Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 89.
Tsarskoje Selo, June 17-th 1915
My very own Darling,
I had just finished my letter, when yr. dear one was brought to me — thanks ever so tenderly for it. You don't know the joy yr. letters give me, as I know you have little time for writing & are so tired. Wify ought to send you bright & cheery letters, but its difficult, as am feeling more than lowspirited & depressed these days — so many things worry me. Now the Duma is to come together in August, & our Friend begged you several times to do it as late as possible & not now, as they ought all to be working in their own places — & here they will try to mix in & speak about things that do not concern them. Never forget that you are & must remain authocratic Emperor, — we are not ready for a constitutional government, N's fault & Wittes it was that the Duma exists, & it has caused you more worry than joy. Oh I do not like N. having anything to do with these big sittings wh. concern interior questions, he understands our country so little & imposes upon the ministers by his loud voice & gesticulations. I can go wild at times at his false position. Why did the ministers ask that to be changed, that was their first duty. He has no right to meddle in other affairs & one ought to set ones fault to rights & give him only all the military things — like French & Geoffre. Nobody knows who is the Emperor now — you have to run to the Head-Quarters & assemble yr. ministers there, as tho' you could not have them alone here like last Wednesday. It is as tho' N. settles all, makes the choices & changes — it makes me utterly wretched. He did not like Kriv. speaking about Danilov & the man did his duty — there must be a reason, except his bad character, that the whole army & old Ivanov hate him — all say he holds N. & the other Grand Dukes completely in hand. Forgive my writing all this, but I feel so utterly miserable, & as tho' all were giving you wrong advises & profitting of your kindness. Hang the Head-Quarters no good broods there. Thank God you may get a good day at Bielovezh in God's glorious nature, away from intrigues — could you fly off another day to Ivanov, another somewhere where the troops are, not to the guard again but where others are massed together waiting. You are remaining still long away, Gr. begged not — once all goes against His wishes my heart bleeds in anguish & fright; — Oh, to keep & protect you fr. more worries & ministers, one has enough more than the heart can bear — one longs to go to sleep for a long rest. —
Lovy, wont you wire to poor old Gen. Kazbek who has now lost his third son, it would be a true consolation to the poor old Father. —
The heat is colossal to-day & the air heavy & sultry & the wind very strong, the curtains on the balkony went flying about. — Daisy heard fr. Vicky of S. from Karlsruhe, that when the French threw bombs onto the palace — they all fled into the cellars in the morning at 5.
Sad, just their palace, next will be ours at Mainz & the splendid old museum; each country by turn. — Ivan Orlov has to fly daily or a week over Libau I am so glad you spoke about all helping, working to prepare ammunition etc. in yr. rescript — now at last they must do it. — Do my long, grumbling letters not aggravate you, poor wee One?
But I only mean all for yr. good & write fr. the depths of a very suffering, tormented heart. — My lancer Kniazh. has come for 2 days & I shall see him to-morrow, also make Pr. Schterbatov's acquaintance. —
N. P. must be very unhappy about poor Kasbek.
Dear me, what an amount of misery on all sides! When will once again peace & happiness reign in the world? —
The nice, young, pretty Kalzanova who works with us in the hospital always, has to leave for 2 months — she overworked herself, & her always ailing heart has become so bad that one has sent her to the country & thence to Livadia. Kind Heyden gave the "Strela" to-day to take Mme Taniejev to Peterhof as she is too ill to go by motor or rail. Our Friend said they were not to go there this summer, but they could not bear the air any longer in town, poor woman suffers so hideously fr. stones in the liver & now I think she has jaundice. As Ania can bear the motor, she will go there to-morrow after luncheon & return on Friday, as its wiser to stop the night there. —
Do you think you could tell me where my Crimean's are now — I heard as tho' one had sent them fr. the Bukovina elsewhere. —
Such grateful thanks for dear telegram, have at once asked Goremykin to come to-morrow, Thursday, & shall be happy to listen to the dear old man, & to him I can speak quite frankly, I know him ever since I married & he is so utterly devoted to you & will understand me. — Such a downpour suddenly at 9 & twice very distant thunder, now its raining steadily for four hours — it will refreshen the air wh. was so close all day. Gr. telegraphed to A. from Viatka: "I travel quietly, sleep, God will help, kiss all." — Goodnight wee One, sleep peacefully — holy Angels guard your slumber and loving Wify's earnest prayers for her very own precious sunny, big eyed Darling.
18-th. Good morning my Treasure — no sun, grey, rained a little, warm hot & heavy thunderstorming air — heart still enlarged, so remain again quiet, shall go over onto the balkony towards 12 like yesterday. I have told them to put electric strings wires, then we can have lamps & spend the evenings out, when it is warm. — Think of us at Bielovezh! Such remembrances of many years ago when we were younger & went about to-gether — & of the last awful time, when poor suffering Baby lay hours on my bed & my heart also was bad — remembrances of pain & anguish — you all away — the days endless & full of suffering. — My name you will find on the bedroom window leading out onto the balkony under my initials in wire covering the windowpane. — Lovy, I saw my Kniazhewitch & we spoke about Maslov. In Aug. it will be 25 years that he is in the regiment — he managed very well indeed whilst the commander was ill, yet there are many questions difficult to him & if he got another regiment, he wld. loose the lancer uniform & probably not be a very perfect commander. He feels sticking in the regiment, that he keeps others fr. advancing. Could you not have made him your aide-de-camp it would have been a kindness, as he is such a really honest & good fellow; only then better sooner — Kniazh. has kept the papers back all along, about whether he should accept a regiment — this wld. enable him to stay on without harming anybody. There are lots of old Colonels in the Chev. G. regiment, they manage it somehow. —
I saw Pr. Schtcherbatov who made me a pleasant impression, as far as I can judge after one talk. —
The girls have gone to the Invalid hospital — & Ania to Peterhof, so am alone. Am surrounded by masses of roses (just sent fr. Peterhof) & sweet-peas — the smell is a dream, wish I could send them to you. —
Just got yr. sweet telegr. for wh. thanks; thank heavens you feel better; only don't overdo things by walking too much, its never advisable when the heart is not quite in order, too much of a strain at a time, phisical & moral. — Must send this off. Saw in the papers our torpedoboats acted well. —
Goodbye & God bless you, beloved Sunshine, caress & kiss with unboundless love & tenderness.
Ever, Nicky mine, yr. very own wify
Sunny.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 17 June, 1915
I am very grateful for letter and two telegrams. Thanks to Tatiana and Olga. It is very hot and windy. There are 22 degrees of heat in our carriages. Please do not worry, and see Goremykin, who will calm you. Fond kisses for all.
Nicky.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
Above: Anna Vyrubova.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Above: Alexandra with Alexei at Spala in autumn 1912, during the boy's recovery from his worst hemophilia attack yet.
Note: Alexandra often referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
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