GMZ Tsarskoe Selo
Wednesday, October 23, 2024
Saturday, July 6, 2024
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 7, 1915, and Nicholas's letter, dated October 7, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 136.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 7-th 1915
My very Own,
Sweetest Darling, I try to picture to myself how you sat answering congratulations. I also got from some of Baby's regiments (I collect his regimental ones for him during the war) & I answered that he was at the Headquarters, as I was sure it would rejoice their hearts to know Father and Son together. — Since yesterday evening it gently snows, but scarcely any remains lying — does seem so early already to have real winter beginning.
Lovy Dear, I send you two stamps (money) fr. our Friend, to show you that already one of them is false. People are very discontented — such wee papers flie away, in the darkness they cheat the cabmen & its not a good thing — he entreats you to have it stopped at once. — That rotten Bulgaria, now we shall have them turning against us from the south, or do you think they will only turn against Servia & then Greece — its vile. Did you wire to old King Peter, our Friend wanted it so much.
Oh my love, its 20 m. to 8 & I am absolutely cretinised have heaps to say & don't know how to begin. — 10½-12½ operation, & gips being put on — 12 — 1 Krivoshein, we only spoke about the home manufactures committee how to arrange it, whom to invite etc. Girls came late to lunch, had to choose cloaks for them, received officers — Bark for ½ hour, then to big palace. Then got yr. precious letter for wh. I thank you without end, you sweet One — I loved to get it & have reread it & kissed it & Tiny's too. — Our Friend is rather anxious about Riga, are you too? —
I spoke to Bark about the stamps — he also found the stamps wrong, wants to get the Japanese to make coins for us — & then to have the paper-money, instead of wee stamps, like the Italian lire, wh. is then really paper-money. —
He was very interesting. Then Mme Zizi, then young Lady Sybil de Grey, who has come to arrange the English Hospital & Malcolm (whom I knew before, was at Mossy's Wedding, our Coronation as a fair curly young man in a kilt), both remained 20 minutes each.
Then Khvostov till this minute & my head buzzes from everything.
As remplacant of Dzhunkovsky for the Gendarmes he thought Tatischev (Zizi's son in law) might do, discrete & a real gentleman — only then he ought to wear a uniform — you gave Obolensky one again & Kurlov & Prince Obolensky general governor of Finland — he asked me to tell you this beforehand so as that you should think whether it would suit you. He wishes to ask to be received next week by you & he told me the different questions he will touch.
To-morrow I'll try & write more, when can calmly shape all into words — I am too idiotical this evening. — Our Friend was very contented with yr. decree about Bulgaria, found it well worded. —
I must then end now. Thanks again over & over for yr. sweetest letter, beloved Angel. I can see you & the wee one in the morning & be talking to you whilst you half sleep. Bad Boy wrote today: Papa made smells much and long this morning. Too noughty!
Oh my Angels how I love you — but you will miss him shockingly later.
Just got your telegram. What news Deary, I long to have some, it seems very difficult again, does it not?
Goodbye my Sun, I cover you with fond kisses. Bless you my Love.
Ever yr. very own old
Sunny.
Nicholas's letter:
Mogilev. 7 October, 1915
MY DEAR, PRECIOUS WIFY,
My warmest thanks for your dear letter. You have suddenly numbered your last two letters No. 465 and 466 running ahead by a whole hundred — the last before these was No. 364. Agoosenki! Please thank all the girls [for] their letters.
There is no sun to-day for the first time — it has been grey and dreary; my report was finished earlier than usual and I went into the little garden where Alexey was marching about, singing loudly, and Derevenko, was walking on another path, whistling. I had not been there since the day of our arrival. His left hand hurts him a little, because yesterday he worked in the sand on the river bank, but he pays no attention to it and is very cheerful. After lunch he always rests for about half an hour, and Mr. Gilliard reads to him, while I write. At the table, he sits on my left: George is usually his neighbour. Alexey loves to tease him. It is extraordinary how he has lost his shyness! He always follows me when I greet my gentlemen, and stands still during our zakouska.
You must save up your strength now, to be able to stand the fatiguing journey here! Please.
The news which comes from all our fronts is good — with the exception of the vicinity of Riga, where our troops have abandoned their advanced positions too quickly. Three Generals will pay for this — I gave Rouzsky orders to dismiss them and to replace them by better ones; they are my first victims, but deservedly so.
The little Admiral had not answered my letter then, but now he asks for leave to go to Kislovodsk for a short cure.
Well, my little bird, it is time to finish, as the train is leaving earlier than usual. God bless you and the girls!
With warm good wishes and most ardent love always, my precious darling,
Your loving old
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Alexei with Pierre Gilliard.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Notes: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
Servia = the old name for Serbia.
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 6, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram and letter, dated October 6, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 135.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 6-th 1915
My own beloved Treasure,
A cold foggy morning. Have read through the papers, thank God, the news continues being good. I was glad to see, that one already speaks of changing the stamp money, thats good. — P-ss Gedroitz is happily better, the temperature less high. —
We have just returned from town. The school is really charming — 4 stories high so I was carried up, the lift not being ready; a part of the necessary things are at Archangelsk. — Really the girls have made wonderful progress.
I went through all their work-rooms weaving, carpets, embroidery, paintings, where they prepare the dyes and dye the silk threads and stuffs they make out of blackberry. — Our priest officiated the Te Deum. Bark, Khvostov, Volzhin and Krivoshein etc. were there, the later offered us 24,000 Rubles for keeping up the school one year. — Then we took tea at Elagin, — she looks well and thinks of going for a tiny visit to Kiev to see Olga whilst Xenia is away, wh. I find an excellent idea. — In the morning, I had much to do in the hospital. — Sweety, why did Dzhunkovsky receive the "Preobrasentsi" and "Semenovtsi" — too much honour after his vile behaviour — it spoils the effect of the punishment — he ought to have got army regiments. He has been continuing horrors against our Friend now amongst the nobility — the tail brings me the proofs to-morrow — ah no, thats far too kind already to have given him such a splendid nomination — can imagine the filth he will spread in those two regiments and all will believe him. — I am sending you a very fat letter from the Cow, the lovesick creature could not wait any longer, she must pour out her love otherwise she bursts. My back aches and I feel very tired and long for my own sweet One. One keeps up alright, but there are moments when it is very difficult. — When sanitary trains pass do you sometimes have a look to them? Have you gone over the house, where all the small people of your staff work, take Baby with you and that will be a thanks to them for their hard work and serve as an encouragement; have the different officers of yr. staff been invited to lunch on Sundays? — Has the English Admiral arrived yet? — There is so much to do, people to see etc. that I feel mighty tired and fill myself with medicins. How is your health my Beloved? — Are no troops for you to see near Orsha? or Vitebsk? An afternoon you might give up to that? — You think me a bore but I long for you to see more troops and I am sure young soldiers pass by on their way to fill up regiments — they might march pass you at the station and they will be happy. You know our people often have the false idea of not telling you, as it might prevent your habitual drive as tho' one could not often combine all quite well. — What does Paul do of an evening? And what have you settled about Dmitri? — Oh Deary, how I long for you yearn after you both its horrible how I miss you. But I am sure, all seems different now the little man is with you. Go and have the regiment drill before you and let Baby see it too it will be a nice remembrance for you both my sunshine and sunbeam. The letter must leave. — Good bye my very own Huzy heart of my heart, soul of my life — I clasp you tight in my arms and kiss you with ever such great tenderness, gentleness and devotion. God bless and protect you and keep you from all harm. A thousand kisses fr. yr. own old
Wify.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 6 October, 1915.
