https://biography.wikireading.ru/169344
https://brbl-dl.library.yale.edu/vufind/Record/4424726
Alexandra wrote this letter to her best friend and former lady-in-waiting Anna Vyrubova during captivity in Tobolsk on January 9, 1918. It is written in Russian, but there is also an English translation that is kept with it at the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Yale University.
English translation:
January 9, 1918
My dear own child:
Thank you darling for the various letters which gave us a profound joy. On Christmas eve I received the perfumes and letters which you, little child, had sent as early as October. Thereupon once more some perfumes through little N. I am sorry that I did not see her, but we all saw some one who could easily have been the brother of Tiatenka; he had exactly the same gestures. It caused the soul to vibrate with joy. Papa had noticed him from afar; he was tall, handsome, bare headed and shod in red felt boots — as they wear them here. He made the sign of the cross, bowed deeply and jumped up with joy reminding us that he had seen us in Kiev.
Tell me, my own, did you receive various little parcels which we sent you through several friends, with sausage, flour, coffee, tea, noodles and other presents? — letters and photos through the son-in-law of M. E. G. I am anxious because it is said that parcels with food are being opened. The same source advises not to send "registered" mail which attracts more attention and hence the mail is easier lost.
Today I start numbering the letters and you should keep track of them. So far we were unable to hand over the silver saucer and the little bell of Lily. We all congratulate you heartily on your namesday; may God bless and comfort you, sustain you and bring you joy.
I embrace you tenderly and caress your little head and kiss your suffering brow. The Lord God will not desert you my own, even now; he is merciful and will save our dear beloved country. Remember the Old Testament; all the suffering of Israel for their transgressions. Has our Lord not been forgotten. It is for this, why they cannot bring luck and happiness — their mind has been lost.
How I prayed on the 6th that the Lord would send the Spirit of reason, the Spirit of fear of God. All have lost their heads. The reign of evil has not passed as yet, but the sufferings of the unguilty is killing.
How can people live in our days; every thing is being taken away; houses, pensions and money.
We must have all sinned very much, that the Heavenly Father punishes so hard His children. But I firmly, unshakeably believe that He will save every thing. It is a strange feature of the Russian character that a man easily becomes despicable, bad, cruel and devoid of reason, but just as easily can he change. This is really but lack of character; as a matter of fact they are uneducated, grown-up children. It is known that during long wars all passions are apt to be low. It is awful what they do, how they kill, lie, steal, imprison etc. — But we must bear it, clean ourselves, become born anew.
Excuse me, little darling if what I am writing is not interesting... I often wear your jackets, the mauve and the blue one, because it is cold in the rooms, although the frost is not severe, seldom reaching 15-20 degrees. Sometimes I go to the porch and even sit there. The children have just recovered from red measles (except Anastasia who was not contaminated). We caught this disease from Kolia Der.; — so the two eldest started the New Year in bed. With Maria the temperature reached 39.5 —. Their hair grows nicely. We also resumed lessons, yesterday morning I gave three. Today I am free and therefore am able to write. On the 2nd. we thought much of you. I sent some one to place a candle before the Icon of St. Seraphin. I also gave your names in our church and in the cathedral where the relics repose, that you all dear ones may be remembered at the consecration of the host.
Just imagine that the pilgrim we saw in Z S was here last fall and handed me with his staff a prostora over the heads of the crowd.
I started to read your books — the expressions are some what different from the customary. I obtained some good books here too, but there is not much leisure for reading. I do much sewing, crocheting, drawing and give lessons. The eyes become tired and I am already unable to work without glasses. You will see an old woman.
Do you know that Nicholas Dimitriovitch D. is sick with appendicitis, he is in the hospital in O.-Syr also underwent an operation for appendicitis just a month ago, — he is bored and lonesome being away from his mother. I correspond with her, she is such a nice, tender, loving and sincerely believing soul. Tily had to meet her.
I hope that you received all the cards (which I have drawn), they were in the same package with the sausages; they are not always successful. If the letter reaches you just write: Thank you for #1. They will still not let 3 of mine and Isa join us; they are deeply grieved. So they continue sitting there for no reason, but this makes Annushka the more useful. Did you receive the small icons in the parcel intended for all? Then too, my little one, where are Serge and Tina? I do not know anything about them. Poor Aly! But surely she is not very sad and has also found a doctor for herself, while Baby did not turn bad while away from here. And the dear children? I hope that Miss Ida is with her.
Do you know that nurse Grekova was to marry baron Taube one of these days. I am so happy that you saw A. P. Was it strange to see him in Mufti? But you do not mention what he said about his brother. Do not fear to say, it is worse to be in the unknown. I gave her name in the church too the day of the New Year — one must pray for her that she should be in every respect as required; and do not err. It is 10 months that I have not seen him. Little mushrooms do not exist any more, — one has to start a new life in self oblivion. It is time to finish, my darling. May Christ prevail with you. Greetings to all yours. Kisses to Mama and tender congratulations once more. I am in a hurry to finish the drawing and to enclose it. I fear that you are passing again through terrible days. Rumors reach us about the massacre of officers in Sebastopol. I fear for N. P. He is there with his brother.
