confirment avec toute l'autorité possible, ce dont j'étais moralement certain, ce dont je n'ai jamais douté, ce dont je me suis toujours porté garant envers mon Gouvernement. A un pessimiste qui essayait récemment d'ébranler ma foi, j'ai répondu: «Ma conviction est d'autant plus forte qu'elle ne repose sur aucune promesse, sur aucun engagement. Dans les rares occasions, ou ces graves sujets ont été abordés devant moi, on ne m'a rien promis, on ne s'est engagé a rien; parceque toute assurance positive eut été superflue; parceque l'on se sentait compris, comme j'ose esperer avoir été compris moi-même. A certaines minutes solennelles, il y a des sincérités d'accent, des droitures de regard, où toute une conscience se révèle & qui valent tous les serments.« — Je n'en attache pas moins un très-haut prix au témoignage direct qui me vient de S. A. S. le Gr. D. Ma certitude personnelle n'en avait pas besoin. Mais, si je rencontre encore des incrédules, j'aurai désormais le droit de leur dire, non plus seulement: »Je crois, mais je sais.« — This was about the question of a separate peace negotiation. Have you spoken to Vojeikov about Danilov, please do so — only not to fat Orlov, who is N. kolossal friend — they correspond the whole time when you are here, B. knows it. That can mean no good. He grudges no doubt about Gr.'s visits to our house, & therefore wants you away from him, at the Head-Quarters. If they only knew how they harm instead of helping you, blind people with their hatred against Gr.! You remember dans »Les Amis de Dieu« it says, a country cannot be lost whose Sovereign is guided by a man of God's. Oh let Him guide you more.
Dmitri is feeling better, tho' his leg hurts him still. — The poor little Kazbek one answered, does not suffer from her broken arm too much, but is I think in a rather dazed state, therefore one has not yet told her about her husband's death. How full of life they were when N. P. was at their Wedding. — Now this letter has become volumes & will bore you to read, so I better end it. God bless & protect you & keep you from all harm, give you strength, courage & consolation in all trying moments. Am in thoughts living with you my Love, my one & all. I cover you with kisses & remain ever yr. tenderly & deeply loving old
Sunny.
All the Children kiss you. — Many messages to the old man & N. P. Khan Nahitchevanski comes to say goodbye to-morrow. —
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 16 June, 1915.
I thank you most warmly for your letter, also Marie and Alexey. It is very hot, but not sultry. Nothing new, but they are still pressing in some places. I kiss you all fondly.
Nicky.
Nicholas's letter:
Stavka. 16 June, 1915.
MY BELOVED SUNNY,
I thank you with all my heart for your sweet, long letter, in which you give me an account of your conversation with Paul. You gave perfectly correct answers on the questions of peace. That is precisely the chief point of my rescript to old Goremykin, which will be published.
With regard to Danilov, I think that the idea of his being a spy is not worth an empty eggshell. I am quite aware, too, that he is not liked, that he is even hated in the army, beginning with Ivanov and ending with the last officer. He has a terrible character, and is very harsh with his subordinates.
N. knows this, and from time to time puts him in his place; but he considers it impossible to dismiss him after 11 months of hard work — so well does this man know his duties.
Even Krivoshein spoke to me on this subject — he thinks, for instance, that N. ought to make alterations among his Staff, and choose other men in place of Yanoushkevitch and Danilov. I advised him to tell N. of it, which he did from his own point of view, naturally. He told me later that N. had obviously not liked his frankness.
The conference, which was held some days ago, dealt with three problems: the regime for the German and Austrian nationals who are still domiciled in Russia; the prisoners of war; the text of the above-mentioned rescript; and finally the soldiers of the Second Category. When I told them of my wish, that the men of 1917 should be called up, all the Ministers heaved a sigh of relief. N. agreed at once. Yanoushkevitch only asked that he might be allowed to work out the preparatory measures in case of necessity.
Of course, should the war continue for another year, we shall be obliged to call up some of the younger ages of the Second Category, but now it is not required. Yussoupov, whom I sent for, was present at the conference on the first question; we cooled his ardour slightly, and gave him some clear instructions. He caused some amusing moments when he was reading his reports of the Moscow riots — he became excited, shook his fists and banged them on the table.
I hope soon to go to Beloveje by car for a whole day, and to do it quite unexpectedly. The old man and Voeikov thank you very much. Well, I must break off this letter. God bless you, my darling Wify. Fondly I kiss you and the dear children.
Your
Nicky.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Notes: Alexandra often referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
"our first Friend" = Philippe Nizier Vachot.
B. = Becker, a euphemism that Alexandra and her daughters used to refer to their menstrual periods.
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