Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 170 to 172, by George Hawkins, 2023
George Hawkins at Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook
The letter excerpt:
All those pretty songs my darling sang to me, oh! how I would like to hear them again, you cannot think my Alixy-dear what a pleasure it was to me to hear you sing. And what a good low deep voice you have! If I had told you that when I was with you my childy-dear, you would have called me a spötter as usual, so I was silent!
The letter in full:
North Sea
The Polar Star
July 13/25 1894
N47
My own sweet darling little Alix,
I had such a longing yesterday to jump into the old pilot's boat, go ashore, take a train to Portsmouth and cross quickly to Osborne. I might have been in my sweety's arms after tea on that afternoon! No! Deary, you don't know how awfully I miss you everywhere and in everything — no neighbour for the meals, no drives, no kisses and no blessing in the evening. This time our parting was infinitely more hard and painful than at Coburg, except my deep love and adoration for you, my own little child, I have become so accustomed of having you near me all that time that I don't know how I am to spend the day! I miss you frightfully. My darling, my beloved little bridy-dear, my precious one, my sunny, my primrose-sweet! When we got out of the Channel into the North Sea the weather went on alright till 6.0. We played at "Bull" the whole afternoon. Then there came on a thick fog which lasted for about 3 hours, we had to steam slowly, but just when the flag went down and the prayers were sung, it became clear and a wind sprang up. We saw the lightning all over the horizon and a thunderstorm came on. It poured for an hour. The poor people on watch were drenched. After that it got fine and the moon appeared, but rather a heavy swell, probably the rest of a gale, made the yacht roll.
While I was sitting with the officers in their ward-room, there came a few showers of water through the sky lights and the half ports. I sat with them till 1.0 and had a small supper. Of course we talked only about England, they asked me about the court-life and told me what they had seen in London! And we all agreed that it was a great pity we had to leave before the Cowes-week! They are all delighted to have been the first who have seen you since we are engaged!
Today it rolled a good deal, but the weather is lovely, so warm and clam, the sun shines beautifully on the smooth sea, wh is my sweety, quite the colour of your deep lovely eyes! My little cabin looks so pretty and bright — oh! if you were here with me, my precious little darling!!! We have really crossed the North Sea quickly so we are already nearing the Danish coast and we see two lighthouses in the distance.
I wonder what you might [be] doing now at Osborne and whether you have got the same fine weather as we have? The clocks have already been advanced about an hour, wh is not difficult to reckon what you are up to at the same time. My precious little girly-dear, I have read and read your dear letter through many, many times — it does me good but makes me sad at the same time! What joy also to find those lines you have written in my diary, as I go on every day there is something new — I always think I hear your sweet voice whispering me those words!
All those pretty songs my darling sang to me, oh! how I would like to hear them again, you cannot think my Alixy-dear what a pleasure it was to me to hear you sing. And what a good low deep voice you have! If I had told you that when I was with you my childy-dear, you would have called me a spötter as usual, so I was silent!
We have just finished playing at Bull, wh made me quite wet because the sun baked me nearly up on deck. The poor old priest did not appear at all today, probably he sicks!!! the poor old man! Mr Heath is busy painting little pictures for Granny, he is perfectly enchanted with her kindness to him and has lost his head about you. In fact, all on board have!
July 14/26 — Good-morning my sweetykins! It is a most lovely summer day, the sky is bright and there is a dead calm upon the sea. We are steaming between the danish and swedish coasts and I am already sweating on account of the heat! This night we saw the german squadron pass us quite near, going out to sea, very likely. Henry was on board one of them.
My own little darling, when the weather is so fine and everything looks so bright and beautiful as it does this morning, I always have a yearning or a mad longing for you, that you would also admire nature and be by my side! It really breaks my heart to think that the divine spell is broken and that the lovely dream has ended for such a long time now! I must tell you the same again — I love you, with unending true devotion, better, deeper, stronger, purer — better far than I can say, and every day I feel the chains that have linked us together grow tighter and stronger, but that makes each separation still more painful!!
Now sweety-love I must end as we shall come into Copenhagen in an hour! If only you were here on board with me!!! But I hope to find a darling letter awaiting me ashore, oh! what a comfort that is! My darling, my precious little girly-dear, I send you many many kisses and blessings and fondest thanks for that lovely long letter you gave my man, I don't know how often I have read it through! Lovy, sweetest little child, fervently praying God to keep His watchful Hand over my darling and bestow upon her His blessings without end, I remain ever and ever your own deeply loving, devoted, trustful and faithful spitzbub
Nicky
Your's unto death!
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Note: Spötter = mocker.
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