My heartfelt thanks to you for your dear letter and to our Friend for his greetings. In thought I am always with you. We have both been very busy, replying to telegrams and thanking for congratulations. The weather is good, somewhat calmer. The new is good. Both kiss you fondly.
NICKY.
Nicholas's letter:
Mogilev. 6 October, 1915.
MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BIRD,
My warmest thanks for your loving letter; I am in despair at not having written once since we left, but really I am occupied here every minute from 2.30 to 6. And the Little One's presence takes up part of my time too, for which, of course I am not sorry. His company gives light and life to all of us, including the foreigners.
It is very cosy sleeping side by side. I say prayers with him every night since the time when we were on the train; he says his prayers too fast, and it is difficult to stop him. He was tremendously pleased with the review; he followed me, and stood the whole time while the troops were marching past, which was splendid. I shall never forget this review. The weather was excellent and the general impression astounding.
Life here goes on as usual. Alexey lunched in his room with Mr. Gilliard only on the first day, and after that he begged hard to be allowed to lunch with all of us. He sits on my left hand and behaves well, but sometimes he becomes inordinately gay and noisy, especially when I am talking with the others in the drawing-room. In any case, it is pleasant for them, and makes them smile.
Before the evening, we go out in a car (in the morning he plays in the garden), either into the wood or on the bank of the river, where we light a fire and I walk about near by.
I am surprised at the amount he is able, and wishes, to walk, without complaining of being tired! He sleeps well, as I do too, in spite of the bright light of his lampadka. He wakes up early in the mornings, between 7-8, sits up in bed and begins to talk quietly to me. I answer him drowsily, he settles down and lies quiet — until I am called.
Paul is very charming and modest; we have had some delightful talks. He knows about his wife's letter and is displeased with it.
God bless you, my Sunny, my beloved Wify! I kiss you and the girls tenderly. A. as well.
Always yours
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei. Photo courtesy of lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Alexei with Pierre Gilliard.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Notes: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
lampadka (лампадка) = ikon lamp.
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 5, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 5, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 134.
Tsarskoje Selo, 5-th Oct. 1915
My own Sweetheart,
Once more many happy returns of this dear day — God bless our precious Child in health & happiness. I am so glad that one at last printed that you had seen troop and what you said — otherwise none out at the front would be any the wiser, as before. — And every bit of your movements to the troops, when known, will yet more raise their spirits & all will hope for the same luck. —
Glorious, sunny, cold morning.
We went to Church at 10, then I changed & we worked at the hospital till 10 m. to 2. After luncheon I drove with the girls.
Miechen came to tea, was nice & cosy, is so delighted that Plotho has been set free — now he gets transported to Siberia, but its quite different. — She goes with her train now, Ducky returned with a terrible cough — so she wishes to go, as its not far nor long — well, lets hope no bombs will be thrown upon it. — We have just returned fr. a funeral service in the new Church — the little boy in the big palace died peacefully this night & in Maria's & Anastasia's hospital one died too — so both coffins stood there — I am so glad we have got that little Church there. — I received still several officers & feel now mighty tired, so excuse a short letter. — Lili Den was very handsome yesterday evening & dear.
How sweet that you say prayers with Baby, he wrote it to me, the treasure — his letters are delightful. — I am so grateful, that you told Grigorovitch to send me every evening the papers — I eagerly read & then return them after having sealed them myself. — Sweetheart, beloved Treasure, I wish I had wings so as to fly over to you & see how you both sleep in wee bedybys — & would love to tuck you up & cover you both with kisses — very "not necessary". —
Ever, my Treasure, yr. very own, tenderly loving old
Wify.
God bless & protect you.
At night 2 & 3 degr. of frost, nevertheless I sleep with the little window open. — Its so empty — miss you both terribly.
How does Paul get on?
You may like to read Putiatin's letter, so I send it to you. —
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 5 October, 1915.
Thanks for good wishes. To-day in church we were in prayer with you and the girls. Yesterday evening I gave him your presents. He was delighted, especially with the big knife, which he took with him to bed. He is very cheerful, and is ready to take part in everything. It would be better if you arrived a few days later, as you wrote. Both kiss you tenderly and fondly.
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia and Alexei.
Above: Lili Dehn.
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 4, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 4, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 133.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 4-th 1915
My own beloved Darling,
With all my heart I congratulate you with our sweet Child's Namesday — — He spends it quite like a little military man. I read the telegram our Friend sends him, its so pretty. You are in Church this evening, but I was feeling too tired, so went into Znamenia just now to place candles for my darling instead. — A glorious sunny day, zero in the morning, 3 at night. At 10 we went off to the Consecration of the dear little Church — last nights service was also very pretty — many sisters in their white headdress give such a picturesque aspect. Aunt Olga & we both were also as sisters, as its for our poor wounded, dead we pray for there. Miechen & Mavra & Princess Palei & many others were there. About 200 men of the convalescent companys stood round the church, so they saw the procession with the cross. — At 1 went to our hospital & Vladimir Nikolaievitch performed the operation wh. went off well — then we had dressings after wh. I went to see poor Princess Gedroitz. She had 40.5 temp., took Communion in the evening & felt calmer later — spoke about death & gave all her orders. To-day she suffers less, but its very serious still as descending towards the ear — eresypeles. But our Friend promised to pray for her. — Then we fetched Ania & drove to Pavlovsk, everything looked lovely, & to the cemetry as I wanted to put flowers on poor Orlov's grave — 7 years that he is dead!