Your old Mama.
Above: Alexandra and Anna in happier times.
https://brbl-dl.library.yale.edu/vufind/Record/4424726
Alexandra wrote this letter to her best friend and former lady-in-waiting Anna Vyrubova during captivity in Tobolsk on January 9, 1918. It is written in Russian, but there is also an English translation that is kept with it at the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Yale University.
The letter:
9 января 1918
Милая, родная, мое дитя,
Спасибо тебе, душка, за разные письма, которые глубоко нас обрадовали. Накануне Рождества получила письмо и духи, тобой еще в октябре посланные. Потом еще раз духи через маленькую Н., жалею, что ее не видала. Но мы все видели одного человека, который мог бы быть братом нашего друга. Папа его издали заметил: высокий, без шапки, с красными валенками, как тут носят. Крестился, сделал земной поклон, бросил шапку в воздух и прыгнул от радости.
Скажи, получила ли ты разные посылки через знакомых с колбасой, мукой, кофе, чаем и лапшей, и подарки, письма и снимки через М. Э. Г.? Волнуюсь, так как, говорят, открывают посылки со съестными припасами. Еще говорят, лучше не посылать «заказные», они больше на них обращают внимания, и оттого посылки только теряются.
Начинаю сегодня номера ставить, и ты следи за ними. Твои карточки, серебряное блюдечко и Лили колокольчик — тот пакет еще не могли передать. Мы все тебя горячо поздравляем с именинами — да благословит тебя Господь, утешит и подкрепит, обрадует.
Нежно тебя обнимаю и целую страдальческий лоб. Верь, дорогая, Господь Бог и теперь тебя не оставит. Он милостив, спасет дорогую, любимую нашу Родину и до конца не прогневается. Вспомни Ветхий завет, все страдания израильтян за их прегрешения. А разве Господа Бога не забыли? Оттого они счастья и благополучия не могут принести — разума нет у них.
О, как молилась 6-го, чтобы Господь ниспослал бы духа разума, духа страха Божия. Все головы потеряли, царство зла не прошло еще, но страданье невинных убивает.
Чем живут теперь, и дома, и пенсии, и деньги — все отнимают.
Ведь очень согрешили мы все, что так Отец Небесный наказывает своих детей. Но я твердо, непоколебимо верю, что Он все спасет, Он один это может. Странность в русском характере — человек скоро делается гадким, плохим, жестоким, безрассудным, но и одинаково быстро он может стать другим; это называется — бесхарактерность. В сущности — большие, темные дети. Известно, что во время длинных войн больше разыгрываются все страсти. Ужас, что творится, как убивают, лгут, крадут, сажают в тюрьмы — но надо перенести, очиститься, переродиться.
Прости, душка, что я тебе скучно пишу. Часто очень ношу твои кофты, лиловую и голубую, так как холодно в комнатах. Но морозы небольшие, изредка доходит до 15–20 гр., иногда выхожу даже посидеть на балкон. Дети только что выздоровели от краснухи (кроме Анастасии). Получили ее от Коли Деревенки. Обе старшие начали новый год в кровати, у Марии, конечно, температура поднялась до 39,5. Волосы у них хорошо растут. Теперь уроки опять начались, и я давала вчера утром три урока, сегодня же я свободна, оттого и пишу. 2-го я очень много о тебе думала, послала свечку поставить перед образом св. Серафима. Даю в нашу церковь и в собор, где мощи, записки за всех вас, дорогих.
Подумай, тот странник был здесь осенью, ходил со своим посохом, передал мне просфору через других.
Начала читать твои книги, немного слог иной, чем обыкновенно написано. Здесь достали себе тоже хорошие книги, но времени мало читать, так как вышиваю, вяжу, рисую, уроки даю, и глаза слабеют, так что без очков уже не могу заниматься. Ты увидишь старушку.
Знаешь ли, у Николая Дм. аппендицит, он лежит в Одессе в госпитале. А у Сыробоярского месяц тому назад была операция. Скучает с матерью: в переписке такая милая, нежная, горячо верующая душа. Лили должна была с ней познакомиться.
Надеюсь, что ты все карточки получила: в пакет с колбасой тоже была одна вложена, они не всегда удачны. Если письмо получишь, то просто пиши, спасибо за N4 1. Моих трех и Изу все не пускают к нам, не желают, и они глубоко огорчены, сидят так зря, но и Аннушка таким образом более полезна. Образки для всех ты в посылке получила. Но где Сережа и Тина, ничего о них не знаю? Бедная Аля, надеюсь, не слишком грустит, и Бэби стал плохим вдали от нее… А милые детки мисс Иды с ней, я надеюсь?
Знаешь, сестра Грекова должна была выйти замуж за барона Таубе на днях. Как я рада, что ты видела А. П., странно, что в штатском. Что он про брата говорил? Все прошло. Новую жизнь надо начинать и о себе позабыть. Надо кончить, душка моя. Христос с тобой. Всем твоим привет. Маму целую. Еще раз нежно поздравляю. Скорей хочу рисунок кончить и вложить. Боюсь, что ужасные дни у вас, слухи долетают и про убийство офицеров в Севастополе. Боюсь за Родионова, он там с братом.
