Alexandra wrote this letter to Nicholas on October 21, 1914.
Source:
The letter:
My own sweet Love,
It was such an unexpected joy to get your dear telegram, and I thank you for it with all my heart. That's nice that you and N. P. took a turn at one of the little stations, it will have freshened you up. — I felt so sad seeing your lonely figure standing at the door — it seems so unnatural your going off all alone — everything is queer without you, our centre, our sunshine. I gulped down my tears and hurried off to the hospital and worked hard for two hours. Very bad wounds; for the first time I shaved one of the soldiers' legs near and round the wound. — I worked all alone to-day, without a sister or Dr. — only the Princess came to see each man and to what was the matter with him and I asked her if it was right what I intended doing — tiresome Mlle. Annenkov gave me the things I asked for. Then we went back to our little hospital and sat in the different rooms with the officers. From there we went and looked at the little Pestcherny Chapel under the old Pala Hospital once — in Catherine's time there was a Church there. This has been done in remembrance of the 300 years jubilee — it is quite charming all chosen by Viltchkovsky, purest and ancient Byzantine style, absolutely correct — you must see it. The consecration will be on Sunday at 10, and we shall get our officers and men who are able to move, to come to it. There are tables with the names of those wounded who have died in all our hospitals of Tsarskoe Selo, and those officers too who received St. George's crosses or the gold arms.
It was such an unexpected joy to get your dear telegram, and I thank you for it with all my heart. That's nice that you and N. P. took a turn at one of the little stations, it will have freshened you up. — I felt so sad seeing your lonely figure standing at the door — it seems so unnatural your going off all alone — everything is queer without you, our centre, our sunshine. I gulped down my tears and hurried off to the hospital and worked hard for two hours. Very bad wounds; for the first time I shaved one of the soldiers' legs near and round the wound. — I worked all alone to-day, without a sister or Dr. — only the Princess came to see each man and to what was the matter with him and I asked her if it was right what I intended doing — tiresome Mlle. Annenkov gave me the things I asked for. Then we went back to our little hospital and sat in the different rooms with the officers. From there we went and looked at the little Pestcherny Chapel under the old Pala Hospital once — in Catherine's time there was a Church there. This has been done in remembrance of the 300 years jubilee — it is quite charming all chosen by Viltchkovsky, purest and ancient Byzantine style, absolutely correct — you must see it. The consecration will be on Sunday at 10, and we shall get our officers and men who are able to move, to come to it. There are tables with the names of those wounded who have died in all our hospitals of Tsarskoe Selo, and those officers too who received St. George's crosses or the gold arms.
After tea we went to M. and A.'s hospital — they have several very gravely wounded men. Upstairs are 4 officers in most cosy rooms. — Then I received 3 officers who return to the Active Army — one lay in our hospital and the other two in my Red Cross station here; then I rested. Baby said his prayers down here, as I was too tired to go up. Now O. and T. are at Olga's Committee — before that Tatiana received Neidhardt alone for half an hour with his report — it's so good for the girls and they learn to become independent and it will develop them much more having to think and speak for themselves, without my constant aid. — I long for news from the Black Sea. God grant our fleet may have success, I suppose they give no news, so as the enemy should not know their whereabouts by wireless telegraphy.
It is very cold again to-night. I wonder whether you are playing domino! Oh, my love, how lonely it is without you! What a blessing we took Holy Communion before you left — it gave strength and peace. What a great thing it is to be able to take Holy Sacrament at such moments and one longs to help others to also remember that God gave this blessing for all — not as a thing that must be done obligatorily once a year in Lent — but whenever the soul thirsts for it and needs strength. When I get hold of people alone who I know suffer much — I always touch this subject and with God's help have many a time succeeded in making them understand that it is a possible and good thing to do and it brings relief and peace to many a weary heart. With one of our officers I spoke and he agreed and was so happy and courageous afterwards and bore his pains far better. It seems to me this is one of the chief duties of us women to try and bring people more to God, to make them realise that He is more attainable and near to us and waiting for our love and trust to turn to Him. Shyness keeps many away and false pride — therefore one must help them break this wall. — I just told the Priest last night that I find the clergy ought to speak more with the wounded in this way — quite simply and straight out, not sermonlike. Their souls are like children and only at times need a little guiding; with the officers it's far more difficult as a rule.
Above: Alexandra in hospital.
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