After tea fr. Znamenia to the big palace to the poor boy. He recognised me, extraordinary, that he is still alive, poor child. Ania & Lili Den come to dinner. Yesterday we saw Gregory at Ania's — nice — Zina was there too — he spoke so well. He begged me to tell you, that it is not at all clear about the stamp money, the simple people cannot understand, we have enough coins & this may create disagreabliness — I think me wants to tell the tail to speak to Bark about it. — One, of course, did not accept his wire to Baby, so I send it you to read to the tiny one, perhaps you will wire to me to thank. —
How do you find the news? I was so happy to get your telegram, Baby's & Mr. G.'s letters to-day — they warmed me up & I cld. picture all to myself. — So strange not to be with him on his Namesday. — His letter was sweet — I also write every day — probably with many faults too. — The big girls go in the evening to clean instruments. Its quite funny to have "for the time being" no affairs to write about, nor to bore you with. — Your bedroom is cosy? Did he sleep quietly & the creaking boards not disturb him? — Oh, I miss you both awfully. — Now goodbye my love, God bless you, protect you. I cover you with kisses my own Beloved, & remain yr. fondly loving very own
Sunny.
Sweety, I do not think it is right that Zamoisky's wife is going to take appartments at the Headquarters. It was known her goings on at Varsovie with Boris, in the train, at the Headquarters & now in Petrograd — it will throw a bad light on the Headquarters. — Fred. admires her so wont disapprove, but please, tell Zamoisky its better no ladies come to settle down at the Headquarters. Therefore I do not either. Ania kisses yr. hand & congratulates you with Alexei.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 4 October, 1915.
Sincerest thanks for dear letter. I have so far had no opportunity for writing. Thanks also for telegram. We had a little review, with a moleben, on the occasion of the Convoy's holiday. Baby had lunch with the others and is going to church this evening. We are together for the first night, it is very cosy. Both are in thought and in our hearts with you.
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei.
Above: Anna Vyrubova and Lili Dehn.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Notes: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
moleben (молебен) = a prayer service or Te Deum in the Russian Orthodox Church.
Friday, July 5, 2024
Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 17 and 18 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 60 to 62, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 18
Windsor Castle
May 17th 1894 11. evening
Моя душки Ники,
I must just begin a few lines to you to-night, to say how much my thoughts are with you. Sandra was with me a moment and so we sang "noch a mal" and it has made me feel quite melancholy. I cannot describe my longing for you, it is so great and just on your dear Birthday, how much I should have enjoyed spending it with you. God bless you my beloved Boy, and may you sleep well to-night and wake up fresh and happy in the morning, ready to begin the new year with a bright and cheery spirit. A good kiss for yr dear letter the servant brought me when we were leaving for Aldershot. All you said touched me deeply and the sweet flowers, yr an Angel, my Ники dear!
No, to think you can manage to get away earlier, I am too enchanted. By then I hope to have finished my cure and Victoria wishes me to tell you that she would be only too happy if you came to Walton. Fancy how delightful, if we could spend a few days there to-gether, it is too good to think of.
Do send me the books by the next messenger so that I can read them at Harrowgate. As soon as I know my address there, I will send it to you, Baroness Starkenburg, don't forget.
My own sweet precious one, yr dear letter has made me so happy, I feel like quite another person — a month and so Gott will, I shall clasp you to my heart, my Ники sweet.
The parade was charming and interested me immensely — the march past was so good — what splendid horses they have got, the one regiment only, greys, and so fine, they are much bigger than our German cavalry horses, but they are splendid, strong animals. The red uniforms do look so cheery. It was hot, but luckily not dusty, a thing they complain of here usually. The pole of our carriage broke, Victoria repaired by cords and we dreaded every moment that the steeds wld go off and leave us and carriage behind. Uncle George and U. Bertie were there too. We took tea at Uncle Arthur's. They want us to come so much when you are here. Altogether you are wanted by everyone, and it seems I am calmly to give you up to all the grasping creatures, oh, so naughty, I want you, I too am greedy and want my precious one all to myself sometimes.
The heat in the train was great and Sandra kept pulling the blinds the whole time up and down as the sun shone once in Granny's eyes and then on the other side.
Madelaine is hunting for the dog. I heard him bark a few minutes ago and now he has disappeared, frightened little beasty. But I think I better stop as it is getting so late and my legs are exhausted and I don't want the old Cow to grumble at the owl, only felt I must scratch down a few words as I cannot keep my thoughts away from you.
The moon is shining gloriously and I see two faces in it kissing each other, since I once discovered it from a drawing after a picture, il baccio della Luna — I always see the two heads. I traced it so can show it you at Darmstadt and you will distinctly ever after see the two faces.
At last she has got the dog.
Aunt B, Sandra, Ludwig and Victoria are riding to-morrow morning at 8, oh, how I envy them. I have lent the latter my riding habbit and a loose jacket so I hope she can wear parts of it. Bless you my love, my one and all, my sweet old boysy, have sweet dreams and think of your little bride who will pray most fervently for her Ники's happiness and wellfare. Night night deary!
May 18th — Good day, my beloved Nicky and tenderest good wishes and many happy returns of this dear day — how I long to be with you, I need not say, you can well imagine it. I received several kind telegrams, wh touched me deeply. From yr regiment, Aunt Sanny, Anastasie, Ella and Serge, Costia and Mavra. Your dear letter has come. I always scamper off to my room after lunch to find the daily letter I always am dying for. A kiss and tender thanks for it. I do pity you having had to spend some days in St Petersburg, the weather is so warm. That poor officer fainting in Church! The letters do take so long — why by this time, you are again at Gatchina and all is over.
It is glorious weather to-day, so sunny and warm. I studied Russian in the garden with Schneiderlein. I wish I got on quicker, I fear she must have great patience and perseverance with me.
Aunt B has given me already now her birthday present — a thing to hang all my crousseau — it looks so nice.
I shall send this letter off now and perhaps I can scribble a line for the last post to-night, I'll see.
Goodbye my own beloved Nicky dear, my thoughts are ever with you and more especially so to-day, and my most earnest prayers for yr happiness dearest pet. God bless you. Many tender kisses. Ever yr own true love
Alix
Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: "Моя душки Ники" = "My darling Nicky".
"Du, mein ein & mein alles, mein Herz, mein Schatz" = "You, my one and my only, my heart, my darling".
Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 17 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 59 to 60, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 17
May 17th 1894
Windsor Castle
My own darling Boysy,
I have to write this letter early in the day, as we shall be out the whole afternoon. We are going to the review at Aldershot — I have never seen an English one except in Malta, so it interests me very much.
Sandra has gone out riding and I intend remaining at home this morning, so as to finish the painting and to get on a little with Fraulein Schneider. I received another present this morning, a charming clock from Lady Churchill, — they are too kind all sending me things, I suppose they go by the papers where it is announced our Wedding is to take place November 10th. Too delightful the way everything is settled.
