https://brbl-dl.library.yale.edu/vufind/Record/4424725
English translation:
21st. Oct., 1917. Tobolsk.
My darling Zina,
I was inexpressibly glad to get news of you, and kiss you tenderly for all your loving thoughts. The love of kindred souls knows no barriers — for it, separation does not exist — but the heart still craves expressions of such love. I wrote you the 14th, to the country, and now I am trying Petersburg, but don't know how long you are staying there. That was just what I wished with all my heart, that you would be with dear —: thus things will be easier to bear... Yes, the eyes made a deep impression on me; I wept as I looked at them. But God is merciful and long-suffering, and will not forget His own. Great will be your reward in Heaven; the more we suffer here, the fairer it will be on that bright shore where so many of our dear ones are awaiting us. I think often here of the dear Children! How is M. studying — where are they living, and where is their brother? In thoughts we are all together, and the Father's love unites us though far apart.
Dear little Owl, I caress and kiss you tenderly. You are always in my heart — in all our hearts. How often we pray and talk about you! — All is in God's hands, but it is terribly hard, so far away, not to be able to help or comfort a suffering loved one. Tomorrow we hope to take the Holy Sacrament. Today and yesterday they would not allow us to go to Church, but we had services in the house — yesterday prayers for the dead and evening service, today mass, evening service and confession. You will be with us as always, my darling. Oh, how many things I long to say and to ask you. How strange it is to be in this house, and to sleep in the dark bedroom! For a long time I have heard nothing from Lili. We are well. I have been suffering badly with teeth and neuralgia in the face; now Kostritzky has come to treat me. We talked much of you... How horrible to live in the Crimea now. Olga Alexandrovna is so happy with her little Tikhon whom she is nursing herself. They have no servants, so she and N. A. do everything themselves. They are living still at Ai Todor. Dobiasgin has died of cancer. — The work was the first we had heard of your brother... You understand our suffering!! —
Zina darling, where is Akulina, and poor, poor Gostia? One suffers so for them — that is all one can do everywhere and at all times. — The weather has been bad these last few days. I don't go out because my heart has not been behaving well lately. — What consolation there is in reading the Bible! I read it often now with the children, and am sure you do too. My darling, I kiss you tenderly and bless you. If you write to your brother, send him my tenderest wishes. I remember, and keep on praying fervently — so awful to know nothing, but a hundred times worse for you, my beloved Child. We all kiss you. Write. God bless and keep you, and strengthen you. My heart is full, but words are feeble things.
With all my heart, your
M. +
There is Olga V. Tilli saw her in the spring. — I ask her prayers and Father Makari's. — Mad. and Annushka are still in Tobolsk. — Greetings to your parents. — The jacket warms and comforts me. I am surrounded with your dear presents, the blue dressing-gown, red slippers, the little silver tray and spoon, stick, etc; I wear the ikon and your brother's cross. — I do not remember the people you are living with now. — Have you seen Father Ioann from Petersburg? God be with you.
M.
Above: Alexandra and Anna in happier times.
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