Nicholas's letter to Alix, dated April 27/May 9, 1894

Source:

Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 31 to 32, by George Hawkins, 2023

https://disk.yandex.com/mail?hash=kuDdHgzAhlj8Vmyce8roYrsV8lLetWtFFyElqTSKDCI%3D%3A

The letter:

27-го Апреля. 1894 г. Гатчина.

9-го Мая.

№-7.

My own darling little Alix,

Many many heartfelt thanks for your dear letter №-4; it is too delightful a feeling to know that at 1.0 o'clock regularly every day a letter from my love is lying waiting for me on the table! Oh! I wish I were with you instead of Gretchen picking the primroses, did I not enjoy it at the Rosenau.. (the paradise now (no more invitable). My darling, do you know I am very anxious about your poor legs, what can it be? Oh! do take care of yourself & follow the doctor's advices. Only is he a good medical man old Reid?

I am sending you here inclosed two monstrous faces of a cow, made in Athens when I was there two years ago. I cut them out of groups with Tino & Georgie because it would be too much for a letter to carry fat photos in it.

I write to you again, my sweet little girly-dear, to-day, as I am afraid I won't be free tomorrow, I shall start at 7.30 in the morning & will remain the whole day in town in the regiment. And if I did not write now, my darling Pelly (what remembrances) would not get this scribble the 13th, though I had promised to write every day! Verstanden, nichtwar? — Oh! my love, my sweet & beloved little bride, how awfully do I miss you! The more people are round about me the more lonely I feel. Today also, a number of acquaintances came from town for church & luncheon it being Georgie's birthday; we went out in the boats with them, Papa & Mama also; of course Xenia & Sandro rowed away together in a separate boat. It grieved me painfully to think of how happy I also might have been were my little girl here too. Fancy what fun we would have all four on the lake in this heavenly summer weather! Yes, but I must be patient & thank our God deeply for the happy though short a time he blessed me with the other day. Those were really heavenly sunny days (though it often rained) and I feel the same divine happiness overcoming me whenever I read over your sweet letters & my diary. Do you remember how well you caught up your diary after the first days were lost?

Dis-quel est l'amour véritable? Celui qui respire en autrui. Et l'amour le plus indomptable? Celui qui fait le moins de bruit.

Comment accroit-il sa richesse? C'est en donnant à chaques pas. Et comment parle son ivresse? L'amour aime et ne parle pas!

There! at last I found the reason!

I have just come up from a little concert our band played downstairs after dinner; there is a difference between this one & the stiff hofconcerts we heard in Coburg. Here we sit comfortably only 10 persons, those that dined & listened to sweet music. That, more than anything else makes me think of my own sweet one, who loves & understands music so well! But now my darling little girly-dear I must end this dull epistle. With many tenderest kisses here O for my own beloved Alix & may God bless you + I remain your's, my love,

for ever yr. devoted own old Nicky

Oh! my darling how I wish I might be near you & look straight into my sweet one's ocean-blue eyes!

I don't know what I would give to be able to press you, my love, to my heart! Once more God bless you + & good-night my own darling.

Your own лаусбуб. Nicky

I smoke very little & it seems an agreeable privation since it's your wish! my sweet love's wish!!!

Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev on Flickr.

Notes: "verstanden, nichtwahr?" = "understood, yes?"

"Dis-quel est l'amour véritable? Celui qui respire en autrui. Et l'amour le plus indomptable? Celui qui fait le moins de bruit. Comment accroit-il sa richesse? C'est en donnant à chaques pas. Et comment parle son ivresse? L'amour aime et ne parle pas!" = "Say, what is true love? That which breathes in others. And the most indomitable love? That which makes the least noise. How does it increase its wealth? It is by giving every step. And how does its intoxication speak? Love loves and does not speak!"

hofconcerts = court concerts.

лаусбуб (Lausbub) = rascal. This was Alix's nickname for Nicholas.