I had to open the window wide, my room smells so strong of flowers. My thoughts will be so much with you to-night, the eve of your dear Birthday. God bless you, my own beloved Nicky dear!
I feel quite ill when I think of all my letters that need answering. It is so warm and fine to-day, at last, as the rain was so tiresome, but it has made everything come out so beautifully.
The photographer has at last sent our photos, but only two of each, the old idiot, really too tiresome, when I had explained that I wanted a dozen of them, and I am always being asked for them, and it seems so rude never giving any.
Sweety, my letter is dull to-day, forgive me, but I have nothing interesting to tell, to-morrow it will be better. You know on the riding group are so excellent and such mischievous eyes, as if you had seen Mrs. R — noughty boy, I am shocked. But now I must say Goodbye. God bless you, dear. Ever yr own true love
Alix
Many tender kisses.
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 14 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 50 to 51, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 14
May 14th 1894
My precious Darling,
Fondest thanks for your dear letter, I received this morning. How terribly sad poor old Aunt Katty's Death. Was it not very sudden? I am glad Hélène was there; how unhappy she must be, but it is lucky she is married. What sorrows this life does bring!
Fräulein Schneider has arrived — mad little woman insists on only talking Russian with me and I stand grinning at her, without being able to understand anything, my memory is so bad. She tried to drum things in to me, she is coming down again in a few minutes and if she asks me them again, oh, dear me!
Wilhelmino Grancy sent me beautiful lilies of the valley they had picked in the woods near Darmstadt.
Now my plans are again changed, instead of going to Walton, Dr Reid is sending me to a bath as my legs ache too much and whilst Granny is away, it is a good opportunity for a cure. Sulphur baths and iron water. It is tiresome as I shall have nothing of Victoria in this way. I fear tho riding was very bad, because they hurt me madly — like awful incessant toothache.
We went for a heavenly drive this afternoon and took our tea with us; it was warm, sunny, and the woods looked too splendid, one longed to be an artist or poet. Oh, sweety, when I see such lovely things it makes me long for you now again as I know you would appreciate it.
To-night again lots come to Dinner, Ambassadors and that sort, it is so tiresome, as the corridor is such a bad place for making cercle in or for getting at those people one wants to speak to. I sat last night near the dear little Bishop and he was most agreeable to talk to, and on the other side, old LG E Comerell, who chattered away about military and naval things and asked me all sorts of questions.
To-day is a great holiday and the Park was swarming with people and little couples in touching attitudes grouped under the trees — they enjoyed themselves immensely I have no doubt. And you had a nice Concert, I am so glad to hear. My beloved Nicky dear, I should like to hold on to one of the swallows passing before my window and flie with them over hill and dale, sea and country to you, my own true love. Such tender kiss I long to press on yr lips and lovely eyes. But I must be my goodbye wish my old sweety. God bless and protect you and keep all sorrows from you. Say something kind to Tienchen from me when you see her, poor thing, will you? Ever yr own deeply loving old girly,
Alix
True unto Death. Yours for ever and ever, sweet Boysy. Love to the first couple. They've received my first Wedding present, a little silver lamp and firm [illegible] too, what do you say to that, :you old cow." The owl kisses you oh so tenderly
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Alix's letter to Nicholas of May 12 and 13 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 45 to 47, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 13
Windsor Castle
May 12th 1894
Милый, дорогой Ники
As I have just a minute to myself I am going to begin my epistle to you. I drove with Granny and Aunt Beatrice. And we took tea at Cumberland Lodge which was very nice. I fear my last letter was very dull and I only hope this one won't be the same.
Georgie and May, Aunt Louise and Uncle Lorne have come for two nights, and there are several strangers coming to Dinner, which I think a great nuisance and not even the young Lord in Waiting to cheer me up — is this not too sad, eh? I feel quite [illegible] and cannot even put on the face you so much like. You old goose, I should like to give you a good... punch, not a kiss, do you hear? I am in a beastly bad humour. I wish the man would not come and light all the candles, it looks as if I were going to give a party. Do you remember how you used to help me putting out my lamps in my little room at Coburg. How I long for those evenings back again — shall we be as dumb when we meet here do you think?
Aunt Marie sent me the photo of us and Caesar, done before the Church, not at all a nice remembrance. How angry we were there, when they dragged us out to be done and just when we had a few minutes only to ourselves before I left. I longed to say such a lot to you, but somehow I could not. The little tear you then gave me is so sweet and I prize it greatly.
May 13th. Good morning sweet One, I have just come from Church, where we heard a most beautiful sermon. It reminded me rather of the old clergy man's at Ernie's wedding. I could have sat there for hours listening to him. I wish I could tell it you all, how that God does not look for the outer form, but for the spirit, the same as people who are devoted to each other do not go by the outer appearance but their hearts, spirits are drawn to each other, that religion is not a thing only in a certain [illegible] or Church but everywhere "God is to be found" that we all have got our duties, sometimes they are only small ones and we think we need not put our whole heart into it and how wrong that is. St John. Chapter IV v 4, that was his text, the woman of Samaria "God is a spirit and they that worship him shall worship him in spirit and truth. As long as we don't understand God's spirit, the laws wh rule nature, we are not his creatures. The spirit of God teaches us how always to draw nearer to him. Taking a decision between right and wrong, your conscience shows it you, it is the spirit within you, that draws you involuntarily to the right, you must not make calculations as to what comes after your decision, but let yr spirit direct you. It is not the decision wh brings you the blessing, but the spirit which you have obeyed in taking it.
Many think that to be near God the places of adoration are where your souls are lifted high above the world by the droning of the organ, the voices rising up in harmony, the momentary inspiration, but the true secret to find God is by the consecration of your whole life and of every little pail of water you must carry on the long and weary road to the well. Christ always does his very, but no matter how small and insignificant the work is, he has to fulfil. He gives his very best teaching to the poor woman of narrow mind conception and narrow, mean surroundings — to her he speaks of the greatest truth, wh. are a secret even for the wise. She sought only for deliverance from her earthly toils and we all how often to get rid of all suffering and worry, this longing of hers he used as a means by which to lead her on to higher vistas of spiritual development. The faithful consecration of our life, doing the smallest duties with all our powers concentrated and with the one wish "to do our very best."
I have tried with Gretchen's help to put down a little of the sermon, but it is almost too difficult and I fear I have not done it clearly, but it can give you some idea at least of what he preached.
This afternoon we are going to St George's Chappel for service and to-day I think the singing will be particularly fine.
