Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 38 to 40, by George Hawkins, 2023
The second part from April 30/May 12 is here:
The letter:
29-го Апреля. 1894 г. Гатчина.
11го Мая.
№ 9.
My own darling,
So many thanks for your dearest letter № 6. It is so tiresome that the post takes such a time from here to England & back again, it makes the answers in our letters come a week altogether later.
Yes, my sweet love, I am too sure of my little girl, even if she were always surrounded by R.'s or by "charming" young lords, talking away the whole day long to her! And so may the Owl be as sure of лаусбуб — for ever too!!
My darling, it is funny how we meet in our feelings; I too have kept my love and my heart yearning for you all these dreary years shut up inside of me, except when leaving for that long journey I told Papa about it and I remember he blessed & kissed me then & said — if it is God's will, he would only be too glad if it ever happened! So after being accustomed to play this part of an indifferent boy for so long, I am not used to pour out my thoughts and feelings (the innermost) at once. But I shall overcome that, after all it is not so difficult! —
Yes my own darling, such a love takes one's soul away from the world and makes one pure & endlessly happy; it takes one's whole life also away, because once only in a man's existence can love come & settle so deeply down in his heart. And so it is with me, my sweet one, for ever do I belong to you with all the strength & mighty power of love. Every day makes it increase and so for ever more!
I am so glad I have found these two portraits of the cow and I am sending you a group of us on horseback at Livadia before our house done last year! That was a nice time we spent in 1893 in the Crimea; as much as I remember you were also away at that time in "fair Italy" listening to their songs & serenades (Margarita) etc. My darling beloved one, you won't make me learn to sing & make a fool of me, no I don't think you would like to do such a thing? Really, ohne scherzen, I have got no voice whatever and how can you develop a talent when its origine does not exist. Play the piano, that I will & with pleasure too, though I shall be shy especially before you, who play so beautifully. —
Xenia & Sandro are making a frightful noise in the next room & both yell to me, I am to give you sweetest one, their fond love.
Above: Nicholas and Alix. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev on Flickr.
Notes: лаусбуб (Lausbub) = rascal. This was Alix's nickname for Nicholas.
ohne scherzen = without joking.
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