GMZ Tsarskoe Selo
Wednesday, October 23, 2024
Tuesday, July 2, 2024
Alexandra's second letter to Nicholas of September 17 and 18, 1915
Source:
Letters of the Tsaritsa to the Tsar, 1914-1916, published by Duckworth & Co., 1923
The letter:
No. 126.
Tsarskoje Selo, Sept. 17 th 1915
My own beloved Angel,
Only a word before going to sleep. Have been so anxious all evening because I got no telegram from you, at last whilst my hair was being done it came at 5.m to 12 — think, how slow it went, it left the Headquarters at 9.56 & reached here 11.30, & I fool got nervous & anxious. I sent you two wires because of Khvostov & hoped you would mention a wee word. I asked you by letter some days ago about seeing him as he wanted it & you did not answer, & now he begged again before going to the country & therefore I wired it in the morning, & at 8.30 after seeing him. — So thankful, you say news continues good — that means very much, & people's spirits will rise. — Misha wired, to thank for my letter, from Orsha — thats good you will have him with you afterwards again. Marie said Dmitri wrote that he comes here with you, why Darling, Paul earnestly begs for you to send him to the regiment, he asked again when he took tea with me on Monday. — Marie looks alright, her hair is growing thick — she has worries with her chief Dr. & wants to get rid of him. — The Orlovs are still in town it seems & continue talking — Fredericks must forbid it, its disgraceful, only the old man must not use any name again. — Fancy, Stana has sent away her faithful Mlle Peterson — I suppose she suddenly found the name too German & will choose a Caucasian lady to help her & be popular. Oh, wont she try to charm all there! — Now I must try and sleep. I have blessed & kissed & laid my head upon your empty cushion as usual. It only can receive my kisses, but, alas, cannot respond to them. — Sleep well, Sweetheart & see wify in your dreams & feel her arms caressingly around you. God bless you, holy Angels guard you, good-night my Treasure, my Sunshine, my long-suffering Job. —
18th. Good-morning wee One — grey & pouring — I found the evening so lovely, moon & stars shining, that I even opened half the window (ventilator always) — & then now, when I drew up the curtains, I was quite disappointed & only 6 degrees again. — As am feeling better, want to peep in to Ania in the big Palace (after Znamenia) on my way to a new young officer who has just come — only 20 years old, with a bad wound in the leg, Vladimir Nikolaievitch thinks it ought to be taken off, as blood-poisoning is setting in there & in the wound in the shoulder — he feels well, does not complain, that is always a bad sign — so difficult to decide when death is so near leave him to die in peace or risk it, I should, as there always is a flicker of hope when the organism is so young, tho' now very weak & high temp. — seems 7 days he was without having his wound dressed, wretched boy, — & so I want to have a look at the child. I have not been into that room for 6 months — no, I was there once since my poor Grabovoy died. — From there I will go to our hospital, as have not been there for a week & I miss them & they even old me. One says one of my lancers, a volunteer Lüder (something like that) has come to us — not wounded but squashed somehow, they could not explain it properly. —
With pleasure I continue thinking over Khvostov's talk & wish you had been there too — a man, no petticoats — & then one who will not let anything touch us, & will do all in his power to stop the attacks upon our Friend, as then he stopped them & now they intend beginning again, & Stcherbatov & Samarin wont certainly oppose, on the contrary for popularity's sake. I am bothering you with this talk, but I should like to convince you, having honestly, calmly the opinion that this (very fat young man of much experience) is the one you would approve of & that old woman who writes to you I should say too — He knows the Russian peasant well & closely having been much amongst them — & other types too & does not fear them. — He knows too that fat Priest, now archimandrite. I think, Gregory's & Varnava's friend, as he helped them 4 years when he was governor during the bad years, & he spoke so well to the peasants & brought them to reason. He finds a good Priest's influence should always be used & he is right — & they arranged together for St. Paul Obnorsky & he is now at Tobolsk or Tiumen & therefore Samarin & company told Varnava they do not approve of him & will get rid of him — his body is colossal Ania says, but the soul high and clear. —
I told Khvostov how sad I find it, that evil intentioned have always far more courage & therefore sooner success — upon wh. he rightly answered, but the others have the spirit & feeling to guide them & God will be near them, when they have good intentions & guide them. —