Aunt B tried a pair of new ponies to-day and they seemed to go quite nicely, tho' at first they scidadled about. My own sweet One, did our thoughts and prayers meet in Church? How the time flies! Well, I am glad for the one season as it brings the time of our meeting again. My legs are so bad and seem to be swollen again, so I am going to be good and see Dr. Reid — alas, I fear it comes from riding, so I foresee that I shall have to give up that pleasure still for a time — oh, it is such a nuisance and I do enjoy cantering about in this lovely Park so much. The both hands are going to play on the terrace afterwards and then crowds come and listen. I shall listen from the room, as the pleasure of walking is not for me. Oh, Nicky sweet, do you really not get frightened when you think of what a creature is to become your wife, will she not drive you mad? I shall do all in my power to get my legs in order till next year, but it is not so easy, and you who are so fond of walking, oh dear, what can I do?
The post has brought me nothing from you, let's hope to-night a letter may still come, or else I shall be so sad, so sad. Beloved boysy, my thoughts are always with you and I long impatiently for the hour of your arrival. If the weather is fine we must have some fun then/ A. Beatrice was saying that we must go up the river then, wh. would be delightful as I have never done it, and it is said to be so lovely. Sweet one, I must say Goodbye now. God bless you and may his Angels watch over you.
Many a tender kiss
Ever yr deeply loving and devoted little girly
Alix
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 12 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 41 to 42, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No 12
Windsor Castle
May 12th 1894
Моя милый, дорогой Ники,
Many a tender kiss, very fondest thanks for yr dear and touching letter the servant this minute brought me, моя душка, I always feel quite another creature after having heard from you and everything seems nicer then. Granny was also so happy with yr letter yesterday and is so glad you write such good English — you must not mind if my spelling is sometimes impossible, but suddenly it happens that I can scarcely write a word properly. What pretty vases you sent me again this time. I am glad you like mine. How nice being received by all the soldiers, their telegram, the officers', touched me deeply. Of course I love to hear about yr regiment as I am so fond of soldiers, I always was, and now yours will be especially interesting to me. Tell me all you have got to do, I would like to know, if it does not bore you.
Next week we are going to a parade at Aldershot under Uncle Arthur's command — I am most anxious to see an English parade, as hitherto I have never had the occasion of seeing one.
This morning we rode and it was charming, I rested afterwards and had my wee doggie lying next to me in bed, it is so frightened still, but I hope it will get accustomed to me. Toria's books have come and I have begun to read in them about yr Religion. Oh, sweety [page ripped] were but here, instead of [page ripped] so far away. But your letters are a comfort and I am always so greedy for them, read them over and over again — you write so well, my own precious Sweety — and I am sure you must often be tired when you come home from your exercising, so it is especially touching of you to write to the old girl.
The sun is shining warmly but there is a great wind and we were nearly blown off our steeds this morning. The Park looked too lovely, oh, how I long to have you cantering by my side "Lord, for to-morrow and its needs I do not pray, Keep me, my God, from stain of sin, just for to-day. Let me both diligently work and duly pray; Let me be kind in word and deed, just for to-day. Let me be slow to do my will, prompt to obey; Help me to sacrifice myself just for to-day. Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say; set thou a seal upon my lips, just for to-day."
"A faithful friend is a strong defence, and he that has found a real one, hath found a treasure. Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his excellency is unvaluable." Oh, my Nicky sweet, what an unending treasure I have found in your love, could I but also fully make you understand the strength of mine, I cannot write any more now, but I shall begin a letter to-night again. God bless you. A good kiss. Ever yr own truly loving little
Alix
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: "Моя милый, дорогой Ники" = "My sweet, dear Nicky".
"моя душка" = "my darling".
Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 11 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 40 to 41, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 11
Windsor Castle
May 11th 1894
My precious Nicky dear,
On arriving here I found your sweet letter, which made me oh so happy and the three Lippen der Küh! Please thank Miechen as soon as you have an occasion, for her dear letter. Yours is a great joy to me. But I am sorry my love has to much to do, well I hope they will let him freer then next year. What a naughty Child you are, your letter made me laugh so. Does the photo really look so sly — oh how shocking, then you better turn it to the wall. How nice it must be rowing out onto the lake all alone, but спицбубъ's letters I fear are scarcely interesting enough to take out to read in such a poetical spot.
When you come we must go to Virginia Water, as it is perfectly lovely there, and then we can row to-gether. Your dear letter has made my head feel so much better — you can't think how I ravish in them, I read them over and over again, and am in the fidgets till another comes. This afternoon I went with Aunt Beatrice to see Drino have his gymnastic lessons — quite charming. A class of big girls and a married woman too, were drilling away and jumping and twisting themselves about. I wish I had learnt that more formerly, it is such good exercise and makes the body so souple — they seemed to enjoy. Three young brothers teach and help them — they are hansome so I have no doubt the girls rarely miss a lesson.
I had tea with Granny and she is going to send for me afterwards to dictate for her diary to me, as she has neglected lately, I alas too, completely, don't scold me for it, but you know all I do and that is enough don't you think..... so? You had лаусбубъ. If it does not pour as it did before, Thora, the one Lady and I are going to ride. Dr. Reid has allowed me to try it for quite short. I envy you having such fine weather, whilst we are daily drenched — дурная погода — дождь. A поцелуй отъ your маленки спицбубъ. Я очень рада когда ваше писмо come and Я must answer it, tho' Я only wrote this утро. Я shall be astonished if you can read this marvelous писмо I am concocting. Я люблю васъ. Is that correct? Я wonder когда я shall know даволно писать адійнъ во вас. Тетка Beatrice is going to see Eleonore Dussy act to-night in La Dance aux Camelias. I envy her. We are only Ladies again to-night, not lively, well, one gets sooner to bed, that is one thing. Do send me the photos, some of you and couple one, just as many old ones as you can fish out. My beloved One, I must say Goodbye now. God bless you. Many a tender kiss. Ever sweetest love
Yr own true Girly
Alix
Es war einmal ein König? Noch a mol, noch a mol, sing nur, sing Nicky dear — Marguerite la la la la la la la la la la la la Old Spötter! Inevitable R! Meshdunarodna. Give Paul my love when you meet.
Above: Alix.
Above: Nicholas.
Notes: "дурная погода — дождь. A поцелуй отъ your маленки спицбубъ. Я очень рада когда ваше писмо come" = "bad weather — rain. A kiss from your little Spitzbub. I am very happy when your letters come."
утро = morning.
писмо = letter.
"Я люблю васъ" = "I love You".
"Я wonder когда я shall know даволно писать адійнъ во вас" = "I wonder when I shall be able to write well to you."
"Es war einmal ein König? Noch a mol, noch a mol, sing nur" = "Was there a King once upon a time? Still a mol, still amol, sing now"
meshdunarodna (международна) = international.
