http://www.alexanderpalace.org/letters/march15.html
The letter:
No. 49
Tsarskoje Selo, March 2-nd 1915
My own sweet one,
I am beginning my letter this evening, as I want to talk to you. Wify feels hideously sad! My poor wounded friend has gone! God has taken him quietly & peacefully to Himself. I was as usual with him in the morning & more than an hour in the afternoon. He talked a lot — in a wisper always — all about his service in the Caucasus — awfully interesting & so bright, with his big shiny eyes. I rested before dinner & was haunted with the feeling that he might suddenly get very bad in the night & one would not call me & so on — so that when the eldest nurse called one of the girls to the telephone — I told them that I knew what had happened & flew myself to hear the sad news. After M. & A. had gone off to Ania, (to see Ania's sister in law & Olga Voronov) Olga & I went to the big palace to see him. He lay there so peacefully, covered under my flowers I daily brought him, with his lovely peaceful smile — the forehead yet quite warm. I cant get quiet — so sent Olga to them & came home with my tears. The elder sister cannot either realise it — he was quite calm, cheery, said felt a wee bit not comfy, & when the sister, 10 m. after she had gone away, came in, found him with staring eyes, quite blue, breathed twice — & all was over — peaceful to the end. Never did he complain, never asked for anything, sweetness itself as she says — all loved him — & that shining smile. — You, Lovy mine, can understand what that is, when daily one has been there, thinking only of giving him pleasure — & suddenly — finished. And after our Friend spoke of him, do you remember, & that "he will not soon leave you" I was sure he would recover, tho' very slowly. And he longed to get back to his regiment — was presented for golden sword & St. G. Cross & higher rank. — Forgive my writing so much about him, but going there, & all that, had been a help with you away & I felt God let me bring him a little sunshine in his loneliness. Such is life! Another brave soul left this world to be added to to the shining stars above. — And how much sorrow all around — thank God that we have the possibility of at least making some comfortable in their suffering & can give them a feeling of homeliness in their loneliness. One longs to warm & help them, brave creatures & to replace their dear ones who cant come. — It must not make you sad what I wrote, only I could not bear it any longer — I had to speak myself out.
Benkendorf has asked to accompany us to town to-morrow, so I had say yes, tho' I had only thought of taking Ressin. & Isa. — Baby dear's leg is better — he sledged to Pavlovsk to-day, Nagorny & the man of the donkey sledge worked alone at the hill. —
If by any chance you ever happen to be near one of my stores tram wh. I have 5 in all directions), it wld. be very dear if you could peep or see the com. of the train & thank him for his work — they honestly are splendid workers & constantly have been under fire — I am writing to you now in bed, I am lying since an hour already, but cant get to sleep, nor nor calm myself, so it does me good talking to you. I have blessed & kissed your dear cushion as always. — One says Struve is going to be buried in his country place. —
To-morrow we receive 6 officers going back to the war, two of my Siberians, Vykrestov & the Dr. Menschutkin — & Kratt for the second time, God grant he may not be wounded again. First time the right arm — the next time left arm & through the lungs the Crimea did him no end of good. — The Nijegorodtzy are wondering whether their division wont be sent back again, as they have nothing to do now. — Shulman thinks of his Ossovets with anguish & longing — this time the shots are bigger & have done more harm — all the officers houses are already quite ruined. — One does so long for detailed news.
I heard Amilachvari is wounded, but slightly only. —
Igor has gone to the regiment, tho' the Drs. found him not well enough to leave. Now I must try and sleep, as to-morrow will be a tiring day — but I don't feel like it. You sleep well my treasure, I kiss & bless you.
March 3-rd. We have just returned from town — were in M. & A.'s hospital in the new building of the Institute of Racklov's. Zeidler showed us over all the wards 180 men & in another building 30 officers.
Karangozov's operation went off well — he had a rotten appendicitis & the operation was done just in time.
At 12½ we went to the funeral service in the little hospital Church below, where the poor officer's coffin stands — so sad no relations there — so lonely somehow. — Its snowing hard. — Must end. God bless & protect you — kisses without end, my treasure. Ever yr. very own
Wify.
Messages to N. P.
Nicholas's telegrams:
Telegram. Stavka. 4 March, 1915.
I have finished my notepaper. Could you not send me my paper — in the blue box on the shelf opposite the first window? I have very stupidly forgotten it. All is well. The weather is nasty, a snowstorm. I kiss you tenderly.
Nicky.
--
Telegram. Stavka. 4 March, 1915.
Warm thanks for letter and two telegrams. I am in despair at your being worn out. I am very grieved about your poor wounded officer; I quite understand you...
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra.
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