The Zemstvo Union, wh. I too find has spread too far & taken too many things in hand, so as that later one can say, the Government did not enough look after the wounded, refugees, our prisoners in Germany etc. & the Zemstvo saved them, ought to have been held in bounds by Krivoshein, who set the things going — a good idea, only needed watching carefully as there are many bad types out at the war in their hospitals & feeding stations. Finds Krivoshein too much in contact with Gutchkov. — Khvostov in his paper never attacked german names of the Barons or devoted servants, when they speak of this German influence but drew all the attention upon the banks, wh. was right, as nobody had yet — (& the Ministers saw their faults). He spoke of the food & fuel question — Gutchkov, member of the Petrograd Duma, even forgot that, probably intentionally so as that one should throw the fault upon the government. And it is its very criminal fault not having thought — months ago of getting big stocks of wood — we can have disorders on that account & quite comprehensible — so one must wake up & set people working. Its not your busines to go into these details — it is Stcherbatov, who ought to have seen to that with Krivoshein & Rukhlov — but they occupy themselves with politics — & try to eat away the old man. — Well, I was happy to receive your dear letter from yesterday, & thank you for it from the depths of my heart. I understand how difficult it is for you to find time to write, & I am therefore doubly happy, when I see your dear handwriting & read your loving words. You must miss Misha now — how nice that you had him staying with you, & I am sure that it must have done him good in every sense. — I am enchanted, if you need not have to change the Headquarters, I was quite sad about it, just on account of the moral side, and as God blesses the troops & really things seem to be going better, & we keep firm where we are — then no need for you to move. — But what about Alexeiev remaining alone — you wont get Ivanov to share the work & responsability with him & there you can be more free in your movements to Pskov or wherever you wish. — Well dear, there is nothing to be done with those Ministers, and the sooner you change them, the better. Khvostov instead of Stcherbatov & instead of Samarin there is another man I can recommend devoted old N. K. Shvedov, — but of course I do not know if you find a military man can occupy the place of Over-Procurator of the Holy Synod. — He has studied church history well, has a known collection of Churchbooks — in being at the head of the Accademy for Oriental studies, he studied the Church too — is very religious & devoted beyond words (calls our Friend Father Gregory) & spoke well of him when he saw & had occasion to speak to his former scholars in the army, when he went to see Ivanov. He is deeply loyal — now you know him much better than I do & can judge whether its nonsense or not — we only remembered him, because he longs to be of use to me, to make people know me & be a counterbalance to the "ugly party" — but such a man in a high place is good to have, but as I say, you know his caracter better than I do, otherwise — Khvostov of the justice & the other one in his place, when I mentioned to you the other day, who clears up the stories at Moscow, but whom instead of longnosed Sazonov, if he will be an opponent the whole time! —
I received this from Ella to-day, as she read in the papers that Yussupov is retired from the service: — not said, that according to his petition wh. wld. have sounded prettier & this makes people probably think he did not act well. He wld. gladly (I believe) have returned, had one given him the military power he asked for, but she spoiled all. Well, he is no loss there, tho' I am sorry it was not better worded, & he meant honestly — you might have written a wee word if you had had time but its true, one does not ask ones demission in time of war: "Just read old Felix officially suspended, when he wrote asking demission, must be an error, cant one do something as most painful impression, even people sent away one puts "in accordance with request". I have also wired it to you, as don't know what to answer her. One must make the difference, I find, between a Dzhunkovsky & a Yussupov, the one utterly false — the other stupid but honestly devoted. —
Paul's wife was alright, but bored me with her way of saying how devoted she is etc.: Ladung's lovely daughter marries on Sunday, my Godchild, so I blessed her to-day! The afternoon I remained quiet & Ania read to me. In the morning I was with that poor boy & then in our hospital, sat knitting and talking. — Wet, grey day. — Ania had a long conversation with Mme Zizi about our Friend & Orlov & cleared up many things to her. She made her promise not to tell on the story of Orlov at the Headquarters & N. P. telegr.: — she was horrified & went green — and said she remembers, all the a. d. c. used daily to write their reports during the war to (she did not understand quite, to Anpapa or Motherdear). — She will see her again & clear up many more things for the old lady to know, as she is utterly devoted to us & can be of use if she sees the things rightly. I explained lots of other things the other day wh. she was, most grateful to know. — Is it true what Pss Palei!! says that Bark telegraphed he cannot make the loan without the Duma being called to-gether? That is a catch I fear. Khvostov entreated that one should not think of calling it together before 1-st of Nov: as was announced. He knows people are working at this, but finds it would be a wrong concession, as one must have time to prepare ones actions clearly before they assemble — & be ready to meet all attacks with answers.