Thursday, July 4, 2024
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 3, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 3, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 132.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 3-rd 1915
My own beloved Darling,
A gloriously bright, sunny day — 2 degr. of frost in the night. What a pitty, nothing is written in the papers about your having seen the troops — I hope it will appear to-morrow. It is necessary to print all such things without mentioning of course what troops you saw. — Am eagerly awaiting details how it all was.
So silly, in Moscou they want to give Samarin an address when he returns fr. the country — it seems that horror Vostokov has sent him a telegram in the name of his two "jlocks", Moscou & Kolomna — so the dear little Makari wrote to the Consistory to insist upon a copy of Vostokov's telegram to Samarin & to know what gave him the right to forward such a telegr. — how good, if the little Metropolitan can get rid of Vostokov, its high time, he does endless harm & its he who leads Samarin. Moscou is in a rotten state, but God grant nothing at all will be — but they need feeling yr. displeasure. — Sweetheart, me misses you very, very much, I want your kisses, I want to hear your dear voice & gaze into your eyes. —
Thanks ever so much for yr. telegram — well Baby must have been pleased that he was present at the review. How cosy yr. beds must be in the same room. And a nice drive too. — I always give over by telephone all you write to Vladimir Nikolaievitch.
This morning I went in to the little Boy — he is fast sinking & the quiet end may come this evening. — I spoke with his poor mother & she was so brave & understood all so rightly.
Then we worked in the hospital & Vladimir Nikolaievitch made an injection to the new officer — probably to-morrow will be the operation.
Pss. Gedroitz has 39 & feels so ill — eresypelis in the head one fears, so she begged Derevenko to replace her for serious operations. Nastinka lunched, then I received generals Prince Tumanov, Pavlov, Benkendorf, Isa. The inauguration of the Winter-Palace hospital can only be on the 10-th as the red cross has not brought the beds etc. yet — our part is done — so you see I better keep quiet after that ceremony (& Bekker no doubt) & the 11 & 12 — if so, then I would be at Moghilev 15-th morning at 9 if that suits you? Thats a Thursday, just 2 weeks fr. the day you left. You let me know. That means I am the 13-th at Tver, 14-th other places nearing you. — A lovely bright morn, its 10 minutes past 5 & becoming rather dark, we took tea after a drive to Pavlovsk, so cold — the little ones are trying on & the big ones have gone to clean the instruments in our hospital. At 6½ we go to the evening service in our new little Church. —
In the evening we see our Friend at Ania's to bid goodbye. He begs you very much to send a telegram to the King of Servia, as he is very anxious that Bulgaria will finish them off — so I enclose the paper again for you to use it for yr. telegram — the sense in yr. words & shorter of course reminding them of their Saints & so on. — Make Baby show you Peter Vassilievitch envelope, its sweet. I shall also address my letter separatly to him, he will feel prouder. Derevenko has got our presents for him & can arrange them in the bedroom before your dinner. — Wonder, how you will feast the Convoy.
Now I must end my letter, Sweetheart. God bless & protect you & the holy Virgin guard you from all harm. Every goodwish for our sweet Sunbeam's Namesday.
I kiss you without end & hold you tightly clasped to my old heart wh. yearns for you ever, Nicky sweet, yr. very own wify
Alix.
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Stavka. 3 October, 1915.
Hearty thanks for dear letter sent by courier. Of course the Little One was present at yesterday's magnificent review and was very pleased. We arrived during the night, left the train at 10 in the morning, and have settled down quite cosily. Clear but cold. We went for a walk in the wood. Both embrace you closely.
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei.
Notes: Madame Becker was a euphemism that Alexandra and her daughters used to refer to their menstrual periods.
Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
Servia = the old name for Serbia.
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 2, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 2, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 131.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 2-th 1915
My own beloved Sweetheart,
Goodmorning my precious ones, how did you sleep, I wonder! I did not very well its always so when you are away, Lovy mine. So strange to read in the papers, that you & Baby have left for the front. I am sure you felt cosy sitting & playing with Baby, not this perpetual loneliness; for N. P. I am too glad, as he feels lonely there often, none are such particular friends, tho' he likes most of them & they get on splendidly but he misses us all — & now Alexei being there, it will warm him up & he will feel you nearer to him too. Mr. Gilliard will enjoy all & he can speak with the French. — You did have such hard work here, that I am glad it is over now, more or less, & you see the troops to-day!
Oh, how pleased I am, the heart of a soldier's daughter & soldier's wife rejoices for you — & I wish I were with you to see the faces of those brave fellows when they see for whom & with whom they go out to fight. I hope you can take Alexei with you. — The impression will remain for his w[h]ole life & theirs.
Oh how I miss you both! The hour for his prayer, I must say I broke down, so hurried off into my room & said all his prayers in case he should forget to say them. — Please, ask him whether he remembers them daily. — What will it be to you when I fetch him! You must go off too somewhere, not to remain alone. — It seems to me as tho' you were already gone ages ago, such yearning after you — I miss you, my own Angel, more than I can say. — I went to A. this morning & took her to Znamenia & the big Palaces fr. whence she left for town, & I went to the poor boy — he had recognised nobody & not been able to speak, but me he did at once & even spoke a little. From there I went to our hospital. Two new officers have come. The one poor fellow has the ball or splinter in his eye — the other deep in his lungs & a fragment probably in the stomach — he has such a strong internal hemorrhage wh. has completely pushed his heart to the right side so that one clearly sees it beat, hear his right niple. Its a very serious case, & probably he must be operated to-morrow — his pulse is 140 & he is awfully weak, the eyeballs so yellow, the stomach blown up — it will be an anguishing operation. — After luncheon we received 4 new Alexandrovtsi just promoted going off to the war — 2 Elisavetgradtsi & 4 Vosnesentsi? — 4 wounded & Arseniev's son. Then we drove, eat a pear & apple — & went to the cemetry to have a look at our wee temporary Church for our dead heroes. From there to the big Palace to a Te Deum before the Image of the Virgin, wh. I had told them to bring fr. Znamenia it passed through all the wards — it was nice. —
After tea I saw Russin & gave him letters for Victoria & Toria — then Ressin about our journey — only what date to settle, because of Bekker, wh. spoils everything. — Got your telegram at 5½ & we all enjoyed it, thank God you saw the troops, but you do not mention whether — Tiny accompanied you. — Wont you let the soldiers, wh. stand now at Moghilev, show you some exercises & then they can see Baby. His having gone to the army will also bring its blessing our Friend told Ania; even agoo wee one helps. He is furious with the way people go on in Moscou. — There, the Pss. of the Palace has already sent her first perfumed letter so I forward it to you. Personally I think she ought not to ask for him — what wld. it look like, both Paul's sons living lazily, comfortably at the Headquarters, whilst their comrades shed their blood as heroes.