Твоя старая М.
English translation:
January 9, 1918
My dear own child:
Thank you darling for the various letters which gave us a profound joy. On Christmas eve I received the perfumes and letters which you, little child, had sent as early as October. Thereupon once more some perfumes through little N. I am sorry that I did not see her, but we all saw some one who could easily have been the brother of Tiatenka; he had exactly the same gestures. It caused the soul to vibrate with joy. Papa had noticed him from afar; he was tall, handsome, bare headed and shod in red felt boots — as they wear them here. He made the sign of the cross, bowed deeply and jumped up with joy reminding us that he had seen us in Kiev.
Tell me, my own, did you receive various little parcels which we sent you through several friends, with sausage, flour, coffee, tea, noodles and other presents? — letters and photos through the son-in-law of M. E. G. I am anxious because it is said that parcels with food are being opened. The same source advises not to send "registered" mail which attracts more attention and hence the mail is easier lost.
Today I start numbering the letters and you should keep track of them. So far we were unable to hand over the silver saucer and the little bell of Lily. We all congratulate you heartily on your namesday; may God bless and comfort you, sustain you and bring you joy.
I embrace you tenderly and caress your little head and kiss your suffering brow. The Lord God will not desert you my own, even now; he is merciful and will save our dear beloved country. Remember the Old Testament; all the suffering of Israel for their transgressions. Has our Lord not been forgotten. It is for this, why they cannot bring luck and happiness — their mind has been lost.
How I prayed on the 6th that the Lord would send the Spirit of reason, the Spirit of fear of God. All have lost their heads. The reign of evil has not passed as yet, but the sufferings of the unguilty is killing.
How can people live in our days; every thing is being taken away; houses, pensions and money.
We must have all sinned very much, that the Heavenly Father punishes so hard His children. But I firmly, unshakeably believe that He will save every thing. It is a strange feature of the Russian character that a man easily becomes despicable, bad, cruel and devoid of reason, but just as easily can he change. This is really but lack of character; as a matter of fact they are uneducated, grown-up children. It is known that during long wars all passions are apt to be low. It is awful what they do, how they kill, lie, steal, imprison etc. — But we must bear it, clean ourselves, become born anew.
Excuse me, little darling if what I am writing is not interesting... I often wear your jackets, the mauve and the blue one, because it is cold in the rooms, although the frost is not severe, seldom reaching 15-20 degrees. Sometimes I go to the porch and even sit there. The children have just recovered from red measles (except Anastasia who was not contaminated). We caught this disease from Kolia Der.; — so the two eldest started the New Year in bed. With Maria the temperature reached 39.5 —. Their hair grows nicely. We also resumed lessons, yesterday morning I gave three. Today I am free and therefore am able to write. On the 2nd. we thought much of you. I sent some one to place a candle before the Icon of St. Seraphin. I also gave your names in our church and in the cathedral where the relics repose, that you all dear ones may be remembered at the consecration of the host.
Just imagine that the pilgrim we saw in Z S was here last fall and handed me with his staff a prostora over the heads of the crowd.
I started to read your books — the expressions are some what different from the customary. I obtained some good books here too, but there is not much leisure for reading. I do much sewing, crocheting, drawing and give lessons. The eyes become tired and I am already unable to work without glasses. You will see an old woman.
Do you know that Nicholas Dimitriovitch D. is sick with appendicitis, he is in the hospital in O.-Syr also underwent an operation for appendicitis just a month ago, — he is bored and lonesome being away from his mother. I correspond with her, she is such a nice, tender, loving and sincerely believing soul. Tily had to meet her.
I hope that you received all the cards (which I have drawn), they were in the same package with the sausages; they are not always successful. If the letter reaches you just write: Thank you for #1. They will still not let 3 of mine and Isa join us; they are deeply grieved. So they continue sitting there for no reason, but this makes Annushka the more useful. Did you receive the small icons in the parcel intended for all? Then too, my little one, where are Serge and Tina? I do not know anything about them. Poor Aly! But surely she is not very sad and has also found a doctor for herself, while Baby did not turn bad while away from here. And the dear children? I hope that Miss Ida is with her.
Do you know that nurse Grekova was to marry baron Taube one of these days. I am so happy that you saw A. P. Was it strange to see him in Mufti? But you do not mention what he said about his brother. Do not fear to say, it is worse to be in the unknown. I gave her name in the church too the day of the New Year — one must pray for her that she should be in every respect as required; and do not err. It is 10 months that I have not seen him. Little mushrooms do not exist any more, — one has to start a new life in self oblivion. It is time to finish, my darling. May Christ prevail with you. Greetings to all yours. Kisses to Mama and tender congratulations once more. I am in a hurry to finish the drawing and to enclose it. I fear that you are passing again through terrible days. Rumors reach us about the massacre of officers in Sebastopol. I fear for N. P. He is there with his brother.
Your old Mama.
Above: Alexandra and Anna in happier times.
No comments:
Post a Comment