Fat Andronnikov telephoned to Ania that Khvostov was very contented with his talk, & other amiabilities wh. I shan't repeat. — Have you any place for my letters? I write such volumes — Baby sweet gently began speaking again, whether you would take him back to the Headquarters & at the same time he feels sad to leave me. But you would be less lonely — for a bit at least, & if you intended to move & see the troops, I could come & fetch him. You have Feodorov, so he would only need Mr. Gilliard, & you could let still one of the aide[s] de camp accompany him out motoring. He could have his French lessons every morning & drive with you in the afternoon — only he cant take walks — he could remain behind with the motor playing about. Have you a room near you, or he could share yr. bedroom. — But that you must think over quietly. — Our Friend always writes about Pokrov — I am sure Oct. 1-st. will bring some particular blessing, & the Virgin help you. To-morrow its four weeks that you left us — shall we really have the intense joy of getting you back by Wednesday? Ania is mad with joy. I carry it in me. And, alas, you will have more disagreable than pleasant things to do; — but what a joy to hold you again in my arms, caress you kiss & feel your warmth & love I so long for. You don't know how I miss you, my Angel Dear.
Now my letter must be sent off — God bless you. Goodbye my own sweet Nicky dear, my husband, my joy & light, the sunshine & peace of my life. I bless & kiss you over and over again. —
Ever yr. very own tenderly loving old wife
Alix.
P. S.
How are the foreigners? Is the nice young Irishman still there,? — Messages to the old man & N. P. Nini is now here again, reasonable & clever & still in despair at her husband's behaviour last month & anxious how is behaving now & hopes he tells you things rightly & honestly. Don't you tell him this Lovy. —
All the children kiss you. Baby bakes potatoes & apples in the garden. The girls went to hospitals. —
Why Boris is again here, I do not know. —
Frolov was in despair. All abused him for allowing the articles about our Friend, tho' it was Stcherbatov's fault & was watching now carefully to avoid anything again, & now he has been changed. Khvostov also has ideas about the press. You will think, that I have now got a "tail" growing. — Gadon does great harm to our Friend speaking horrors about him wherever & whenever he can. —
1000 thanks for the well written cuting about the general situation. This morning's papers with the news fr. the Headquarters pleased me, not dry & explaining the situation so well to all readers. —
Above: Nicholas and Alexandra. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia and Alexei. Photo courtesy of Ilya Grigoryev at lastromanovs on VK.
Above: Grigori Rasputin.
Note: Alexandra almost always referred to Grigori Rasputin as "our Friend".
Monday, July 1, 2024
Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated December 26, 1893
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 311 to 312, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
Königliches Schloss
Kiel
December 26th 1893
My darling Grandmama,
Please accept my very warmest thanks for Your presents and good wishes. The Brooch is quite too lovely, the Florence turquoise in diamond setting, I have worn it and it has been greatly admired. The little Sketchbook with Paintbox is delightful and will be most useful.
I do hope you spent a pleasant Xmas, here it was very nice and all were most kind. Having Charlotte, Bernhard and Feo in the house makes it so lively, tho' one cannot help having one's sad thoughts when one thinks of the happy bygone time.
Beloved Grandmama, let me now wish You every possible happiness and blessing in the New Year — may it be full of sunshine for You and our heavenly Father keep every cloud from You.
I cannot help dreading always the coming of the New Year as one never knows what is in store for one, God grant that it may be full of joy and happiness for my darling Ernie and the sweet little Wife whom he is soon going to fetch. Now I long for my precious One more than ever, how happy he would have been to see Ernie happy and what a comfort it would have been to me, as life will indeed be very different for me, as I shall be feeling myself de trop.
But I must not bother You with a long letter, as I am sure You have a lot to do.
Kissing Your dear Hand most tenderly, and again wishing you much joy,
I remain, Darling Grandmama dear,
Ever Your very loving, grateful and dutiful Child,
Alix
Above: Alix.