I shall send you the boy's pretty verses to-morrow. If I were you, I should tell Paul about this letter, even show it to him, & explain that its too early to call him back — its bad enough one son not being out at the front & it would harm the boy in the regiment, I assure you; — after a bit of service he can be perhaps given a place as courier of one of the Generals, but not yet, I find. I understand her Mother's heart bleeding — but she must not spoil the boy's career — dont speak to Dmitri about it. — I must now write to Miechen & Aunt Olga, so to speak to invite them to the consecration of our microscopic Church — officially I cant, as the Church is too small, but if I don't, Miechen is sure to be offended. The Pavlovsk family (ladies) I must then too, as their soldiers are buried on our ground. —
Goodbye my Love, sweetest One, Beloved — I bless & kiss you without end.
Ever yr. very own old
Wify.
Khvostov has asked to see me after the 5-th. —
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Rejitza. 2 October, 1915.
Thanks for news. I had the great joy to-day of seeing the wonderful 21st Corps. The weather is splendid, sunny. In thought I am with you and the children. We are now on our way to Mogilev. Alexey and I kiss you all fondly.
NICKY.
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Note: Madame Becker was a euphemism that Alexandra and her daughters used to refer to their menstrual periods.
Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
Alexandra's second letter to Nicholas, dated October 1, 1915
Source:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 130.
Tsarskoje Selo, Oct. 1-st 1915
Sweet precious One,
It seems a messenger leaves this evening, so I profit to send you a word. Well there we are again separated — but I hope it will be easier for you whilst Sunbeam is near you — he will bring life into your house & cheer you up. How happy he was to go, with what excitement he has been awaiting this great moment to travel with you alone. I was afraid he might be sad, as when we left for the south to meet you in Dec. he cried at the station, but no, he was happy. Tatiana & I felt very hard to be brave — you dont know what it is to be without you & the wee one. I just looked at my little book & saw with despair that I shall... the 10-th... to travel & inspect hospitals the two first days I really cant, as otherwise shall get again one of my raging headaches — is it not too stupid! —
We drove this afternoon to Pavlovsk — the air was very autumnal — then we went into Znamenia & placed candles & I prayed hard for my darlings. Hereafter Ania read to me. After tea I saw Isa & then I went to the poor boy he has changed, a good deal since yesterday. I stroked his head a while & then he woke up — I said you & Alexei sent messages wh. delighted him & he thanked so much — then went to sleep again — that was the first time he had spoken to-day. My consolation when I feel very down & wretched is to go to the very ill & try & bring them a ray of light & love — so much suffering one has to go through in this year, it wears one out.
So Kira went with you, thats good & just — may he only not be stupid & sleep. Do so hope you can manage to see some troops to-morrow. Sweet Huzy mine, I kiss & bless you without end & long for your caresses — the heart is so heavy. God be with you & help you evermore. Very tenderest, fondest kisses, sweet Beloved, fr. yr. very own
Wify.
Sleep well, dream of old Sunny. —
I hope Paul will be allright & not fidgety. Did the little Admiral answer you?
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Alexandra with Alexei.
Alexandra's letter to Nicholas, dated October 1, 1915, and Nicholas's telegram, dated October 1, 1915
Sources:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 129.
Tsarskoje Selo, October 1-st 1915
My own Beloved,
You will read these lines when the train has already carried you from us. This time you can part with a quieter heart, things, God blessed, are going better — exteriorly as interiorly our Friend is here to bless your journey. The holy feast of Pokrov may it shed its blessings upon our troops and bring us victories and the holy Virgin spread her mantle over your whole country. —
Its always the same pain to see you leave & now Baby too for the first time in his life, its not easy, its awfully hard. But for you I rejoice, at least you wont be quite alone & wont agoo wee one be proud to travel with you without any of us women near him. Quite a big boy. I am sure the troops will rejoice, when the news reaches them that he is with you — our officers in the hospital were enchanted. If you see troops beyond Pskov, please, take him also in the motor, — awfully much hope you can see some no matter how few, but it will already create joy & contentment. Wire a word from Pskov about your plans, so that I can follow you in thoughts & prayers.
Lovy my Soul! Oh how hard it is to let you go each time, tho' now I have got the hope to see you soon, but it will make you sad as I come to fetch Alexei — but not before 10 days, I suppose. —
Its so lonely without Your caresses wh. mean everything to me — ah how me loves oo, "better better every day, with unending true devotion, deeper than I can say". But these days have been awfully tiring for you & the last evening we could not even spend quietly together — its sad. — See that Tiny does not tire himself on the stairs, I regret that he does not sleep near you in the train — but at Moghilew it will be cosy — it is not necessary — even, too touching & sweet. I hope you will like my photo of Baby in the frame. Derevenko has got our presents for Baby — the tipe writing mashene he gets here & a big game when he returns — a bag in train. You will give him some writing paper & a silver bowl to have near his bed when he eats fruits in the evening, instead of a china saucer. — Ask him from time to time whether he says his prayers properly, please Deary. — Sweet One, I love you & wish I could never be parted from you & share everything with you. — Oh the joy it was having you here, my Sunshine, I shall feed on the remembrances. — Sleep well huzy, wify is ever near you, with & in you. When you remember the picture books think of old wify for ever & ever. —
God bless you & protect you, guard & guide you.
Ever Your very own old
Sunny.
I bless you.
I kiss & caress every tenderly beloved place & gaze into your deep, sweet eyes wh. long ago conquered me completely.
Love ever grows. —
Nicholas's telegram:
Telegram. Pskov. 1 October, 1915.
Hearty thanks for dear telegram. — We miss you greatly. I sat with Alexey, played various games, walked about on the stations. I have just had dinner with Marie and the Generals. To-morrow I shall inspect the troops further on. Good-night. Sleep well...
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra with Alexei.
Note: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
Alix's letter to Nicholas, written May 10 and 11 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 36 to 38, by George Hawkins, 2023
The 1,500th post to this blog!
The letter:
No 10
Buckingham Palace
May 10th 1894
My own precious Nicky,
Tho' I have only just written to you, I am sitting down to scrible again, but this letter will only leave to-morrow. I am alone, Christle has gone to his room and Thora is dressing for a dinner to wh she is going to-night, but as we only dine so late, I think the best way of filling up my time is by sitting in a comfortable armchair with the lamp close to me, chattering to you. No, you cannot imagine how it poured when we were out driving, the 2 poor gentlemen who had to ride next to the carriage looked like drowned rats, it reminded me of the day of the wedding, our drive back from the Rosenau. I am sure you remember my beautiful aspect when I afterwards turned up for tea — Sandra's red cap, a red, wet face and blue frozen hands, from driving Caesar without gloves on. You know you deserve a good scolding for remaining up so late at night, tho' it touches me deeply you do it as to write to the old owl, but still I wish you would not — it is not good. Don't think I am preaching because I myself like doing the same, but it is surely a bad habit to get into and one cannot cure oneself of it so quickly later. I want my Darling to look well when he comes here and not thin and pale as I alas have seen him look.
