Alexandra's letter to Anna Vyrubova, 1918

Source:

https://brbl-dl.library.yale.edu/vufind/Record/4424727

Partial English translation:

2/14 March, 1918
No. 9.

My darling child,
I send you thanks from all of us. How you spoil us all by your dear letters and gifts. I was very anxious without news of you for so long, and rumors came that you were gone. Alas, I can't write you as I could wish for fear that this may fall into other hands. We have not yet received all you have sent (contraband); it comes to us little by little. Dear child, do be careful of the people who come to see you...

We are all right... The weather is sunny — they are even sunburned, and even when the frost comes it is warm in the sun. I have sat twice on the balcony and sometimes sit in the yard. I worry so much. My God, how Russia suffers! You know that I love it even more than you do, miserable country, demolished from within and by the Germans from without. Since the Revolution, they have conquered a great deal of it without even a battle... If they created order now in Russia how dreadful would be the country's debasement — to have to be grateful to the enemy.

We hope to go to Communion next week, if they allow us to go to church. On the whole we are better off than you. It will soon be a year since we parted, but what is time? Life here is nothing, eternity everything, and what we are doing by suffering is preparing our souls for the Kingdom of Heaven. Thus nothing, after all, is terrible, and if they do take everything from us they cannot take our souls..

(Later:) What a nightmare it is that it is the Germans who are saving Russia and are restoring order. What could be more humiliating for us? With one hand the Germans give, and with the other they take away. Already they have seized an enormous territory. God help and save this unhappy country. Probably He wills us to endure all these insults, but that we must take them from the Germans almost kills me. Now Batoum has been taken — our country is disintegrating into bits. I cannot think calmly about it. Such hideous pain in heart and soul. Yet I am sure God will not leave it like this. He will send wisdom and save Russia, I am sure...
(etc.)

Above: Alexandra and Anna in happier times.