Above: Queen Victoria.
Alix's letter to Xenia, dated November 20, 1893
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 308, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
Darmstadt
Nov 20th 1893
Душка Ксеніи,
A good kiss and fondest thanks for yr dear letter. It was such a pleasure hearing again from you. Yes, do continue writing to me, don't let what I am going to tell you put a stop to our friendship and correspondence. My photo and a letter I have sent through Ella to Nicky. In it he will see that I cannot change my decision — I cannot because untrue to my own confession, do not believe that my love is less, why that has made it so far more hard and difficult to me and I have been torturing myself. To hurt one whom one loves is fearful, and yet, I don't want him to go on hoping as I can never change my Religion. God bless the dear, and may he not think ill of his old Pelly.
I feel too upset to write any more.
Yr old
Alix
Let me hear sometimes from you, may I? Don't let us quite drift apart, that would be too hard.
Above: Alix.
Above: Xenia.
Note: "Душка Ксеніи" = "Darling Xenia".
Alix's letter to Nicholas, dated November 20, 1893
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, pages 306 to 308, by George Hawkins, 2023
Written in response to this letter from Nicholas:
Nicholas's reply to this letter:
The letter:
Darmstadt
Nov 20th 1893
Dearest Nicky,
I send you my very best thanks for your dear letter and enclose the photograph you wished to have and which Ella will forward to you. I believe it must have been a stronger will than ours which ordained that we should not meet at Coburg, for like this it gives me the chance to write to you all my innermost feelings wh perhaps on the spur of the moment I might not have said, or that you might have misunderstood me. You know what my feelings are as Ella has told you them already, but I feel it my duty to tell them you myself. I have thought over everything for a long time and I only beg you not to think that I take it lightly for it grieves me terribly and makes me very unhappy. I have tryed to look at it in every light that is possible, but I always return to one thing. I cannot do it against my conscience. You, dear Nicky, who have also such a firm belief will understand me that I think it a sin to change my belief and I would be miserable all the days of my life, knowing that I had done a wrongful thing. I am certain that you would not wish me to change against my conviction. What happiness can come from a marriage wh begins without the real blessing of God. For I feel it a sin to change that belief in wh I have been brought up and wh I love. I should never find my peace of mind again, and like that I should never be able to be your real companion who should help you on in life, for there always would be something between us in my not having the real conviction of the belief I had taken and in regret for the one I had left. It would be acting a lie to you, your Religion and to God. This is my feeling of right and wrong, and one's innermost religious convictions and one's peace of conscience towards God, so before all one's earthly wishes. As all these years have not made it possible for me to change my resolution in acting thus, I feel that now is the moment to tell you again that I can never change my Confession. I am certain that you will understand this clearly and see as I do, that we are only torturing ourselves about something impossible, and it would not be a kindness to let you go on having vain hopes wh will never be realized.
And now Goodbye my darling Nicky and may God bless and protect you.
Ever your loving
Alix
Above: Alix. Photo courtesy of TatianaZ on Flickr.
Above: Nicholas.
Sunday, June 30, 2024
Alix's letter to Queen Victoria, dated October 21, 1893
Source:
Alexandra Feodorovna: Diaries and Correspondence, volume 1: Princess of Hesse, 1872-1893, page 305, by George Hawkins, 2023
The letter:
Neues Palais, Darmstadt
October 21st 1893
Darling Grandmama,
I must just send You a few lines by the messenger to tell You how happy we are to have dear Ella with us. She did enjoy herself so much at Balmoral and is continuously speaking about it.
On Monday we are all going to Homburg to pay Aunt Vicky a visite. Irène, Henry and the Baby are also here and the house is in consequence quite full. How terribly one misses Papa at such family gatherings You can well imagine as there is no real centre.
We are having beautiful, sunny, bright weather and take nice drives. We go to the Theatre very often and the evenings we stop at home, we play 8 hands which is a great delight. You cannot think how busy we all are, burning and painting for a bazaar, even Serge and Paul have to help us.
I hope You are having fine weather at Balmoral and are able to get out every day as I know how You enjoy being out.
But I must say Goodbye now, beloved Grandmama and God bless You. Kissing Your dear Hand most affectionately I remain Ever Your most loving and deeply devoted Child
Alix
Above: Alix.
Above: Queen Victoria.
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