I wish I could remain quietly up here instead of going to Dinner, it is so quiet and peaceful here and I have been trotting about all day long and am rather ramolie in consequence. I pity my neighbours to-night, they will find me more idiotic than ever. Christle brought in rather an extraordinary part of his garments, to have them [illegible] by his sister's maid. Whenever anyone knocked, he died of fright, lest it should be Gretchen who would have been too terribly shocked. Really, boys are funny creatures, well, men I ought to say as he is getting on for 30. But now I must go and dress. Good night my Boysy, sleep well, and may your Guardian angel keep watch over you, my own true love.
It is getting on for 12 and I am sitting in my bedroom in a décolté gown with no jewels on and my hair all down. I look raving mad, but Madeleine has gone to see some friends who seem to have kept her rather long and my gown is laced and pinned and tied at the back so that I cannot possibly undo it alone and am as helpless as a Baby. Well, Dinner was nice, only I have neuralgia in the one side of my face wh is idiotic, but a night's rest will take it away. A. Beatrice forgot to write the sitting list, so Christle and I being the ones in the house had to arrange it, but I think all were satisfied. Naughty Cousins teazed me so, for sitting went to the nice, young Lord in Waiting, and said I had on purpose arranged it so and they thought it too bad that as I did not go to parties, I chattered with young men, too wicked of them. Why should I not choose an amusing neighbour, and as he was the best of the Gentlemen and I the second last lady, we had to sit next to each other. You don't mind that, I am sure, you know yr old Owl does not flirt, one can talk and laugh without doing that, can't one?
Just before Dinner, I received your sweet letter. Bless you for it my Boysy. You cannot think how intensely happy I am to hear from you. I do not understand why you don't get a letter from me, as I write every day. Please thank dear Xenia for her charming letter. Don't let us speak yet about my coming, tho' I should so much like to see your Parents. I honestly would rather not go. To travel there without Ernie would be so unpleasant, belong to him still in one way, don't I, tho' you have got me quite in another [illegible]. Don't make me travel so far again. I feel Imust write you all I feel and you will understand me, my own precious love, won't you? Toria spoke so much about you again, how fond she is of you. I am sure you must also be very devoted to her, dear girl. It is such a pleasure like that hearing so much about you, as otherwise I have no one to speak about you too — she knows you best. She is going to lend me some books your dear old Priest gave her. I do wish I could see more of her, and hear like that more about my love. She wore the lovely bracelet you have her. I am glad you have had such a friend all these years and I hope I will never stand in the way of your friendship — friendship is such a lovely rare thing that one must not loose it for anything. "Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." What a noble, fine, utterly unselfish character hers is. Anyone whom you love is doubly dear to me, for they must be worth loving if you care for them.
But now, I really must be off to bed. Good night again. God bless you. "Almighty and ever lasting God, give unto us the increase of faith, hope and charity, and that we may obtain that which thou dost promise, make us to love that which thou dost command, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." "He will give His Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all His ways." "Gracious is the Lord and righteous, yea, our God is merciful. I was in misery, and He helped me." "Let us be content, we do not know what is good for us, and God does." God bless you, Nicky dear.
Goodmorning my own sweet one. I hope you slept well and had no fight with hats. Thora, Sandra, Gretchen and I went to a picture gallery, but I was greatly disappointed. There was nothing of interest to be seen, then we drove through the Park. There is an exhibition of English silks going on here, and Grdmama allowed me to choose two pieces for dresses she will give me for my wedding. One is white with little coloured flowers and silver line twisted in and out, and the other a greyish white with pinkish red japonica. I took it immediately, as it reminded me the most of our flower, only that is a prunus something.
It is finer to-day, and this morning the sun shone. Aunt B is remaining here for the Theatre, so Granny and I will return all alone to Windsor. I can well imagine that her letter was a difficulty to decypher.
But I must be off.
Ever, beloved Nicky mine, yr own true little Bride
Alix
Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.
Notes: ramolie = exhausted.
"Freundschaft macht die Menschen Gottes Engeln gleich etc." = "Friendship makes men like God's angels etc."
Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated May 9 (New Style), 1894
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 30 to 31, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
No. 8
Buckingham Palace
May 9th 1894
Дорогой Ники,
I am writing rot, because Thora Holstein is sitting near me and knitting and chattering like a magpie, and then I am expected to write decently. I have just come back from a visit to Aunt Alix and Cousins. How charmingly they have arranged their rooms, lots of photos of my Darling, wh make me quite jealous. I saw the room in wh you lived. I wish we could stop there a few days to-gether, what fun we might have. What tears Toria and Maud are, it is so sad I see so very little of them — if we could only get Toria to Russia — what a devoted friend she is to you, dear Child.
It is pouring so I hope Granny won't drive as it would make me sick sitting backwards in a shut carriage.
Thora is killing and makes impossible remarks. She thinks "Hetschendorf" man charming, so it's not only me you see. You old goose, well, I was one too, why, Weeping Willow's birthday is only to-day, how cld I be such a donkey as to think it was on the 7th. I think I am getting ramolie, you'd better come and wake your old owl up a bit. Oh, sweety, how I long for you, daily more and more if it is possible, if you only knew how I adore you, my Darling, my own sweet Boysy dear.
Granny is actually going out driving so I must fly. I shall get sick.
At last back again, nearly chocked swallowing hot tea, tore up 38 steps, am panting for breath. It poured in deluges and when we came home the sun shone. Now I must rush and dress for supper and theatre — really it is killing and I live quite at the top of this immense palace.
I am greedy, I want another letter from you, my sweetheart. Sweet Boysy. Thora has made me roar — in one of the papers was written that we had loved each other for five years, but had been too shy to tell it each other — is it not sweet. Oh, how happy I am in your love, my Nicky sweet. I long to fly to you and hide myself in your arms and look at those lovely, gentle eyes. To-morrow I will write more, now I have no time, it is too tiresome, but I am hunted from one place to the other. A good long kiss and tender blessing.
Ever yr own truly loving little girly
Alix
Thora sends you her love.
Above: Nicholas and Alix.
Notes: "Дорогой Ники" = "Dear Nicky"
ramolie = exhausted.
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