Sources:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 2: Engagement and Marriage, 1894, pages 128 to 130, by George Hawkins, 2023
Letters and writings of Nicholas II and his family on Facebook
The letter:
Your blessed Birthday 1894. Gatchina.
No. 35
My sweet darling Alix,
This instant they brought me yr dear telegram for which many thanks. How delighted I am that you said — for the 20th you hoped to come to Walton, perhaps somebody else might possibly also be turning about that date! Oh! my love, I have been thinking & longing for you so — the whole day long — that my head nearly cracked! It is worse than I can say this separation, it has worn me out! To know that my poor beloved little girly has spent this day all by herself — no relation whatever near you — to know it, it made me sick at heart!
What a joy! They have now brought me your letter — I must stop, put the pen down & read it, or better — devour it up! There. Unluckily the best moment of the day has passed. No, what do I say — that's rude, because I love writing to my little girly-darling; in fact I could not do without sending you a letter every day. I must have at least an hour's chat with my beloved precious little bride. So you like that title — the affianced husband — I think it rather official, but cannot bear being called the bride groom — it is deeply offending towards the bride; taking her for a horse, people give her a groom to look after. Shocking idea!!
I receive among different foreign papers — an Italian illustration; in the last No., that I got today, they put our four pictures in: your's, Xenia's, Sandro's & mine. Then I looked through the short article following the engagements & knowing of course what was the subject about — understood it perfectly! Sweet love, I never thanked you, beast that I always am, for your dear long interesting letter! How dare you say that your letter was dull & that you were sorry not to be able of giving me news concerning other people! Much do I care for them, especially in your dear letters, where each syllable about yourself is a treasure & still more when my darling tells me about her having been to Church & what are her impressions, idea's etc! about the sermons! To speak of ramolli well, I was one & a formidable one to day — and that was a result of staying up so late at night, I am speaking of yesterday's evening. If it had not been for your sake I should have refused to go. Do you know what they told me? That I had written often enough to you, but that I had never drunken yr health together with them & that it did not matter if I left a day out in our correspondence! Really impudent of them. But today I laughed at them; in the morning they appeared with impossible faces — eyes half open & swollen — where as I felt only ramolli (Please to mark the difference) but looked as fresh as a cow might look on a fine summer morning, grazing contentedly in the midst of a meadow!
After finishing my letter this morning, I went out to thank the men for congratulating me. They got their double rations to day & had no work to do! Then I left & arrived in time here for the luncheon. Yuri & Stana Leuchtenberg also came to see Papa, they both send you many messages. Do you know I received a good lot of telegrams fr different people — it touched me very much to be remembered on some one else's dear birthday! Why is it so agreeable? Dear Papa & the others haben mir zugetrunken for my Alixy-dear's health. I use the same expression you did on the 18th in your letter. Did you congratulate the Landgräfin on Illa's birthday — the marriageable daughter! To think only, that she dared propose her to Mama to be married to me! It would be the same if that charming Alek had espoused you, my poor little chicken — well I am sorry for you, but am afraid you won't be a bit better with a half grown up cow — what a desolate peep into the future?
Your dear birthday has passed away & so I must also pass away into slumber. Oh! how I hope that I may dream of you my beloved primrosy-dear. Sweet one — I love you — oh! so fully & so deeply; you have linked me to you with such chains that death itself could not break; I have become a thorough prisoner of year heart. This is what I wish you before saying good-bye: "O frage nicht, was ich Dir wünsche" etc. you know the rest better than I do.
By-by, my own precious little girly darlling; sleep well & God keep watch over you.
Darling! My joy!
"Hush! My dear, lie still & slumber;
Holy angels guard thy bed!
Heavenly blessings without number,
Gently falling on thy bed."
June 7th. Good morning! sweetest darling! I hope you feel as fresh & "munter" as I do this morning. The weather is lovely — it is the day of Ascension — we are going to church & I shall pray fervently God — for His blessing & helping & comforting my own little bride through her difficulties & troubles. — I am so glad Victoria came to spend yr birthday with you! Now I must end this long epistle of mine. My darling, how can I get tired of hearing about yr unending devotion, wh. is the greatest blessing & happiness to me!
Good-bye, my one & all — Most tender kisses & fondest love to you my sweet little darling Alix, fr yr ever truly devoted & deeply loving old
Niki
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
Notes: ramolli = weakened.
"Dear Papa & the others haben mir zugetrunken for my Alixy-dear's health." = "Dear Papa & the others drank to me for my Alixy-dear's health."
"O frage nicht, was ich Dir wünsche" = "Oh, do not ask what I wish you."
munter = cheerful.
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